Rom books ruin women's expectation wrt real-life relationships? - Page 2

Originally posted by: trouble_006

Happy to read your thoughts vibey.

But I'm just saying that I feel subconsciously bias seep in kar jaata hai and thus we are moving away from the concept of compromising (which has often been said to be the key to a successful relationship).

About your last point : At the end of the day we do not live in a utopian society. Real life mein people have shortcomings. Then there is the conditioning, thanks to the society. A lot of folks toh don't even know ki relationship mein kya prioritise karna hai, kaha dhyaan dena hai etc. They are unaware of what goes around in these books. So it's kind of unrealistic IMO to think they'll meet some standards they don't even know exist.

i'm not saying that everyone is perfect, but this is where communication comes in. you have to communicate your wants and needs to your partner and have a healthy discussion about what your expectations are with each other. assuming that your expectations are reasonable and do-able for your partner then why wouldn't they do that for you out of love? i'm not saying k koi chaand mangey to chaand la k do. i'm only talking about reasonable and healthy expectations 😆

also saw this online "Studies have shown a correlation between high levels of romance usage and happy monogamous relationships” and that women use it “to kick-start sex lives that they treasure,” not to leave relationships. Couples who read together bring partners closer and report higher levels of satisfaction in their relationships. Reading fiction specifically creates more empathic partners and empathy is the secret to successful relationships. Psychologists suggest that couples who practice sexual fantasies, perhaps that they got from a romance novel, create novelty and sexual arousal without changing one’s partner. People who tend to idealize their partners are often attacked as a cause of relationship ruination, but is in fact linked to decreased risk of separation, higher satisfaction, and less conflict in relationships. Many romance novels model cis het men openly communicating with their partners and listening to their partner’s needs. In a culture of toxic masculinity which teaches men that anger is the only acceptable negative emotion, seeing masculinity as vulnerable and emotionally open is a good model for readers who see themselves in a similar role. They make readers more emotionally literate, which in turn benefits all the relationships in that reader’s life. They are opening doors to conversations partners might otherwise avoid. Jason Rogers has famously started an all men book club exclusively reading romance novels called The Bromantics. “Romance novels gave me a more precise appreciation of intimacy,” Rogers said. “It helped me unpack what intimacy actually is. Obviously there’s a lot of sex in romance novels, but the books helped crystallize that sex is an antecedent to real intimacy. Sex is an expression of intimacy, but real emotional intimacy is so much more important.” Novels like The Bromance Book Club by Lyssa Kay Adams and Real Men Knit by Kwana Jackson highlight hyper-masculine, sexy men who aren’t afraid to talk about their feelings."

Fictional romance hasn’t ruined my expectations, not when factual living breathing men ruin it for me daily. Why blame the books? 🙃

Originally posted by: vibecheck

is baar task se debate mansion mein ronak lage gi? 😳😆

I said the same thing in different topic today😆

On topic.. Why blame nirdosh rom coms when the jeeti jaagti humankind is enough to ruin all the 'positive' expectations one can possibly have. 😆

Originally posted by: vibecheck

i'm not saying that everyone is perfect, but this is where communication comes in. you have to communicate your wants and needs to your partner and have a healthy discussion about what your expectations are with each other. assuming that your expectations are reasonable and do-able for your partner then why wouldn't they do that for you out of love? i'm not saying k koi chaand mangey to chaand la k do. i'm only talking about reasonable and healthy expectations 😆

also saw this online "Studies have shown a correlation between high levels of romance usage and happy monogamous relationships” and that women use it “to kick-start sex lives that they treasure,” not to leave relationships. Couples who read together bring partners closer and report higher levels of satisfaction in their relationships. Reading fiction specifically creates more empathic partners and empathy is the secret to successful relationships. Psychologists suggest that couples who practice sexual fantasies, perhaps that they got from a romance novel, create novelty and sexual arousal without changing one’s partner. People who tend to idealize their partners are often attacked as a cause of relationship ruination, but is in fact linked to decreased risk of separation, higher satisfaction, and less conflict in relationships. Many romance novels model cis het men openly communicating with their partners and listening to their partner’s needs. In a culture of toxic masculinity which teaches men that anger is the only acceptable negative emotion, seeing masculinity as vulnerable and emotionally open is a good model for readers who see themselves in a similar role. They make readers more emotionally literate, which in turn benefits all the relationships in that reader’s life. They are opening doors to conversations partners might otherwise avoid. Jason Rogers has famously started an all men book club exclusively reading romance novels called The Bromantics. “Romance novels gave me a more precise appreciation of intimacy,” Rogers said. “It helped me unpack what intimacy actually is. Obviously there’s a lot of sex in romance novels, but the books helped crystallize that sex is an antecedent to real intimacy. Sex is an expression of intimacy, but real emotional intimacy is so much more important.” Novels like The Bromance Book Club by Lyssa Kay Adams and Real Men Knit by Kwana Jackson highlight hyper-masculine, sexy men who aren’t afraid to talk about their feelings."

Iss reply se yaad aya, Have you read The bromance book club by Lyssa Kay Adams?

Rant incoming (Coz man was I pissed when I read the book) :

It's ironical how the book actually somehow invalidates whatever else you've written in the post 😆

The wife has been faking all her feelings for over 3 years of their marriage, isn't honest with her husband and when he realises that one day and has an overreaction, she asks him to leave and gets pissed that he left coz apparently that was a test.

She takes absolutely no responsibility about the breaking down of their marriage even though she was dishonest for 3 years, faking happiness and orgasms (how was he supposed to know if she never told him anything she didn't like about their life, sapna thodi ayega usko). The book keeps on reiterating that the wife is in the right and the husband is in the wrong, he has to do all the heavy lifting coz she has some unresolved childhood issues which even she didn't realise for much part of the book 😆

She makes him guess what makes her upset throughout the book and gets pissed if he isn't able to in the first attempt (yes guess coz God forbid these two have an honest conversation).

End of the day, the husband has to follow a romance book to woo her and tries everything just so that something sticks.

It was a great concept but man did the author bungled up the execution.

Kinda agree. But I stopped reading these crap romance novels a long time ago.

I dnt know we have a debate mansion before this page🤣🤣

Originally posted by: Ocean_breeze

On topic.. Why blame nirdosh rom coms when the jeeti jaagti humankind is enough to ruin all the 'positive' expectations one can possibly have. 😆

exactlyyyyy. they do the damage themselves. fictional characters aren't at fault 😆

Originally posted by: trouble_006

Iss reply se yaad aya, Have you read The bromance book club by Lyssa Kay Adams?

Rant incoming (Coz man was I pissed when I read the book) :

It's ironical how the book actually somehow invalidates whatever else you've written in the post 😆

The wife has been faking all her feelings for over 3 years of their marriage, isn't honest with her husband and when he realises that one day and has an overreaction, she asks him to leave and gets pissed that he left coz apparently that was a test.

She takes absolutely no responsibility about the breaking down of their marriage even though she was dishonest for 3 years, faking happiness and orgasms (how was he supposed to know if she never told him anything she didn't like about their life, sapna thodi ayega usko). The book keeps on reiterating that the wife is in the right and the husband is in the wrong, he has to do all the heavy lifting coz she has some unresolved childhood issues which even she didn't realise for much part of the book 😆

She makes him guess what makes her upset throughout the book and gets pissed if he isn't able to in the first attempt (yes guess coz God forbid these two have an honest conversation).

End of the day, the husband has to follow a romance book to woo her and tries everything just so that something sticks.

It was a great concept but man did the author bungled up the execution.

nope, i have not. idk why i'm here debating because i actually have zero interest in reading romance novels lmao 🤣

Originally posted by: trouble_006

I was going through some conversations on twitter. Some guy tweeted how when women read romance books, it makes them desensitised towards men in real life and that this sort of escapism is also like an addiction. It's leading to toxicity in real life relationships.

A lot of ppl took offense. I gave it some thought as well and realised that he was right.

These fictional men from romance books/shows/movies are tailored for us women and thus the real life men are always going to fall short. No man in real life is going to be that understanding or make a woman her priority like that so aren't we setting them up (and us) to fail.

Do you agree/disagree?

I completely disagree. I'm not saying men irl should be exactly like fictional men, but there are certain characteristics that fictional men have that is kind of shocking for men in real life to not have.

@bold: Uh...maybe they should be? Being understanding of your partner and making them a priority is kind of the bare minimum and women are allowed to expect the bare minimum.

I don't think that men in romance books are non-existent, there are men who are like that in real life, I've been fortunate enough to see one of my closest friends marry one. I think that there's this misconception of how men in romance books are not flawed. They absolutely are, but they acknowledge and actively try to improve on said flaws and apologize for their mistakes. That's the part that gets to some men in real life and that's what they consider to be unrealistic.