Hey guys, was just watching PKP yesterday and many of Kartik Aaryan's dialogues seemed so pertinent to Anuj, hence cooked up a version of Anuj's monologue if he would have been in his senses and actually ranted to Dheeraj instead of listening to his "Tu bhabi ko galat samajh raha hai, aakhir teri problem kya hai". Here goes,
PROBLEM???
Problem yeh hai ki woh MAA hai. aur kya problem hai
Problem yeh hai ki main chahta hoon ki meri life mein koi problem hi naa ho
Lekin agar meri life mein koi problem naa ho toh yeh uski life ki sabse badi problem hai…
And bull shit she is worried yaar
Usse toh celebrate karna chahiye
Because isn't this exactly what she wants
Seriously yaar aajkal jab bhi wo mooh kholti hai
Mann karta hai mooh mein kuch thuss doon
Trust me yaar 10 mahine mein I have had it all,
Sab dekh liya maine,
Abbe kaunsa pyaar, kaisi marriage, kaahe ki khushiyaan?
Marriage ka matlab hi yeh hota hai an end to your own happiness
Uske baad all you have to worry about is
Uski bacche, uske pseudo-parents
Uska ex, Uske ex ki biwi, uske ex ki biwi ka ex,
Uska new year jo kabhi mera bhi new year tha!
Iss MahaMaa ko naa koi khush nahi rakh sakta
A happy Anupamaa is a myth
Tu meri haalat ko hi dekh le
Saala jab tak shaadi nahi hui, tab tak bolti rahi
Anuj aap itna kyo pyaar karte hai mujhse,
Aap mere liye sabse important hai,
Aapke siwa is duniya me mera koi nahi hai
Jis din shaadi ho gayi
Uske baad, arrey, main to MAA hu ne
Maine to pehle hi kaha tha main apne baccho ko nahi chor sakti
Main baa bapuji ke bina kaise reh sakti hoon
Sab saala naa in kahaniyon ka dosh hai
Bloody Bollywood family drama
Pati ne affair kiya, patni ne divorce diya, usko naya pati mila, dono saath saath, film khatam
Iske baad ki story koi nahi batata
Iske baad ki kahaani main batata hoon
Iske baad Maa apne purani family se ko 2 din naa mile toh problem
Wahi padi rahe to ex family waale khud hi bol dete hai ki chep ho rahi ho
Itna bhi achcha nahi lagta
Saale panic attack khatam nahi hote inke
Pehle problem solve karne jaaye aaye, phir inki insult ho jaaye
Insult ke repercussions face karne ke chakkar me aur problems aaye.
Petrol aur auto fare me itna paisa lagaya hai ki itne me mahine ka kharcha nikal aaye
Ek toh jo problem solve karne jaayegi
Woh solve nahi karengi
Poora din dimag chategi Toshu bimar hai Toshu bimar hai
Waha jaake chai banayegi, sabka khana banayegi, Toshu ko dekhne ke alawa sab karegi
Aur phir wapas aake dimag chategi Toshu bimar hai Toshu bimar hai…
Office me kaam kar raha hoon
Phone aa jayega
Phone uthate hi bol deta hoon
Aaj main thoda busy hoon
Kitna mushkil hai ye baat samajhna?
Mere liye bijee ho gaye aap? 2 min baat nahi kar sakte?
Arrey 2 minute kar lunga to tujhe kya mil jaayega meri maa
Thik se to kar paunga nahi
Aur iske baad I love you bole bina phone kaata to naatak
Phir iska jawab unhe bhi do
Tumhare pass baat kyun nahi hai karne ko
You have lost interest in me
Tumhe Maaya ke saath hi picnic pe jana tha to mai wapas hi kyu aayi?
Arrey meri maa mujhe kya pata tu wapas kyu aayi, mujhe to laga tha phir ek mahina rukegi?
Jaake bhagwan baa se pooch naa
Tujhe main bata raha hoon
Uss ad mein naa woh kutta nahi kutiya hai
Seriously shart laga sakta hoon
Wherever you go, we follow
Tujhe kya lagta hai
Mujhe pata nahi tha main Mumbai jaa raha hoon galti se pahuch gaya?
Nahi mujhe pata tha
Main to pehle hi Mumbai jaana chahta tha
MahaMaa ke chakkar mein bolna pada kahin door jaa raha hoon
Nahi toh 10 sawaal puchti
Kyun jaa rahe ho
Mujhse pyaar karte ho ki nahi
Achcha tumhe pata bhi nahi mujhse pyaar karte ho ki nahi?
Seedhe seedhe kyun nahi bolte mujhse divorce lena chahte ho ?
Roz mera mazaak udaati hai duniya
Choti ke kamre me chup chaap baitha hua hoon
Log andar aake baith jaynge
Khana kha lijiye
Theek hai main bhi kha hi leta hoon
Iske baad ek ke baad ek demand shuru
I love you, Holi manani hai, Devika ki shadi karani hai, mere saath duet gaana hai
Abbe kaunse type ke dukh me lag rahi hai ye?
Ek bhi kaam ko mana kar de
Turant koi passive aggressive supporter aayega
Phir apna emotional outburst kar do
Toh 10 minutes mein main villain ban chuka honga
Anuj aap mujhse pyaar nahi karte
Ek din me Anuj khana kha lijiye se Anuj aap mujhse pyaar nahi karte.
And this is when there is not even a panic attack.
Ab pata chala ye Bapuji ko itne heart attack kyun aate hain
Aur yeh Mamaji itne khush kyun rehte hai ?
Because they don’t have a MAA or a BAA to screw their happiness naa
Log kehte hai naa behind every successful man, there is a woman
True.
But koi ye nahi bataata ki behind every unsuccessful man, also there is a woman
Aur yeh toh koi bhi bata sakta hai naa ki unsuccessful logo ki taadaat
Successful logon se kayi guna zyada hai is duniya mein
Saala mera new year ka plan barbad ho gaya
Keh raha hoon koi enjoyment ka mood nahi hai
Toh khaana nahi khaayegi
Phir bhookhi so jayegi
Arrey main keh raha hoon khalo toh dikkat
Kya karoon laughing gas soongh loon ?
Phir saale inhe manaao inhe khilaao
Inke baad khud ki bhookh toh waise hi mar jaati hai
Inn sab ke baad bhi insaan kisi tarah
Kone me jaake shaanti se baitha hua hai naa chup chaap
Ghadi ghadi
Kya soch rahe ho???
Kya soch rahe ho???
Kya soch rahe ho???
Arrey kuch nahi soch raha meri maa
Yeh soch raha hoon tera mooh kaise band karoon
Kya soch raha hoon
Camera laga doon dimag mein
Iss sab ke baad
Anuj, aap mujhse pyaar karte hai na
Hamara rishta to hai na
Mujhpe bharosa to hai na
And main tujhe bata raha hoon
You cannot give silent treatment to a MAA
Because for others its silent treatment
But silent treatment to a MAA is wanting to take a break
Aur break mein toh tu boss unn se jeet hi nahi sakta
Because meri ek basic need hai
To get some mental peace
MAA ko koi farak nahi padta
Peace jaisi bekaar si cheez ki wajah se woh break kaise de de?
Ek toh kisi situation me mujhe support karne wala koi hoga hi nahi
Har koi support karega MAA ko
Yahaan kam se kam socha dost to saath denge lekin aise kaise?
MAA to bechari hai
Yaha apna koi agenda nahi
To MAA ko hi support karege
Kitni hi baar unki help kyo na ki ho
Tu kabhi try kar liyo kisi ko help karne ke baad support expect karne ki
Tujhe lag hi raha hoga ki apne tired face aur mental trauma se tu apne liye support haasil kar lega
Lekin tabhi ek awaaz aayegi
Tumhari himmat kaise hui?
Tune dhyaan bhi nahi diya hoga
Lekin ek chudail type ki awaz wali aurat tumhare sar pe baithi hogi
And suddenly , the whole argument will flush down the gutter
Aur mudda ye reh jaayega ki
Tumhari himmat kaise hui Anupamaa pe ilzam lagane ki?
Kisne banaya yeh rule
Kisne ?
Saala woh beech argument mein tumhe cheater, r*pist, greedy, womanizer se compare kare toh koi dikkat nahi
Lekin tum sirf unko sorry bolne se mana kar do
Saara mudda khatam
Wo sahi tum galat
Shaadi se pehle woh nagin been kyun bajta hai, haan
Kyun ki band wala bhi tumhe chetawani de raha hota hai ki kaun aa raha hai tumhari zindagi mein
Sirf Rakhi dave ka hi signature tune nahi hai woh
Ab yeh bata woh kya karne aayi thi tere paas yahaan
Same cheez main karoon toh
Maaya ko call karke apni problems ginaau toh
Kahegi, achcha tumne maaya ko call kiya
Hmm hmm
Tum unki sympathy gain karna chahte ho ?
Why don’t you go and sleep with her?
It’s ridiculous yaar!!!
Udne Ki Aasha
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