Why do actresses stay in toxic marriages?? - Page 23

Originally posted by: atominis

Learned helplessness, paralysed will, patriarchal society, stigma against single women.

The reasons are clear.

Not everyone desires a companion and neither do men see women as companion or partner. They are very clear in seeing wife as inferior or as someone who should tolerate them no matter what. Husbands view self as master or head and wife as a subordinate. Hardly an equal.

That's true, both genders have different needs and desires from each other. But still, nobody wants to live alone especially in old age when parents are not around anymore. Having someone to talk to and have your back in tough times is a basic human need. We can't defy nature.

You can talk to anyone in old age be it siblings or friends or cousins, nieces, nephews or adopt kids etc.

There is no such thing as nature to have so called couple. Even in animal kingdom no one lives together and old animal or bird is usually isolated from the herd or pack or himself self isolates.

Also, how can one assume there will be some companion and live till old age? Anyone can die anytime.

Everyone dies alone. Especially women usually die as widows as they marry older men and man dies earlier anyway.

So this companion or die alone is usually a lame excuse.

No guarantee that someone is going to be there for you all time.

Anyone can give you company. Including some maid or servant or nurse. Or a trusted employee or niece or nephew or sibling or old friend or cousins etc.

How do you think Ratan Tata, Lata Mangeshkar, Asha Parekh managed being unmarried and childfree in old age too or how a widow like Asha Bhosle or Zeenat Aman is managing? Or there's Sakshi Tanwar who adopted a kid but did not marry?

Lot of options for so called company. It need not always be a spouse and old age is no excuse to be a slave or doormat and lose own sanity or self respect in a toxic relationship.

There are nowadays many NGOs, options, ashrams, associations and clubs for seniors to bond or reside in. My mom's colleague joined Radha Soami ashram after her retirement and death of her husband and when her kids refused to stay with her. She is happy there with like minded people of her age and has sevaks who look after senior residents and members and is happy with her spiritual discourses or walks at lush green lawns of their ashrams.

So, to each his own. Marriage is no guarantee for company nor are kids.

I had an aunt who never married. It was her brother's sons who used to treat her like their mom and took care of her and she too raised them like her own kids after brother's death. She was a professor and led an active life, took her sister, sister in law and nephews and aged parents under her wings. Stayed with them and took care of them. And they took care of her. Her students also treated her like a mom. Her nephews' kids treated her like their grandmother. Not once did she feel lonely or need to get married nor missed having own kids.

To each his own. I am just saying marriage is not the only necessity or way to get company in old age or kill loneliness in old age.

Also, women desire an equal partner. Men desire a subordinate. The difference is clear and source of most conflicts and misery. Very few men treat wife as an equal.

Originally posted by: atominis

You can talk to anyone in old age be it siblings or friends or cousins, nieces, nephews or adopt kids etc.

There is no such thing as nature to have so called couple. Even in animal kingdom no one lives together and old animal or bird is usually isolated from the herd or pack or himself self isolates.

Also, how can one assume there will be some companion and live till old age? Anyone can die anytime.

Everyone dies alone. Especially women usually die as widows as they marry older men and man dies earlier anyway.

So this companion or die alone is usually a lame excuse.

No guarantee that someone is going to be there for you all time.

Anyone can give you company. Including some maid or servant or nurse. Or a trusted employee or niece or nephew or sibling or old friend or cousins etc.

How do you think Ratan Tata, Lata Mangeshkar, Asha Parekh managed being unmarried and childfree in old age too or how a widow like Asha Bhosle or Zeenat Aman is managing? Or there's Sakshi Tanwar who adopted a kid but did not marry?

Lot of options for so called company. It need not always be a spouse and old age is no excuse to be a slave or doormat and lose own sanity or self respect in a toxic relationship.

There are nowadays many NGOs, options, ashrams, associations and clubs for seniors to bond or reside in. My mom's colleague joined Radha Soami ashram after her retirement and death of her husband and when her kids refused to stay with her. She is happy there with like minded people of her age and has sevaks who look after senior residents and members and is happy with her spiritual discourses or walks at lush green lawns of their ashrams.

So, to each his own. Marriage is no guarantee for company nor are kids.

I had an aunt who never married. It was her brother's sons who used to treat her like their mom and took care of her and she too raised them like her own kids after brother's death. She was a professor and led an active life, took her sister, sister in law and nephews and aged parents under her wings. Stayed with them and took care of them. And they took care of her. Her students also treated her like a mom. Her nephews' kids treated her like their grandmother. Not once did she feel lonely or need to get married nor missed having own kids.

To each his own. I am just saying marriage is not the only necessity or way to get company in old age or kill loneliness in old age.

Also, women desire an equal partner. Men desire a subordinate. The difference is clear and source of most conflicts and misery. Very few men treat wife as an equal.

Come on, siblings get busy with their own lives after marriage and having kids. These days even in your own kids forget about you when they grow up, how can you expect someone else's kids to be there for you? Look at elderly people living in old age homes and how lonely they are. Everybody desires to be loved.

Originally posted by: la_Reine

Everybody desires to be loved.

Incoming someone saying there is no such thing as love. I believe there is but someone might come with that 😆

Originally posted by: Maroonporsche

Incoming someone saying there is no such thing as love. I believe there is but someone might come with that 😆

What kind of love? Ishq wala love goes out of the window 4 days after marriage😆 Heard it returns in old age, I'm yet to find out.😆

Lulz. I spoke from what I saw around me.

It is not always a spouse who makes you feel loved or cared for.

There are siblings, nephews, nieces, friends and kids you can adopt or have through IVF surrogacy as well.

Also not everyone is desperate for sex or attention from opposite sex.

People have different priorities in life and what makes them feel fulfilled. One can be interested in spirituality, social work, career, hobbies etc.

I do not see Mamata Bannerjee, Mayawati, Ratan Tata, Yogi Adityanath, Modi, ML Khattar, Lata Mangeshkar, Asha Parekh, Sakshi Tanwar, Ekta Kapoor etc as desperate or lonely.

To each their own. I have seen plenty of women abused even in old age or suffer at hands of husband, in laws, kids, grandkids. And plenty of men and women happy with own work, spirituality or social work or whatever else they liked.

Cannot generalise. Nor does every spouse 'love' their spouse. Most just tolerate each other out of social compulsion.

Getting used to each other or tolerating each other is not love.

Those who are genuinely in love with someone or are desperate, cannot live on theit own, have no other interest or career or purpose in life, or no good family or friends, or have uncontrollable lust can feel free to do whatever they want but better not generalise or make sweeping claims like 'everyone desires to be loved'.

And lastly, as I said earlier, your spouse can also die or leave you. So why take it as guarantee that spouse is gonna be around forever to love you till your death?

I have seen nieces and nephews also take care of their aunts and also seen so called biological kids dump their ageing or dying moms and not taking care of them or widows rotting alone. So again, we cannot generalise or hope only marriage and kids give security, love or company or fulfilment in old age.

Originally posted by: atominis

Lulz. I spoke from what I saw around me.

It is not always a spouse who makes you feel loved or cared for.

There are siblings, nephews, nieces, friends and kids you can adopt or have through IVF surrogacy as well.

Also not everyone is desperate for sex or attention from opposite sex.

People have different priorities in life and what makes them feel fulfilled. One can be interested in spirituality, social work, career, hobbies etc.

I do not see Mamata Bannerjee, Mayawati, Ratan Tata, Yogi Adityanath, Modi, ML Khattar, Lata Mangeshkar, Asha Parekh, Sakshi Tanwar, Ekta Kapoor etc as desperate or lonely.

To each their own. I have seen plenty of women abused even in old age or suffer at hands of husband, in laws, kids, grandkids. And plenty of men and women happy with own work, spirituality or social work or whatever else they liked.

Cannot generalise. Nor does every spouse 'love' their spouse. Most just tolerate each other out of social compulsion.

Getting used to each other or tolerating each other is not love.

Those who are genuinely in love with someone or are desperate, cannot live on theit own, have no other interest or career or purpose in life, or no good family or friends, or have uncontrollable lust can feel free to do whatever they want but better not generalise or make sweeping claims like 'everyone desires to be loved'.

And lastly, as I said earlier, your spouse can also die or leave you. So why take it as guarantee that spouse is gonna be around forever to love you till your death?

I have seen nieces and nephews also take care of their aunts and also seen so called biological kids dump their ageing or dying moms and not taking care of them or widows rotting alone. So again, we cannot generalise or hope only marriage and kids give security, love or company or fulfilment in old age.

I am also speaking from what I have observed. People tend to feel the most lonely in old age when all their children get married, move out and settle down in their lives. That's when a couple needs each other for emotional support. You can't get that same level of comfort from another person which a spouse can give.

Also when you come home from work after a long tiring day, wouldn't you want to have a family of your own you can go home to relax?

Are you telling me every human doesn't have emotional and sexual needs?