Love Marriage Relationships.....

I thought that we were having a good discussion on various aspects of love marriage & relationship there zillion shades but some people thought that we were not answering the real qs....abt Naitik's anger & closed the topic. I'm going to post my views here & we'll be discussing various view points of arranged marriage & role of women in joint family. Is it fine for a modern educated man/woman to listen to his/her parents & marry a girl or boy of their choice even if it looks that the girl/boy is not their type.

I think the qs. each of us shd ask is can we function & thrive with this person in everyday life? Maybe after trying for a while if one feels ......this is not going anywhere, one realizes that they can't live happily together ......then they shd DIVORCE(if they are married or part ways if they are living together) ......set each other free before treading new grounds!! We shd learn to love & respect independence & individuality. There is beauty in diversity! If everyone did the same thing & had same views & opinions..... life would be a bore and we would be robots! These forums thrive on divergent views. I'm hoping to elicit some good response here

Abt Naitik's anger......I think he was never angry maybe felt bit neglected but he knows that Aksh loves him whole heatedly.As they always kiss & make up! Naitik is very impulsive, hot-eaded and overtly possessive but still inherently decent, sensitive and madly in love.Aksh on the other hand is very warm & loving person she has her own set of notions abt love & life but is always there for Naitik sooner or later. In love & marriage we loose a part of ourself to become complete with our loved one😃

Now my POV on LS's post......http://india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=1296122&TPN=5
Nahi yaar 5cents I am not justifying anyone. I just found something common in this serial =).

There is hardly any similarity b/w your uncle & Naitik period . When Naitik came to see Aksh the moment they came face to face ….. affinity was created in a moment (love at first sight...for Naitik!)….he knew she was the girl for him. Marriage is all about give and take, negotiation, and compromise. That is what Naksh are doing right now! Aksh is trying to adjust & compromise & be the best bahu. Naitik on his part is trying to please Aksh 24/7 buying gifts only for her, taking her to parents, fasting for her.....he has started depending & taking her opinion on everything fr business to his Mom. Abt the arguments....I think frequent arguments help bring conflictive issues into the open and keep the relationship healthy. Naitik is thinking abt Aksh all the time. Your uncle only thought about himself......left her to wrought in hell! Naitik will never do that!

I am not against love. Infact, intercast, interreligious, interrace ... I support them all. French ho ya Tamil ... Afghan ho ya Nepali ... insaan to insaan-hi hai na.The point is ... the world is not what it used to be, say 60 years back. Its a new world - smaller, more open, more possibilities, more options, more opportunities. This world has the potential to offer real options!

Option he he option hai way too many options & distractions😉. Your uncle's love was like a river, it cut a new path as it met obstacle lol 😛 .....no matter what da circumstances…..love always stands tall n strong, and their is no power that can budge true love! There was no love in their relationship……it was a compromise! Love & marriage are not options dear they are the facts of life !! You either fall in love or fall out of love ......if it is not working out fine part ways but your uncle abandoned her.....that was wrong!

Usne mujhse bewafai ke, shayad usme kisi aur ke liye wafa chupi ho, jo dard usne mujhe diya hai usme shayad kisi aur ke liye dawa Chupi ho (I have heard this fr a colleague of mine ….who divorced recently!) So your uncle shd have divorced her & then legally married another girl.

In YRKKH, the marriage is still so fresh. Each moment it tries to find that breath of joy, life, romance....! I can see Naitik's need from life. His dreams are colorful. He thinks in a very fast-paced respectfully modern way. He respects his wife too, and wants to be a good husband. He wants to realise this relationship to its full potential. Will Akshara help him in that regards? He wants a wife with a personality. A wife for whom, Naitik's place is not at the bottom, but atleast higher. Is he asking too much?

Naitik n Aksh are like flame & candle…to melt in heat of the flame is the destiny of the candle! Naksh marriage is fresh but the deep rooted love understanding is there. Marriage requires 3 elements….. intimacy, passion and commitment. There is big commitment in Naksh relationship…..passion & intimacy is growing with each passing day. There is an underlying compatibility in Naksh relationship!

Your uncle & aunt were like 2 characters on one stage acting out different plays--they looked fine at first glance, but there was an underlying lack of coordination in their interaction (as u yourself have mentioned). Maybe your aunt did not want to be rescued like Julia Roberts as in Pretty Woman and your uncle wanted a Elizabeth Bennet (Pride & Prejudice) maybe he(uncle) was Darcy but she turned out be plain Jane. Elizabeth & Darcy looked very incompatible to their friends & family, but their shared need for combat may be what keept their love alive. They had compatible expectation fr one another! Your uncle & aunt did not have compatible love story or expectation. Your uncle did not treat the symptoms rather just found the causes…..if he was not happy with her he shd have looked not at her faults, but at how he she can fit into his expectations. Well, u said he tried….for how long? He knew that he comes fr a very conservative family ....so marriage does not come with a ctrl z option there hence he just dumped her & ran away. I think that it is up to the individual – to make marriage long-lasting and strong and constant, or to be like a fair-weather friend of our beloved!

I dont think that Akshara needs to go for 'BATTAMEEZEE' to acheive this. She just need to take a stand. Be abit firmer. Speak to her inlaws. She needs to confirm and strengthen her role in the family.

Battameeeze.... Wasss that???? Well,a newly wed girl who has left her parental adobe to be with the monsters..... has to take a stand.....the guy will just applaud her for handling the ILS with strong arms!
Did your uncle ever try to build ram setu ? Maybe he gathered bricks & stones but was too tired to build the setu/bridge so left SITA in Ashok Vatika with the demons. Sat in udan khotola went to the land of opportunities ......Got himself another Sita who sings blues now😆 & now has given him a luv & kush will follow 😉

Imagine her asking forgiveness from the cook....and maybe oneday Gulaabo too. Now if Naitik comes are saves her....its all good. But how many times?? Can Akshara never manage herself? Can she never give her husband and herself some respect? If she manages to respect herself....as a man I can say, I would be proud if my wife would respectfully give herself some respect aswell.

Yr is a drama so to drive a message home....... high voltage drama is shown ......Aksh may have asked for forgiveness fr the cook today but tomorrow she'll rule DJ land .......that is what is the story is leading to. WOW! You'll be proud if the girl gives herself some respect.......but dear here we are talking abt joint family....not yours & mine life.......if u r asked to live with your in-laws then u will understand what adjustment means and what it takes to adjust. Poor girl is trying to adjust & everybody is ready to pounce on her. If Naitik yells at them for this drama next time Mata G will think twice before creating drama at home.


Mere uncle ko zyada discuss karneka koi mauka nahi tha. His dad and mom basically finalised the girl ... and the girls dad and mom PROBABLY mustve trained the girl for the meeting. Their interraction was limited. My bhaabi is educated though.... she completed her bachelors. But she is timid.

This is called plain bulshittingggggggggggggg mauka nai mila……mauka banana chaeye tha The moment Naksh came face to face tarangggggggg..... Naitik knew she was the girl for him! She was on mute so he got bit confused but wanted to get to the bottom of things……worked around his conservative family & made the 2^nd meeting possible then third then fourth silsila chalta he gaya in the process he made Aksh fall in love with him! Your uncle blindly followed his parents......let me tell u.....Blind obedience to another human being is always a misguided choice, as is rebellion for the sake of rebellion. Morality means making the best choices for yourself regardless of who does or does not approve(that's what education has taught me). By submitting to parents who were in the wrong, he did a disservice to everyone. Uncle knew that he is marrying a timid girl......girl who has less might......so then why did he expect her to have the same high level of self-discipline as he does. HE shd have been more compassionate in his actions. I have always recognized that some people have limitations(both at home & at work) I don't understand it, and I have never expected them to "get over it" in a jiffy. I try to work around it.

I've spent a part of my life in the UK and Sweden. India is ofcourse home. I can tell you that India is not so easy sometimes, when it comes to families and marriages. Marriages are almost like an alliance between two tribes. With the huge families.... I guess I am just plain accurite to call it an alliance between tribes :D.

Although most of it went over my head!

Originally posted by: Abhi911

Although most of it went over my head!

I'd say..Marriage is about the inseperable bond that goes unsaid!

I second the going over the head part! 😊 but you guys keep discussing, my mind will absorb and make mental notes for whatever I can understand 😆

good post btw, Tina 👍🏼

Originally posted by: desertrose21

I second the going over the head part! 😊 but you guys keep discussing, my mind will absorb and make mental notes for whatever I can understand 😆

good post btw, Tina 👍🏼

lol same here!!

also, Mr.Darcy mmmmmmmm :) 😍

one of my most favorite characters, ever.

Interesting topic, my dear 😃

My knee-jerk reaction to your first question would be NO, it is not fine for an educated person to marry someone chosen by their parents if they don't think they are his/her type...BUT, ah here it comes, how does one know what their "type" is if one doesn't get to know the prospective bride/groom? Is it just based on looks and behavior during the first meeting? One cannot and should not judge a book by its cover; a quiet, shy person like Aksh would probably turn off many guys...but, Naitik was able to engage her in a dialogue which gave him a glimpse of what was under the surface.

I think we would all agree that it is critical and necessary that the boy and girl in an arranged marriage get to know each other before committing to the marriage. Now, getting to know each other may involve going out (if the parents are liberal), or it can be talking on the phone, email, or even writing letters (which is what my parents did 😊 ). But what does "getting to know" really mean? To me, it is an obligation on the part of both parties to at least try and understand who their potential mate is and what is expected from them in a lifelong commitment like marriage; what happens after the honeymoon is over so to speak...it can be something as basic as discussing what do they like to eat?; what do they do on the weekends?; their hobbies?; do they cook?; watch movies?; listen to music?; and more important questions like previous relationships? will there be children?; does the wife/husband want to pursue further studies?; career aspirations? ...for an educated couple, these are a few essential and relevant questions, and it doesn't matter if the setting after marriage is a joint or nuclear family. This dialogue essentially helps create a possible foundation for the marriage even before the wedding has taken place...

Furthermore, I think that both the boy and girl need to know about each other's families before making the decision. Socio-economically the families are probably the same...but what about other areas? One of the benefits of having an arranged marriage is that the due diligence on the families is already done for you 😃; you have the history of the family before you; and you probably have too much info 😃. Now I am not suggesting that they create a questionnaire and bang on the door of their potential new family; instead ask questions of the matchmaker, talk to their own parents and try to glean as much info as possible about this person's family. Question could include: are the elders educated? Who are the women in the family and what is their role? What would happen if the couple were to separate from the family for any reason; working outside the home (the last two would be more pertinent for the girl), ...the answers to these types questions can give tremendous insight into how one's potential spouse was raised, and for the girl in particular, what the new family's expectations are, and whether this family is the right 'fit' for her.

The one thing that I hope that prospective brides and grooms don't rest their opinion solely on is looks...yes, looks are an important part of compatibility, but when the looks go as you get older, you are left with your mind and your heart...if one is able to judge the other's mind, heart, and family and they see a winner, then that person is the right choice for them--just my 2 cents...

Now, to your discussion about LS's thread: I am in total agreement with you here...I commented on the thread as well...to recap, I basically stated his uncle and aunt were on two different wavelengths from the get go, with no real opportunity to get on the same frequency...The difference between Naitik and his uncle's situation is love, and I am not talking infatuation or lust here...It is an unspoken understanding...Naitik knows that Akshara loves him, and more importantly, that he cannot live without her. Yes, he feels neglected at times and gets angry at the seeming lack of attention, but he knows that at the end of the day she is his and only his. She is in Dinoland for him. Furthermore, Naitik had assurances from Akshara about her commitment to him even during their courtship...unfortunately, I don't think LS's uncle had this kind of support, love and understanding either for his wife or from his wife...and in the end, the physical and emotional distance between the two of them caused him to completely disengage and start anew in France...

well presented analysis tina.. few points i liked in your analysis

[Yr is a drama so to drive a message home....... high voltage drama is shown ......Aksh may have asked for forgiveness fr the cook today but tomorrow she'll rule DJ land .......that is what is the story is leading to. WOW! You'll be proud if the girl gives herself some respect.......but dear here we are talking abt joint family....not yours & mine life.......if u r asked to live with your in-laws then u will understand what adjustment means and what it takes to adjust. Poor girl is trying to adjust & everybody is ready to pounce on her. If Naitik yells at them for this drama next time Mata G will think twice before creating drama at home.]

[Don't worry Aksh knows that it is 2009 she may st rive to be a perfect bahu. She'll change & evolve as she has her man's unconditional love & support!! God made two sex only to complete each other...this give & take may be 50/50 or 80/20 or 90/10, we only have to try our best so that both of them get equal chance to expand their wings & use their potential to the maximum by complementing each other.. be more patient ,be more tolerant & be more strong .....men of 21st century 😃]

👍🏼

Originally posted by: 2112ization

lol same here!!

hey Abhi, Nida, Ayesha,

a short synopsis for you'll of this entire discussion.......

LS, the original poster, has an uncle who was caught in a Naitik type situation...with dinos all around in Jurassic Park, who instead of caging themselves, CAGED his poor, obedient, sanskari, wife with umpteen domestic duties.............poor wife had no time for hubby....so.......hubby(ie LS's uncle...) found a "most convenient" solution to the problem......he abandoned his poor wife......n....found himself another one in France(now also has a child with her)......without bothering to first release his LAWFULLY WEDDED wife from the mess she was in....only pushing her further into the manhole that she already was in........

Now LS wanted to know...
1)IS NAITIK'S(or ls's uncle's) ANGER JUSTIFIED? DOESN'T HE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HAPPY WITH HIS WIFE?
2)HOW MUCH IS THE WIFE TO BE BLAMED FOR THIS FIASCO?

Most of us, including Tina, Anjali, Lathika, me, etc feel that there is ABSOLUTELY no justification for what his uncle did........
it was HIS family........the wife was only trying her level best to prevent HIS family from breaking up....SHE was the one who made most of the sacrifices(when will men understand that women don't love to play GLORIFIED SERVANTS...it is part of "sanskaars"......)

HE should have made the picture crystal clear BEFORE marriage....with both.....HIS family n the girl....of what HE expected from the marriage.......BECAUSE it was HE who already knew his family well...like the palm of his hand.......even before the marriage.......what he did to her....was totally INHUMAN, UNFORGIVABLE n UNLAWFUL.........

When will people understand....our Indian "sanskaars" tell us that "1 marriage rishta" lasts for 7 JANAMS..........not "7 RISHTAS" in 1 janam......... 😛

(unless there is some SERIOUS SERIOUS problem between husband n wife itself........i personally think that every other problem is solvable..........though it may be extremely, extremely tough for everyone involved...........i believe if the HUSBAND -WIFE TRUELY LOVE EACH OTHER.......the marriage has to be respected n saved......at all costs....with husband ensuring that dignity of wife is maintained))

Originally posted by: rsk2fan-renu-

hey Abhi, Nida, Ayesha,

a short synopsis for you'll of this entire discussion.......

LS, the original poster, has an uncle who was caught in a Naitik type situation...with dinos all around in Jurassic Park, who instead of caging themselves, CAGED his poor, obedient, sanskari, wife with umpteen domestic duties.............poor wife had no time for hubby....so.......hubby(ie LS's uncle...) found a "most convenient" solution to the problem......he abandoned his poor wife......n....found himself another one in France(now also has a child with her)......without bothering to first release his LAWFULLY WEDDED wife from the mess she was in....only pushing her further into the manhole that she already was in........

Now LS wanted to know...
1)IS NAITIK'S(or ls's uncle's) ANGER JUSTIFIED? DOESN'T HE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HAPPY WITH HIS WIFE?
2)HOW MUCH IS THE WIFE TO BE BLAMED FOR THIS FIASCO?

Most of us, including Tina, Anjali, Lathika, me, etc feel that there is ABSOLUTELY no justification for what his uncle did........
it was HIS family........the wife was only trying her level best to prevent HIS family from breaking up....SHE was the one who made most of the sacrifices(when will men understand that women don't love to play GLORIFIED SERVANTS...it is part of "sanskaars"......)

HE should have made the picture crystal clear BEFORE marriage....with both.....HIS family n the girl....of what HE expected from the marriage.......BECAUSE it was HE who already knew his family well...like the palm of his hand.......even before the marriage.......what he did to her....was totally INHUMAN, UNFORGIVABLE n UNLAWFUL.........

When will people understand....our Indian "sanskaars" tell us that "1 marriage rishta" lasts for 7 JANAMS..........not "7 RISHTAS" in 1 janam......... 😛

(unless there is some SERIOUS SERIOUS problem between husband n wife itself........i personally think that every other problem is solvable..........though it may be extremely, extremely tough for everyone involved...........i believe if the HUSBAND -WIFE TRUELY LOVE EACH OTHER.......the marriage has to be respected n saved......at all costs....)

thanx renu for makng it a bit easy to understnd.... & i agree wid u guys.... women leave their own world to settle in her sasural & the person who is really close to her is her husband..agar aise mein woh hi usko nahi samjhega to how she will cope wid it...

Originally posted by: rsk2fan-renu-

hey Abhi, Nida, Ayesha,

a short synopsis for you'll of this entire discussion.......

LS, the original poster, has an uncle who was caught in a Naitik type situation...with dinos all around in Jurassic Park, who instead of caging themselves, CAGED his poor, obedient, sanskari, wife with umpteen domestic duties.............poor wife had no time for hubby....so.......hubby(ie LS's uncle...) found a "most convenient" solution to the problem......he abandoned his poor wife......n....found himself another one in France(now also has a child with her)......without bothering to first release his LAWFULLY WEDDED wife from the mess she was in....only pushing her further into the manhole that she already was in........

Now LS wanted to know...
1)IS NAITIK'S(or ls's uncle's) ANGER JUSTIFIED? DOESN'T HE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE HAPPY WITH HIS WIFE?
2)HOW MUCH IS THE WIFE TO BE BLAMED FOR THIS FIASCO?

Most of us, including Tina, Anjali, Lathika, me, etc feel that there is ABSOLUTELY no justification for what his uncle did........
it was HIS family........the wife was only trying her level best to prevent HIS family from breaking up....SHE was the one who made most of the sacrifices(when will men understand that women don't love to play GLORIFIED SERVANTS...it is part of "sanskaars"......)

HE should have made the picture crystal clear BEFORE marriage....with both.....HIS family n the girl....of what HE expected from the marriage.......BECAUSE it was HE who already knew his family well...like the palm of his hand.......even before the marriage.......what he did to her....was totally INHUMAN, UNFORGIVABLE n UNLAWFUL.........

When will people understand....our Indian "sanskaars" tell us that "1 marriage rishta" lasts for 7 JANAMS..........not "7 RISHTAS" in 1 janam......... 😛

(unless there is some SERIOUS SERIOUS problem between husband n wife itself........i personally think that every other problem is solvable..........though it may be extremely, extremely tough for everyone involved...........i believe if the HUSBAND -WIFE TRUELY LOVE EACH OTHER.......the marriage has to be respected n saved......at all costs....with husband ensuring that dignity of wife is maintained))

Hi Renu, U have put it succinctly!👏 I have just started reading..... Honeymoon in Tehran.......2 yr of love & danger ......it's the memoirs of Azadeh Moaveni a american journilist in Iran.......my mind is still in a jumble........ there it says that when u marry u are liberated..... can do anything..... but singlehood is a pain😲! Here in India we are seeing that till the time u r not married .....u can have fun but once u r married u become a slave of that family! Maybe I'll go & watch De Dana Dan clear my head & come back & reply to this post !!