Is it possible to love adopted kid as own?

We all can see and know Anupamaa doesn't love CA as her own. It's obviously she is just faking now in front of Anuj and to show that she is great mother etc.

But honestly speaking, after having 3 biological kids, is it possible to love an adopted kid as our own ? She has enough drama and stress with 3 of them and now added responsibilities of a young kid.

I always thought when I was young, I will have 1 biological kid and will adopt other one. But after having my 1st own I know I can't adopt. I probably won't do justice to adopted kid. It will be unfair on adopted one.

Anuj just got married and in HM decides he wants to adopt. He did all the emo stuff and was so much wanting to adopt. Ofcourse Anupamaa should have said no(Devika advised her the same) but she agreed.

Isn't it unfair from Anuj to expect Anupamaa to love CA. Love is feeling it can't be forced on. She already was a mother and didn't had that urge to be a mom again. It was Anuj who wanted to be a parent.

She should have been honest with Anuj about the adoption, and even after that Anuj wanted to adopt he should be responsible for primary caregiver.

If she didn’t want to adopt, she should have said something to Anuj, talked it over more, had him understand better. We all saw on our screen she did none of this. For the most part, Anuj helps with his daughter’s responsibilities. Choti Anu is pretty resourceful full herself and manages. Anuj isn’t asking his wife to change her diaper, spoon feeds her, all he is asking is please pay attention to her or else she will forget her as her mother. If she is tired, it is because she over did by taking on the responsibility of her grown batimaaz kids.

As for loving an adopted kid, yes, you can love adopted kids as much as you love your bio kids. Countless parents love their bio and adopted kids the same and treated them the same. My late khala was orphan who my grandparents adopted in 1947 before they had their own kids. My grandparents didn’t stop loving my Khala once my mom and her two siblings were born.

It depends. Some people do love their adopted kid as much as their biological kid. Though such people are very rare. I had difficulties conceiving, so at one point in time, I decided to adopt. But, as I was scared of not doing justice to the adopted child, I dropped the idea. Now, I have my own kid, and I know I made the right choice as I can not love anyone or anything more than my kid. But, many people can do justice to their adopted kids.

MAA should have at least requested Anuj that he gives her a minimum of 6 months to think about adoption. Adopting a kid is not buying a dress. You need to think maturely before taking such a step. As much as Anuj was wrong in coercing her to adopt, she was also wrong to not refuse.

There is a classic example of Mithun Chakraborty (reference as he is also Madalsa's FIL)

He had 3 sons already and then adopted Dishani. Atleast in exterior appearance, its obvious that the entire family loves her as much as the blood relations, maybe even more. Even the brothers have been known to be extremely attached to her.

There are many speculations to the real reason of this, prime ones being that Mithun always wanted a daughter but had 3 sons instead, or that she acted as a bridge to fix his marriage with Yogeeta after his EMA and breakup with Sridevi, or that he connected with Dishani's story instantly after her being found in a garbage dump.

Whatever might be the case, she is a very public example of people capable of loving adopted kids as their own.

There is also a flip example of a popular celebrity couple (I will not name them to avoid offending their fans) who adopted when they were childless and used the term adoption publicly multiple times, but conveniently use the word fostering now after they had a kid of their own. So that conversely concludes that blood is thicker than water.

FYI my assumptions are all that is known about any of the above people to the public eye. I don't know any of them personally so can comment if the realities are different.

Also my comment has no relevance to the show Anupamaa, except that its about the family of one of the cast members. The track in the show is being set up to foreshadow that CA will be as sacrificing as Anupamaa and is written by fiction writers and should not be assumed to be a representation of actual human behavior

If you ask me I'd reply yes it is possible in real life. Have seen many close examples like that. I would say though that it depends on one's perspective and circumstances too. Coming to the show I always say that Anuj shouldn't have asked her about adopting so soon after marriage. It was wrong and dumb to do. Now coming to the question if he should expect her to love the child as much as she loves her other kids then here is what I feel. This point should have been thought well and discussed by the couple before even considering adoption or going to the orphanage to pick up the kid. No discussion was shown about this or parenting at this age or even providing a stable home for the child. They simply thought chalo let's adopt and went ahead as if buying a toy from the shop. She didn't even let her biological kids know about the adoption and sprung the child suddenly making the vulnerable child face a hostile environment. Now that event honestly makes me wonder if she really cares about the feelings of her biological kids too. Anyways back to the point, she accepted Anuj's proposal of adopting the child with a clear mind. She is an adult and wasn't under the influence of any drugs when she said ok for adoption. So as a responsible adult, she should stick to her decision. She can say Anuj emotionally coerced her to adopt but that cannot be proved and she keeps declaring she loves the kid every now and then when it's for her convenience. So she honestly comes across as a hypocrite to me. If she really feels she cannot or doesn't love the kid why keep those loud claims? If she does say she cannot love the kid openly to Anuj then I would say him expecting is completely wrong but she keep declaring her love and then her actions show something totally different.

I think we should not discuss about what anupama feels because its a fictional character, not a real person with whom we can talk to or guess whats going in her mind. So inspite of feeling that anupama doesn't care for CA, we have to go by what makers have established by dialogues many times that anupama has adopted CA with consent and she loves her equally like her own.

Now coming to reality, I also thought that I will have one child of my own and adopt another but still haven't come to terms to have one of my own because i feel its too much of responsibility so adopting another is out of question right now. But yes I am sure if ever i decided to adopt, i will not differentiate between two. I dont how, but i just know it in my heart.

I can understand people find difficult to love another's child as their own but i have seen it in my family, more than one couple have went for adoption and things turned out really beautiful for them. One couple even had their biological child after adoption but they never differentiate between the two, the adopted child still doesn't know about the reality and he has no complaints. Ideally they should have told him about his adoption but they are of the opinion that if he doesn't feel like a stranger in our family then why we should put that thought in his mind.

And now coming back to the show whether it was unfair of anuj to expect anupama to love CA as much as her children...well this question has been discussed multiple times in yhe forum and i respect and understand all POVs but in my opinion, CA was not forced on anupama. She thought about it, evaluated her situation and then both of them mutually decided to adopt. Yes, anuj's sadness must have played an important role in anupama's decision but ain't she a people pleaser? She can't blame others if she take any decision because of her nature. And more than love here, its the question of responsibility. Anupama may love CA a little less but it doesn't mean she should ignore her responsibilities towards her.

Originally posted by: Bechain_Bulbul

I think we should not discuss about what anupama feels because its a fictional character, not a real person with whom we can talk to or guess whats going in her mind. So inspite of feeling that anupama doesn't care for CA, we have to go by what makers have established by dialogues many times that anupama has adopted CA with consent and she loves her equally like her own.

Now coming to reality, I also thought that I will have one child of my own and adopt another but still haven't come to terms to have one of my own because i feel its too much of responsibility so adopting another is out of question right now. But yes I am sure if ever i decided to adopt, i will not differentiate between two. I dont how, but i just know it in my heart.

I can understand people find difficult to love another's child as their own but i have seen it in my family, more than one couple have went for adoption and things turned out really beautiful for them. One couple even had their biological child after adoption but they never differentiate between the two, the adopted child still doesn't know about the reality and he has no complaints. Ideally they should have told him about his adoption but they are of the opinion that if he doesn't feel like a stranger in our family then why we should put that thought in his mind.

And now coming back to the show whether it was unfair of anuj to expect anupama to love CA as much as her children...well this question has been discussed multiple times in yhe forum and i respect and understand all POVs but in my opinion, CA was not forced on anupama. She thought about it, evaluated her situation and then both of them mutually decided to adopt. Yes, anuj's sadness must have played an important role in anupama's decision but ain't she a people pleaser? She can't blame others if she take any decision because of her nature. And more than love here, its the question of responsibility. Anupama may love CA a little less but it doesn't mean she should ignore her responsibilities towards her.

If the writers look beyond the merry-go-round drama, then they can shed some light on these issues too.

Originally posted by: Moongdal

We all can see and know Anupamaa doesn't love CA as her own. It's obviously she is just faking now in front of Anuj and to show that she is great mother etc.

But honestly speaking, after having 3 biological kids, is it possible to love an adopted kid as our own ? She has enough drama and stress with 3 of them and now added responsibilities of a young kid.

I always thought when I was young, I will have 1 biological kid and will adopt other one. But after having my 1st own I know I can't adopt. I probably won't do justice to adopted kid. It will be unfair on adopted one.

Anuj just got married and in HM decides he wants to adopt. He did all the emo stuff and was so much wanting to adopt. Ofcourse Anupamaa should have said no(Devika advised her the same) but she agreed.

Isn't it unfair from Anuj to expect Anupamaa to love CA. Love is feeling it can't be forced on. She already was a mother and didn't had that urge to be a mom again. It was Anuj who wanted to be a parent.

She should have been honest with Anuj about the adoption, and even after that Anuj wanted to adopt he should be responsible for primary caregiver.

1) There is a MILLION real life example of adopted kids being loved and cared for by foster and adopted parents and even more than their own kids. This is where serials like these harm the psyche, because it gives these regressive impressions which is NOT based on real life.

2) A kid is not a toy. You cannot change your mind after adopting and throw away the kid or not give attention. In most countries this counts as abuse and the parent will be thrown in JAIL. All the excuses in the world about love being forced will not count with a judge

3) And the saddest thing is none of these posts ever think of what the kid is going through. This post is feeling sympathetic for a pampered middled aged women. But absolutely no feelings for what a 7 year old orphan kid is going through. Imagine an orphan child dreaming everyday of having parents. Then happy that she is adopted. Then being neglected and abused by the women she calls mom

I believe such posts are straight up unempathetic and sociopathic. A normal person will always feel empathy towards an abused and neglected 7 year old orphan and not a pampered middle aged selfish women who neglects a child she adopted.

I will mostly end up remaining single and go for adoption. I don’t know why but I have never understood the saying “blood is thicker than water”. For me any relationship is based on trust and care. One of my classmate was adopted but he never felt that his parents do not love him. I believe a child is a child, doesn’t matter who gave birth. Also, the thought that parents love their kids because they are their offspring makes me question what if they find out that the child is not their own? Will they stop loving the child?

I totally agree. Anupamaa should have talked to Anuj about adoption. She clearly was not 100% in for it.

The prob with show is they don't show people talking things out,they just shout , yell and then later apologize and with Anuj Anupamma do some cringe song and dance.

Adopting first and then having own is different. You already have developed a bond.

I am not saying u can't love adopted kid. But not everyone can do it.