Why do actresses stay in toxic marriages?? - Page 11

It is true. Honestly most women are so used to abuse that they do not even think it is abuse. I think all women in my family had abusive husbands and in laws but were used to the shit. They would call me sensitive or accuse me of making big deal of things or told me I would suffer in life or no family can work if 'we think over such small things'. I have seen women tolerate abuse from even their own kids and cry, not say a word or get back to routine work after all abuses and thrashings.

Even men never think some behaviour is abuse or wrong and they say, ismein kya hai? Or ask women to adjust or compromise or accept things as it is or blame them for making big deal of everything. My dad usually either denied or justified whatever that he or my grandpa or uncles did. He thinks modern kids and girls are too sensitive or maybe learnt new things from internet or western culture.

I was seeing desi men lose their shit when Aamir made Satyamev Jayate episodes on dowry, female foeticide and domestic violence and child abuse or when movies like Thappad, Mrityudand, Darlings were made. They carpet bombed social media claiming these films and shows make big deal of nothing or spoil family values or so what if man beats wife, why divorce, why take private matter outside or claimed yeh sab chalta hai, women should adjust.

They had also trolled Shefali Shah when her interview went viral on Instagram where she said disrespect was biggest red flag in any relationship. Though she had made a gender neutral statement and not refered to a man or woman, still men trolled her and said she was breaking families or spoiling girls.

Desi men are okay with abuse, disrespect, domestic violence and adultery etc and think sehna padta hai, nibhana padta hai.

They mock women of today for having standards or expectations or not tolerating things quietly or walking out of relationships or being too sensitive and also call kids of today as spoilt.

They hate even moms for drawing boundaries and like women of past who let anyone take them for granted.

When we have men like that who blackmail and guilt trip women or women who tolerate shit to keep peace in house or give up quietly and pass time in own hobbies or drugs or puja paath or kids or resign to fate or learn to gulp sadness, or think they are sacrificing or this is how male nature is and woman cannot do anything, then what can happen?

Also young men grow up seeing mom take shit so they expect wife will do same, any woman should do same.

I know how men blackmail women and tell them to keep home or ghar ki izzat together and not believe in media, extended family or friends or lawyers and ask them to make it work or tell them they cannot survive without them. Or some slander women or attack them if they try to leave or ensure she gets bad press or is bad mouthed everywhere and no one keeps any relation with her. Some men and their families slander even family of girl and ensure no one else remarries the woman or any woman from their family.

They spread rumours saying yeh aurat theek nahi hai, iske family walo ne kuch ni sikhaya, inki ladkiyan dominating hain, ghatiya hain, laalchi hai etc.

I knew a lady who was divorced and her in laws and ex husband and his friends slandered her everywhere and even in laws of her sister slandered her and ensured she never got to remarry. She lives alone now but is a strong woman and focused on her career to get away from negativity and left the city and moved elsewhere to walk away from past baggage.

Divorce is never easy for woman. Often women face social isolation or threats or even honour killings or stigma, shunning after divorce.

Shweta Tiwari is bashed by her ex husbands all the time in public. IDK how she manages it. I hope it will not affect life of her kids in future.

Originally posted by: Autumn_Rose

When there are multiple victims and eye witness account, plus it’s a known fact that he abused Aish in public on the sets of Chalte chalte, yes you are defending an abuser and yes, that makes you the one siding with one.

Me and Sameer have a right to not believe any of this without people calling us names. Or atleast I thought we did

Originally posted by: Autumn_Rose

I have come across situations in real life, where people will spit at the woman if she complains of marital rape. Even if he is physically abusive, if the girl gets divorced, the man will re-marry easily and it is much harder for the girl to find someone else. People will also gossip and say 1000 different things, behind and to your face.

The public humiliation is much greater for a celebrity. Imagine being hot topic for a damn long time. When you have kids, it makes it worse cuz it affects them as well. I have a friend whose parents are divorced and she was having trouble getting married herself, her bf’s sister and parents were like her step dad doesn’t want to keep her, her mom must have had an affair.. plus she grew up very insecure and is messed up when it comes to men. Her real dad has his own family & doesn’t care about her so she tries to get attention of every other male. Divorced or not - most of the times the pros and cons aren’t so clear as day. Getting a divorce has its own issues. People get lonely too.

All of this is so true.

I know how women are abused online and trolled by men and women alike and older men and women also bash women of today.

I totally relate to your words on Indians shunning divorced women and their kids. Forget marriage. Even kids are asked to not befriend someone who is kid of divorced parents as they think that kid must be spoiled or not good company or will spoil their son or daughter too.

Some single moms themselves feel self conscious and ask their kids to not befriend ones with so called big families because their kids then keep comparing or keep asking why they have no dad or dada dadi with them or why not same lifestyle as other kids. I had a friend whose mom asked her to cut off from us because she would talk of things we had and she herself could not afford to give that to her kid as a single earning parent. So when she could not deal with her daughter comparing with other kids, she asked daughter to stop interacting with us.

Sometimes single parent also gets too possessive of their kid and invests all time, emotion on kid and unknowingly ends up controlling their kid too much and fears their only source of attachment leaving them or ignoring them.

Kids of single parents have different baggage to deal with.

I have seen Indians still being okay with kids of widows or widowers but they do not tolerate divorced ones at all and kids of divorced ones, especially daughters find it difficult to get married as the regressive families of men think if mom is divorced then maybe she had character flaw or she taught her daughter also to not adjust and her daughter will not adjust or make a good DIL or wife or she too will get divorced like her mom and think it is okay or she will not compromise or work on marriage no matter what.

No one thinks it could be a man also at fault if marriage did not work or a man could have cheated or dumped wife or kids or been abusive.

All they see is 'broken family' and think kid from broken family probably is spoiled or lacks character or has some baggage or trauma or lacks sanskar and lacks so called family values.

South Asian society judges even girls from so called complete families too much. Ones from divorced parents are judged even more harshly and it is true these reasons are also contributing to fear in getting divorce.

Kal ko bacho pe asar padega, samaj kya kahega. Bina baap ke bache ko koi nahi puchta etc.

Fortunately, there are movies like Darlings....so, I hope, in real life, there are also women at least comprehensive and emotionally supportive towards divorced women.

For celebrities, there is the public interest and the comments in the media as additional burden, I think.

Originally posted by: la_Reine

Hmmm I expected celebs to be more broad minded than that, and value their self respect over love

Celebs would not be celebs if they had self respect.

This is a rotten industry where people even sleep around with anyone from actors, producers, directors, managers, media barons, dons, politicians to get work or get ahead in life or get out of controversy and tolerate anything from affairs, drugs, alcoholism, spouse swapping, child abuse, corruption etc to even getting rivals slandered or attacked or threatened or killed.

You expect self respect from this lot?

Whole world knows what glamour industry is and how they make the crores they do. It is not just talent.

There was a time till 1990s when Indians would refuse to sell or rent houses to celebs and some schools and colleges would refuse to admit star kids as they thought they would be a bad influence on others.

Only now celebs have been lionised as some heroes or role models or promoters of ideology or culture.

Otherwise they were shunned and no one from respectable families joined glamour or fashion industry.

In most of South Asia, I have noticed women are extremely patriarchal and are not always supportive of women who are unmarried or childfree or divorced or anything that Indian society underlines for an ideal woman by a certain age. Many do not even like working or outspoken or independent women.

We have a LONG way to go before women support women or are less judgemental of other women.

Divorce is too stigmatised and marriage is too overhyped in India and so are so called virtues of patience, tolerance, compromise, adjustment, nibhana padta hai and making it work and keeping family together at any cost.

Most Indians now bash divorce even more and bash alimony, maintenance, child support. And think woman gets divorced only to harass man and in laws and keep bashing women of today and their parents and say women should not be educated or given freedom or blame today's women for not respecting husband and in laws and not adopting their ways.

They have increased social stigma, slander, backlash against divorced women and their kids and natal families. They think parents of girl taught her nothing.

It may have changed a bit in probably few metro cities but rest of India totally despises divorce and women who opt for it.

Divorced man is judged less and he and his family easily blame woman and her family for all problems and he remarries easily and usually gets a younger, previously unmarried woman for self and moves on with life in India.

Divorced woman on the other hand finds it hard to remarry and is shunned everywhere or called a burden on her parents, siblings, nieces, nephews and kids and labeled a bad example for society and made example of how women should not be given too much freedom or may be she has bad character or some flaw or anger issues or mental health issues that her husband left her or she is full of ego and attitude. Bashing divorced woman is done in full swing so that no woman is like her in future or becomes like her or takes divorce like her or else she knows she will face same social pressure, isolation and shunning like her and become a pariah.

Look how media shuns Dimple, Tanuja, Sarika, Amrita but invites even Hema types because they are married (even if they married a married man) or calls them ji or icon or how they respect Jaya and Neetu more.

Anyway Indians lionise pativrata nari and nowadays bash Neetu also for dressing up or bejewelled or smiling or travelling or celebrating festivals and not living a sad or dull life as a 'widow should'. They still think woman's life must revolve around husband, kids and in laws only.

Concept of worshipping men, festivals for worshipping men as husband or son in law (jamai soshti), symbols of matrimony to be worn all time, calling only married woman as saubhagyavati and all religions preaching aim of woman's life to only revolve around husband or bear him son, and lionising pativrata nari as ideal or embodiment of virtuous character and labelling all other women characterless or evil, is reason why singlehood, divorce, widowhood and single moms or childfree women are ripped apart in India and Indian women find it hard to survive if they violate this norm.

Many Indians still think woman should not dress up or wear jewels if she is not married or divorced or widow or if she is married, she should worship husband all time, be decked up and look happy and do everything to obey and please husband or do nothing without his permission or approval or nothing that disturbs him or his family.

Many Indian parents also think they failed in raising girl right if she is not married or get divorced or think how her husband and in laws see her, will reflect how well they raised their daughter. And they think daughter shamed them if in laws and husband have issues with her or she is divorced. I know someone whose parents died and became too sick after she was divorced and her mom suffered brain haemorrhage right after her divorce and she was blamed for bringing stress and disrepute to her parents. That lady is still blamed for death of her parents and her sister, nephews, nieces also shun her. She lives alone now, managed to get a job and sustains self in some other city and still battles people bitching about her or her character while her ex husband moved on and got married to a younger woman, has a kid with new wife and remained unaffected and calls divorce a 'good riddance'.

Originally posted by: la_Reine

I am really curious to know why Bollywood women especially stick to unhealthy and toxic marriages? For example, Kajol and Neetu....and many more. I can understandd women who are weak and dependent on their husbands staying in such marriages because they are uneducated and don't know how to stand up for themselves, or they are dependent and don't have the means to walk out.

But Bollywood actresses shouldn't have this problem, right? They are independent, strong, career oriented. They can even get a better partner. So why do they stay with such men who treat them like trash?

I have never seen a man sticking to a cheating or disloyal wife, or a woman who insults him at every opportunity she gets 🤔

Ajay is a known philanderer.

Sleeps around. Kajol and Ajay do not just put each other down.

Is philandering not toxic?

It is not a mere ups or downs or nok jhok.

Will you tolerate philandering from your spouse?

Same applies to Twinkle tolerating all affairs of Akshay, Jaya tolerating affairs and verbal abuse, dominating behaviour of Amitabh, Neetu tolerating affairs, alcoholism and domestic violence of Rishi and his temper issues.

Or do most people, primarily men, think these are normal and not toxic?

Originally posted by: atominis

Ajay is a known philanderer.

Sleeps around. Kajol and Ajay do not just put each other down.

Is philandering not toxic?

It is not a mere ups or downs or nok jhok.

Will you tolerate philandering from your spouse?

Same applies to Twinkle tolerating all affairs of Akshay, Jaya tolerating affairs and verbal abuse, dominating behaviour of Amitabh, Neetu tolerating affairs, alcoholism and domestic violence of Rishi and his temper issues.

Or do most people, primarily men, think these are normal and not toxic?

Originally posted by: Jazzkapur

that's what my point is. Did u see them sleeping with other woman? Did u see them hitting their wives? Just based on media articles, u r judging their relationships. I don't do that. I'm damn sure their wives know them better than media articles. I've seen it myself how someone can circulate a bogus rumour about someone to A then A tells to B by exaggerating it, then B tells to C by exaggerating it more. So i don't judge someone just based on media articles coz i don't know them personally at all. U guys talk as if u have a cctv camera installed in their houses n u know what happens in their house regularly.

I don’t doubt both Ajay and Kajol sleep around