Marriage - is it the be all and end all?

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Shruti

@lastmin

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Posted: 16 years ago

Hey guys,

I just read today's update. It makes me sad that families and girls still believe that marriage is so critical in life that if it doesn't happen - they should take their lives?

I don't think I would ever convey to my daughter that happiness can only be got by her getting married!!!

What are your opinions about this?

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farhana

@Rakhie_08

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Posted: 16 years ago

Archana isn't taking her life merely because her marriage was called off, but more so because her name has been tarnished in the most despicable way, and as a result her family is having to endure such pain. (So much so that her father tried to commit suicide. Again not because he couldn't get his daughter married, but because while his daughters honour was being questioned and insulted he was unable to do anything).

Archu in turn felt responsible for his state of unhappiness and thus is trying to kill herself. I assume because she feels that if she's not here, there's no problem nor pain for them to deal with. Her thinking maybe somewhat misguided, but I think this is what she feels.

So here, the matter isn't merely that her marriage was called off, but a number of other issues too.

But in terms of marriage in general, I think the answer to your question would depend very much on who you asked. While the educated and wealthy may have the option to remain single (and be happy if that's what they want), the poor and less fortunate in society don't necessarily always have the luxury of being able to give themselves that freedom. It's usually the meek, the weak and those that are lower down in the social strata that are taken advantage of. What happens to an illiterate, poor, naive young girl if and when she has no-one else to take care of her and shelter her from the harshness of this world??

I'm not saying this applies all the time in all situations. Merely that it is a prevalent problem across all societies.

Sometimes, marriage for their daughters is their only hope of survival

Just my thoughts....😃

Edited by Rakhie_08 - 16 years ago

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Shruti

@lastmin

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Posted: 16 years ago

Hey Rakhie - I agree with almost everything that you said about the lower economic strata and marriage.

In this case however, if the same thing had happened to a guy - would it have been as big a deal?Why do we lack the courage to not be afraid when we didn't do anything wrong?

Yes - Archu's father was probably more upset because of the accusation, but as a parent I feel I should stand by my child when she/he says they have not done anything wrong and that someone tried to mess with them.

I feel as a parent who knows all the details, when I cannot stand up up for my own children, I have opened the door for other people who know less and have nothing better to do in their lives marr my child's name.

I have been brought up in a very similar way. All my life we were afraid to say too much and stand up for ourselves and our near and dear ones - for fear of being misrepresented, but once I became a parent my perspective changed, I want my children to be confident and stand up for what is right.

Thank you for your comments - it is food for thought and the basis of a very thought provoking discussion.

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farhana

@Rakhie_08

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Posted: 16 years ago

I totally agree with you when you say that we should not be afraid to stand up for ourselves and teach our kids the same.

I'm a parent too and want my child to always stand up for what's right. Unfortunately sometimes it's easier said than done.

And without repeating myself again, time and again I've seen that those with money can pretty much get away with what they want. As if their money is a licence to bad behaviour. They can shout lies and people may believe them. Those less well off may shout the truth and still be doubted.

And why is different for men? Well isn't that the question we've been asking since time immemorial! And I'm still no closer to finding the answer 😆

But even I know, that despite what I'm saying here life isn't all clear-cut, nor all black and white. If only!

Edited by Rakhie_08 - 16 years ago