Male ego for Abhi

Hi all

after reading today's update i was so ticked at Abhi's whining to his mommy about "boo hoo hoo nobody cares about me! nobody listens to me" So much for being an award winning philosopher...

Anyways, what do you all think - why is that males feel the need to be head of the household all the time? I mean, i know men who are not like that (and are straight!) who are such a joy to be around. On the other hand is this "head of the household" mentality and the ego that goes hand in hand with this arrogance that is frankly annoying to any self-respecting individual. I feel that a human being does not need to prove himself by claiming rights which are not his. Simran was right in pointing out that Abhi was never there for Aastha (both of them) and now he wants to fulfill all duties and demand rights as a father.

I understand that he has Aastha's interests at heart (coz he lacks the brain, i guess) but imposing his feelings on an adult is completely unacceptable. One would think that in the past he did what he wanted and cut himself off from his entire family (or in his case, families!!) because he did not want to cave under the pressure. Does he want Aastha to follow the same route?

You know, this is cliche but they say that if something does not bend, it breaks. SO why is it that so many men (especially in spousal or paternal circumstances) are so focussed on trying to bend people around them? I never had the experience of this while growing up, but i have seen a lot of people behave this way, and it bothers me...well, i guess its possible that my dad realized that butting heads with me would be pointless😆, but what about the others?

To be honest, i don't have an opinion on this one...but regarding the following quote...

Originally posted by: krutilynn

Simran was right in pointing out that Abhi was never there for Aastha (both of them) and now he wants to fulfill all duties and demand rights as a father.

....I think they are both wrong....

I'm not going to go down the path of whether abhi can put forth his male ego and all that, but he did have a right to voice his opinion. However, in this instance, his opinion basically stunk! His behaviour in this whole sid/rape facade is pathetic to say the least. Therefore simran reacted. Her choice of opinionating herself was wrong tho....altho abhi wasn't there at the crucial time, she is still his daughter, he is there now, he loves her, wishes the best for her and so can say what he wants. It would have been better if they sat and talked and convinced him but that wouldn't happen would it cos he would go into "astha/gudiya" mode and not understand anything of course, so that they could drag the story....😕

Originally posted by: innocentindian

To be honest, i don't have an opinion on this one...bubt regarding the following quote...

....I think they are both wrong....

I'm not going to go down the path of whether abhi can ut forth his male ego and all that, but he did have a right to voice his opinion. However, in this instance, his opinion basically stunk! His behaviour in this whole sid/rape facade is pathetic to say the least. Therefore simran reacted. Her choice of opinionating herself was wrong tho....altho abhi wasn't there at the crucial time, she is still his daughter, he is there now, he loves her, wishes the best for her and so can say what he wants. It would have been better if they sat and talked and convinced him but that wouldn't happen would it cos he would go into "astha/gudiya" mode and not understand anything ofcourse, so that they uld ddrag the story....😕

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Innocentindian, I totally agree with u !

Yes, I agree with ii and I do see Kruti's point too.. Abhi had made a mistake and realized it and repented it. He loved his daughter but in this case, he was trying to exert himself too much at the wrong time and too aggressively which proved annyoying.. Which is why Simran reacted the way she did, which BTW was also wrong I think.. I mean she accepted him and married him knowing he had changed - so she should not have brought up the dark and dreadful deeds of 20 years ago.. She may have done so in a moment of emotion of course.. But nevertheless it hurt Abhi. Definitely a heart-to-heart talk is overdue..

Yeah, i see your point ii, xyzzee, and chukkna. I totally agree that it is both their fault because there is no point in bringing up the past when it has been supposedly buried.
Also, women are equally to blame if men are behaving arrogantly and are taking things for granted. I agree that all men are not like that - to be honest things are improving world wide as women are getting more educated and independent...i just think this is a good topic for discussion 😃

I would not talk in general but in this case, Abhi's male ego is due to Simran's nature. [Please note that I'm not saying this because I'm anti-simran]

Simran did make a mistake of accepting Abhi after 18 years [ knowing his eccentric nature, I would not expect any sensible woman taking such idotic step ]. She will keep paying for it until she dies.

Very nice topic, Kruti!!!

After seeing yesterday's episode, i really feel sorry for Abhi. Yes, we all know that Abhi was immature when he married Simran. The age and the desires at that age, made him do certain things which proved disastrous for him in life. When we saw all those immature things from Abhi, we have also seen the repentance he had later for whatever he did. He has punished himself so much for that by staying away from loved ones.

Simran knew all this. She was kind enough and magnanimous in accepting Abhi as her husband even after a gap of 18 years. So when she accepted him, it means she has forgiven him. After that, Abhi has been so loyal a husband, affectionate, trying to bring back old memories. He has been so very affectionate to his daughter. We all have seen their bonding grow and grow.

In this situation, comes the Sid case. We have two viewpoints here. Simran, AStha and Saurabh are determined and fully convinced that Sid is innocent, has been framed in the case. Simran and Saurabh know Sid for a longer time. In the case of Astha, Sid happens to be her love interest, so she keeps all trust on him. Fair enough!!!

But, Abhi, has never known Sid closely. When Sid was a kid and got attached to Simran, Abhi had gone out of Simran's life. Later, Abhi was not there with Simran when Sid came back to join Simran, work with her. It is only after Abhi came back, did he get to know about Sid. Abhi's mindset at present, is such that, he believes that any man, in a weak moment, can fall prey to a girl's beauty, innocence and appearance. He thinks this with his own personal experience. Just bcos he got involved in such a relationship, he generalises that all men can succumb to this, given , they were in that age.

At this point, being Simran's husband, Astha's father, he has all the right to express his viewpoint. So he openly told about what he felt about Sid. He feels Sid, in a weak moment, may have done the mistake(just as he did). So he is now more tensed and worried about his daughter's future. Another point which might be in his mind, is that, Simran's life became hell after Abhi left her with a kid. He now realises that he made the biggest mistake in his life, by leaving Simran when she needed him and his love. He fears the same for AStha. This is but natural.

It is the same fear that Saurabh and Simran face. Saurabh fears that Abhi might ruin Astha's life,(just like her did to Simran) with his adamant behaviour. When Saurabh can express this fear of his, why not Abhi? Simran can never say that all the decisions about Astha's future will be made only by her. She used some strong words, where she said, Abhi has no right to take any decision on his own. I ask Why? What is wrong? Is Abhi not AStha's father? Does it mean Simran loves Astha more than Abhi? Certainly not. A mother will always open out her emotions. But here, it is the father who is opening out, trying his level best to keep his daughter happy. (I am not discussing how right or wrong Abhi's decision about Sid's mistake is)

To top it all, Saurabh is always there to ruin any good situation. Why on earth has he to use such bad words for Abhi? He said, however aged a person becomes, learned a person becomes, his basic thoughts and values remain the same, low , they never grow. Is this not a hit to Abhi? Will he not feel hurt? Just bcos, Abhi stays in Simran's house, it does not mean that he should not have any respect .

Abhi expressed his sorrow beautifully. He told his mother that he really felt that Simran was now elder to him, in age as well as status. It is probably the guilt in him that has kept him away to openly tell all that he is the head of the family. He has been humble, does not mean he does not have any respect.

Simran and Saurabh call themselves more mature and sensible than Abhi. So what are they doing now? Are they trying to figure out what is in Abhi's mind? Can they not talk to him calmly, try to put forth their views, ask what Abhi feels? Can this matter not be resolved with a talk? Agreed, Abhi is immature, does not know the realities of life, is very low-minded, but what is wrong with Simran and Saurabh? Where is their so-called intelligence gone?

I really feel Abhi is being treated very badly by his own family members. It is really pathetic to see him suffer like this, tormented with words, that hit his straight in the heart...

Sorry for this long reply... I really feel bad for Abhi....

excellent reply sree
..agree with it all...
...except the following bit..

Originally posted by: sree_20

Abhi's mindset at present, is such that, he believes that any man, in a weak moment, can fall prey to a girl's beauty, innocence and appearance. He thinks this with his own personal experience. Just bcos he got involved in such a relationship, he generalises that all men can succumb to this, given , they were in that age.

As a man, I can understand the attraction abhi felt for other women (tho I have NEVER done this type of thing to date, thank GOD!, and don't intend to, again thank GOD!) ...abhi was totally and utterly wrong to be with another woman whilst married to simran....however, here we are talking about rape. As far as I am concerned, rape is worst than murder...the trauma the woman goes through is beyond words!...It shouldn't take an Einstein to figure out that sid cannot do this. OK, I am sure their have been the supposedly quite, sober people, that have done this type of heinous act, but they have probably also been smart enough not to do it in an office such as the one as Astha Nursing Home. Any court should realize that, but then this is sinha's court so we have to grin and bear it. And this is what is so incomprehendible - why is abhi so anti-sid all of a sudden. He is just being unreasonable. Why?

Everything else, I agree with all the points raised by all the people.

I agree with all of you..I did not watch the episode but from what I read Simran using such strong words was wrong.. Of course if she said "You cannot take any decision about Aastha ALONE" that is not wrong.. She is 100% right. Neither she nor Abhi can take any decision alone..I also think she said the rest in a moment of emotion.. Knowing Simran's nature - it was not like her to bring up the past for no reason..However an apology is due now.. I also agree with ii that Abhi too is being unreasonable in being adamant that Sid was guilty. Take a neutral stand for God's sake - but how can he be so SURE that Sid did it!

As for Saurabh, the less said the better.. I was never a fan of his character..😡 (I prefer Abhi's parents), though I thought he had improved post leap..

I agree with Kruti, the world is changing because women too are becoming more educated, aware and independent.. 😃

I agree with what you said sree, xyz, and ii! But in Sree's post one line that i want to address is:

Originally posted by: sree_20

He has punished himself so much for that by staying away from loved ones.

Unfortunately, it is the same argument that i would make for someone who indulges in suicide - by doing stuff like that a person punishes others more than himself/herself.

I agree that he has improved and matured and Saurabh really has no right to talk to him the way he did but he is allowing his passions to govern his emotions and thoughts. That is always bad - it is important for anybody (not only Abhi) to handle any sensitive topic calmly. Anger and passion usually distort the view of one's own self and others. Anger breeds contempt and it is important for people like Abhi (a so-called philosopher) to initiate a calm discussion rather than getting carried away by "i feel that nobody respects me."

What he has to learn is that "respect cannot be demanded; it has to come voluntarily," and that "all the deeds that you perform, perform without the expectation of a result (karmanye wadika raste, mafaleshu kadaachana." He has tried very hard to prove himself to Simran, Saurabh and Aastha as a honest and dutiful SIL, husband, and father respectively. But he has to be patient for the forthcoming respect in turn. He has to understand that it is right to voice his opinion, fight for it if required but not force the opinion on others, especially because Aastha is in love with Sid and he himself does not know Sid well.