My dilemma/ family problem

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Ophelia

@Ophelia

Voyager

Posted: 16 years ago

Hello everyone I could use some advice...

My mom passed away a few years ago. Now I live with my dad and my brother. My dad is really nice he's like my best friend. He works really hard 9-5 job and he gets tired after coming home due to his age as well as problems like diabetes, high blood pressure. My brother has really been making my life hell (he's done some horrible things like hit his own parents) and he keeps doing things on purpose to make my life more difficult. My life's dream is to become a doctor but I've been only taking part time credits because household chores cooking, cleaning take up my time. So I've been thinking of just dorming and transferring to a different college so I don't have to deal with my brother and so I can study properly. But I feel guilty about leaving my dad he'll be lonely without me and might even have to do the chores (my brother doesn't do any chores).

My dad is thinking of remarrying and I'm in favor because at least he won't be lonely and he'll have a companion for his old age (but my brother isn't in favor). If we can find a maid then also I'll feel better about leaving my dad alone because at least I'll be assured my dad won't have to do the chores.

Should I dorm and leave my family? Or should I tolerate my brother's nonsense to support my dad?

PS my brother isn't planning on leaving any time soon

Edited by Megha25 - 16 years ago

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Frequent Posters

versa

@versa

Inactive

Posted: 16 years ago

Hmm, have you talked to your dad or your brother about these issues? A resolution could come out of a conversation.

Do you see yourself becoming self-sufficient in a short time? If so, might consider moving to a different place/apartment, and invite your dad to stay with you (if his work is in the same zone). Brother can be get "rid" off this way.

Okay silly soln, but how old is your brother? any possibility of him marrying and going away? or staying there with his wife? until you become self-sufficient, and can take care of your dad (financially/emotionally/etc.)

Hope, was of some help.

ps. was your brother always like this? or did it happen after mom's death? Maybe he is upset over it.. misplaced feelings??

Edited by versa - 16 years ago

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Ophelia

@Ophelia

Voyager

Posted: 16 years ago

Originally posted by: versa
Hmm, have you talked to your dad or your brother about these issues? A resolution could come out of a conversation.

Do you see yourself becoming self-sufficient in a short time? If so, might consider moving to a different place/apartment, and invite your dad to stay with you (if his work is in the same zone). Brother can be get "rid" off this way.

Okay silly soln, but how old is your brother? any possibility of him marrying and going away? or staying there with his wife? until you become self-sufficient, and can take care of your dad (financially/emotionally/etc.)

Hope, was of some help.

ps. was your brother always like this? or did it happen after mom's death? Maybe he is upset over it.. misplaced feelings??

My brothers seventeen but he looks 20 something. He was always like this before my moms death as well. My dad can't leave him until he turns eighteen that's what my dad is saying. I'm still an undergrad in college.

Thanks for your help :)

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Mahi

@-Mystery-

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 16 years ago

Aww... Megha first off here's a hug for you 🤗

And I admire your love for your Dad. Very few kids would do that in spite of going through problems with your brother but you are doing the right thing.

First off, I'd say confront your brother and ask him to stop doing that or you'll do something about it. Talk to him nicely first but if he seems adamant then let him know that you can contact some organizations or whatever and seek their help if he keeps being a jerk.

Talk to your Dad about transferring to a new college - ask him about his views. Try and find him a maid to take care of your chores when you're away.

I hope the conversations will lead somewhere. I wish you all the very best!

-Mahi

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Arun - <--haa ji meri tasveer hai

@AsliiGuy

Dazzler

Posted: 16 years ago

hmmm interesting situation, your heart seems to be in the right place..you are truly a caring person...

I would take baby stepsnothing to major..I think the best thing to do is get a good maid/housekeeper to help out as this will ease your concentration to just school work..

After that, for your bro, i know its hard to see someone who is not in the same road as you go into another road..You can try to help him and get him to be a good person, but in life there is just so much we can do and all we can do is just hold tears in our eyes and watch them go on with thier life..but you as the sis should try harder a lil know and then, as i am sure you always do..

For your dad remarrying, if he is ok with it and the you are, i think its ok to move ahead with it..especially if you need support..But i think the maid will be the good route to stablize things.....Also your bro seems to be a big problem, i feel just the same as you when I have family members who are like totally opposite from me, and just seem like different ppl and then some family members of mine dont even obey or respect elders, makes me feel sad, like they are just blind...But all we can do is lend advice, and if someone doesnt lend advice, help them when they are down, or in a dire need for something, they will open up to you at thier lowest moments, or when they are in the most pain...

Good luck and blessings for you Megha..I wish i could be your friend to help you if I was closer.....i really like to help ppl out :] ..At mandir we have a fund for people in distress or facing trouble, i always try to contribute to that fund instead of the normal temple fund...

- arun, :], keep smiling, sometimes a smile is the answer..

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Ophelia

@Ophelia

Voyager

Posted: 16 years ago

Thanks Arunji a friend in need is a friend indeed.

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Eran

@umrao_jaan

Inactive

+ 3

Posted: 16 years ago

Hiii Megha!

A hug from me to you too. To sum it all up:I admire you.

Now for the prob.

First of all-your brother-prob should be tackled. Why don't you talk to your college counsellor about him? I know its not easy as it seems, but the brother-prob should be first fixed to get a solution in the long run.

Look at it this way, you have your father-but your bro has nobody he close(not counting friends). It takes time for counselling to work, but if you consider it now-you have more chances of future happiness.

About the dorm change problem-i see your dilemma. But is it impossible to hire a part time housekeeper or someone to supply meals? Your dad and bro will have to deal with the minor chores. I personally suggest that you move out, but its your choice. In support i say it because you must love yourself first.

I agree that it would be good if your father remarries. But its not something that can be done in a hurry. Consult your relatives about it first.

Wishing you all the best.

Loadsa love,

EraN😉

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* Unnati *

@* Unnati *

Sparkler

+ 7

Posted: 16 years ago

Hey Megha....My heart goes out to you after reading the situation ur dealing with..I completely understand the dilemma u are in..but dear..I wud kindly request u not to leave ur dad & go..he needs u sweety..he may not express the grief in his heart after losing his wife & dealing with ur brother..taking care of u & working hard for 8-9 hrs a day...he might be in the same situation ur in or even worse..but will he leave u both run away from the trouble.. instead , he faced it as both of u are his responsibilities..the same goes out for u dear..ur dad is ur responsibility...taking care of him is ur priority ..set aside ur brother...however he is, don't let him come as an obstacle between u & ur dad...ur bro's nonsense shud not make u lose hope..face it & stand by ur dad..

You're dad might marry..or might not..& how is wife might be ..good or a difficult person...will she keep him happy , understand his grief or keep her happiness at the top ...thats all a big question mark...something which cannot be assured...its upto u now..ur the light of family.. the only hope....no outsider can resolve ur family matter....its only upto u..

Edited by * Unnati * - 16 years ago

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Ophelia

@Ophelia

Voyager

Posted: 16 years ago

Thanks for your kind words EraN and Unnati.

I've decided to stay with my dad another semester because my dad needs me and I'm going to try not to let anyone get to me.

My dad's sisters or my aunts have called my dad to India to remarry. We're going to go and see her this year.

I'm hoping for the best. Will let you guys know if anything works out.

Edited by Megha25 - 16 years ago