Where is the feminism?!

I am growing progressively more upset with this show. One, the same old trope - family member gets sick and FL is forced to stay in the house. But what message is really being propagated here?

The age old message: women are culture bearers and therefore are responsible of keeping families together and acting at all time in a pious manner. Even when their husbands are adulterous, and having an affair with their own family members.

This show is so beyond gross, and I was aghast to see a recent poll in which people want to see a Fateh redemption, but silly me, thinking this show would be anything but different. Redeeming Fateh still propagates that women should forgive adulterous men, live with the trauma and shame of being cheated on [but this is a hindi show so of course why explore the psychological implications that come after a spouse has been adulterous].

Even this so called loving Sandhu family - they say they will not let their divorce happen, taking away agency from the couple, but especially a woman (Tejo) to make decisions about her own life. Forcing them to do pooja together, all the in the name of Dadiji wanting her wish fulfilled but ignoring the fact that Tejo must be in immense pain.

They only want Tejo to forgive him for their izzat, but want her to stand by him despite all his wrongdoings - once again, remain a pious wife but not a happy one.

Furthermore, why does Tejo want to expose Jasmine's true face to the family? So what...you want that man back who literally could care less about you? Use the mouse incident as an excuse to leave the house.

I am truly done with this show. Rant over.

Divorce papers far kar konsa teer marliya tejo ne jo sm mein kitna badhai ho rha hai uska? Everyone calls her sherni. I am sorry have you ever met a strong woman in your life? They don't get manipulated by their family, nor do they stay with their in-laws and their cheating husband and his new mistress who is also their sister. They don't do arti with their cheating husband.

Tejo has internalized misogyny aur kuch nh. For people who don't have an idea what it is google it. She thinks jasmine has a true face when honestly out of fateh and jasmine, jasmine is the most honest person. She actually wanted to tell tejo. I don't like jasmine at all but this constant iteration of jasmine ka true face make it seem like fateh toh nanha sa bacha hai jisko candy deke jasmine ne lure krdiya. Jasmine has been pretty upfront about her wants and needs, unlike your husband who slept with you and then went off to having a relationship with your sister and cheated on both of you. He didn't even tell her he consummated your marriage with her.

Also why does tejo want to live with him. To make him miserable? To make sure jasmine doesn't get him back. It's the same old trope of two women fighting for a man who is honestly worthless and doesn't deserve either of them. Uda fans accept long dialogue of tejo talking about the power of her sindoor and marriage in front of jasmine very soon.

Also all these people trying to decipher fateh's expression trying to understand whether he loves tejo, is happy about the divorce or not etc etc. Why does it matter. Usne apni choice sabke samne kiye hai. Let him live with it. Why are fatejo fans still trying to find any last shred of hope for fatejo when obviously they are the last people who should be together.

I differ actually. Feminism is about letting a woman make her own choices and not judge her on them. Whatever the family might be planning behind her back, whatever intentions they might have, be it her name or theirs, it doesn't come into this as she isn't privy to those conversations. The one her father had with her, she told him no.

From where I see it, she still doesn't want Fateh, but she wants to ruin Jasmine completely, the same way she has ruined her by having an affair with her husband. Yes, the husband is always more wrong, but Jasmine has been singing about Tejo being the cheater since she literally "allowed" Tejo to marry Fateh. So Tejo wanting to ruin Jasmine is something I would have also done at her place. By cancelling the divorce, she has again made Jasmine the mistress from the "love of life" Fateh sings, thus stripping Jasmine of the power she felt she had received by being allowed to live in this house and Tejo divorcing Fateh. And Fateh, Tejo is well aware that the day this rosy world comes crashing for him, he would break beyond repair and this time, even Tejo won't be there for him. So she knows that to break Fateh, she needs to break that dream world he has with Jasmine and for that, she needs to ruin Jasmine completely.

Tejo is hurt, but she is being shown as somebody strong enough to give it back rather than either crying in a corner, or fighting for the man, or walking away to start afresh. She can easily pick any of these, but she is choosing to cleanse her soul before she does that and that I actually find very interesting and different from all the shows since other shows pick one of the 3 options.

That's my opinion and am sorry if it hurts anyone. While Tejo coming back is a usual gimmick, her taking this stand to fight her culprits rather than giving them their peace is fun for me to watch. If she had walked away and let Fateh and Jasmine be happy together, then she would have been the only one broken and trying to mend herself, why should she not take the other 2 down with her?

Originally posted by: cutepigs

I differ actually. Feminism is about letting a woman make her own choices and not judge her on them. Whatever the family might be planning behind her back, whatever intentions they might have, be it her name or theirs, it doesn't come into this as she isn't privy to those conversations. The one her father had with her, she told him no.

From where I see it, she still doesn't want Fateh, but she wants to ruin Jasmine completely, the same way she has ruined her by having an affair with her husband. Yes, the husband is always more wrong, but Jasmine has been singing about Tejo being the cheater since she literally "allowed" Tejo to marry Fateh. So Tejo wanting to ruin Jasmine is something I would have also done at her place. By cancelling the divorce, she has again made Jasmine the mistress from the "love of life" Fateh sings, thus stripping Jasmine of the power she felt she had received by being allowed to live in this house and Tejo divorcing Fateh. And Fateh, Tejo is well aware that the day this rosy world comes crashing for him, he would break beyond repair and this time, even Tejo won't be there for him. So she knows that to break Fateh, she needs to break that dream world he has with Jasmine and for that, she needs to ruin Jasmine completely.

Tejo is hurt, but she is being shown as somebody strong enough to give it back rather than either crying in a corner, or fighting for the man, or walking away to start afresh. She can easily pick any of these, but she is choosing to cleanse her soul before she does that and that I actually find very interesting and different from all the shows since other shows pick one of the 3 options.

That's my opinion and am sorry if it hurts anyone. While Tejo coming back is a usual gimmick, her taking this stand to fight her culprits rather than giving them their peace is fun for me to watch. If she had walked away and let Fateh and Jasmine be happy together, then she would have been the only one broken and trying to mend herself, why should she not take the other 2 down with her?

I wish writers have tejo walkout of f life ...and start afresh .... after she achieves her goal... to expose /fail trashmean & fattu completely !

Originally posted by: shirin04

how is ruining Jasmine's life feminism? How is punishing jasmine and letting fateh off the hook feminism? How is making sure jasmine is always the mistress feminism? It is exactly what I meant by internalized misogyny. When a man's fault is not seen but his mistress is sl*t-shamed, disrespected and name called.

I didn't call her ruining Jasmine's life feminism. I called her decision to not give divorce to ruin Jasmine as feminism because she did it by her choice, not because the elders blackmailed her or pressurised her, she took the call, and that is feminism.

She isn't letting Fateh off the hook, she hasn't said she accepts Fateh back or even wants him back. But, Fateh cannot be ruined on his own. He is literally the guy who has absolutely nothing for himself. Like the man doesn't even have self-respect, so what can Tejo break there? The only thing he has, is his dream world where he has a perfect romantic life with Jasmine. So Tejo is targeting that perfect world by ruining Jasmine and bringing her manipulations and lies in front. Yes, Fateh knows Jasmine lies and manipulates, but according to his perfect world, it hasn't harmed him or ruined anything for him, so why should he care if Tejo is ruined by it, so he ignores them. His perfect world has Jasmine and him moving to Canada and being husband and wife. By staying married to Fateh, she has effectively blocked their visa (background check would show them frauds right now) and blocked any chances of Fateh and Jasmine getting married and living their happy world. Tejo hasn't called Jasmine any bad name, she called Fateh her boyfriend in fact.

Tejo is well aware of how it is more her husband's fault since he is the one with vows. She doesn't question Jasmine's morals and hasn't even now because that would be questioning her parents. She has always questioned Jasmine's ego and manipulations and lies and that is not misogyny, that is pretty gender neutral. She questioned her husband on his lies as well and continues to hurt his ego.

Tejo is refusing to be called the bechari! Even when Mahi came to her and said we all feel bad for you, she changed the conversation to doing something to make everyone happy. It is her choice to care for the in-laws who supported her and continue to support her. The reason people are calling out Anupama is that apart from her father-in-law, she isn't supported by anyone, in fact is insulted and ridiculed, and here Tejo is respected by everyone, even her mother-in-law who didn't want to send her son out but now treats Tejo with love and respect, more than her son.

So where has Tejo internalised misogyny? Where has she said she has let Fateh off the hook or even wants to be with him anymore? When did she say Fateh is not at fault? In fact she says he is getting what he deserves.

Originally posted by: cutepigs

I didn't call her ruining Jasmine's life feminism. I called her decision to not give divorce to ruin Jasmine as feminism because she did it by her choice, not because the elders blackmailed her or pressurised her, she took the call, and that is feminism.

She isn't letting Fateh off the hook, she hasn't said she accepts Fateh back or even wants him back. But, Fateh cannot be ruined on his own. He is literally the guy who has absolutely nothing for himself. Like the man doesn't even have self-respect, so what can Tejo break there? The only thing he has, is his dream world where he has a perfect romantic life with Jasmine. So Tejo is targeting that perfect world by ruining Jasmine and bringing her manipulations and lies in front. Yes, Fateh knows Jasmine lies and manipulates, but according to his perfect world, it hasn't harmed him or ruined anything for him, so why should he care if Tejo is ruined by it, so he ignores them. His perfect world has Jasmine and him moving to Canada and being husband and wife. By staying married to Fateh, she has effectively blocked their visa (background check would show them frauds right now) and blocked any chances of Fateh and Jasmine getting married and living their happy world. Tejo hasn't called Jasmine any bad name, she called Fateh her boyfriend in fact.

Tejo is well aware of how it is more her husband's fault since he is the one with vows. She doesn't question Jasmine's morals and hasn't even now because that would be questioning her parents. She has always questioned Jasmine's ego and manipulations and lies and that is not misogyny, that is pretty gender neutral. She questioned her husband on his lies as well and continues to hurt his ego.

Tejo is refusing to be called the bechari! Even when Mahi came to her and said we all feel bad for you, she changed the conversation to doing something to make everyone happy. It is her choice to care for the in-laws who supported her and continue to support her. The reason people are calling out Anupama is that apart from her father-in-law, she isn't supported by anyone, in fact is insulted and ridiculed, and here Tejo is respected by everyone, even her mother-in-law who didn't want to send her son out but now treats Tejo with love and respect, more than her son.

So where has Tejo internalised misogyny? Where has she said she has let Fateh off the hook or even wants to be with him anymore? When did she say Fateh is not at fault? In fact she says he is getting what he deserves.

I like this POV a lot. It gives me a lot of clarity as to whats going on in the show. You pretty much covered it all 👏 .

Originally posted by: shirin04

how is ruining Jasmine's life feminism? How is punishing jasmine and letting fateh off the hook feminism? How is making sure jasmine is always the mistress feminism? It is exactly what I meant by internalized misogyny. When a man's fault is not seen but his mistress is sl*t-shamed, disrespected and name called.

Who told you she is overlooking Fateh's fault? She is holding him accountable for cheating her as much as Jasmine. What made you jump to the conclusion that she has let Fateh completely off the hook?

The punishment is for both of them and he will definitely get his due for sure.

Coming to the mistress being sl*t shamed, name called, disrespected she that mistress in question is a close kin of the wife so she deserves every insult that are being directed at her because what she has done is considered evil, intentionally going after your sister's husband just to satisfy your own ego without any consideration for the former is what you call wickedness and immoral. And to be honest it was Jasmine who got too greedy and kept poking at Tejo post the divorce papers signing so yes she deserves every bit of humiliation being directed at her more than Fateh. What Fateh did is unforgivable no doubt but who led him to it? he was not the one that went after jasmine post his marriage it was that sl*t instead. So I disagree with you when you say he doesn't deserve either of the women, by saying that you are trying to whitewash Trashmean's sins, for her characterless behavior she deserves a characterless husband who is just like her. So i want the divorce to happen so these two cheaters end up with each other and suffer for an eternity.

Originally posted by: cutepigs

I differ actually. Feminism is about letting a woman make her own choices and not judge her on them. Whatever the family might be planning behind her back, whatever intentions they might have, be it her name or theirs, it doesn't come into this as she isn't privy to those conversations. The one her father had with her, she told him no.

From where I see it, she still doesn't want Fateh, but she wants to ruin Jasmine completely, the same way she has ruined her by having an affair with her husband. Yes, the husband is always more wrong, but Jasmine has been singing about Tejo being the cheater since she literally "allowed" Tejo to marry Fateh. So Tejo wanting to ruin Jasmine is something I would have also done at her place. By cancelling the divorce, she has again made Jasmine the mistress from the "love of life" Fateh sings, thus stripping Jasmine of the power she felt she had received by being allowed to live in this house and Tejo divorcing Fateh. And Fateh, Tejo is well aware that the day this rosy world comes crashing for him, he would break beyond repair and this time, even Tejo won't be there for him. So she knows that to break Fateh, she needs to break that dream world he has with Jasmine and for that, she needs to ruin Jasmine completely.

Tejo is hurt, but she is being shown as somebody strong enough to give it back rather than either crying in a corner, or fighting for the man, or walking away to start afresh. She can easily pick any of these, but she is choosing to cleanse her soul before she does that and that I actually find very interesting and different from all the shows since other shows pick one of the 3 options.

That's my opinion and am sorry if it hurts anyone. While Tejo coming back is a usual gimmick, her taking this stand to fight her culprits rather than giving them their peace is fun for me to watch. If she had walked away and let Fateh and Jasmine be happy together, then she would have been the only one broken and trying to mend herself, why should she not take the other 2 down with her?

I agree feminism is about choice but there is a concept in feminism called restricted choice. If you have been fed your entire life that you should take care of your family and make sacrifices for others (as Tejo has), then what will she naturally be inclined to do here? And it is a show playing on television, where they would redeem Fateh. So what happens then? The message is once again that woman should just forgive. What we see on television does play into the larger narrative & structural makeup that woman should just forgive and move on with their partner.

The fact she wants to catfight Jasmine to reveal her true face makes no sense to me - that also plays into the age old trope of women knocking each other down, instead of having strength to just let it go.

Tejo has on multiple occasions says "tumne mujhe isliye choda," what does that imply - still internal competition between two FL. Why not turn around and say "yo if he can betray his wife, he will leave you too."

And do no apologize, it is a constructive back and forth :)

Ok but was this show supposed to be feminist ever? Is tejo a feminist? Lol no. There's the fact that in both households every character plays the expected gender norms. Why is it that at both houses women are the one who always cook? Or clean? Just doing a job doesn't make you feminist. There are several incidents in virk household where she has to face typical nautanki which DIL face, but she stays silent. Even in her job issue, fateh advocated for her, she didn't. I like her a lot, but she's not a feminist.

Also if you're looking for feminism in itv, my guess from my limited experience, you're gonna irritate yourself.