Indian Parents- Domination OR Affection

Indian Parents- Is it Domination/Abuse OR It is Love/Affection-

Ok, most of us all being raised by Indian parents would have gone through some kind of domination by our parents during our school, college days. Some parents insist girls to get back home before 7, some restrict them on wearing certain clothes some girls are not allowed to have boy "friends", some are not allowed partying. Even at age of 20 girls and boys are restricted to certain things by their parents in India. I am mostly giving examples about girls as there is still lot of restriction on daughters compared to son.

1. Do you think that it is kind of abuse to certain extend by parents as kids in India are financially dependant and due to society norms and pressure?
2. Or do you think its "always" their love and affection and they are just protective and possessive about their kids.
3. Do you think kids after certain age should be given some freedom and let them learn their own way be it a hard-way? Or you think it is ok for parents to keep eye on their children even when they are in college?

I'll give my views later.

Nice topic. I really have various & deep feelings about this one. My parents have given me freedom in some areas & I am restricted in others. What I like about my parents is that they are very adaptive to the sorroundings. When I was in India 8 years ago, I didn't wear shorts, I didn't go to the gym, I didn't wear much make-up, big earrings etc. But now, I wear everything I want...must be descent though...not bikinis. I can wear as much make-up as I want & all that.
Now, I am even allowed to date a guy (as long as he is Indian & of the same religion etc.)
May be they think I am old enough now to see what's bad or good for me.
Before sometimes, I thought may be they were too strict & they didn't let me do what other kids could. But as I grow older, I am coming to know that noone of their decisions about me were bad & everything has turned out perfect.

SO, ITS ALWAYS (99.9%) FOR GOOD, if parents restrict.

So....... should we let our parents decide so much for us?

To start with... it can be answered positively. ....
They are more experienced and well-placed in the society..... they understand people better and thus, understand us better than we do sometimes..... Moreover, being our parents, they want the best for us all the time.....

Agree with Vishesh.......that parents do have poor knowlege abt parenting...

Parents that are careless and over protective ,whom their children moving around with.... there are chances that they might involve with wrong crowds(usually look for a certain group who will substitute for a parent)
in both the cases........Children are not well mature..and they tend to do what they are taught...

one point.. that might attract a lot of criticism from all of u..
i too, maybe become parent in future..
but from my point of view..
in india..as average.. Parents have poor knowledge abt Parenting.. they don't read books abt parenting, there r very few counselling aid for it..and they don't accept any suggestion from others abt parenting...

Vishesh whatever you have said ,I agree with that but here I dont agree. Do you think that to become a good parent any literary knowledge is required? It is something which can fully be justified with your experiences only.

First let me point out that parents are more affectionate to their children than being dominating.
Also I disagree with some about parent's having limited knowledge. The fact that they are parents make them knowledgable about parenting. One doesn't need books to learn parenting - the so called books are around not for very long - so, does it mean that there were only dominating parents over the ages before such books came into being.
The root of the problem, as I see it is a lack in communication between the child and parent. Sometimes it is from the parent's side - and the reasons could be many from lack of time to pre conceived notions like taking your child for granted - and hence should do as told. Sometimes, it is the children who do not try to communicate with their parents - sometimes out of fear and awe. It becomes a vicious cycle as the parent and child keep drifting apart.
However, when there is an excellent rapport and communication between the child and his parents, there is nothing better. Not only are the two bonded by strong affection, there also are no problems like domination and curtailment of freedom. The relation should be such that the child can look up proudly at his parent as a friend, philosopher and guide.

Originally posted by: mad_cap

as I see it is a lack in communication between the child and parent. Sometimes it is from the parent's side - and the reasons could be many from lack of time to pre conceived notions like taking your child for granted - and hence should do as told. .

this lack of communication between the child and parrent eventuates from poor knowledge of parenting..

Just in that case ..there is a requisiteness of reading books(its only one of the option... ) or suggestions frm others abt parenting....or any other approach......Which can make parent inculcate inthe practices for correct upbringing of children

hi all....
well this is love/affection,,,,
they have given birth to us,,they have make us stand on our feets....they always do everything for their child's betterment...
they are protective about their child so i dont think that if they say anything to us its domination,,,
i simply believe that whatever parents do or say is just due to a simple reason that they always pray good for their child,,,its just they love their child,,,

Well, I agree when you say it is out of good intention, but I think that sometimes it is suffocating to be restricted all the time. Parents should guide their children and talk with them on issues, but insisting on minor things like not talking with boys, wearing certain type of clothes ( im not talking about short skimpy clothes- that could be no no), not allowing girls to work outside and getting exposed is really frustrating for kids sometimes. I know I was also restricted to lots of thing during my teen years. That time when I was young I thought that they are dominating and now when I am all grown up I think it was all for my good and lot of things really helped me be a better person and what I am today, however, I still think that giving respect to your child's opinion and choice after age of 20 is important. Yes, communication is key to every relationship but I strongly believe that after age 20 (not before that) there should be some independence given to children and they should be given some power to make their decision. Every human have different opinion and different choice, asking your child to be stereotype all the time is not fair. Yes, I agree with Vishesh that they are using their limited knowledge and protecting us from their experience, but as time goes situation changes and children should be given wings to fly and taste the world. This is just my opinion and no offence meant to anyone here.

However, I know it is hard to ask parents to stop telling their child what to do and what not to do, but when you are parent it is very very hard. I myself cannot stop from telling my toddler about her behavior....so probably it is suffocating for kids to take advise, order whatever you call throughout their young life, but it is parents who wants to see their child successful and good citizen which makes them probably dominating. Yes, I would term it as dominating.

phew! hmmm...."hatke" topic dis one is, reilli....

indian parents?....me thinks more affectionate then dominating! but then...one cant rlly generalise dis whole thing....i mean how can u.....

but definitely we indian kids r rlly lucky 2 get soooo much of pampering frm our parents (well, most of us)...

n those who beg 2 differ....as in who think tat indian parents r more dominating...they try 2 influence their kids at every stage of life, me thinks that's also out of affection only....

i mean they really do care abt us so much tht they just cant see us go thru nekinda problems, so may b thts the reason tht they try to interfere in our lives at times.... but, i dont think tat there's any thing wrong in tht.....

we talk abt generation gaps n lack of communications, but then, y do only expect our parents 2 mke the first move, y cant v tke the innitiative n tlk things out.....
we do needda think abt tat....

much of the things parents say and make us do is out of love. and concern. and fear.. for there is no forgiving themselves if anything untoward happens to their children. india is not all that safe for young people to be hanging outside late in the nights. in todays world, when a woman gets raped,Indian men still blame her style of dressing etc and justify the rape saying she was enticing and therefore deserved it!

im not a parent. but i understand the fear! as for the generation gap, i find children feel that their parents should give in after an arguement - if you can be stubborn as a teenager and refuse to see your parents point of view, tis not fair you expect them at least 20 odd years older than you to give in!

talking helps at all times. you can expalin things to someone slightly older than you in your house and they may be able to convince your parents and make them see your point of view too. (incase you have offend them badly enough that they refuse to talk to you) an effort from both sides will help bridge the gap!