The painful yet worthwhile Journey - Page 2

Welcome back, thanx for the update. ❤️

😭poor Raghvi.

Take care☯️

Hi, thanks for the update.

I hope you will continue with this and update soon 💜

Doctor came in and sat across the table in his seats with a file named Pallavi Rao in bold letters.

Doctor: Hello, I’m doctor Aseen Jay.

Amma: doctor. Mera beti teek haina. Usko koi problem nehi hai na?

Doctor: Relax Mrs Rao. Hum aap ko araam se explain karte hain. Mr. Rao. Pallavi ji ka miscarriage huva hai. Medical terms mein hum isse spontaneous abortion kehete hai. Unka bohot blood loss huva and BP drop huva hai jiske kaaran woh behosh huvi. Humne unhe kuch injections dhiye hai aur blood bhi chadayaa hai. Unko thod time mein hosh aaega. What you have to be careful is since it’s a miscarriage there is going to be more bleeding, with pain that could be extreme.

Amma held raghavs hand under the table trying to calm as she knows Raghav reacts unrealistic at times when pallavi gets in pain or trouble.

Raghav: doctor usko normaly bhi bohot zaada pain hota hai. Kabhi kabhi who pain ki wajese faint bhi hoti ti.

Doctor: Right. Iska matlab unhe dysmennoria hai. Isiliye humeaapse baat karni thi Mr.Rao. Since Mrs rao behosh hai, humeunki history jaani hai before we proceed further.

Proceed further got Raghav scared.

Raghav: Doctor pallavi ko kuch bada problem hai kya? Abhi aapne kaha dysme… kya hai?

Doctor: Mr Rao. Dysmenorrhea ek medical term hai jiska mathalab hai periods main normal se zaadha pain hona. Ye kuch logo ko hota hai.

Doctor drew diagrams explained them.

Doctor: Dhekiye. Har mahine egg release hoti hai, aur ladies kiuterus pregnancy liye ready hota hai. Uterus ke wall mein blood se ek protection layer jaisa hota hai. Jab egg fertilize nehi hota, woh egg release hota hai, saath mein uterus ka wall jo possible pregnancy ke ready huvaa wall contract hota hai. Jisko hum menstrual periods kehetai hai. Kuch logo ka ye contractionbohot zadha hota hai isilye bohot zaadha dhard hota hai.

Iski dho cheese hai, yaa toh ye pain umar ke saath kam hoti hai, ya kabhi kabhi baby ke baath nehi hoti. Aisa koi gurantee nehi hai. Aisa tab hoti hai jab primary dysmenorrhea ho toh.

Agar secondary hai, mathlab ye pain actually kisi aur underlying problem ki wajase hai, uske liye treat karna hoga.

In both cases we can treat this. Abb aate hai is miscarriage par. Kya dysmenorrhea can cause miscarriage? its is possible. Lekin most of the cases mein aisa isliye hota hai, kyunkii koi aur problem hai.

Doctor noticed Raghav and amma’s expression change into fear.

Doctor: please gabraaiye math. zaroori nehi hai ki koi problem ho. Hume wohi figure out karne ke liye Mrs. Rao kii kuch tests karni hogi. Mein ye case ek gynecologist ko dhiya hai jisse meine already baath kii hai. Kal woh aap ko call karenge. Aur aage kya karna hai ye samjaa egi.

Amma calmed a bit and looked at Raghav assuring everything is going to be fine. Doctor got up from his chair came near to Raghav. Held his shoulders.

Doctor: I am sorry for your loss Mr.Rao. Hum figure out karlenge and I pray ki koi bada problem nahi ho. But for now, please make sure aap dono husband wife iss loss ko apna kar aage bade. Kuch cheese humari haath mein nehi hoti but hum usko kaise apna tai hai who humari future par bohot asar hota hota hai. Aise cases mein usually ladies apne aapko blame karti hai coz unko lagta hain baby unki body mein tha, aur who hayaal nehi rak paaye. Par Carelessness wajese miscarriage hona bohot hi rare hai. Isiliye please do take of her and please do take of yourself as well.

Doctor’s table phone rang informing him that Pallavi regained her consciousness.

Doctor: Chaliye aapki wife ko hoshi aaya hai. Aapse milna hai unhe.

The duo followed doctor to observation where Pallavi was admitted. Doctor checked her vitals. Meanwhile Pallavi was staring at Raghav and few times at doctor trying to understand whether her doubt of miscarriage was true or not. She couldn’t bear the silence anymore

Pallavi: Doctor. Was it a miscarriage?

Raghav looked at her, knowing her bold straight forward nature he knew she wouldn’t remain calm.

Doctor: I’m sorry Mrs Rao. Unfortunately it is true. But for now you are stable and aage ki procedure humne mr rao ko samjaa dhiya hai.

Pallavi face dropped and she held her abdomen and a lone tear escaped her eyes. She tried looking at Raghav and words died down her throat. All she could think was “I had baby and I didn’t know” Raghav ran to her. Cupped her face and looked into her eye nodding her head. They hugged each other tight and cried their heart out. Amma and doctor along with nurse left them to grief the loss.

Pallavi pulled out herself from the hug still crying silently

Pallavi: I had a baby and and and (sobs) I didn’t know even(sobs) How careless I can be? (sobs) Muje pathaa tha I was late. Par humne check (sobs) kiya thaana. Toh kaise ….

Pallavi was blaming herself in between her cries meanwhile Raghav tried to her calm her down, holder her face

Raghav: Hey Hey what are you saying? How can u say like that? Pregnancy toh test se pathaa chalta haina? Humne test kya na? negative tha? toh tum careless kaise huvii? Don’t talk like that! Dhek agar tum careless hai mein bhi hoon. Hum dono milke test kya tha na?

Pallavi: mera body mein tha baby. How could I not know? Mein..

Raghav: kyunki bohot early mein nehi pathaa hota hai na? Dhen it’s not your fault. It’s no body’s fault. Doctor ne samjaa yaa muje. Tum pehele rest karo, hum araam se baath karenge please.

He begged her. He knew how tired she is. Her pale face said it loudly.

She hugged him again not able comprehend how she did not know about her baby. Tears did not stop from both their eyes.

Amma sat outside the room, her eyes constantly pouring tears while she tried to understand how she will support her children at this difficult phase. Farhad came and sat next her. He held her hand assuring her they are not alone.

Farhad: Amma. Aap please khudko samaaliye. Anna aur bhabi ko aapki zaroorath hai. Aur especially bhabhi ko.

She looked at Farhad. Thanking him for always standing by Raghav, even when no one was.

Pallavi had cried for a long time in Raghav’s arms, before she fell asleep due to the effects of injections given to her. Raghav had slowly laid her on bed and pecked her forehead. She didn’t leave her hold on his arms even in sleep and he sat near her and slept.

It was early hours of morning. Amma had fallen asleep while resting in Sofa outside the private room to which pallavi was shifted later as doctors wanted to observe her for some time. As Raghav had always supported the hospital financially, all staffs knew him and he had gotten a room easily.

Farhad had brought coffee and food for the trio. Amma woke up and asked him about Raghav pallavi.

Farhad: Room mein dheka toh dono abhi so rahi hai. Amma aap ye coffee pe lijiye. Aur aap ghar chalte hain. Aap thoda araam karlena. Patha nehi who kab tak bhabhi ko rakenge yaha. Hum sab saath mein tired honge toh problem hojaaega. Aap abhi rest karo, mein anna ke saath ruk thi hoon. Baath mein hum annaa koghar bhej te hai tabhi aap aajana. Meine amrutha ko bhi bola hai. Who bhi aati hogi.

Amma: tu sahi kehe raha hai. Ek bhaar Raghav ut jaaye toh mein milkar chali jaati hoon. Kuch bhi ho toh muje turant phone karna.

Raghav had woke up, when Farhad had closed their door room, after checking on them. He came outside too find amma and farhad discussing something and he heard the convo.

Raghav: Haan amma Farhad sahi kehe raha hai. Abhi aap ghar jake rest karlo thoda. Agar kuch chaahiye mein phone karega. Aur amma raat ko aap bahar beti kya? Mein bola na sofa pe soneko.

Amma: arrey mein kirti ko call karne aaya bahar phir laga utna raat ko nehi subah bathaadhenge usko. Aise hi bet gaya toh aank laggai mera

Raghav: oh. Farhard tu abhi amma ko ghar chod ke aa. Aur tum bhi toda rest karke aa. Mein abhi hai idhar.

Farhad: par anna mein rest kaise karun. Aap ko zaroorath huva toh?

Raghav: Farhad. Tu meri baath sun. abhi tu breakfast laaya na. aur breakfast karke hum yehi rahega na. jab tak doctor kuch bole tab tak. Toh sab ek saath tired nehi hote hai. Agar kuch zaroorath hai toh main call karega pakka.

Farhad took amma home after she met pallavi. She was sleeping however her face was dull due the crying continuously.

8 in the morning, nurse knocked the door informing them doctor will be here in 30-40 minutes for checkup.

Raghav woke up pallavi and helped her freshen up and change clothes that were brought from home. After checkup, pallavi was discharged once nurse took samples for some blood tests doctor had suggested. They also got an appointment for gynecologist after a week.

Amrutha stayed with pallu while Raghav arranged for some drinks as pallavi was feeling weak given the bleeding. They reached home. Raghav carried pallavi in his arms to their room meanwhile amrutha helped to get their stuffs to room. Raghav made her sit in the bed carefully and she suddenly remembered the blood stained before she passed out. She remembered the loss and a lone tear striked her cheeks. He sat next to her, lookingstraight into her eyes, “ I know the pain is more felt by you naturally, but you are not alone. I’m right here with you always and more now. His thumps slowly cleared the tear and hugged her.

“I know. I know I’m never alone. And I know it’s a loss for you too. For us. We will deal with it together. I promise. It’s just that every time I use wash room, or I see the bed or any related thing I suddenly get reminded of what happened. I’m trying my best to hold on but sometime it’s too much” she tried to comfort him and let him know what was going on with her.

“Its okay. We will gradually accept and move on. No rush okay. We can cry as much as we want to. No one is stopping us right?” he placed a kiss on her hair while staying in the hug.

He let her rest and went down to give specific instructions to cooks to make all healthy and pallavi’s favorite food all week and he informed Farhad and his amma that they were backhome. Amma was in their room within minutes. She met pallavi and comforted her. Amrutha left for her classes and she had informed Dheshmukhs about pallu’s situations.

Pallavi was fast asleep due to medicine and Raghav took a shower meanwhile. He wanted ensure he was around if she needed any help. So he waited until she felt asleep.

After a long and cold shower, he came back and rested next to her. Until now he was being strong for her. But when he saw her otherwise peaceful and calm face had become dull while she slept, he knew they had long way to deal with this issue. His eyes got teary. He did not want even an ounce of pain for her.She have had too much of agony. He looked at her lovingly and sent a silent prayer to make his pallavi healthy and happy. He kissed her forehead and lied down beside her. His thoughts wandered around what doctor had explained and he was scared. He kept praying for her to be healthy. Of course he wanted kids with her. He finally felt home with her and he was sure she was the only one whom he wanted call mother of his children. But,not at the cost of any complications to her. He would always choose pallavi over anything.

Amma had checked on them for lunch but finding them asleep, she let them be. After all, they needed it. Hunger hit the two of them and they woke up around 4pm. They freshened up and pallavi insisted to go down to have food. Considering her mental state Raghav did not argue and helped her. They had a snack with tea. She a had chatt with amma about the Sari designs she was working on, bieng well aware that amma was trying to distract her thoughts. Raghav attended few work calls in his den meanwhile.

Bell rang and househelps opened the door to find Sharda at doorstep. She could not wait to see her pallu. She had made calls to Jaya asking about her health every now and then and waited to meet her when she was awake and fresh.

Pallavi saw her aai and she got teary eyed. It’s always a mother who can comfort the daughter. Not that Jaya was less of a mother to her, but the bond pallu had with her aai was more of mother daughter even though their introduction was as in-laws. Sharda took her in a bear hug and pallu broke down. She held her plight to herself as she did not want to give Raghav more pain. Jaya left the duo to talk and ordered Reddy to arrange juice for them.

Sharda: sshhh. Aaaja Beyt. Aaajaa.

She pulled her and made her sit in Sofa.

Pallu: Aai….Mein itna careless kesi ho sakti hoon. How come I didn’t know. Mein …. Mein meri baby

She held her belly and she felt on sharda’s shoulders and burst into a cry again.

Sharda let her cry out.

Sharda: koi nahi bachaa. Roley jitna teri jee chaahey roley.

After a while when sharda felt Pallu calming down

Sharda: pathaa hai. Aisa duniya mein koi bhi maa nehi hoti jisko apni bachi se lagaav nehi hoti. Kyunki ye gudhrath ka niyam hai. Abhi dhek, jab baby nehi raha tabhi tuje itna bura lag rahi hai haina… agar tuje ittisi bhi habar hoti toh tu apna itna hayaal rakti aur Raghav toh tume palko mein bitaaki rakti. Ye toh sab ko pathaa hai. Haina. To tu careless kaisi huvii ?

She lifted her chin and looked straight into her eyes.

Sharda: kabhi kabhi jo baat hume sabse zaadha dard deti hai baat mein who hi humari liye sabsi achi saabit hoti hai. Keheta hain na jo bhi ho ache ke liye hoti hai. Abhi hume isme achaa nehi dhikraha lekin ho sakta hain sach mein kuch achi baath ho ismein bhi . Dhek, tu Raghav se nafrat karti ti hain na pehele. Lekin baat mein tune kaha ta muj se ki usne hi tume tumari asli thaagath, himmat, tumari asli khushi kiyaa hai ye ehesaas dilaai.Is shaadi se jitna chid tha abh uss shaadi karne ke liye tu khud proud feel karti hai. Haina.

Pallu: jaanti hu aai, yehi baat mein khud ko bhi samjaa rahi hoon. But meri body mein changes ho rahi thi mein notice nahi kar paai, agar karpaai toh …

Sharda: nehi karpaai kyunki yeh hona tha. ye soch. ki agar pathaa hotaa aur baat mein ye huva hota toh zaada bura lagta.

Rama had brought juice for them. Sharda had pallu drink it forcefully knowing she avoids food in such situation. The child of hers gone through so much that she knows it effects her routine and thinking mostly.

She wanted to talk to Raghav as well. Not that she wanted to ask him take care of pallavi , but because this loss was his as well. A man doesn’t show it but it affects them too.

She asked pallu to rest, and that she will visit again. Pallu had been tired due to the drowsy effect of medicine. She went to her room, meanwhile sharda asked househelps about Raghav.

He tilted his head from laptop when he heard a knock.

Raghav: Aai. Aap arrey knock kyun kiya. aaiye. Aap kab aai.Muje kisine bola bhi nehi.

Shaarda: Arrey relax. Itna time nehi huvaa muje aate. And she just went and gave a tight hug to him.

To say he was surprised would be understatement. He thought she was sad.

Raghav: Aaai aap..

Sharda: Muje kuch nehi huvaa hai but kyunki ye teri bhi loss hai, tum dono ka loss hai, Toh pallu se akeli milke kesi jaa sakti thi? Aur mein teri bhi toh aai hoona.

Raghav: Thank you aai. Pallavi wajese muje ek aur ma ka pyaar mil rahi hai but woh khud….

He choked on his words

Sharda: pallu ka khayaal rakna hai toh khud ka bhi khayaal rakna hoga Raghav. Jaanti hoon most of the time hume lagta hain mard ko dard nehi hota. But hota hai. Dhikaa te nehi hai but hota hai. Isiliye jitna mann hai rolena aur ye kabhi mat boolna ki kabhi agar kuch bhi baat karni ho, toh aai hai humesha. Mein ye nehi kahoongi ki pallu ka hayaal rakna muje pathaa hai woh tum humesha karoge buss tum apna khayaal rakna.

She caressed his face and bid a good bye.

Days passed, both Raghav and pallavi has been trying to wrap their head around the loss. They had late night coffee talks, long drives, work times that was shortened, visits to family and friends but in all of these they allowed the tears to flow and rant to each other in time to time. They had decided to let their emotions out and keep moving on. Raghav was extremely careful of pallavi’s thoughts as she initially had blamed herself.

Pallavi had reasoned with the loss and moved on as she didn’t want live in that phase forever. She didn’t want herself or Raghav to live in any kind of guilt or sadness.

A week later on Monday morning, Raghav came out of bath to see pallavi marching in the room. She looked stressed.

Raghav: ye police chokidhaar ki tarah idhar udhar kyun ghoom raha hai tum? He tried to be lighten her mood

Pallavi: Raghav what if something is seriously wrong, I mean complication and what if we can’t ….

She couldn’t continue choking on her own words. She wanted a baby. More so after what happened. She knew he wanted too.

Raghav: positive soch, and if by chance kuch hai bhi, koi baat nehi we will figure it out. Baat baby ki haina. In a worst case if anyone of us cant a have baby naturally, we can go for surrogacy, adoption etc. par ye abhi bohot dhur ki baat hai. Pehele let the doc figure out kya huvaa hai, uske baat jaisa who kehete hain karenge. Aur agar doubt hai toh hum 2 teen doctors ki opinion le sakte hain.

Pallavi kept on looking at his face intently wondering how different is this man from what she first knew? Not that she haven’t known how soft and understanding he is but sometimes he still makes her wonder how rude he has been on himself and how much love he deserves.

Pallavi's internal conflict came through really well. Everyone is being supportive, so there's no external conflict. It's just Pallavi trying to convince herself that she could have controlled what happened to her baby.

Making a human body is such a complex process (~22,000 protein-coding genes that may carry recessive loss-of-function mutations, including some genes that are imprinted by each parent so that they can't function in the child, thousands of small RNA molecules that regulate gene expression, the same morphogens and hormones having different effects at different stages ...) that spontaneous abortion is a very common occurrence. Grief is natural, especially when hormones are raging, but talking about how natural and ordinary it is for a pregnancy to abort may help women in Pallavi's situation to appreciate that they haven't failed. A healthy pregnancy is as extraordinary as winning the lottery.

😭 for their loss.

wonderful update. ❤️

please don't take too much time for the next chapter.

take care be safe & happy. ☯️🤗