Aditya holding back the women? - Page 4

Originally posted by: Myrah_2020

Lmao, tabhi people say never judge a book by its cover. I think you guys pretty much covered up what is conveyed --- simple tarike se show dekhona instead of giving labeling Ema, bigamy, womanizing guy, romance with mistress, etc. Lol, I didn't see him & even if he's done it, it was with a conscious perspective. Mujhe nhi pata k Bengali version mei kya hua & jaanke kuch faida nhi because it's just a plot execution difference here.

Faltu k long essays/journal articles likne se acha h that watch the some episodes fir bewakufi p khudo. 😆

@bold: IF ONLY😆....yehi simple baat toh people just don't get when it comes to Adi and Imlie in this show....sabko cover se hi judge karna hai, casual viewing se hi presumptions banaane hain😕😆.....

Adi is being judged precisely on that basis....cuz on a casual viewing, you can easily dismiss him as the guy who married two women and is supposedly stringing both of them along😆.....but that is really not what the story is.....Adi is not operating in a vacuum....the two women involved in the story bring their own POVs to the situation too....

Most ITV viewers don't work with the expectation that women have any agency in a relationship....cuz most stories settle into the mode where love transitions into some kind of shaadi (forced or otherwise) and then everyone just sort of goes along with it as the woman's life is mostly spun around how she manages her household😆....is sab mein agency ke questions never really arise and I feel people have mostly forgotten what agency even looks like for a woman since the expectation always is that some man or the other (whether a husband or a father) is making some decision regarding her life and she has no choice but to "adjust" around it.

In Imlie, despite this being such a tricky storyline, so convoluted a story....we have a lead character who raises the question of agency, of choice for the women in his life over and over again......so that's definitely something hatke.

Originally posted by: spelano.ws

As for Aditya, I was so tired of the concept of ‘reforming the misogynist’ or aggressive mls with that underlying misogyny no matter how progressive they make them seem. The idea of a woman redeeming a man was rinsed and repeated so many times in different packages. All I wanted was a male lead who is sorted in that aspect, he doesn’t have to be taught how to respect a woman, is progressive, clear in his thoughts about that without shoving it in our faces and has proper and fleshed out flaws other than rude, abusive or sexist remarks. They have done a remarkable job with Aditya there, he is respectful, supportive, there is no hidden sexism and is extremely sorted in that aspect. All of these traits are just incorporated into his character it’s not something shoved in our faces like some other mls have been made to ke ‘look look this is a very progressive guy who occasionally passes a sexist remark or manhandles the woman but it’s ok because he gives her her basic rights whether it be parhane dena or whatever’ no thank you. I don’t want any giving. I already have those rights. I was so tired of having to watch these ‘supportive’ mls. Supportive until things don’t go their way. Possessive to a scary extent where it just becomes uncomfortable. In the name of romance, itv has gotten away with a lot of toxicity for a long time. And if we’ve been given some male characters without those traits, but who were supportive and decent well then that’s all they were, no other flaws and portrayed as saints,

Aditya’s core characterisation is something I have always wanted from an itv male, a respectful, decent and supportive man with these traits intact throughout his characterisation (because there are examples I have seen of men with these traits but with underlying misogyny). He made sure to let imlie know again and again she doesn’t need anyone and her own identity is enough for her, even when he’ll separate from mun it will be imlie’s choice to be with him or not. He didn’t give her a choice or rights or anything but he made sure to remind her she already has them. And it will be her who decides what happens with her life. Many were frustrated why he needed her permission, he said it best in his own words ‘yeh hum dono ki zindagi ka faisla hai’. He was absolutely right, imlie has to be ready for this change, it has to be her own choice as it is her life and its dynamics that will change forever as well (I think that also has to do with the fact that a major decision of her life was taken away from her and he wanted to remind her she makes the choices for her life).

This is why I was so impressed with aditya’s characterisation. Finally, a male lead who does not have to be portrayed a saint to be decent. He has his flaws and still remains respectful to his core values throughout his journey. I might be temporarily mad at him rn but I can’t deny they have done a wonderful job with his character. Kudos.

Awesome post, spelano👏

@bold: Especially loved these points you made. I'm also beyond tired of TOKENISM....the token MLs who are deemed progressive simply over giving bhaashans on the rights of women while otherwise still going around doing casual misogyny with a full sense of entitlement. Everything is romanticized if a guy simply talks about how a woman is "allowed" to pursue her dreams....lol bhai who decided that men will decide what is "allowed"? This basic point gets lost in plotlines where women invariably just become caught up in managing sasurals post shaadi.

Here we have Aditya...who despite the fact that he's committed the royal mess of bigamy😆.....is surprisingly way more progressive as a character in terms of thought process. He does not play mahaan or nice for the sake of being nice or checking of a box.....when he conveys support and respect, it is from his heart, from the core of his being.....that is why it feels genuine and more effective overall. He is VERY flawed and has MANY moments of faltering in terms of his temper, his frustrations....but at his core, he is a GENUINE person who genuinely believes in respecting/supporting the women in his life....casual misogynist nahin hai.

He can be aloof, he can be detached, he can be quite selfish😆....but he is not one for tokenism. That is what elevates him as a character in my opinion too....despite the many times I do want to see him getting thrashed for the mess he's made😆

Originally posted by: AreYaar

@bold: And yet, somehow he is only judged on the basis of how many lovey dovey promises he can make😆......look at Malini herself in that scene when she cooked up a fake lover....she didn't want understanding or respect from him, she only wanted the mush😆. Whether or not his response was cuz he's in love with her, the point as you said is that he still realizes that he hasn't been a good husband to her and she deserves better than being in a loveless relationship....so he was still trying to give her support to pursue her happiness and love with whomever she wants to....doesn't matter when that person entered her life.

I guess the issue is that he is being judged on is his "neglect" of Malini after 7 years of being with her.....and somehow that is being twisted into blaming him for her current state as if he has ruined Malini's life by tying her to him.....no doubt it is Adi's fault that he married her without figuring himself out or resolving the marriage with Imlie.....but at no point in this entire messy journey did he ever force Malini to be with him.....at every point, he acted based on what he was aware of....he professed love and loyalty to Malini because that is what he thought he felt at that time.....but not for a moment did he COMPEL her to be with him. Malini has always stayed with him out of her own choice.....even now she is doing it out of her own choice. He has literally not ever even tried to physically block her path....lol

^That is the core problem. People are looking at one side of the problem. In the initial phases, it was something that "they" both expected mutually thus the whole PDA, phone calls, etc. However, not everything occurs as per the expected outlook. Malini is doing things as per her choice & she is also simultaneously chiming others into her charm (except for few). Malini is compelling her herself to believe into this failed marriage. It was her preference, which he respected even if there was no love/hate. He is allowing her to make her own decision or to contemplate over her choices. He, himself is contemplating on his own choices and how he doen't want Malini to suffer from anymore delusions even though, as viewers, we know she manipulatively wrote the cinematography of the fake crush/love.

Then there's Imlie....which is a whole other situation in his life.😆....with Imlie, there is still the basis of choice/consent, but there is the added factor of love which makes it harder for him to hold back or stay away from her.....which is why in Imlie's case, he makes the effort to balance between his yearning for her as well as always underlining the point that it is her CHOICE if she wants to be with him.....he is not tying her to himself in anyway either....he is simply affirming the facts of their marriage, affirming her faith with his faith....his faith that she is the only partner in his eyes and he will wait for her to make her choice about whether she wants to accept him.....that is a big thing worth noting....he knows Imlie keeps repeating that she considers him her husband but he is still giving her the space and agency to know herself better with time and then decide if she still wants to choose him. So how is a man who is doing all this, tying a woman to him in anyway?

Balance bhi candid h. Sometimes, he doesn't even require intuition to respond as he just wants express his points more openly rather than being formal just like with Malini. He allows her to make her choice tabhi she suggests to not spoil his relationship with Malini. Imlie naturally says she is from PD without any external tags because before anything PD is where she started her journey of life. Imlie has the liberty to design her own choices & he also advices her rather than expecting an full-fledged agreement. It's a agree-to-disagree moment just like that chai in the car scene.

Itna enforcement toh woh nahi Malini ko kara h nor Imlie. Yet, AC ji wants an abetting case on him without even talking with nazoon se pali bitiya rani.

It's another matter that he knows Imlie loves him....but even then he wants to give her the space to make her choice. In terms of him holding back from touching her....I do find it interesting how they've managed to balance that nuance....cuz what holds him back is not that he thinks it is wrong for him to touch her....he considers her his wife, he's in love with her....it is natural that he will feel the need to touch her, hold her....which comes out in the form of the handholding or the few hugs here or there.....what holds him back as you said in many ways is that he always wants it to be about her choice....he senses that she needs more time and patience to grow into her feelings for him so that factors in too. I'm reminded again that the morning after the hug in the hut, one of Adi's thoughts was ki kahin Imlie ko bura toh nahin lag gaya that he pulled her into the hug🤣....and he was actually wondering if that's why she was refusing to go out for lunch with him.....lol so that alone should give us a picture into how Adi approaches this....he does feel they have rights on each other as husband-wife but even then he never feels entitled to anything with her.

All he wanted to do was console her while expressing his feelings -- she did the same. There was composure between the duo which was an imperative moment in their relationship. I don't know what context of tying or thopna are people really referring towards because all I just was two people opening up more naturally about their feelings and perspectives with no assertiveness. Later on, reminiscing over this point just shows how much he values her opinion & reflects over his action without the need to think of exerting his right as her husband. She's not some worshipping person towards whom he feels the need to grovel himself towards & nor is Malini. Both are humans with preferences, opinions, & emotions which he respects. Woh alag baat h that Malini ka kissa hi alag h but it's just something he's pointed out to Malini as to where she's gone wrong in the past & if she wants to look at their friendship, then that is how he will respond.

This is separate from all the tantrums he throws when he doesn't get Imlie ki attention😆 or she decides to ignore him😆....us maamle mein inse patience expect karna would be too much I guess😆.

Originally posted by: AreYaar

I also am confounded many times that instead of viewing the story from the emotions that are being depicted, people still fixate more on whether or not it's EMA or bigamy.....lol matlab we are getting a whole journey of nuanced emotions here but fixation remains on whether or not Adi has "sanction" to be in love with Imlie depending on the timeline of when he fell in love with her😕😆.

The whole fixation on social sanction is such a myopic way to view this story when it's actually about the journey of flawed individuals in complicated situations. As far as I'm concerned, the "when" of Adi fell in love with Imlie is totally a moot point and it absolutely is immaterial to the present....cuz the simple truth is that he married Imlie first, and he realized that she's the only one he's ever loved....what difference will it now make to figure out "when" he fell for her as if that will decide if he has the "right" to love her in the present😕😆.

Exactly. What is the need to label what’s transpiring between Aditya and Imlie as anything other than a husband and wife discovering their way through. And it is not like they want anything better to happen with Malini either. They just want to focus on making the other two their bad guys come what may.

And the tangent they seek for Mithi and Dev is a whole other universe. I cannot believe these threads go as far as they do at times. Anyone who thinks Dev is a strong character is just not being serious.

There is a reason Aditya got married to Imlie first and it is not because they wanted to show an EMA or simple bigamy. I’m guessing there are a host of other shows that actually cater to this than Imlie. But making Aditya the villain actually keeps them going because he is actually doing it right to a very large extent. He is doing things wrong too but isn’t that the beauty of what we are supposed to be seeing.

I was one of them!

But not anymore!

Yes I was thinking he needs to talk to her and tell her the truth and send Millani free of this unhappy marriage!

But now as I realized that they never been a friends to begin with!

I realized now that she was the one who chooses to stay in this untrusted relationship for the whole 7 years!

Adi never gave her a reason to doubts him neither gave her a reason to keep him also!

She is the one who prefer to settle for him, accept what he gave her, not asking for more!

Yes he never search for another one, he had her and his work! And I think even if he didn't have her, he will not go and search for his soulmate he is busy and happy with his work, he might just manage to accept any arrange relation by his mother!

In the other hand, Malini was never insecure with him, she always had panic attack and fear of him leaving her, she never trust the relation because he never give her any reason to trust it! As the fainting was at first not that convince to me! Becouse why any girl will faint for this reason, but now I can understand, this is the fear she have for 7 years! She couldn't handle the truth because that was what she fears!

For the 7 years, she could just left him, why continue a relation that you feel insecure in? When you feel he didnt fell jealous, he is not behaving as a typical Boyfriend, he is not romantic with you, he chooses work over you anytime! Why living a fear of losing him? Just leave him and find your happens else where! If he loves you and care for you, he will not let you go easily!

But she always chooses to ignore the facts, hide behind trust that never exists!

Yes Aditya never before tried to left her, he didn't have any reason to do this before, he never question if she is not good for him, he didn't figure what love is, she was just perfect in his eyes what he can ask more? She is pretty, calm, understanding, supportive, have the same taste and morals, she painted her self perfect infront of him!

But in the 7 years, if she choose to left him, he will never have that passion to get her back, he will be just fine!

Even without him figuring he love someone else, their relation is too weak, it will never survive! And the end being on dating for 7 years, will not be countable as living under the same roof 24/7!

I will not go now with why Millani is never a good wife and a good daughter in low!

But being in this insecure and unhappy relation for 7 years and continuing a marriage relation with a man who does not love her, is her own call, none could force her to settle, not Aditya nor his family nor her family! It is just her!

As per Imlie, from the start I believed she always decide and deal to situations per her wish! She never forced for anything else than Marriage but also it was her own settlement! She valued the value of human life, and didn't want her village to this crime!

Even before, she knows what village will do if she spent the night out, she express her fear to BS, BS was ready to her her back with his injured foot, but she decide that they stop it is not good for him as he was bleeding, he never knows what coming he assume it will be fine, they (the villagers) will understand the situation and he will somehow manage it! It was his and her good intention toward each other!

Next the force marriage also was her call, not his! She knew about Millani waiting for him, she knew her believes, but she paid her life as a price for his, never know what will happen next, never calculate what is she will gain or loose, but till the end she was fighting her villagers just to stop this nonsense, but she was not enough to defend herself, her bad luck dada was missing that time. While Aditya was ready to die and not tied with this force relation, but after she agrees, he just surrender! Yes he was angry, but not at once during the rituals he fight it! He did all the rituals with angry face but never for once just said to them stop this this is not right! And then they force it to just do it, yes they were at gunpoint! But after she agreed to marry him he never protest and never tried to stop it!

After that, it was her call to remove the wedding marks, and it was her call to be the maid!

It was never his, yes he was mad, but he didn't ask her to remove anything, he was just surprise that she did it!

He did not want to bring her home, but he had to, she was not safe, as a human, how could you neglect an 18 year girl alone in a big city while you know that she sacrifice her own life for yours!

He didn't know how to introduce her to his family! They were preparing for his own wedding, so now he come and say , this is imlie my forced wife? But she is the one who cooked the maid thing!

He was beyond cruel to her after the marriage and before the gunshot, I think he just was so afraid of himself than her, she never develop feelings for him before Dilhi, unlike him, he just amazed by her on day one of meeting her! He was just not ready to dismiss his 7 years for a 3 days !

She could tell the family the truth, but she chose to not!

She could ask for her rights and be obstacle in Adini marriage , but she calculate that she will not gain anything so she choose not to do so! He never threaten her not to do this!

She chooses to support him, rather than claim him, she thought his and Millani happiness is to be together, he never missed a chance to till her or show her that he actually loves Millani, I think till now she did not realized he never love Millani, how could sh believe this after all what he said and done?

She chooses to sacrifice her own wedding marks to her Millani didi!

After the gunpoint, he just start to surrender little by little and accepting his fate!

But till now he never for once impose him self or his choices on her! He really been so sensitive handling her! While he know she consider him as her husband, but he want her to choose to be with him!

Yes he blackmailed her to return to his home, but Imlie could manage to send him alone if she didn't want to come home, she also could blackmailed him to leave! But she choose to comeback, because she can't be away from him and his family!

And now, he always want to give her her rights as a wife, but she stop him! Because she is afraid! This is her choice not his!

She is just fine with the sindoor and his accepting the relation, and not asking for more!

And she could leave him anytime she want!

She did it once, and she could do it again!

Yes she loves him and consider him as husband , and his family as hers, but once she thinks that she couldn't handle things anymore, or the home is better without her, she would leave!

Originally posted by: AreYaar

Awesome post, spelano👏

@bold: Especially loved these points you made. I'm also beyond tired of TOKENISM....the token MLs who are deemed progressive simply over giving bhaashans on the rights of women while otherwise still going around doing casual misogyny with a full sense of entitlement. Everything is romanticized if a guy simply talks about how a woman is "allowed" to pursue her dreams....lol bhai who decided that men will decide what is "allowed"? This basic point gets lost in plotlines where women invariably just become caught up in managing sasurals post shaadi.

Here we have Aditya...who despite the fact that he's committed the royal mess of bigamy😆.....is surprisingly way more progressive as a character in terms of thought process. He does not play mahaan or nice for the sake of being nice or checking of a box.....when he conveys support and respect, it is from his heart, from the core of his being.....that is why it feels genuine and more effective overall. He is VERY flawed and has MANY moments of faltering in terms of his temper, his frustrations....but at his core, he is a GENUINE person who genuinely believes in respecting/supporting the women in his life....casual misogynist nahin hai.

He can be aloof, he can be detached, he can be quite selfish😆....but he is not one for tokenism. That is what elevates him as a character in my opinion too....despite the many times I do want to see him getting thrashed for the mess he's made😆

And due to this very thing ... we are able to move past hid blunders.. caz he knows he us making them he acknowledges them.. he does things the way they seem right to him and to not prove a point to anyone.... he is a mess anytime but he us Sacha and genuine even with all his made up lies that keep trapping him.. 😆

Basically he is "HUMAN" and aware of his shortcomings something that ain't common with other's where they are made to believe they are never wrong and they are bhagwan. Aditya doesn't believe in making decisions for others .. he is akdoo but not arrogant in the way itv is used to showing ML's..

He does things straight from the heart and shows ib his actions what he says. He words and actions are aligned to each other and not just thrown in for tokenisms and chalo talli bajao routines

Originally posted by: MuteButton

Exactly. What is the need to label what’s transpiring between Aditya and Imlie as anything other than a husband and wife discovering their way through. And it is not like they want anything better to happen with Malini either. They just want to focus on making the other two their bad guys come what may.

And the tangent they seek for Mithi and Dev is a whole other universe. I cannot believe these threads go as far as they do at times. Anyone who thinks Dev is a strong character is just not being serious.

There is a reason Aditya got married to Imlie first and it is not because they wanted to show an EMA or simple bigamy. I’m guessing there are a host of other shows that actually cater to this than Imlie. But making Aditya the villain actually keeps them going because he is actually doing it right to a very large extent. He is doing things wrong too but isn’t that the beauty of what we are supposed to be seeing.

You summed it🤭👏

Those are usually my cues to check out and not waste my energy even reading any further caz then it becomes so obvious how it is not about actual discussion but about we will hype anyone but Aditya or imlie and personal grudges. Not about what the show or character is about more about we will keep doing the time pass to sound we know everything but actually Don't it comes out about "tokenisms" as 2e are discussing here and not about actual reasoning hahah

Quite an interesting topic and even more epic takes! Thanks Naadaan for touching on this subject!

Mutlab 140 episodes ke baad agar kuch log yeh samajhte hain ki Adi vaat laga raha hai apne womaniyas ki, toh...*shrugs*

First comes Malini- Adi seems to have give her full choice of freedom. She works, she has fun in Goa with her friends, she herself said he has never stopped her from spending time with AC (whom he abhors). Not playing holi was Adi's choice, but he never asked Malini not to..that is something she decided to. In fact even now in this entire mess he is letting her speak and is just doing the job of listening. Coming back to T house is also been left on her.

Coming to Imlie- I am not entirely sure why is this a discussion at this point, but Adi has never held her back. Yes he has gotten her into a mess, but no she is not required to be in it. I believe if Imlie decides she can actually walk out of this mess, she has done it once she can do it again. But ab pirablem is that her faith has become his too- how do you give up on faith? I digress,so coming back to holding back- are we watching a different show? Down to the basics, isnt he the one who recently wanted to bang his head on the wall so that Imlie goes to college? How is that holding back? Mutlab woh ghar pa baith ke didi pe bhajan banaye, that is ok? Adi has always tried to reason out before making a decision. Has he always been right, no. But you cannot call that imposing. Infact very recently Malini bhi uski bajayi hai and Imlie toh uski bajane mein mahir hai hi! ;)

Again you guys have pretty much summed it all very well. I just had to give my 2 cents because it is this very nature of prejudice from viewers that discourages makers to dwell into stories that have layers yet strong characters..and sadly that has been the case of ITV for so many years now..

Originally posted by: Whatever765

Quite an interesting topic and even more epic takes! Thanks Naadaan for touching on this subject!

Mutlab 140 episodes ke baad agar kuch log yeh samajhte hain ki Adi vaat laga raha hai apne womaniyas ki, toh...*shrugs*

First comes Malini- Adi seems to have give her full choice of freedom. She works, she has fun in Goa with her friends, she herself said he has never stopped her from spending time with AC (whom he abhors). Not playing holi was Adi's choice, but he never asked Malini not to..that is something she decided to. In fact even now in this entire mess he is letting her speak and is just doing the job of listening. Coming back to T house is also been left on her.

Coming to Imlie- I am not entirely sure why is this a discussion at this point, but Adi has never held her back. Yes he has gotten her into a mess, but no she is not required to be in it. I believe if Imlie decides she can actually walk out of this mess, she has done it once she can do it again. But ab pirablem is that her faith has become his too- how do you give up on faith? I digress,so coming back to holding back- are we watching a different show? Down to the basics, isnt he the one who recently wanted to bang his head on the wall so that Imlie goes to college? How is that holding back? Mutlab woh ghar pa baith ke didi pe bhajan banaye, that is ok? Adi has always tried to reason out before making a decision. Has he always been right, no. But you cannot call that imposing. Infact very recently Malini bhi uski bajayi hai and Imlie toh uski bajane mein mahir hai hi! ;)

Again you guys have pretty much summed it all very well. I just had to give my 2 cents because it is this very nature of prejudice from viewers that discourages makers to dwell into stories that have layers yet strong characters..and sadly that his been the case of ITV for so many years now..

I guess people feel it more caz of the way malini projects those things she left as of he imposed them but he never did. Like the holi since you brought it up... she makes it sound like she was forced but that has never been the case. Adi ko ghanta farak nahi padta yeh kya kare kya na kare.. .. he likes to do.what he wants for himself he never even includes her in his "hum" rofl as basic as this nahi kabhi hua inka and yet he holds back.somhow .Atlanta they have always been 2 separate entities never a unit and yet people see pata nahi kaunsi kaunsi cruelties being imposed on her...I can only laugh at it sorry😆

And you ate welcome for the post🙂

I think all of you have summarized Aditya very well so below are my two cents.....According to me, the only words that describes Aditya to the T is the "Truth" or "Right". I know we have trolled him about it but this defines him. Whenever backed into a corner, whenever faced into a situation, he will always stive to do what is right or follow the path of truth without any fear of how this actions will be perceived or if it will offend somebody.

He believes that he alone has the right to choose the best for his life so how can he take away that choice from Malini or Imlie. He never forced his decision on Malini and has encouraged Imlie to take her own decision for her own life. He married Malini but that was his choice then, a way to prove to himself he still has control over his own decision whereas marrying him was Malini choice. That time he thought it was right because he absolutely sure about his feelings for Malini and was 100% loyal to her. The day he found out that is not the case, he has been doing everything to ensure to break that relationship. In short with him do dikhta hain woh hain.... and though he has straightway not told the truth to Malini because of circumstances, he has given enough and more hints to show his intentions. Even now, after telling the truth, he wants Malini to decide whether she wants to stay at T or C but either ways it will not be with him which is his decision.

With Imlie too, he never forced her to remain at T in the beginning and he did not force her to come back from PD. One can say that he forced Imlie to come home but did he really? He just gave his decision on what he would do which he has the right to and allowed her to choose her next step. Plue, isnt he the only who is more concerned about Imlie's padaai and sometimes more than Imlie herself.

Yes, Aditya has hidden the truth but only till he thought that revealing the truth did not matter to anybody has he only considered Malini the wife. The day he realised that is not true, he has been struggling and striving to say it but alas, makers do not want him to say it. 😛