* @krishnasourav -- I saw all your tags yesterday but I was feeling rather zapped from the heat. Plus, I wanted to see the episode to get the full gist. So from many of the twitter feeds you had shared, there were questions on why Imlie is not seeing the value of Meethi and whether Meethi did what was right. Anyway, thought I will just make a separate post because there is actually a lot to discuss if people are interested.....
Imlie valuing the T family above Meethi?
I was reminded of this whatsapp forward I got during the lockdown and it was shared by multiple people I knew. It is from a Bangalore based psychologist and it is a super practical video on why children shouldn't be pampered and the second video is about how to teach your children gratitude. His videos are really good because they are centered around the Indian context and the issues that we face. Both are only 5-7 minutes long or so.
From the video, "Unless they actually know the cost you are paying for their lives, unless they can look at your difficulties from your perspective, they won't understand the depth of what you are going through for them" -- this is a problem for many Indian parents because they don't share.
Meethi keeps saying that she is an illiterate woman and she downplays the efforts she took to bring up Imlie. Aryan as a business leader who values hard work in his employees is able to grasp the effort she took and therefore sees her as someone valuable. Now, has Meethi told Imlie of all that she has done? So there is a lesson in that if children are not taught the value of what they have been given, they will take the parent for granted. They will bristle when the parent puts boundaries and asks for something -- that is what happened here. Meethi initially tried to reason with Imlie about why Aryan is a good match for her. When Imlie refuses to listen, she puts down the law and Imlie sees it as betrayal. The question that arises is this the first time that Meethi put boundaries and asked Imlie for something?
The other dynamic to consider is how much of a child Imlie was. There is this term about delayed teenager rebellion -- basically adults who never were problem kids start acting out almost like teenagers far later into their adulthood. Now there are several things that go into it -- it could be the child was forced to be an adult too soon because of responsibilites. Sometimes it could be life's bitter lessons like addiction issues at home or economic issues and other family problems. Basically, rather than the child being the child, the child is in some ways treated like an adult (or forced to be one) -- this means the equation between the parent and child is a bit lopsided. Rather than the parent being on top and child being on bottom, it is either equal or reverse. In some ways, that is what has happened -- this results in Imlie who is some ways super mature but also super immature. Basically she is having a delayed teenager rebellion.
In one earlier episode, she said something about she felt like she had family for the first time with the Tripathy house. That sounded absurd but maybe what she was conveying was that she was in a relationship where she was the child and they were all adults. Now, she is still trying to save them and all but basically, it is a top down kind of relationship and maybe something she craved. It is also possible that she is enamoured with them because they are educated and all the things she had wished her family was. So she idealized them and want to be a part of them.
Meethi vs Imlie conflict?
So I see a more complex picture here on why Imlie got upset. By Meethi calling it "debt", she reminded Imlie of the enormous losses that she had to endure as an unwed mother. Meethi had always assured her that Imlie was a blessing and therefore not a burden. It is why Imlie reacts with such hurt. The other reason is what I posted above.
The other part of the conflict is the questions it raises. All over Asia, we strongly believe in this concept of filial piety -- but at what point do we honour and respect our parents and what point do we live our lives? Depending on how you feel and what your experiences were, you might get upset that Meethi strongarmed Imlie into getting married to man that she picked. The other side is how far will you go to prevent your loved ones from being stupid -- as many would say that part of being a parent is being a villain at times. If you child cannot see reason, then do you lay down the boundaries and take the hit?
The last question this scenes raises is the transition to a parent-adult child relationship. This is something that many Indian families struggle with and fail. There is this movie where the opening line says this -- "when your child is two and you are holding their hand to help them walk, it is fine. but when they are 25, can you still be holding their hand?" Basicallly Indian parents are overinvolved to the point that they are not able to see the child has grown up and therefore the equation has to change. While this happens, there will be plenty of arguments and teething issues. Both sides need to see each other as human and accept each other. Both sides need to learn about who they are as individuals and what their world views are. Meethi-Imlie conflict fits right in with that -- Imlie had this vision of her mother from as a child -- someone who pampered her and thought the world of her -- but Imlie didn't understand or see that Meethi has her own views, she is her own person. Meethi is capable of making decisions and drawing conclusions about people. Now, they will have to rebuild the relationship not as parent-child (teenager) but as parent-adult child.
So I know that we apparently have a rather cute episode airing today but feel free to post your thoughts and what we can take away in terms of real world learning as well as within the drama
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