Lag ja gale
It happened the day of his 30th birthday. It had been a perfectly normal day until night time comes. His breathing is laboured, oxygen scorching his lungs,as sweat-soaked sheets cling to his clammy skin. He thinks he can smell blood and something floral before he awakens.
His family members are up instantly, rushing into his room. He's screaming but trying in vain to get to his feet. Every atom in his body is pushing him to sate the ache now deep in his blood and bones. It feels like he will die if he can't get to....
It took both Neel and Parth bhai to push him to the floor, they barely manage, shouting at him to stop. He fights and the growls that escape are more animal than human. He bites his tongue and blood drips down his chin. He can't stop though....
He can feel her in every space between his muscle and marrow. She is screaming too. And she doesn't understand, can't grasp what is happening because she is now his and he is hers. And he aches for her, he is burning for her, bleeding for her and she......
He can feel her screams, all the way from goenka mansion.
Akshara, he says through a mouthful of blood, Akshara.
His mother explained the situation to him the next day, detailing as much as she could...
"This soul ma....uh..thing it usually show it at the age between 20 to 30" she was being careful with her words good.
But she doesn't really understand it either. Because she wasn't forced to choose the man she married (atleast not by some "soulmate" curse). She isn't weighed down by some biological response like him, dictating who should he procreate with.
She did tell him that his great-grandfather committed suicide because he was already married and had three kids, by the time the curse made itself known. But she wasn't sure if it was the truth.
Yet he is practically breaking down from the messed up cocktail of emotions and hormones overtaking him nearly every minute of his waking exitance. He can't grasp the existence of such a curse.
Why her?
Out of millions of woman. Why her? Why it has to be the younger and naive sister of his fiancee.
He gives a polite nod to his mother and keeps the resentment to himself. He pretends he didn't heard his mother say...
" You should talk to Aarohi and Goenkas".
He was drawn towards Akshara goenka since he met her, but it was barely visible even to himself. But now....
He called her the next day to meet. She was a little sick, Neel told him ( not that he wanted to know).
She is 23 but barely out of childhood. He is 30 have always been more man than a boy. She is so very young and fragile. His broad and tall form hovers over her and she has to nearly tilt her head all the way back to look into his eyes.
She looks scared and unsure. Her doe eyes are large and hypnotic and every cell in his body just wants touch the slope of her slender neck, wants to kiss that mole on her collar bone, and wants nothing but.....
" I've never even had a boyfriend", she tells him clutching her dress "And you've".
Akshara goenka can talk, a lot. And watching her trying to find the right words for their situation (well, there weren't really any) is almost painful.
" I've had two girlfriends", he answers her unsaid question " and ofcourse engaged to your sister".
" It's not my fault, I...I always felt guilty after I met you" she finally said what she actually wanted to.
" It's not my fault" she said more to herself than him.
" This longing I feel is not MY fault" she looked like she would cry.
He can feel the longing underneath his skin. His fingertips almost tingles with little shocks and he wants to reach out and curl his arm around her waist. He wants to pull her closer and breath in her floral scent.
"I..." She let out a sigh. " I don't know how this is suppose to work".
He shrugs, "me either".
She lets out another sigh.
His finger-tips tingle.
His engagement with Aarohi goenka was arranged. He finally gave in for his mother, whose only goal in life was to get him married. After rejecting way too many girls for ridiculous reasons, he had to agree because he had to marry one and mostly because he ran out of excuses. He thought, why not Aarohi... She is smart, sophisticated, beautiful and understanding.
Really a perfect life partner for him. The best part was, she gave him space and didn't wanted to cling to him 24/7. They met three times, in the month after their engagement.( Not including the "hellos","byes" and "Good mornings" in the hospital corridors) and only once in those meetings they were alone, where they discussed work.(and he was more than happy with the arrangement) Hell his brother Neel spent more time with his would be "bhabhi" than him. Neel also bonded well with Akshara they became fast friends.
Akshara....
He sent an email to his Nani because he doesn't want to talk. Her reply came the next day.
It's long but he reads the entire thing from top to bottom, twice. He is shaking and miserable at the end of it and he quick to send a reply. It is short and to the point.
You're wrong.
Because she has to be. He cannot live with the truth she has given him. He cannot live in the world where his fate is sealed. He cannot accept the idea of being one half of a whole when he is content to never be complete.He will fight this thing inside him because he is nothing if not stubborn.
When he threw the table lamp on the mirror, it probably woke up the entire house. But it did nothing to tune out the echo of her name inside his head...
Akshara...
He hadn't called of the engagement yet..... despite of his family constantly on his case, telling him to put himself out of this misery. "It is unfair to both Akshara and Aarohi".
So, here he was another dinner at Birla house with the goenka. He was ignoring everyone, he was greatfull Neel was entertaining Aarohi, or he would be expected to. He really wanted to start drinking to drown his sorrow in it.
Even Anisha stops fawning over her boyfriend long enough to throw him a glare..
" Don't be a grump", she muttered to him.
He scowls at her before rushing upstairs to his room for some peace and quiet.
"Abhimanyu?"
He keeps himself still even as all his attuned to the figure coming out his bathroom. He could feel her presence bloke static in the air. The oxygen he breaths feel charged with power as she enters the room.
"Neel accidentally spilled soup on me and brought me here to clean up" ofcourse he did.
"Akshara"
He finally turns to look at her and had to hold his breath. His heart is quickening, thumping so fast that air goes to his head. He feels almost nauseous, his hands are shaking and clenches them determined to keep control.
He wants to run away from the sight of her. She looks so beautiful m....damn it...that mole on her throat. Her doe eyes are wide and concerned and she is biting her lip. He is going mad.
" I need to tell my family about this.... whatever this is. I can't do this, she is my sister....my family is worried about me"
" And I can't do this alone" she looked so hurt, he wanted to....
"Akshara" he gets to his feet so fast she startles leaning towards him subconsciously.
"Go where?"
"Away".
" From me?" The steal underneath her shows itself. "Like you have been doing for months".
He has nothing to say to that because he has gone out of his way to keep away from her. The curse in his blood has been ruthless as a result and he spends nights retching blood. It has no intention of killing him but it would punish him. For denying this is a sin and he would rather die than give in.
She softens, his silence weighing on her, and he can see the vulnerability in her beautiful eyes. So freaking young and naive.
"This is going to kill you" Anisha's standing outside of the bathroom as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, the red on his skin is vibrant, " you can't keep fighting it".
"Watch me", he manages before he is choking again, blood runs down his chin to stain the white cotton of his shirt. He grimaces and gets to his feet to wash in the sink.
" Why do you fight it?" His cousin continues to pester him.
"Because I didn't want this" he splashes cold water on his face.
" I never had a choice in any of this"
"So just because you have no say in who your biology seems as your mate, you act like a child about it?"
"Grow up, Abhimanyu"
He turns around to glare at her, anger thrumming in his bloodstream like acid ( he really wanted to break something, maybe burn the bleeding house down).
"How would you understand? You got to pick who you're with"
" Yes, I did get to pick jai, but this is your destiny..."
" Really?" He scoff. "You and ma with your grand notions of fate and soulmates, like this is some grand romantic tale" Anisha's eyes narrowed as he continues
"You act like this is some beautiful gift. Like making me want to f*** my fiancee's little sister is sane, normal. It's not"
"No" Anisha says "But neither is destroying yourself to make a point".
"And why is Aarohi still your fiancee anyway".
He went to goenka house the next day with his mother and explained everything (Akshara's sad eyes haunted him the whole night). He made sure Akshara was not at home at that time. He wanted them to understand before she had to face them. Everything else was sort of blur of accusations, shouts and tears. His guilt was barely enough to keep his anger at bay.
Until Aarohi shouted at them to stop,......she took it surprisingly well.
"You should have said something earlier. My little sister had been hurting all this time"
" I know, I am sorry" she left than, he pretended he didn't see tears finally falling from her eyes.
"Now what?" Manish Goenka looked defeated.
He left before he had to answer.
When he met Akshara goenka for the first time, he was angry at something his "sir" said. His mother requested Akshara to sing a song..... Her voice was like soothing balm on his wounds. He wanted to hear that voice for the rest of his life.
His prayers to Mahadev had been left unanswered. Maybe even he chose this fate for Abhimanyu.
He was getting angrier everyday , no amount of furniture he broke helped. Meditation didn't worked. Music reminded him of her. He would go mad at this rate. It didn't even made sense, why he put himself through this misery. It was like he was masochist.
Neil took it upon himself to cheer up Aarohi. He was always at the hospital and sometimes Akshara would tag along. On Valentine's day he spends most of his time in his cabin. The so called "celebration of love" was getting on his nerves.
She was sitting in the cafeteria, when he passed by (he didn't notice her sitting from the opposite side of cafeteria, and couldn't stop himself...no, that didn't happen). Akshara was reading a card...she looked up at him confused, sensing his presence, like he always did when she enters the room he is in. He wanted to set both the card and the sender on fire. He closed his eyes to regain his control but the beast inside him is ravenous and his chains are weakening.
He is spending more time in hospital to avoid his family who are determined to make him give up. Even Nishta gave him a box of chocolates for Akshara....Great.
The madness never ends and he is at his wit's end with the unnecessary meddling of his family.
He stops to find Neil outside sitting outside his cabin. Not him too....
"She is miserable, you know", Neel gets to his feet.
"She doesn't talk about it but.... she's sad, hurt about all this".
" She doesn't get what's wrong with her" he bites out his tone accusatory. " Like she is deficient somehow because you seem to want to do everything but accept that she's it for you".
Abhimanyu scowls and tries to swallow the blood threatening to choke him again. He would not be broken in by Neel of all people.
" I want her to be happy, I want to set her free".
"But there is no freedom bhai, is there?" Neel's smile is painful almost mocking, "There's just this......this purgatory for you and her right?"
"No", Abhimanyu exhales "it's hell".
Kairav has been mostly silent throughout the entire thing. Abhimanyu choose to ignore him, which was easy until one day he encounters Kairav in one of the hospital corridors, who proceeds punching him in the mouth.
"You don't deserve her!"
It took all his willpower not to beat the living daylight out of him and silently he agrees.
It finally comes, the moment when he can no longer run. He is shaking, have lost more blood than probably healthy and he can only watch, as Akshara screams at him...
"Am I that horrible?" She shoves at him, hard...fuelled by anger.
"Am I that unworthy of you that you treat me like rubbish?"
He can't say anything, he can't do anything as she unleashes her fury. All the months of him running and pretending like Akshara doesn't exist has made him weak and yearning. Her very nearness to him right now is balm for a festering wound.....she is the only thing that matters.
"Abhimanyu" she shouts "What is wrong with you?"
"You" he answers her, breaking. "You are what's wrong with me".
She slaps him and he steps back more from shock then force.
"I didn't choose you!" She cries "I didn't freaking choose you either!" And he feels like he is chocking on his blood again, everything burns and aches and he just wants to feel better. He can't stand this wretchedness anymore. He can't keep fighting.
"I am sorry", he grabs her wrists as she moves to strike him again, keeping her still even as she struggles, "I am sorry".
"Shut up!" She gasps out as he pull her closer and holds her "I am sorry" he murmurs in her hair she smells like flowers. "I am sorry".
Akshara doesn't trusts him and it's understandable. She looks at him with doubt in her eyes and he lets her. He deserves it, more than anything. Yet he still drop her to collage (He ignores the glares of bade papa and her brother) her family doesn't say anything because there's no way out of this and atleast Akshara isn't miserable anymore. He picks her from her collage to take her out before dropping her chocolates, these are simple things but....
Once he joined Neel, Aarohi and her on their weakly get together. She is sitting between his brother and her sister from her, watching her fiddle with her warming bottle of cold drink and asks her,
"You want another one?" Se looks up at him with those doe eyes and nods. He smiles at her before getting up. She lets him stay and that's all that matters.
He was wrong about Akshara goenka, so wrong. He thought her to be shallow, superficial and childish (yes, he is judgemental) but he was surprised that she is mature, would do anything for the people she loves and would smile through everything, for the sake of others. He is mesmerized every time she sings, one day he finally ask her to sing for him....and she does. He can't believe this amazing person was his, how did he get this lucky. Mahadev did answered his prayers after all.
He listen to her talk about her family, her dreams, her fears and he fall in love with her each day. He can't sleep before he hear that carefree laughter on their long phone calls every night. One day she starts crying, when he pick up her from her collage.. he holds her ....his heart breaking with hers.
"I am horrible, how....how can I hurt my sister?" She tells him when she finally calms down. Some idiot commented on how she is dating the guy who broke her sister's heart (well, it was true but...)
"You should tell her how you feel", he finally tells her "you can't forever live with the guilt"
"You should apologise to her too" was her soft reply.
Aarohi cried her hugged her sister.
"Don't be an idiot, I moved on and it was never your fault, I am ok...infact I am more than ok". She said with a smile on her face.
"And I accept your apology Abhimanyu, and it's for the best...we wouldn't have worked out" she leaves then saying she have to meet Neel. Akshara looked up at him with a smile brighter than he ever seen and hugs him, life was perfect.... perfect...
He surprise her on the night of her birthday by sneaking into her room. They are lying on her bed, watching some movie..he was watching her explain it to him...that was so much more entertaining..
"I think my friend Ria likes you" he rolls his eyes and pulls her closer burying his face in her hair "shut up".
"But I really think you should talk to...."
He tickles her until she's out of breath. She is panting underneath him and he stares in her dark eyes and he wants to drown in them so he holds his breath and kisses her. The burning in his lungs and the softness of her lips is a deadly combination and he ends his kiss to her giggling...
"But my friends..." He kiss her again to shut her up.
They get married bas soon as she completes her studies, her brother was hell bent on getting them married as soon as possible..
"I want to save my eyes, soon they would starts bleeding" he said complaining about them being unable to keep away from each other.
He is ravenous for her. Every part of her seeks him out, the taste of her lips, the feel of her skin. He doesn't understand why he ever deny himself this? He must have been mad.
His family loves her (sometimes he think more than him). She have somehow managed to become the apple of his sir.....father's eyes. Life was Good.
"Why did you keep running away all those months ago?" She asks him fingers tracing the bare skin of his chest, "why did you wanted to keep us apart?"
"I was angry and scared", he tries to give a good and honest answer.
"I didn't wanted life to be ruled by fate or destiny or something like that. I wanted to have a choice to have my own free will over a gene that shouldn't been have been active"
She sits up and he follows her, the almost hurt look in her eyes alarming him to the fragility of this moment,
"Do you regret giving in then?"
"Not you, I could never regret you." He traces her bottom lip with his thumb " you are all I need" she keeps pushing.
"But do you regret not having a choice?"
"Yes".
She stills and she shutters like a closed door. She moved to get up but he pulls her back, into the warmth of his arms, her back pressed byonhis chest
" Let go of me".
"Listen to me first"
She stops struggling.
" I do regret not having a choice about the whole thing", he kisses her nape when she begins to tremble
"But if we had been given a choice, we wouldn't be together"
Her voice is small "why not?"
"Because you are a few years younger than someone I would have considered and the fact that I was engaged to your sister, the old me wouldn't even have talked to you if it wasn't for the curse".
She relaxes into his arms..
"I am not that young, Akshay says his mother is years younger than his father" (that brat who sent her the valentine card, maybe he should have set him on fire after all)
"You should stop taking advice from him"
Akshara rolls her eyes " you just don't like him because he wears specks, and you want that too"
He scoffs "yep, that's why"
" I love you"
" I love you too"
"Well, duh"
"Shut up"
Sometimes he makes out the words hidden inside her body and he tries to find his name. He thinks it's written in the spaces between her blood and bones, he thinks he can hear the echo of his name in the timbre of her voice. He thinks maybe he always had a choice and he would have choose the same ending anyways...
Because it's always been....
Akshara he whispers her name Akshara.
Ps. The characters are ooc....ar and ak have the same parents...no sirat bit they are dead. I can't do justice with my Abhimanyu Birla so, this Abhimanyu only have a few qualities of Abhi..
Also I wasn't in right state of mind when I write thisđ
I got this idea and had to write it..
Do tag if you thing someone would be interested to read it.
PSS. The title probably don't go with story....suggest me better one I will use that one.
Web Series
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
Love Friendship Dating and Relationships
Tum Se Tum Tak
Financial markets and global economy
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
