Addressing the manhandling - Page 2

Originally posted by: Rayea

For those who are saying this issue was discussed , I agree it was. There wasn't a separate thread to discuss it as it was an important topic so I created one.

Manhandling is an important issue and hate that ITV likes to romanticize it. I'm glad you made a seperate topic to discuss it and articulated it well. But I think the way this post started out mentioning how Dhara gets bashed but not Shiva and Dev, it seemed to (at least to me) emphasize on our perceived bias towards/against certain characters and was detracting from the valuable point that you raise about manhandling.

Originally posted by: Rayea

What I meant by no one said was that the manhandling issue didn't know get the attention as much as the bashing of Dhara as they were equally bad. I have read many post about manhandling but most of them were one shots or fanfictions so I decided to create a seperate thread so that people can discuss and understand that the way the show is portraying manhandling and romanitcizing it is wrong.

As I said in the previous post, really happy you made a seperate topic about it. Manhandling should not be justified for romance. For those who've been in such relationships, there's nothing romantic about it. It's super toxic.

But I will respectfully disagree that it hasn't been discussed much outside of ff/OS. It's discussed well in depth in EDT. But they move at such a fast pace, that if you don't check the forum the day episode airs, those discussions will get lost. We've also discussed it many times pre-wedding and one particular time I remember is during pre-wedding scene when Raavi comes to see Dev before their wedding and Shiva backs her into the door and prevents her from going to meet Dev. I remember there were lengthy discussions around it. It may not have been pages as this forum was barely active then. But it was a quality discussion.

In regards to number of discussions for Dhara vs these guys, it's because this act of Dhara has completely ruined her character. And I apologize, I am going off on tangent here from the intent of your poat, but to clarify on # of Dhara posts, I'll add this. The writers of the show are hell bent on making it seem like her ways are the best ways (not just thrashing, but how she's arm twisting ShiVi to accept each other, forcing ShiSh to respect Rishita when she's done nothing to deserve it, being biased towards the eldest Devar/Devrani and silencing and punishing younger ones while the elder ones gets free pass, all of it builds into bashing of her character.) Dhara seems to genuinely believe that what she's doing right, is emotionally manipulating others to do what she thinks is right, and simply crying and hogging up screen space which in addition to what I've mentioned earlier makes us frustrated. She used to be a lovely character, but after the timeslot change, it like before anyone has a chance to forget about her previous actions, she does something else. If this Dhara 2.0 continues to act this way, then the number of those posts would increase too because that's most of what has been presented to us these past few weeks. And I think if the situations were reversed with another character it would be same as well.

Again, I am sorry for derailing your post with the last bit. I don't want to take anything away from the discussion you've started about manhandling.

Completely agree with your points. The pandya family have so much toxic traits and this is another example of it. I don't know what happened to Dev, he wasn't like this before. He was always the calm one and now suddenly when he's coming out abit it's all in the wrong way. Shiva has always been harsh, and it pains me to watch him do this, I'm also very sick of it. He can still come across as he is without doing this. I desperately need them to stop, especially Shiva. It also hurts that they use their bhabi to do this with their wives. It's really not on.

Coming on to some other parts of your post - it gets discussed alot, on the EDT, very heavily infact. So no one's ignoring these toxic traits. Even on twitter it gets called out. This PS fandom is very divided but when it comes to the manhandling most people (there's always a few who don't) unanimously agree that it's toxic and call it out as they see it.

This part is purely my opinion - the reason why I feel like it doesn't get as much bashing as Dhara's beating is because Dhara's incident was glorified heavily by some fans and the channel, so much to a point that ALOT of people came out to say those beatings were okay and is a mother's 'haq'. I can say that in this forum and on twitter there hasn't been anyone to say Shiva and Dev have done right by their wives with the manhandling - it was shown by the channel but not glorified. It comes across as wrong, it is seen as wrong and called out as wrong. No one came out to say manhandling them is their 'haq'.

Just my opinion regarding this issue.

P.S. I also hope Krish does better than them. He's too pure and innocent for all this shit. And he seems smart enough to know better. But I don't trust the makers at all.

Originally posted by: Mountains_Lakes

Manhandling is an important issue and hate that ITV likes to romanticize it. I'm glad you made a seperate topic to discuss it and articulated it well. But I think the way this post started out mentioning how Dhara gets bashed but not Shiva and Dev, it seemed to (at least to me) emphasize on our perceived bias towards/against certain characters and was detracting from the valuable point that you raise about manhandling.

I believe this is the issue- not sure if you have been following ITV for the past few years, but I have been noticing this since IPKKND days( though manhandling has been in ITV many years prior to that), that somehow they want to equate Manhandling to Passion. I think it’s about the blatant encroachment of the personal space between the protagonists. That adrenaline and overflow of emotion seems to be mistaken for romance.

While there have been many ITV examples of respectful romance, if you look at many of the hit couples over the past few years have this sort of a toxic dynamic. And unfortunately, the behavior gets normalized, because as the show progresses, the hero suddenly becomes a doting husband, which gives an impression that the issue is only fleeting and not systemic.

I wonder if it is also to do with literature and how some girls grew up with the Twilight version of romance- the notion of the bad guy who abuses you but in the name of love. Even more unfortunately, many of these people feel that the gentlemanly romance, which was probably a staple of the 90’s romance, is boring.

case in point, GauRa have a an amazing romance, but it is ShiVi that will pull in the crowds. I also wonder if ShiVi were written closer to the original and maintained about an arm’s length of distance, would they be this popular? Given that they don’t like each other, there was no way they would be in each other’s faces so often without Shiva pulling her in or grabbing her.

Originally posted by: funny_fubar

I believe this is the issue- not sure if you have been following ITV for the past few years, but I have been noticing this since IPKKND days( though manhandling has been in ITV many years prior to that), that somehow they want to equate Manhandling to Passion. I think it’s about the blatant encroachment of the personal space between the protagonists. That adrenaline and overflow of emotion seems to be mistaken for romance.

While there have been many ITV examples of respectful romance, if you look at many of the hit couples over the past few years have this sort of a toxic dynamic. And unfortunately, the behavior gets normalized, because as the show progresses, the hero suddenly becomes a doting husband, which gives an impression that the issue is only fleeting and not systemic.

I wonder if it is also to do with literature and how some girls grew up with the Twilight version of romance- the notion of the bad guy who abuses you but in the name of love. Even more unfortunately, many of these people feel that the gentlemanly romance, which was probably a staple of the 90’s romance, is boring.

case in point, GauRa have a an amazing romance, but it is ShiVi that will pull in the crowds. I also wonder if ShiVi were written closer to the original and maintained about an arm’s length of distance, would they be this popular? Given that they don’t like each other, there was no way they would be in each other’s faces so often without Shiva pulling her in or grabbing her.

You make some great points and I can't help but agree on why we are seeing what we're seeing today. I can't recall if any popular couples in Kekta shows had any manhandling, but I think GulKhan definitely brought this trend. I remember, Arnav-Khushi as a couple breaking internet. It was a new wave and something different from the saas-bahu kitchen politics that Kekta brought to ITV. Unfortunately, with ITV, if a new idea succeeds, it's used as a template to replicate the concept with different background in every other channel to compete for the viewership. I quit ITV after RR (which also had manhandling initially), so I wasn't sure if that template was used for all current popular jodis. However, I am not surprised, especially after seeing the article on forced marriage across ITV in recent times. I was hoping for some evolution over the past 10 years later as I started watching PS. Honestly, it's really sad that this pushing and pulling idea of romance still attracts the audience.

For me, GauRa's realistic, naturally falling in love after marriage, was breath of fresh air. They attracted me to watch this show along with beautiful family bond. I loved how they fell in love and and we're Rajshri type intimate. The scene where Dhara reveals about contraceptive pills to Gaumbi after they consummate their marriage was so natural and intimate. There wasn't too much drama around it and I loved it.

When the leap happened, GauRa were my favorite, and I slowly started liking ShiVi for their funny banter. Never for Shiva throwing her out or pushing and pulling that he did. ShiVi managed to win me over because of the depth in their characters and the rich history that they share. Shiva had a reason for hate as what Mami did was unforgivable. For Raavi, he was a frenemy who she wanted to win over for her future. A lot of ShiVi fans came through the wedding track, precisely the wedding ceremony shots. They were done so well, and what connected me to those characters then was their pain and helplessness. Alice did a phenomenal job portraying a heartbroken bride (especially after the bubbly portrayal of Raavi) and my heart went out to her. We never had insight into Shiva's thoughts, but the intensity in KD's eyes made me fall in love with these two even more. For all the scenes where Shiva's manhandled Raavi, I think even if manhandling was taken out of their equation and they'd just focused on their eyes/expressions, I think it would have similar effect. Example would be many stories written without manhandling, but it still leaves us with the same charm as ShiVi does onscreen.

When ShiVi got married, I was hoping Gaumbi would have heart to heart with Shiva on respecting and treating his wife properly, but instead we get even Dev man handling his wife. I wanted this show to show that beautiful love stories/hit jodis can be formed without manhandling and it could be the new twmplate for ITV. However, makers refused to deviate from tried and tested formula, and now we're not only seeing Shiva, but also Dev following the ITV tropes. Wish they know that both can have hit jodis if the characters are written well without the manhandling part.

Not even a regular comer here but i have seen many posts which were against shiva manhandling raavi. Maybe not seperate posts but i dont think anyone turns a blind eye to it either

I agree with your points on manhandling but I disagree it hasn't been called out. It has been called out various times on EDTs and I am happy that you made a post specifically addressing manhandling. I do think Dhara gets the brunt of criticism just due to the fact the current track has stretched and people haven't seen Dhara realize her mistakes. She doesn't actually feel she has done anything wrong and her actions haven't resulted in anything positive yet. I also think people expect more out of Dhara because she was seen as a responsible, mature character so her current actions do not make any sense. Also Dhara herself has also been a victim of abuse. Basically, the writing on this show is so problematic.

The problem with ITV shows is that as long as abusive actions are done by "heros/heroines" of the show, those actions are not portrayed as wrong and often even glorified. I would actually love the show to address this and Dev and Shiva apologizing to their wives and portraying it as wrong but I don't have any high hopes with how crappy the writing has been so far.

I am actually really happy that people on this forum do call out bad behaviour for all characters. It is the reason I participate in discussions. Again, I do believe showmakers have responsibility toward audience but they resort to such bad writing and old, tired regressive tropes.

Agree with you about Shiva manhandling Raavi. But not on the Rishita matter. Rishita is uncontrollable. There is no better way of handling her other than that.