Hello friends!
I'm so sorry for the delay. This one was a doozy to write, and the words refused to come to me. I appreciate your patience. I'm so happy to see how many friends we have gathered on this journey. You are all so supportive and amazing.
Part 7
Pakhi played with the end of her saree nervously. She was pacing the terrace and waiting for 9 PM. It was their mutually agreed meeting time and place.
She could feel the prick of tears at the back of her eyes. What was she about to do? This was crazy!
Part of her wanted to just let things be the way they were. Another part of her was tired of having her feet so unsteady, and having her fingers in so many pies. This needed to stop. Especially for her own sanity.
“Pakhi.”
She turned and saw him watching her, pained expression on his face, still wearing his uniform.
“Virat.”
They stared at each other for a while.
Pakhi had seen a future with him. She had seen a beautiful dream where they lived happily ever after. Those hands had held her, those arms had protected her, that voice has whispered her name.
Virat must have noticed the tears and he took a step closer. “Are you okay Pakhi?”
She turned her back to him and took a few moments to compose herself. She had made a decision and she intended to follow through. Pakhi turned back to Virat. “You made a promise to me before my wedding. I want you to forget all about it.”
Whatever he was expecting her to say, this certainly wasn’t it. He simply stared at her. “What do you mean?” He asked finally.
“I want you to forget the promise you made to me Virat. As simple as that.”
Virat’s perplexity quickly turned to irritation. “As simple as that? Don’t be ridiculous Pakhi. I made you a promise and I intend to keep it. We made a deal, remember? You marry Samrat and I don’t give your place in my heart to anyone.” Virat’s tone turned angry, “If you step away from this, then what of Samrat? Is this about Sai? You don’t have to worry about her. We have an arrangement.”
Pakhi cut off Virat’s tirade. “This isn’t about Samrat or Sai, Virat. This is about you and I, and the dance that we do around each other.” Pakhi heard herself choke up, tears sliding down her cheeks. “I can’t take it anymore. It needs to stop.”
Virat’s expression turned tender as he took another step closer. Pakhi held her up her hand to keep him at bay and stop him from coming closer.
Pakhi took a few shallow breaths and continued. “If we ever want happiness in life Virat then we have to let each other go and move on. Your promise keeps us tied together. At the time it was your way of making sure I didn’t walk away from this marriage and break your brother’s heart. I am Samrat’s wife now and I don’t intend to walk away. I don’t need your promise to hold me in place.” Pakhi wiped away her tears. The mention of Samrat’s name quickly reminded her why she was doing this. “You also have someone in your life now Virat and your promise to me keeps her swinging in midair.”
Virat suddenly met her eyes, a look of guilt crossing his face. “Things between Sai and I are… complicated,” he explained.
“I know,” Pakhi affirmed, “But you stepping away from this commitment to me might be a big first step in uncomplicating them.”
Virat turned away from her, choosing to gaze at the crescent moon. “It’s not that simple Pakhi. You have this place in my heart… in my mind.” He turned back, his tone turning accusatory again. “You want me to - what - just cross you out and replace you with Sai?”
Pakhi felt her irritation mounting. “Isn’t that what you expected of me Virat? When you wanted me to marry your brother?” Her own tone was equally as accusatory. “You put an impossible choice in front of me. I either lost you forever, or I chose Samrat and got to have you in my life as a friend.”
He had the decency of looking guilty again. “I’m sorry Pakhi. It’s the only thing that made sense at the time. I couldn’t hurt Jeeva. He means everything to me. I see now that I just made a mess of things.”
“We both made a mess Virat, so we need to untangle it. I am not asking you to replace me with Sai. I think we both have too special a place with each other to do that to each other. What I am asking to to not shut Sai out and hold her at arms length like you do, because you made a promise to me. I am just asking you to disregard that promise and let Sai in. She might make a different place in your heart. A place that might eventually grow bigger and lead to more.” Pakhi felt tears prick her eyes as she said this. This is crazy! “I refuse to be the barrier that keeps you two apart, and please stop using me as such.”
She could see Virat’s eyes misting over as well. He was visibly making an effort to not refute her. Finally, he gave her a single nod.
--
The following day, Pakhi feigned illness and spent the day in her room. She didn’t feel like interacting with anyone and wanted to wallow by herself.
Part of her felt absolutely miserable and heartbroken. While she knew that this is what had to be done, and had been preparing for this conversation with Virat since her return From Tirupati a week and a half ago, it didn’t make things any easier. She knew this was the right step. She knew this would eventually bring her peace. She knew this might lead to Virat finally being happy. But it felt like her heart was ripping to pieces.
Another part of her however felt weightless and free. She had been harbouring a lot of weight and guilt on her shoulders and she felt strangely free from all…. most of it.
Pakhi sat with her arms around her legs, hugging her knees to her chest. She was staring up at her and Samrat’s wedding picture. He looked so happy and she could barely muster a smile. For months she had avoided looking at this photo, but recently she couldn’t keep her eyes off of it.
She had to stop thinking about him. She was going to drive herself crazy.
She looked at the phone sitting beside her. Before her trip texting him had felt like a shot in the dark. It was basically like writing a dairy. Now that she knew he read her messages texting him felt so….. intimate.
Pakhi rested her forehead on her knees. What is wrong with me? On one hand she was heartbroken over she and Virat moving on from one another. On the other hand, she couldn’t get Samrat out of her mind.
What. A. Mess.
--
Pakhi’s eyes opened. It was dark in her room. It was probably the middle of the night. Something had woken her up. She held her breath and tried to discern if she could hear anything. The room was silent other than the ticking of the wall clock, however she had the distinct feeling that she wasn’t alone.
Heart thumping Pakhi decided to call out to the person she suspected was there. “Samrat?” She whispered.
After a moment of silence she heard a whispered reply, “Patralekha.”
Pakhi’s breath stuttered for a moment. She had suspected, but the confirmation gave her an entirely different feeling. She sat up and turned on the bedside lamp. The room was suddenly bathed in a soft yellow glow.
Samrat stood at the foot of the bed, clearly having entered from the balcony. It looked like he was en route to the closet.
“Samrat, aap yahan? Sab theek hai naa?” She whispered, worried.
“Sab theek hai.” He assured. “How do you always know when I enter the room?” he asked curiously.
Pakhi shrugged. “I’m a light sleeper and I’m sensitive to changes in the air. How do you know I’m awake?” She enquired back.
“Your breathing changes. You’re a heavy breather when you sleep.”
For some reason this observation caught her breath. She hadn’t realized that he noticed things about her. She thought it was just her.
Now that the room was illuminated, Samrat seemed to be taking in a moment to reacclimatize himself to the space. Pakhi realized with a start that this was his room, and that she had made herself quite comfortable here. Her things were everywhere. She hadn’t even given any thought to his likes or dislikes and moved some furniture and decor pieces.
While Samrat’s attention was elsewhere, Pakhi noticed that he was dressed similarly to how he was in the forest. She realized that she was dressed only in a thin nightdress. She flushed and pulled the blanket closer around her body. The rustling of the bedding brought Samrat’s attention back to her.
“It’s good you’re awake. I wasn’t looking forward to searching through your things. Where do you keep the bag you brought to Tirupati with you?” Samrat asked.
Pakhi frowned at Samrat’s question. Why did he always say the most befuddling things? “It’s on the third shelf in the closet. Why?”
Instead of answering, Samrat retrieved the bag, searched through it, and pulled out an innocuous looking black item, no larger than an almond. “My team put in this listening device while I was interrogating you. We also downloaded a file to your phone so we would be able to track you. There’s no need for these measures now. I can show you how to delete it.”
Pakhi’s insides froze. She was being tracked? She had been bugged?
Samrat must have noticed her expression. “I’m sorry about this. We had to be sure.”
Pakhi couldn’t help the bitter taste in her mouth. Something about this situation was very hurtful for her. She held out her phone to Samrat. “Am I trustworthy now?”
Samrat’s spine stiffened at her tone. She suddenly felt she had crossed a boundary.
“I have always trusted you Patralekha,” he stated seriously. “It wasn’t your integrity in question here, but mine.” He took her phone from her, pressed the screen a few times, and handed it back to her. “My position is within military intelligence. We had a mole in our team and no one was beyond suspicion. We had to account for all movements and communication. All our spouses were under surveillance. Even before we bugged you, someone was keeping occasional eye on our house.”
Pakhi felt guilty for overreacting. She should have reminded herself that this isn’t about her and she shouldn’t have personalized it.
“I’m sorry Samrat.” She whispered, contrite.
Samrat’s posture softened, immediately making him less intimidating. “It’s understandable. You are a civilian and you’ve been put under the scanner for simply being my wife.”
Pakhi’s stomach tumbled strangely to hear him refer to her as his wife. Something changed in his expression as well. They held each other’s gaze silently.
Finally Samrat broke their stare and checked his wristwatch. “I should go.”
But Pakhi couldn’t let him leave. She couldn’t allow those ominous last words to hang between them or she would go mad. “Samrat, wait.” She scrambled out of bad and took a few steps closer to him. “We have to talk.” He turned to her, his expression curious. “About what you said before you left….”
Samrat’s face turned blank and he interrupted her, “There’s nothing to talk about.”
Pakhi’s insides turned in guilt. He knows! “But..”
He cut her off again, “But nothing. I have to go. Remember, this meeting stays between us.”
With that, Samrat exited onto the balcony and melted into the darkness.
Pakhi sat heavily on the bed, miserable once again.
Thoughts?
-Ally
Edited by Allyson - 4 years ago
Shiv Shakti
