Abandonment, Recovery and Love

Hello everyone,

While we all are happy with the romantic moments, a part hidden in our hearts dreads the angst involved in Raavi-Shiva relationship. We love their fights, bickering and banter! Don’t we? However, the immense amount of unsurfaced emotions these two harbour haven’t even been touched upon as yet. I highly doubt, ITV would probably even find those and keep on putting them together under the garb of “Ek Chutki Sindoor” and parivar etc.

The real issue behind Raavi’s strange behaviour is emotional Abandonment.

She is undergoing an internal emotional crisis of abandonment. This abandonment generally leads to scar an individual with trauma and leaves an emotional imprint that affects her future choices, responses and is a real PTSD. She has experienced abandonment in 3 stages:

1. Childhood Abandonment with early death of parents:

Such kids often create an illusionary bubble of happiness around them when they receive too much love after that. The abandonment instead of being addressed is hidden under love and the person grows protected and in a fairy tale bubble of happiness.

2. Adulthood and Abandonment by her Emotional Cocoon of Security Dev

We see her being abandoned by her imaginary cocoon of security on the altar of her wedding day. She was the happiest and all her dreams came crashing down. A fatal reality check. Her behaviour during that trauma was self-defeat. Purely giving up.

3. Abandonment by Shiva: Her renewed sense of empowerment.

Raavi has experienced such an intense Abandonment related PTSD that the moment she got married to Shiva, she has started behaving like a pendulum oscillating between ‘fear of engulfment’ and ‘fear of abandonment’ from Shiva. Her worst fears coming true in the form of him leaving her.


What Raavi experiences is a form of Abandonment PTSD which is manifesting as intrusive anxiety when Shiva puts Sindoor on her, emotional hijacking on the slightest level of critique or suffocation due to sudden engulfment. Lashing out at Shiva gives her a sense of entitlement, empowerment and control. It helps her recover from low self-esteem which is triggered by her abandonment at the wedding altar.
Was she not good enough?
What could she have done better?

The low self-worth makes her seek comfort but she doesn’t get any and hence latches on to an unwilling partner. And, when the same partner, becomes a little willing, she lashes out because of an excessive need of control on her life.

Is it fair for Dhara and Gautam as elders to actually tell her that everything will get better or push a vulnerable person to another vulnerable person?

Her diminished sense of elf-esteem fills her with an intense need to nurture her ego to put herself on a pedestal. That’s how she finds her sense of self-worth again.

Her unpredictability stems from her trauma.

Why doesn’t Dev matter to her anymore?

It’s simply because he didn’t exist in her real world. Her relationship with Dev was fictional and imaginary. He didn’t exist as a real relationship. She was fixated with her sense of security and seeing Dev on the wedding altar like that jolted her into reality. Her lucid day-dreaming world came crashing. You can’t hold a grudge with an imagination. And, post her abandonment, all her emotions have been directed towards only 1 person-Shiva. Perhaps her only Real Relationship that existed with him all these years.

Btw, you must have noticed that certain people will go to lengths to get the acceptance from an avoidant partner.

All these years, in her perfect cocoon of love from everyone, there existed only 1 man who didn’t love her back. That was Shiva. Such dynamics in their relationship makes it extremely complex for them to understand whatever is happening to them.

There’s so much potential in their bond. You feel so much for them because they are much more to each other. They are objects of fixation for each other. Their world revolves around each other.

The fear of abandonment meets the fear of acceptance!

The walls this created aren’t that easy to break. Are they?

Chip in folks!

just wow u summed this up so nicely...👏

That is some profound and very real issues that Raavi is going through and you have analysed so beautifully. She is a complex character who needs support, love and nurturing and you have summed it all up very accurately.

Are you a psychology student? 🤣

Wow how beautifully have u summed up 👌👌👌👌

Originally posted by: anshika5103

just wow u summed this up so nicely...👏

Thank you. Would love to hear more from you.

I was thinking along the lines but that's the beauty of being a writer.. You can pen it down beautifuly. 😊

What a great Post.

Well explained :)

Originally posted by: Transference

Hello everyone,

While we all are happy with the romantic moments, a part hidden in our hearts dreads the angst involved in Raavi-Shiva relationship. We love their fights, bickering and banter! Don’t we? However, the immense amount of unsurfaced emotions these two harbour haven’t even been touched upon as yet. I highly doubt, ITV would probably even find those and keep on putting them together under the garb of “Ek Chutki Sindoor” and parivar etc.

The real issue behind Raavi’s strange behaviour is emotional Abandonment.

She is undergoing an internal emotional crisis of abandonment. This abandonment generally leads to scar an individual with trauma and leaves an emotional imprint that affects her future choices, responses and is a real PTSD. She has experienced abandonment in 3 stages:

1. Childhood Abandonment with early death of parents:

Such kids often create an illusionary bubble of happiness around them when they receive too much love after that. The abandonment instead of being addressed is hidden under love and the person grows protected and in a fairy tale bubble of happiness.

2. Adulthood and Abandonment by her Emotional Cocoon of Security Dev

We see her being abandoned by her imaginary cocoon of security on the altar of her wedding day. She was the happiest and all her dreams came crashing down. A fatal reality check. Her behaviour during that trauma was self-defeat. Purely giving up.

3. Abandonment by Shiva: Her renewed sense of empowerment.

Raavi has experienced such an intense Abandonment related PTSD that the moment she got married to Shiva, she has started behaving like a pendulum oscillating between ‘fear of engulfment’ and ‘fear of abandonment’ from Shiva. Her worst fears coming true in the form of him leaving her.


What Raavi experiences is a form of Abandonment PTSD which is manifesting as intrusive anxiety when Shiva puts Sindoor on her, emotional hijacking on the slightest level of critique or suffocation due to sudden engulfment. Lashing out at Shiva gives her a sense of entitlement, empowerment and control. It helps her recover from low self-esteem which is triggered by her abandonment at the wedding altar.
Was she not good enough?
What could she have done better?

The low self-worth makes her seek comfort but she doesn’t get any and hence latches on to an unwilling partner. And, when the same partner, becomes a little willing, she lashes out because of an excessive need of control on her life.

Is it fair for Dhara and Gautam as elders to actually tell her that everything will get better or push a vulnerable person to another vulnerable person?

Her diminished sense of elf-esteem fills her with an intense need to nurture her ego to put herself on a pedestal. That’s how she finds her sense of self-worth again.

Her unpredictability stems from her trauma.

Why doesn’t Dev matter to her anymore?

It’s simply because he didn’t exist in her real world. Her relationship with Dev was fictional and imaginary. He didn’t exist as a real relationship. She was fixated with her sense of security and seeing Dev on the wedding altar like that jolted her into reality. Her lucid day-dreaming world came crashing. You can’t hold a grudge with an imagination. And, post her abandonment, all her emotions have been directed towards only 1 person-Shiva. Perhaps her only Real Relationship that existed with him all these years.

Btw, you must have noticed that certain people will go to lengths to get the acceptance from an avoidant partner.

All these years, in her perfect cocoon of love from everyone, there existed only 1 man who didn’t love her back. That was Shiva. Such dynamics in their relationship makes it extremely complex for them to understand whatever is happening to them.

There’s so much potential in their bond. You feel so much for them because they are much more to each other. They are objects of fixation for each other. Their world revolves around each other.

The fear of abandonment meets the fear of acceptance!

The walls this created aren’t that easy to break. Are they?

Chip in folks!

Hey!!

Yeah you are right about her issues i feel the same..

The walls are created to safeguard herself from hurt.. its not easy to break but surely it is not impossible...

Just love respect and efforts are needed..

I feel that shiva must have tried to explain his side, which would have helped her heal..

I have undergone something similar to Raavi and I can relate to her but snapping Shiva at every moment for me doesn't reflect her anger or hurt rather deep inside she wants some attention, some concern, care, love and respect. Which unfortunately is not understood by shiva at the moment..

So what do you feel?

Do share your views I would love to read them..

Originally posted by: ananyakhetarpal

That is some profound and very real issues that Raavi is going through and you have analysed so beautifully. She is a complex character who needs support, love and nurturing and you have summed it all up very accurately.

She might not be complex character but her issues are. I think we rarely talk about real issues on ITV. If such issues aren’t addressed the way they should be in real life, they can lead to suffocation of a lifetime.

Are you a psychology student? 🤣

Well, no I am not 😆

This was such a good read. Honestly I understand every emotion of hers including her behaviour towards Shiva. I don't question that at all. But this behaviour with ONLY him was what I can't contemplate yet. Dev got away completely scot-free. Me and mum have had a long discussion about this actually, I might even pen everything she said down later, it made sense to me. The only thing i can think of is that she isn't a logical or rational thinker.

This is a brillaint read regardless ❤.