papaG & yuvi: adult child-parent conflict; am my own person - Page 7

Originally posted by: Shalzie

PapaG has to accept that Yuvi is his own person, and simply let him be.

Yuvi has to stop caring about what others think of him and simply live on his terms. Any person would suffocate under so much criticism and lack of appreciation.

You know M....I didn't comment on your conflict thread because I didn't want to deep dive in that subject. The simple truth is that our parents shape our lives through the way they bring us up. Most of the time, they are figuring things out themselves and end up messing up the children through their own mistakes.

I believe that true love of any sort requires space and acceptance. How is it love if we do not see the person for who they really are and keep on wanting to change the object of our love? The burden of expectations becomes too heavy for any individual's shoulders....comes a point where that person will rebel. We see this happening with Yuvi.

In respect of the future, it is only uncertainty which drives a person's worry. People build up scenarios in their minds, which rarely match with the actual reality. PapaG needs to have faith that everything will be fine. Even if Yuvi sinks the business,it will be Yuvi's business to sink at that point in time. Why give something and then retain control? Parents think that their children don't know better than them, and they are always trying to protect them in their own way. But life doesn't work like this. So, to summarise, PapaG needs to take a step back and let Yuvi breathe, live, make his own mistakes, fall and them get back up.

ooh, love what you wrote there -- how much of our fears are driven by uncertainty. letting go and having faith that things will work out on its own can be tough to do. some people are naturally optimistic. however, some learn to be more measured in their hope and optimism due to experiencing turmoil. we don't know whether papaG inherited his wealth or whether it is something he built himself. am guessing that he may be self-made which would make it harder to give up control. it would definitely be easier if parents in real life learn to let their children fall. however, it is probably hard to do?

Thanks for tag and another thought provoking post

PapaG is missing aaditya more after he sees katha closely for the person she is for the mother she is and the way she has fought for her sons life all alone and respects him even after he insulted her.Somewhere that guilt is there he was too late to accept katha as his DIL.

Now after watching katha and aarav as a family unit he somewhere feels lil bit competetive to be best as the head of his family and after Yuvraj drunk episode in prescence of katha made him realise he failed somewhere. He has accepted Yuvraj mi8 not be able to handle his business after him and once you accept failure the anxiety for future doubles .now he misses aaditya more n thinks katha mi8 handle his business better .so after aaditya now he finds that trust in katha .(as soft corner for aaditya is already there).he doesn't understand katha is successful as an architect but may fail in his hotel business.

Evenif Katha wasn't in the picture he still didn't have much hope from yuvraj as we saw earlier he didn't approve of some of his business decisions.

So papags expectations from Yuvraj are never going to be met as he fails to accept yuvraj is not aaditya and he needs to stop comparing his two children especially stop comparing his alive son to the one who is no more.

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

ooh, love what you wrote there -- how much of our fears are driven by uncertainty. letting go and having faith that things will work out on its own can be tough to do. some people are naturally optimistic. however, some learn to be more measured in their hope and optimism due to experiencing turmoil. we don't know whether papaG inherited his wealth or whether it is something he built himself. am guessing that he may be self-made which would make it harder to give up control. it would definitely be easier if parents in real life learn to let their children fall. however, it is probably hard to do?

M, I had an easy life until I did not have an easy life. I am a control freak by nature. Luckily or unluckily, life has taught me that nothing is really within my control. Try as I may, life has its own will and plan. People who hold on too tightly should expect the string to break. PapaG's strong hold on Yuvi is breaking. We don't know his past but we know his present. He is rigid in his thoughts and actions. Unfortunately, like in most households, it is the role of the wife/mother to bring balance. Here Katha had to remind MamaG of her role. I find it unfair that so many burdens are placed on women.

I watched DDLJ when I was very young. Farida Jalal told Kajol that men are weak. All movies were telling us that men are basically supermen but here comes a romantic movie where the mother tells the daughter that men are weak. It took me many many years to understand this. We cannot generalise but from observation, I will say yes that most men are weak. PapaG is incapable of seeing his own flaws and mistakes by himself. Someone always has to show him the mirror. He has already lost one son, and is doing a very successful job of losing the other one. Yuvi's main weakness is that he wants to please everyone, and requires the validation of his loved ones. He's not receiving either, and this is breaking him on the inside and creating a negative image of himself in his mind. He does not love Meera but he requires her praise. Cheating is never justified but this is what Yuvi requires at this point to push him over the edge. He needs to fall to lose everything, and finally get up to face the music.

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

we continued to have some interesting scenes this week but I was sick with flu and so no energy to really post. but wanted to post some thoughts even if a bit late.

did anyone else wonder why the toy happened to be monkey?

right when we see it, along with papaG, we also assume that it belonged to aditya and now, it will go to aarav. instead, it turned out to be yuvi's old toy and somehow papaG had mixed up his memories. all his good memories he associates with aditya, his favoured son, and he has forgotten the fun he had with yuviraj.

at the same time, aarav's nickname is monkey -- was that something she gave or aditya? why monkey?

in friday's episode, we get mamaG trying yet again to gently tell papaG that he can't expect yuvi to behave a certain way. papaG and aditya were very alike and so they processed and executed things in a similar fashion. yuvi has his own way of doing things. as mamaG says, just different but not wrong. but then papaG reveals that he is very anxious about the future and what will happen to yuvi after his time -- mamaG is not able to say anything.

as I was thinking this weekend, I wondered how much of our conflicts in family arise out of anxiety and worry over the future. a friend is wading through the arranged marriage market for her daughter and she was laughing that it is chaos at home -- the parents (she and her husband are worried), the grandparents (in-laws) are worried and then you have the daughter who is also worried.

so how do we react when we are anxious about the future? do we get hyper critical and blame? do we find fault in everything? in our frustration, do we make things worse?

yuvi is voicing out his frustration more and more because it seems nothing he does meets his father's approval. is there anything he can do to lessen papaG's anxiety? or is anxiety something papaG has to figure out how to deal as a parent? what do folks think?

First of all, thanks for the tag...

I think the makers are going to show some connection between the monkey and aarav... And maybe PapaG is looking for aditya there too hence he thought the toy was his as his son is nicknamed monkey... But he was a bit surprised when MamaG told him the toy was of yuvraj.

It's not that yuvraj is irresponsible or doesn't think at all... But, feels like he has given up any hopes for anyone getting pleased by him or his actions. Yes he is different from aditya, maybe he learns things by experiencing and not by what's told him... And when PapaG doesn't see what he has told him happening, he just concludes yuvraj to be irresponsible...

Now PapaG thinks that he is going to be father for 3rd time and doesn't give time to reet but only yuvraj knows how things are between him and reet and reet herself doesn't want him around or when she does, just to let out her frustration and insecurity... Now why would he want to be there, besides he knows that she will make out the most of everything when she will need, so, he is somewhat worry free for her.

Yuvraj attends meetings, he did that vendor thing which was not liked by PapaG but maybe when the company suffered loss he might have understood, but instead of giving him any chance, PapaG wants him to follow what he says and yuvraj is not that person... So, I think till PapaG is in business, maybe he should give more power of decision making in company matter to him and instead of just scolding him, maybe correct what goes wrong... Because, yuvraj might learn that way only...

But I'm also worried of Meera, the way she was sugar coating her words, maybe she will not let yuvraj out any soon and this is problematic because now that MamaG and katha are determined to bring back everyone together, when yuvraj won't even listen or try to understand what the family wants for him, how he will accept them... And meera might feed wrong things to him which he will accept, but, again... He will get betrayed or maybe realise true intention of meera that she is after his money, he will take that as a learning and follow it lifetime.

Parents worrying over their kid's future, and scolding them for their failures or inabilities is so common. Especially if the parents have different types of kids, one a lot smarter and the other one not so smart, the comparison and Conflicts starts between parents and kids.

Generally parents never wish ill for their kids even if they have issues. But when the parent is like Mr.Garewal here, it's quite hard to understand them and get their approval or appreciation in anything. Since Mr.Garewal seems to be too adamant in his nature and it takes Mrs.Garewal's insistent words to bring some sense into his thick head.

I'm glad that she is still trying to put some sense into him. Fathers can be a bit one sided, like unintentionally that is. They can't be that perceptive as mothers are when it comes to their grown children. The gap especially between a son and father is always filled by the mother.

The kids can try to earn the love and approval, but eventually they lose the motivation due to various scenarios.

Fathers might realise pretty late, when the damage has been done. What the fathers can do is, instead of seeing them as a parent, they should put themselves in their shoes as a son and think.

I feel for Yuvraj. He is just lost, due to his father and wife, who never gave him his due respect and appreciation. He needs some love, appreciation and right guidance.

Originally posted by: Prateeksha19

Thanks for tag and another thought provoking post

PapaG is missing aaditya more after he sees katha closely for the person she is for the mother she is and the way she has fought for her sons life all alone and respects him even after he insulted her.Somewhere that guilt is there he was too late to accept katha as his DIL.

Now after watching katha and aarav as a family unit he somewhere feels lil bit competetive to be best as the head of his family and after Yuvraj drunk episode in prescence of katha made him realise he failed somewhere. He has accepted Yuvraj mi8 not be able to handle his business after him and once you accept failure the anxiety for future doubles .now he misses aaditya more n thinks katha mi8 handle his business better .so after aaditya now he finds that trust in katha .(as soft corner for aaditya is already there).he doesn't understand katha is successful as an architect but may fail in his hotel business.

Evenif Katha wasn't in the picture he still didn't have much hope from yuvraj as we saw earlier he didn't approve of some of his business decisions.

So papags expectations from Yuvraj are never going to be met as he fails to accept yuvraj is not aaditya and he needs to stop comparing his two children especially stop comparing his alive son to the one who is no more.

that is a great point -- think many of us have missed that. I just assumed that him wanting katha to take over is typical ITV madness but didn't relate to him missing aditya. unlike mamaG, he didn't really process aditya's death in healthy manner and so is going through the grief process very delayed. so it adds to the conflict with yuvi.

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

I like your optimism. 😆

however, it looks like this isn't one of those conflicts that gets magically resolved with one lecture and so am curious to see where they are going with this.

Conflicts can not be resolved in a single lecture and there is no magic wand that you just make the conflicts vanish away in a moment.

PapaG has to accept that each individual is unique and no one is wrong or right. For that he has to accept that he can not set targets for Yuvi and Yuvi has to achieve those targets. Yuvi should be let loose to take his own decisions, work things on his own way and learn from his failures and success. Yuvi also should be ready to come out of PapaG's shadow and do things on his own and take responsibility of his failures and success.

having said, it is not very easy task.And MamaG and Reet has to play active role in this. Here we can not expect Reet to act wisely so soon.

So it is a two way process, involving the whole family. Hope the makers take it up and execute it right

Originally posted by: Shalzie

M, I had an easy life until I did not have an easy life. I am a control freak by nature. Luckily or unluckily, life has taught me that nothing is really within my control. Try as I may, life has its own will and plan. People who hold on too tightly should expect the string to break. PapaG's strong hold on Yuvi is breaking. We don't know his past but we know his present. He is rigid in his thoughts and actions. Unfortunately, like in most households, it is the role of the wife/mother to bring balance. Here Katha had to remind MamaG of her role. I find it unfair that so many burdens are placed on women.

I watched DDLJ when I was very young. Farida Jalal told Kajol that men are weak. All movies were telling us that men are basically supermen but here comes a romantic movie where the mother tells the daughter that men are weak. It took me many many years to understand this. We cannot generalise but from observation, I will say yes that most men are weak. PapaG is incapable of seeing his own flaws and mistakes by himself. Someone always has to show him the mirror. He has already lost one son, and is doing a very successful job of losing the other one. Yuvi's main weakness is that he wants to please everyone, and requires the validation of his loved ones. He's not receiving either, and this is breaking him on the inside and creating a negative image of himself in his mind. He does not love Meera but he requires her praise. Cheating is never justified but this is what Yuvi requires at this point to push him over the edge. He needs to fall to lose everything, and finally get up to face the music.

shalzie, I can relate because I have experienced something similar. we were settled and then we weren't and it has been one roller coaster after another. I think thats why I was suddenly struck by friday's episode -- there was nothing very filmi or dramatic about it but just the normal usual stuff of a father telling the mother about how anxious he is about the future.

definitely that type of anxiety has caused lots of chaos in my own family as every member has been caught in worry at one point or another. when I think about it, so many flare ups occured with anxiety at the root. as silly as it sounds, watching a serial like this makes you reflect and then process things you have put aside or forgotten. maybe thats why I end up writing essays on this family. the conflicts are so relatable one way or another.

like you said, learning that nothing is within our control and life has its own will and plan -- that is such a difficult and bitter lesson to learn. it isn't easy at all to trust God has a plan and things will sort itself out in the end. so in our frustration and worry, we end up taking things out on those around us.

I do really like the role of mamaG and what I appreciate about the drama is that they are allowing mamaG to do the work. this means we are getting very relatable parent chat that feels close to life. in other dramas, the FL would give lecture and magically everyone would have a change of heart. here, we are actually seeing a mom do the hard work and this means we have very open and honest chat between husband and wife. something we don't see in other dramas because the drama is too focused on making FL mahaann and superwoman.

Originally posted by: wrongturn722

First of all, thanks for the tag...

I think the makers are going to show some connection between the monkey and aarav... And maybe PapaG is looking for aditya there too hence he thought the toy was his as his son is nicknamed monkey... But he was a bit surprised when MamaG told him the toy was of yuvraj.

It's not that yuvraj is irresponsible or doesn't think at all... But, feels like he has given up any hopes for anyone getting pleased by him or his actions. Yes he is different from aditya, maybe he learns things by experiencing and not by what's told him... And when PapaG doesn't see what he has told him happening, he just concludes yuvraj to be irresponsible...

Now PapaG thinks that he is going to be father for 3rd time and doesn't give time to reet but only yuvraj knows how things are between him and reet and reet herself doesn't want him around or when she does, just to let out her frustration and insecurity... Now why would he want to be there, besides he knows that she will make out the most of everything when she will need, so, he is somewhat worry free for her.

Yuvraj attends meetings, he did that vendor thing which was not liked by PapaG but maybe when the company suffered loss he might have understood, but instead of giving him any chance, PapaG wants him to follow what he says and yuvraj is not that person... So, I think till PapaG is in business, maybe he should give more power of decision making in company matter to him and instead of just scolding him, maybe correct what goes wrong... Because, yuvraj might learn that way only...

But I'm also worried of Meera, the way she was sugar coating her words, maybe she will not let yuvraj out any soon and this is problematic because now that MamaG and katha are determined to bring back everyone together, when yuvraj won't even listen or try to understand what the family wants for him, how he will accept them... And meera might feed wrong things to him which he will accept, but, again... He will get betrayed or maybe realise true intention of meera that she is after his money, he will take that as a learning and follow it lifetime.

that is a great point about how we all have different styles of learning and that affects how we execute and make decisions. like you said, papaG needs to decide who is going to be deciding authority. right now, he won't give up on making decisions but at the same time, he wants yuvi to make decisions just like him himself. papaG is micromanagine to the core and any person who works under a micromanager end up suffering immensely from stress. like you said, until yuvraj is able to make his own decisions, then he will be able to have conversations on what is working and what doesn't and figure out a style of management that works for him.

meera is supposed to be negative I believe -- so it looks like rather than a short arc, she is going to stick her claws in and create all sorts of problems later. so yes, a difficult lesson that yuvi has to learn; be careful where you seek comfort after a tough day.

Originally posted by: mango.falooda

that is a great point -- think many of us have missed that. I just assumed that him wanting katha to take over is typical ITV madness but didn't relate to him missing aditya. unlike mamaG, he didn't really process aditya's death in healthy manner and so is going through the grief process very delayed. so it adds to the conflict with yuvi.