Originally posted by: FingerFetish
Caution: Don’t watch Animal with your mother and if you do, please make sure you’re seated at least 100 metres away to ensure the awkwardness doesn’t seep into your soul and cause an open mouthed coma of shame.
A N I M A L R E V I E W
Animal was a complete full house cinema in Sydney, Australia. All sessions (including morning slots - thefcuk) was getting sold out real quick. I’m sure the morning and afternoon sessions consisted of high school kids bunking class to watch the film. They probably knew their parents wouldn’t let them watch the movie, but I understand. I was also forbidden to watch Jism because a moaning lip quivering Bipasha giving John wet saliva kisses and playing with her belly button with an ice-cube was a parental nightmare. Lmao. That shit is tamed in comparison to Bollywood movies now. Anyhow, point being, this movie is definitely a success.
I walked in and noticed that 85-90% of the audience were all guys. My mum walked in blind, having absolutely no idea what a commotion this movie has caused. She’s an ardent RK fan, so her first comment was ‘look how many people love Ranbir’ (🤗🥰☺️). I gave her the side-eye because ain’t nobody gonna be telling her that half of them were here to see some sexy times and a naked Tripti.
I read on the forum that there’s a scene where RK is humping Tripti, so I really tried to ease my mum into it while the ads were playing. I felt like roles were reversed and I had to tell my poor sanskari mum about the birds and the bees. I’m mentioning this to spare you the horror of watching Animal with your parents.
The conversation went like this:
Fingu: Mum, just so you know this movie has a lot of sexy scenes.
Mum: Really? Why?
Fingu: 🤦🏽♀️ What do you mean why? How would I know that?
Mum: Bollywood movies have changed. Now there’s so much kissing kissing.
Fingu: Okay mum but there’s MORE than kissing in this movie.
Mum: What do you mean more?
Fingu: Like really bad stuff.
Mum: Weee, How bad?
Fingu: Just close your eyes please 😭
Do you know how to avoid the above conversation folks? Simple, don’t 👏🏼 make 👏🏼 the 👏🏼 mistake 👏🏼 of 👏🏼 watching 👏🏼 the 👏🏼 movie 👏🏼 with 👏🏼 your 👏🏼 parents.
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Now let’s review Animal. The first half of the film started super strong and was impactful. It commands your attention and you’ll be completely dumbfounded by the way Ranbir has gotten into character. It was actually terrifying how good he was at portraying an unhinged psychopath with severe daddy issues. The scene where he goes on a killing spree with that machine-gun-vehicle-thing was batshit crazy. His expressions while shooting non stop was menacing. He looked completely and utterly mentally deranged. You could clearly see the pleasure in his expressions when he was killing everyone. A true blue psychopath if you ask me.
There’s a lot of blood in this film. If you have a queasy stomach then Animal is not the film for you. I can somewhat deal with blood and gore so long as no cockroaches and torture related to hurting finger/toenails is involved. You can kill every character in the film but any animals being hurt, killed or abandoned, especially during an earthquake, tsunami, tornado and volcanic eruption is AGAINST THE LAW. Thankfully, no actual animals were involved in this movie.
Let’s talk about Rashmika. I watched that one movie of hers where she was playing the role of a blind woman and well I’ve never been able to unsee it. Now she looks blind in every movie. I also couldn’t understand a word she was saying in the first half of the film. She was freaking mumbling her dialogues. It was so frustrating! All I wanted to do was enter the screen and physically open her mouth. This is resolved mostly in the second half and she acted pretty well. Nothing super outstanding but not too shabby either.
I thoroughly enjoyed the movie before the intermission but unfortunately like most films these days, it starts off strong but then becomes a shitstorm during the second half. The director was like, let’s put sex sex and more sex because who gives a shit about maintaining a storyline when it’s so much more fun to torture my audience, especially the badnaseebs sitting next to their parents. What the hell was even the point of Tripti? She was as useless as Abhishek Bachan dancing next to Hrithik Roshan in Dhoom 2. There was no need for her. All she did was get naked and have a tongue war with RK.
You know what pisses me off even more? I warned my mum during the intermission that the SEXY TIMES wasn't over, and that in fact it hadn’t even started. I did all this just so I don’t have to hear her do the tsk tsk disappointed sound effects. I have PTSD of hearing her judgemental tsk tsk tsks when I had to endure the trauma of watching SRK break his no kiss rule with Katrina Kaif. ‘Oh so SRK is now kissing too. What a shame. He was never like this’. I was in tears, ‘STOP MUM, PLEASE FORGIVE HIM. HE WAS FORCED’ I lied. Anyway, guess who still did the tsk tsk accompanied with the disappointed head shake? YUP. My mother dearest. The whole sequence with Tripti had my eyes rolling to the back of my skull. I was cringing and trying to move my body as far away from my mum, almost ended up laying on the lap of the random chick sitting next to me. I gave up and just covered my head with my jacket. This was literally me the whole time.


Ranbir’s character starts spiralling out of control in the second half. His obsession with his father and desire to receive attention/acceptance is the main issue in the film. You basically see him slowly lose his mind to blood-thirst and that’s where it becomes obvious that there’s no point of return for him. The damage and neglect has festered into his mind and eaten his soul since childhood. You don’t even feel sorry for his character. He’s unapologetically toxic and doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion or regard except for his father. You thought Jaya Bachan loved Rahul in K3G? You thought Devdas loved Paro? Well you can multiply all the loves in the world by a million and that still isn’t as close to how much Ranbir’s character loves his dad lmfao. Sucks to be him coz the love is never even justified. He was a shit and neglectful father, so Y U LOVE HIM?
Lord Bobby’s character was REPULSIVE. Despite the short screen time, Bobby did so well that I wanted him dead. The climax was a bit of a WTF because the fight scene looked like a love-making scene between two lovers-to-enemies. They were dancing around each other and for some reason the director thought it was a great idea to break into a song. HUH. Then of course Bobby rips Ranbir’s shirt off *Sallu Bhai style* and while I didn’t mind too much because his lean body was nice, I had the scary premonition that Bobby might remove his shirt too. Spare me the horror thy Lord. Alas, my fears came to life and I had to also watch a shirtless Bobby play kushti with a shirtless RK. Random observation but Bobby has a very small torso. He’s all legs. Please put the shirt back on.
Jesus, I’m sorry this turned out way longer than expected. My rating of the film is ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️/5. I liked the film before the intermission but then everything became shit in the second half. The audience was well behaved and thankfully no one cheered or celebrated the abusive and misogynistic dialogues throughout the film. Of course no cinema experience of mine can go smoothly because during the credits, extra scenes were being shown and the guy sitting in front of me decided to watch the whole thing standing up. He even had one hand resting comfortably on his hip while he blocked my whole view. Hehehehehehe 😊🔪
P.S. RK actually looked good with his long hair and beard. He should skip the shaven look and start embracing the bearded life. It made him look younger. He also has cemented the fact that he’s one of the best actors we have in Bollywood (barring some of his stupid movies). The man can act. OKAY BYEEE 👋🏼
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