She lifted the morsel to his mouth. Emotionally too exhausted to resist, he quietly had it. One after the other - she kept feeding and he kept eating like an obedient child.
"What is it?" she asked when he held her hand that was about to put yet another morsel in his mouth.
"Did you eat?"
Oh, so it was that! She gave him a nod. "What did you think? I was going to abandon food and sleep because of you? In your dreams, Khadoos! I ate and I ate a lot. Now stop thinking about stupid things and just eat, okay?"
A part of him was relieved that she had not skipped her meals.
"Appu… Appu Bala, thodasa khaun ghe na. Sakal pasun kahich khalla nahi -" Sarika's words died in the air as she reached the open door of Apurva’s room and her eyes caught the sight in her room. "Shashank," she murmured, giving him a small smile. She was quick to realize that she needed to leave and she did so, wordlessly.
Atti pan na! Apurva turned her head aside, shutting her eyes. She had been so awfully exposed that she had no idea how to escape his confronting gaze that she was sure was glaring at her at the moment.
She tried her hardest to come up with an excuse but her brain seemed too blank to think of anything.
Her chain of thoughts broke when she felt him squeezing her hand.
Now he will taunt me. She braced herself to get embarrassed at her lie that had just made her fall flat on her face in front of him.
She inhaled a deep breath before she turned to him and opened her mouth to start with her defense before he could start with his taunts but sat, absolutely taken aback, when he put a spoonful of rice mixed with sabzi in her mouth.
Her widened eyes stared at him who just gave her a small smile and spoke not a single word but chose to quietly continue feeding her while she sat too stunned to form a response.
Neither did he utter a word nor did she let anything escape her lips. The duo ate in silence, comforting their agonized hearts with the balm of each other's company.
*
Don't you dare let anything make you weak. Don't you dare forget how he trusted Netra Tai over you. Don't you dare let anything make you forget all that he said to you. She chanted in mind while returning to her room after sneaking some alone time with the excuse of keeping the plate in the kitchen.
She warned her heart not to melt no matter what words he would come up with to pacify her but the moment she reached the door of her room, all of the warnings that she had given to her heart went in vain.
As she peeked inside and her eyes took in his sleeping form, she did not know why her heart let out a silent sob. She pressed her palm against the wall to her right, taking a moment to contain the heaviness in her heart.
She took off her slippers, carefully pushed them to a corner near the door, and her bare feet stepped inside. She closed the door, not allowing anything to disturb his sleep.
Though she had warned Anjali just minutes ago to stay away from her room till her husband was there, she knew her mother enough to know that she couldn't trust her.
She walked up to the bed and pulled the comforter over him till his chest. Carefully sitting on the bed beside him, she quietly watched him.
His calm and even breathing pace brought an instant relaxation to her distressed self. Leaning her head against the headrest, her gaze did not avert from him even for a microsecond.
She wondered if he hadn't slept at all in the past three days. The mere thought of it had her draw her knees to her chest and wrap her hands around them.
Where had life brought them?
She could see what her withdrawal had done to him and she would hate to admit that seeing him so emotionally vulnerable almost made her regret making the decision that she had made.
The tormenting torture of watching him suffering stayed so intense that even the memories of the ugly words that he had uttered for her couldn't bring her to restore her anger.
Khadoos. A teardrop rolled down her cheek as she shut her eyes.
*
"Apurva…" he murmured, shifting aside her hair strands from his forehead. Realizing that she had fallen asleep with her head resting on his, he contemplated how to get up, knowing that even a slight move by him and she would wake up.
His finger naturally went to adjust his glasses but landed on his nose instead. He pressed his finger a couple of times on his nose and eyes just to confirm that he indeed did not have his specs on.
He clearly remembered not taking them off before he fell asleep. Where did his glasses go?
He grabbed a pillow and carefully lifted her head from his own to place it on the pillow. He did not remember when he was that careful last apart from while working in his laboratory.
Hush. He let out a sigh of relief when he could successfully lay her down without disturbing her sleep.
While he was covering her with the comforter, he caught the sight of his glasses on the table beside the bed. Beside her.
Ratri zoplyavar chashma kadh mhanun sangayla baykoch lagte.
Mrs. Shashank Kanitkar! Resisting the smile that crept over his lips was beyond him.
Only if he hadn't been as blind as he had been to her innocence, things would have been so different today. So different.
He hastily got down from the bed when he glanced at the clock striking 1 a.m. Picking his specs from the table, he put them on.
It was late. He needed to leave but his heart refused to leave without taking her and she… wasn't going to come, he had to come to understand.
You hate me, don't you?
I shouldn't?
"Is your vision better?"
Her voice stole his attention, pulling him out of the miserable land that he was roaming on. He gave her a nod but couldn't summon the courage to turn to look at her.
"I will talk to Dada-Kaka," she said when his silence lengthened.
"You don't feel that I deserve what I am getting?"
She pushed the comforter off her body and pushed her feet down to the floor. "I have no answer to that question but what I know is that you love your family and cannot stand their silence and indifference." Just precisely how I could not stand your silence and indifference.
His phone slipped from his hands as if he heard her unsaid words and they went slashing through his heart.
A step. Another step. Yet another step. He dragged himself backward till he knew that he reached her.
Before she could even understand what he was up to, she watched him turn toward her, take her hands in his and kneel in front of her.
Too quick to let her react.
Too quick to let her resist.
Too quick to let her… push her husband away or pull herself away.
Her unblinking stare at his head that was hung in front of her continued till his hold on her hands unusually tightened.
"Apurva, I know I messed up. I know I can't go back and take my words back. I know I can't but can you give me a chance? Do you want to give me a chance? Just one. Just one chance to let me show you that I… am sorry. Just one chance to let me show you that I… don't love, Netra… I never did and I never would. Just once chance to let me show you that this Khadoos…. needs, wants and desires his Shishta… for the rest of his life. Just one chance. I promise you that if I fail to convince you of my honesty…. I'll never trouble you again. Just one chance… please?"
"Let go of my hands," she said, firmly standing there until he withdrew his hold.
Everything ends here. He concluded as he rose to his feet, somehow holding together the broken pieces of his heart.
"I am sorry." Apologizing for the last time before leaving, he made his way toward the door to leave her alone. Like how she wanted him to. His heart ached to see that the mere presence of him had begun to suffocate her.
Perhaps, her anger wouldn't have hurt as much as her silent indifference did.
You asked for it. You made her who she is. You. Nobody else but you. He recalled every single word that he had uttered to and for her, swallowing those venomous words and letting them slowly kill that Khadoos in him that she had brought to life. Shishta's Khadoos.
"Okay."
Her voice held him rooted in his place. Okay? Did she just say okay? Nah, his ears must be playing a prank on him. He was definitely hallucinating, he was sure. "Did you… say something?" He still summoned courage to ask.
Did he really not hear or was he just trying to get her to repeat herself? Annoyed, she stomped her foot before charging toward him. Pulling his hand, she turned him around and grabbed his collar.
"You… you will just stay a Khadoos forever, no?" She pulled him my his collar while he stood too dumbstruck to react. "You just want to make me say it again, don't you? Khadoos kuthla!"
While she went on with her ranting, he could just look at her. It had been quite a while since she had spoken in that usual bickering tone with him. In Shishta's tone that was specifically reserved for her Khadoos.
His lips had almost curled up when his eyes caught a rat on the floor. His right hand instinctively snaked around her back as he swiftly lifted her from the ground before the rat could touch her feet.
Her lips parted as her eyes stared at him in utter shock at what he had just done. He put her back on the floor beside him. While his eyes were busy looking for where the rat went, he did not realize that he had forgotten to take his hand off her skin that had slipped to her waist by then.
"I think it's gone," he muttered, turning toward her. Not realizing how close their faces were, the moment he shifted his face to look at her, his forehead hit hers. As their noses brushed against each other's, he was the first one to back off. That was when he realized where his hand was all along. "Sorry! There was… a rat." His finger went back to adjust his already adjusted glasses.
She uttered not a single word in response as she stood in a daze. Her senses seemed too dominated by the hypnotizing effect of that momentary intimacy that they had just shared.
Awkward, he couldn't bring himself to stand there for any longer. "I… I will call you!"
Those were the last words that she heard from him before he rushed out, leaving her to deal with the newfound desires of her heart that he had just evoked.
What just happened to me? She dragged herself to the bed and pulled a pillow on her lap. Why did my heart almost skip a beat when Khadoos's hand… She did not dare complete the line. Not even in her silent thoughts that she was having.
Stop it, Appu. Just stop it. You gotta stop watching those stupid romantic movies. He is not your hero. He never was and he will never be because his heroine is Netra Tai. The scolar, the all-rounder, the perfect Netra Tai. You are just an obstacle in their love that Khadoos will kick out after a year. He is doing all this apology and stuff because the whole family is upset with him… She forcibly kept reminding herself of the events that had taken place in the past few days. But… Khadoos did not look like he was lying today. His eyes… his eyes were saying that he was missing me. She brought the pillow to her heart, closing her eyes as she decided to take a break from her deciphering Khadoos and his words session.
---------
Unedited. Haven't proofread either. Please ignore the errors if you find any. I couldn't remember till which bit I had posted the last part so sorry if a paragraph or two got repeated.
PS: This is raw. First draft. Might change few bits here and there or rewrite as I edit.
Edited by IAdoreYou - 3 years ago
