Abandonment, Recovery and Love - Page 2

Excellent analysis by the way. I won't comment on the abandonment issues as I think you've captured those emotions pretty spot on there. I will, however, add to the final points you've made regarding acceptance from an avoidant partner.

In all their years growing up, I think it's safe to say, that Shiva gave her the attention (even if it was mean spirited) that no other person in Somnath did. It was always in some way shape or form a taunt, but it was attention nonetheless. And in a way, that attention always led to "positive" results for her --> Dev's attention. So, maybe as some sort of operant conditioning (think Pavlov's dogs for those of you who studied psychology), I think she personally went through the pain of Shiva's taunts to get the love/attention from Dev.

Now that Dev has been reduced to just a figment of her imagination, I am thinking that she craves all the attention she can from Shiva. It'll remind her of her past, before marriage, when she was still comforted by the fact that she had her family (Maasi Ma, Mausa Pa, Anita Di). Now, she's stuck in a loveless marriage, and her "worst" nightmares of being abandoned have come true. She's scared Shiva will leave her alone at her most vulnerable.

Which is why she becomes more and more ticked off whenever the concept of "husband/wife protecting each other forever" comes up. I think her words are misplaced, but I think her goal is the same: Get Shiva's attention. Whether he hates her or learns to like her, that attention is what will give her the solace she needs to live through, knowing that at least one person in this world looks to her.

Now that I'm thinking it, maybe that's why all her misplaced anger is placed on Shiva alone. Out of everyone in the house, Shiva gave her the most amount of attention growing up. Now that his attention is diminishing, she keeps poking his buttons in every way possible--hoping they could return to their status quo. In the process, she herself is forgetting that she is no longer just Raavi but Raavi Pandya (wife to Shiva, and the bahu of the family).

Originally posted by: akki2

Wow how beautifully have u summed up 👌👌👌👌

Thank you. You should chip in your thoughts as well.

Originally posted by: shivangi1112

I was thinking along the lines but that's the beauty of being a writer.. You can pen it down beautifuly. 😊

Hardly a writer, Shivi have so much potential which makes all of us become writers at heart.

Originally posted by: Foxii

What a great Post.

Well explained :)

❤️

Originally posted by: Mehakbhambri

Hey!!

Yeah you are right about her issues i feel the same..

The walls are created to safeguard herself from hurt.. its not easy to break but surely it is not impossible...

Just love respect and efforts are needed..

I feel that shiva must have tried to explain his side, which would have helped her heal..

I have undergone something similar to Raavi and I can relate to her but snapping Shiva at every moment for me doesn't reflect her anger or hurt rather deep inside she wants some attention, some concern, care, love and respect. Which unfortunately is not understood by shiva at the moment..

So what do you feel?

Do share your views I would love to read them..

First of all, hugs to you if you have experienced something similar. Healing, catharsis and emotional well being is a very internal journey. Generally, people could have multiple reactions to such a trauma. Clinginess, anger, disconnection, emotional ambiguity, misplaced anger, all of this and more can happen simultaneously.
Some people build walls to cope up. Everyone’s defence mechanism and coping is different.

Will Shiva’s softness make a difference? Perhaps, maybe or maybe not.
Such emotions are complex and there’s no definite answer. Sometimes, such people can be triggered and become distant with love and care too. The shock value of Shiva is giving her a purpose to hold on to and hence, she is able to cope up.

Originally posted by: Miss_SR

This was such a good read. Honestly I understand every emotion of hers including her behaviour towards Shiva. I don't question that at all. But this behaviour with ONLY him was what I can't contemplate yet. Dev got away completely scot-free. Me and mum have had a long discussion about this actually, I might even pen everything she said down later, it made sense to me. The only thing i can think of is that she isn't a logical or rational thinker.

This is a brillaint read regardless ❤.

Hello,

I read your description about what you and your mum had to say. Must say some very valid points.

I think Dev hasn’t got Scot free. His non-existence started from the moment he left her hand. It’s practically state of disillusionment. With Shiva, it’s always been extreme for her. She is latching on to the most powerful emotion which gives her some kind of purpose in her existential crisis. Hence, he is the ONLY one to bear her brunt.

He is being punished for no reasoning, I agree. It’s like he is her safe punching bag so to say.

So beautifully put! I really hope the writers deal with Raavi’s issues in the right way

I couldn't agree more!

Originally posted by: milkcakejamun

Excellent analysis by the way. I won't comment on the abandonment issues as I think you've captured those emotions pretty spot on there. I will, however, add to the final points you've made regarding acceptance from an avoidant partner.

In all their years growing up, I think it's safe to say, that Shiva gave her the attention (even if it was mean spirited) that no other person in Somnath did. It was always in some way shape or form a taunt, but it was attention nonetheless. And in a way, that attention always led to "positive" results for her --> Dev's attention. So, maybe as some sort of operant conditioning (think Pavlov's dogs for those of you who studied psychology), I think she personally went through the pain of Shiva's taunts to get the love/attention from Dev.

That’s a very valid point, dear! Pavlov’s parallel is undoubtedly there. His entire universe did revolve around her as subtly pointed by Gaumbi one day. He said that he must try and think of something else instead of rotating around Raavi. Also, happens since that her laughter boggles him a lot. It’s deep rooted in his childhood issues, Raavi mostly laughed at him. There are people who have deep rooted child-hood issues and keep on going back to them often.
Honestly, though Dhara and Gaumbi are very close to him but I still believe that Shiva has a very secretive space of emotions in his life. A space which isn’t privy to anyone. His sitting perched atop a tree post Dhara’s humiliation is a sign of a monumental vulnerability that is very hidden. I do wish Raavi to encroach that mental space too. They have a lot of peace at their physical encroachment of each other’s spaces. I would definitely want her to be the only person privy to an extremely vulnerable Shiva. That would be so much intimate as a progress!

Now that Dev has been reduced to just a figment of her imagination, I am thinking that she craves all the attention she can from Shiva. It'll remind her of her past, before marriage, when she was still comforted by the fact that she had her family (Maasi Ma, Mausa Pa, Anita Di). Now, she's stuck in a loveless marriage, and her "worst" nightmares of being abandoned have come true. She's scared Shiva will leave her alone at her most vulnerable.

Which is why she becomes more and more ticked off whenever the concept of "husband/wife protecting each other forever" comes up. I think her words are misplaced, but I think her goal is the same: Get Shiva's attention. Whether he hates her or learns to like her, that attention is what will give her the solace she needs to live through, knowing that at least one person in this world looks to her.

Now that I'm thinking it, maybe that's why all her misplaced anger is placed on Shiva alone. Out of everyone in the house, Shiva gave her the most amount of attention growing up. Now that his attention is diminishing, she keeps poking his buttons in every way possible--hoping they could return to their status quo. In the process, she herself is forgetting that she is no longer just Raavi but Raavi Pandya (wife to Shiva, and the bahu of the family).

Last part 👏

i was trying to find your post.....i told u i will read but when i have plenty of time....

the way you see the things, relationships and bring out the small details is 👏i just love reading it.....

her fear of abandonment i clearly understood but rest of the things you explained were different and i got to know a new perspective.....

ITV is never gonna address these real issues.....i wish someone from their team reads your posts and try to implement it.....we have 2 very complex characters, which can be explored and handled very nicely.......

i have a question, does she find him inferior or less den her or dev or not on her level? coz like her, he too has his insecurities and her anger might make things worse for him.........want to know your thoughts.....