American Pooja:
Have you ever thought what would happen if temples were Americanized?
Two types of prasad will be available - Normal Prasad & Diet Prasad.
Panchamrut will be of 4 types: Normal milk, 2% milk, Skimmed milk and
fat-free milk. Same for yogurt.
You no more go around the temple from left to right.
This is America and everything here is from right to left.
The pandit will not ask for your name before Pooja anymore. Your social
security number will do.
Laptops will be used to read mantras instead of books.
No more Aaratis due to fire hazard. Only flashlights will be used. During
flashlight-tee (aar-tee), soft copies of lord are on sale for $1 per image.
You won't leave money in the thali anymore! When you get the flashlightee, you should swipe your visa card on the scanner.
All bhaktas will have to use head phones to hear GONG of the bell to prevent noise pollution.
The temple would re-cycle the flowers used everyday to protect the
environment.
Sponsors of poojas will be allowed to display a 1.5"x 5" banner on the temple
website.
AMERICA SUX HERE'S WHY :
Only in America ... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...
Only in America ... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating
rink...
Only in America ... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back
of the store to get their prescriptions.
Only in America ... do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry and a
diet coke...
Only in America ... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...
Only in America ... do they leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put useless junk in the garage...
Only in America ... do they use answering machines
to screen calls and then
have call waiting so they won't miss a call from someone they didn't want to
talk to in the first place...
Only in America ... do they buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight...
Only in America ... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering!
