Premise: Another confession, which seems relevant given the emotions Sai and Virat are dealing with. This is independent of KD because the Sruthi track did not come there till a later time. The emotional state in Ghum where both of them almost lost each other to death is at much higher level. The stakes are higher and the way they are holding each other, I see them at tipping point, so any small emotional talk should break them. This is how ideally they should behave if I understand their emotions and insecurities correctly. Feel free to comment if you think they are not in character.
Sai and Virat's bedroom:
"Why is she not talking to me?", an agitated Virat looked at Sai the 100th time that night. She is immersed in her studies. He tried to keep calm knowing that her exams are nearing and may be thats why she is not paying him attention. Or "Did I push her too much", he trembled at the thought.
"What do i want? Why do I want her with me when our relation looks doomed.?", he nodded his head unable to control this pull towards her. "Will I survive?", the immediate question popped up with a lurch in his stomach. The idea of leading a life away without her is often accompanied by this sensation. He is sitting on his bed, and his fists grabbed the bed frame so tight that it hurts him. "Why cant she understand me for once?", he gritted his teeth glancing her menacingly sideways.
Then a moment later. "Virat, no!. She is young. She is your responsiblity first and then your wife. DO NOT push her. Do you want her to lead a life of her choice or do you want her to give in to your happiness", spoke his mindvoice obviously getting pulled in two different directions. "I can be the best version if she is by my side", Virat answered to himself. "May be she loves me. Why would she come back to me?", he argued with his self. "Or may be she just cares for me, respects me. But not love me.", he reasoned out again landing on the same conclusion. He is on the verge of tears, not knowing his course of action. So he goes..
"Oh God! my hand is hurting again", he said clearly feigning the agony to grab her attention. As expected she turned immediately.
"What happened?", she enquired without addressing him with her usual and tender call "Virat sir" and he did not like it a bit. "Is the hand hurting again?", she questioned again walking to his side concerned
"Yes, and no thanks. Please go and study. You need not worry about me. You have enough people to take care of already.", he taunted praying that she will not follow his orders.
"Let me take a look.", she said trying to pull his hand without delving into his nonsense. His behavior is strange to her, which she gave up on deciphering. One thing she definitely understood is that he is avoiding to place themselves in any situation that will make them address his hurt. "He doesnt want to discuss anything about it but wants to punish me with his silence!", Sai mused, wondering how long will he play this hide and seek. She let it be his way this time, blaming herselft for being the reason for his heartbreak.
But now his attitude is getting on her nerves. He doesnt leave a chance to remind her of her mistakes, constantly taunting her but not seeing that she has changed her responses to him. He is testing her patience. All she wanted is to comfort him by taking him into her embrace and heal his pain. May be he loved her, always and she was wrong all the while. And she wants to address it, tell him what he means to her, and how much she is committed to him and their marriage. But will he even believe her? She doesnt care anymore. It is better to get clear answers than be a passive player in his hide and seek game.
With all this going in her mind, she showed her irritation by pulling his hand harder, bothering least about his pain. She was surprised to not hear an ouch in response. "Clearly he is acting", she thought nodding her head.
"Virat sir! do you really have pain?", she asked clearly frustrated with his antics "Because I need to study and I dont have time for your games."
"What do you mean I act.", Virat stormed clearly caught in the act. "You give me all this pain and now you accuse me of acting.", he fumed with fake anger, but also trying to control himself from pushing her again.
Sai is intently looking at him without a word and that freaked him again. "Why is she not answering me back.", he panicked.
"Virat Sir, I am sorry for the hurt I caused you. Is there anything I could do to relieve your pain?", she asked softly clearly not willing to fight with him. "What is your problem?", she asked again.
"You are my problem. I feel suffocated with you in this room.", he said the same thing again for the 100th time, not sure how else to convey his feelings. "It feels suffocated to me when I am forced to behave like this with you, unable to express myself, unable to touch you and unable to say what you mean to me!", he spoke to himself looking everywhere else, but not into her eyes. He got up from the bed and moved a little towards their wardrobe hiding his emotions. Not listening anything from her, he curled his fists and was prepared to hear his most dreaded words "Ok Virat Sir, I will leave you." He felt so hopeless to turn anything around in their lives. He had that will before to make things work between them. Now he lost it completely, to such an extent that taking transfer and leaving seems easier than to live with her.
"I am sorry Virat Sir!", she apologized again choking with tears. "I am sorry to cause you so much hurt".
His heart breaks again hearing her soft apology. "What has he made her into", he lamented quietly. He wanted to take her in his arms and say...
Sai came and stood in front of him and his eyes met with equally red pair of eyes.
"How many more times you want me to apologize?", she asked quietly folding her hands. "or is it just a way to push me away from you? You are taking transfer to go away from me right? Then why are you bothered if you are suffocated with me?", she questioned now, not willing to let him go without the answers.
"So you are ok with me leaving?", sneered Virat fearing whether thats what she wanted.
"What else should I do?", she questioned back. "You dont want me to stop you. You said you will not tolerate my interference this time. I understand...", she tried to reason out in the best way possible to her without forcing herself on him.
"Oh yeah, this is what you always wanted right? To leave this 'deal' marriage. Now you got it without asking", he spewed his hurt unable to accept the fact that she is not trying to stop him. But he was not prepared for what came next.
"Yes, I wanted this to end. The deal marriage", she shouted now holding his collar and coming so close to his face that her hot breath instantly meddled with his senses. "Yes Virat Sir! I want to end it. How else do you want me to live with or without you. You tell me!" she breathed angrily not loosening her hold a bit. "Tell me how else should I live in this house with you? As your responsibility? Then why does it matter if I had hurt you. Why do you have so much pain that I misunderstood you. Why does it hurt when I dont trust you? Why do you have to leave this house and your family because I had hurt you, your mirchi, after all a friend had hurt you. It is not like I am your wife, your companion or your life partner. If not now, after my studies are over we have to go separate ways right? Then? Why are you so scared to leave me behind?", she attacked him with barrage of questions hoping that atleast one with strike his heart and force him to confront their issues that they had been pushing under the carpet.
Virat instead of feeling attacked, felt hopeful at her questions. He has lot to say, but will she listen?
She loosened her grip on his collar but did not move away. She knows he cannot see her cry. That much she understood him, but if she is more than that to him, she wants to know it today. So instead moving away, she lied on his chest grabbing on his shirt tightly fully knowing that he will not push her away.
"Why Virat sir? Why do you want me to understand you? I cannot understand unless you speak up. Just speak up clearly the way you told me about your commitment. What is that commitment?", she asked again before dragging her nose which is running as much as her eyes. "Because all those questions matter only if you are committed to me! I behaved the way I did with you when Sruthi came in between us because I was committed to you. In my mind and body.", she paused allowing him to comprehend what she meant fully.
She tugged him little closer and continued. "I was made to feel less in this house, always compared against the desirable bahu who happens to be your choice", she said tears gushing down. "You never clearly spoke to me about my place in your life nor that woman let me see you clearly. I was only reminded that I am your duty and nothing more! time and again. I dont even know whether you see me as your wife, someone who you consider as your equal and love me as a woman, because I was always told I am immature, adamant and troublesome girl. I waited for you to show me otherwise, but you never expressed anything that made me feel secure. And when Sruthi came into your life, I was ready to believe that you chose a woman who you love. But I was committed to you unknowingly, so I felt like ripping you apart for choosing another woman over me. All the hurtful words I spoke to you came from a place where I could not imagine any other woman next to you. I felt my skin crawling thinking that you touched another woman, without even knowing your touch. I am sorry I spoke all those words to you. But, the words had my fears and my love hidden behind them.", she said now hugging him and breaking down completely.
Virat is overwhelmed. He could not believe what he heard. His mind is numb and stomach is doing somersaults and all he wanted is to replay whatever she said. But she is talking more...and he is sure he will not be able to handle it.
"I have known only one kind of commitment in my life. My father never let another woman in his life, even after my mother''s death. I am also committed to you that way. If your commitment had the same meaning, I was only following your words and running away from my feelings. Now I will not. I will go away from you with my head held high, that I loved you and I will love you till my last breath.", she looked at him wiping her tears. "I will not beg for your love because I dont want us to live a half-life. I will not accept anything lesser than being your wife. Nor I will let you live a life of obligation with me. So if you do not want me in your life, say it clearly so I will not be a burden to you. Otherwise, tell me clearly that you love me as your wife...", she started saying in her own playful childlike innocence when Virat grabbed her face and kissed her mouth.
He could not stay any farther away than this from her. He did not mind if he was hurting her. If this is the only way he can show what she means to him, then so be it he thought. Their faces are wet and Virat did not leave an inch of her face untouched with his kisses. He craved to touch her longer than she could imagine, and he wants her to know that clearly.
He did not say a word nor did she. He did not stop his ministrations nor did she ask him to. His kisses felt as if punishing her for not understanding him for so long. The harder he kissed, the more she realized what she meant for him. That made her pull him even closer and felicitate his assault. He did not ask for her permission when he opened her mouth with his tongue, rather he let her know that this is the affect she always had on him. She accepted his confession with a moan and kissed him back with the equal fervor to show how he affects her.
Virat took a break to speak "Sai...I .....I ", and went back to kiss her again now moving to her neck and pulling her close to him as if trying to fuse her body with his to make them one entity so nothing can separate her from him. "Thank you!..", he finally managed to say trying to catch his breath. "Thank you for choosing me!.", he said kissing on her forehead. "And sorry for staying mute. I was just waiting for this moment...", he said planting softer kisses on her face. "quite unsuccessfully in the process...", he smiled.
"Yes I am committed to you, in my mind and body. No other woman can give me the pride or pleasure you give me with just your presence in my life. And believe me, sleeping next to you without touching you is the hardest thing I had ever faced in my life. I want you Sai, in every way!", he said kissing her intimately and washing away her doubts.
NOTE: Deed likhne ki kshamata kho chuki hoon mein. But you can expect a passionate union after this. I started to write the emotional talk that addresses all their hurt, but it was not adding upto the passionate confession that I planned which has to be rushed not dragged(my dreaded word😳). Hence, I just want them to address the most important thing that will clear their doubts. Post confession talk requires an SS 😆. Itna raita phaila chuke hain donon ne, saaf karne ke liye 2-3 chapter tho lage ga hi.
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