Addressing the elephant in the room... Note on Pg 21 (24 April) - Page 15

Originally posted by: GandiAai

Sai doesn't "have to" do anything. Forgiving him will be her choice (though probably not optimal for her sake). And she's at fault how exactly? For not listening to Virat's unreasonable request to investigate something that doesn't require investigation? She should sit back while Devi's being poisoned on a daily basis, and Pulkit gets kidnapped and was at risk of being murdered?

Don't know how anyone can say Sai is at fault. She literally saved two people from physical harm. But oh, because that was done against the wishes of her abusive egotistical husband, she's at fault? Does Iron Man have to apologize to his wife every time he's saved the world against her objections? No of course not, because heroism doesn't require apologies. And Sai's a hero.

Sorry to butt in.

But how come sai is innocent in this.virat clearly told her that he will reinvestigate.was it so difficult to wait till then.devi andpulkit were away from eachother from past 10 years.if for few more days or month.how does it make a difference.

Sai betrayed virat in most horrible way.she took decision for his sister without letting him know.sai always says that she always speaks truth.what was stopping her to tell virat the entire truth and then let him make an informed choice.

But for her pulkit's promise is more important than virat trust.virat asked her bolo kyun kiya.then also she is quiet.

Though I hate what virat did.bht sai opt for this.she herself said she can sacrifice her relationship for devi and pulkit.Is this the worth of her and virat relationship for her.like who on earth can even think to sacrifice the most important relationship of his or her life.

Whatever situation she is in is due to the irrationally, impulsive decision she made.

Virat is wrong no doubt but sai is also not saint.

Originally posted by: ..Peppermint..

Read the two paragraphs again, and read the response to those paragraphs in the discussion and the anecdotes that members shared.

You see, I do watch nuanced shows as well, and like you I can differentiate between what is acceptable and what not and that's because we are informed. So, we won't blindly consume whatever we are being shown. But it is psychological, when you see something and it is reinforced over and over again, you internalise those beliefs. And its not me who says it, but research says it.

You can read about the hypodermic needle theory (discusses how media message injects a belief into you), Cultivation theory amongst many others to get a general idea of the issue.

But there are people who are not as informed as we are. That's the issue.

Omg I was just reading up on Cultivation theory last week

The psychological mess that has been created by regressive ITV

Is here to stay for generations to come

If America is regressive with its guns

India is regressive with its attitude to women

Hero worship towards men is a real thing

Finding excuses for everything they do is something that happens all around us

So also with other relationships

Chief among these are husband, mother in law, sister in laws.

In certain Tamil weddings, there is a ritual that the mangalsutra is tied thrice (three knots) one by the husband, and two by his sisters

I find this the most regressive aspect of a Hindu wedding

In my naïveté I bought into the idea when I was a teenager that it is a symbol of “acceptance”

“Accceptance” really?? By who?? And of who??

That is where all our notions of what a woman is ...is stuck at ...it begins and ends with acceptance!!!

And markets, economics, social hierarchies, societal rules, prey on this acceptance.

Originally posted by: Jrf2021

Sorry to butt in.

But how come sai is innocent in this.virat clearly told her that he will reinvestigate.was it so difficult to wait till then.devi andpulkit were away from eachother from past 10 years.if for few more days or month.how does it make a difference.

Sai betrayed virat in most horrible way.she took decision for his sister without letting him know.sai always says that she always speaks truth.what was stopping her to tell virat the entire truth and then let him make an informed choice.

But for her pulkit's promise is more important than virat trust.virat asked her bolo kyun kiya.then also she is quiet.

Though I hate what virat did.bht sai opt for this.she herself said she can sacrifice her relationship for devi and pulkit.Is this the worth of her and virat relationship for her.like who on earth can even think to sacrifice the most important relationship of his or her life.

Whatever situation she is in is due to the irrationally, impulsive decision she made.

Virat is wrong no doubt but sai is also not saint.

I don't want to derail the main discussion, but real quick - if the first investigation was an unnecessary and obvious sham in the first place (which Sai knew and Virat yelled at her to shut her down), then why would the second one go any better? More chances for CN to plant more evidence. Then Devi's condition was rapidly deteriorating after Pulkit's reappearance, so quick action was needed. And then of course...they kidnapped Pulkit which really forced her hand. Who's to say they don't get more desperate if they are allotted more time? Who would sit and wait while a person is in captivity? Virat wasn't guaranteed to believe her if she told him anyway (as he didn't before...yelled at her too), which would make things worse, so I can see why Sai would hesitate.

So Sai took decisive action to save people from imminent danger and abuse. In return, she suffered some of the worst abuse from someone who is supposed to understand and protect her, which they will (likely) sweep right under the rug and even rationalize, like she was the one who did wrong. And I, like most of the posters here, am concerned what message this sends to society.

Originally posted by: _charu_

Love makes the person "powerless" also and empowers by doing so ... sad but true....it answers a lot of questions . This is one dynamic between sai and virat. Another one is the joint family dynamic which is complicated. Virat is not just sai ka husband. He is somebody's brother , son etc etc and he has to play all roles. If his marriage with sai is a deal , sai has no business to interfere in his family matters. If it isnt , one has to play by the family's rules also . This issue isn't one dimensional.

If by interfere in family matters, you mean Sai's actions for Devyani, then let me say, it wasn't a "family matter." It was abuse. And you don't keep silent or stand watching while another human is being tortured the way Devyani was. That's plain and simple humanity. If such treatment towards Devyani happened in the real world, then the police would be called and Kaku, Ninad, and Omi would be in jail for abuse and negligence.

And yeah, Sai would have to abide to her new family's rules. But those can include having to wake up earlier because the family eats breakfast earlier. Or having to do some extra chores because the family has divided them up like so. But if those rules entail, staying quiet while the elders taunt and abuse the rest of the family and while a husband spews venom at his wife, or being complicit in the dehumanization and insults of the women of the house, then no. No one is obligated to abide by those rules. In fact, if you have any form of morals and values, then you are obligated to question and stand up against those norms.

Originally posted by: Aditi_MM

If by interfere in family matters, you mean Sai's actions for Devyani, then let me say, it wasn't a "family matter." It was abuse. And you don't keep silent or stand watching while another human is being tortured the way Devyani was. That's plain and simple humanity. If such treatment towards Devyani happened in the real world, then the police would be called and Kaku, Ninad, and Omi would be in jail for abuse and negligence.

And yeah, Sai would have to abide to her new family's rules. But those can include having to wake up earlier because the family eats breakfast earlier. Or having to do some extra chores because the family has divided them up like so. But if those rules entail, staying quiet while the elders taunt and abuse the rest of the family and while a husband spews venom at his wife, or being complicit in the dehumanization and insults of the women of the house, then no. No one is obligated to abide by those rules. In fact, if you have any form of morals and values, then you are obligated to question and stand up against those norms.

Where have you been all this time? 😭 I decided to leave the forum b/c of how people here were normalising and defending domestic violence, finally seeing strong opinions opposing it under this thread! 🔥🤗

Originally posted by: Aditi_MM

Let's agree to disagree for this show.but please refrain from giving logics from mahabharat .Bcoz there are so many in people in our society who connect to draupdi much more than any other character in the show.i m one of them.

And since u made a relevance,then let me tell u draupdi never break the trust of her loved ones.she define strength.she never want behind back.she used to do and say everything on the face.she was the most fierce and strong lady I have ever known who could stood up for her self respect and give a damn about anything.

Sorry but comparing or giving draupdi reference for sai situation is no match.

Sai called this for her.she had many choices.but she act impulsively and foolishly.i m not defending virat.But she knew the very consequences.even virat asked her kyun kiya.she still kept quiet for pulkit sake.even after pulkit and devi wedding.sgw can't tell him truth.let him decide whether now he will trust her or not.just not telling him anything and expecting him to know everything and understand her when she herself broke his trust is beyond my understanding.

Originally posted by: Aditi_MM

If by interfere in family matters, you mean Sai's actions for Devyani, then let me say, it wasn't a "family matter." It was abuse. And you don't keep silent or stand watching while another human is being tortured the way Devyani was. That's plain and simple humanity. If such treatment towards Devyani happened in the real world, then the police would be called and Kaku, Ninad, and Omi would be in jail for abuse and negligence.

And yeah, Sai would have to abide to her new family's rules. But those can include having to wake up earlier because the family eats breakfast earlier. Or having to do some extra chores because the family has divided them up like so. But if those rules entail, staying quiet while the elders taunt and abuse the rest of the family and while a husband spews venom at his wife, or being complicit in the dehumanization and insults of the women of the house, then no. No one is obligated to abide by those rules. In fact, if you have any form of morals and values, then you are obligated to question and stand up against those norms.

I really don't know what happened with Devi Tai, but your second part is exactly my feelings👏👏👏

Originally posted by: Jrf2021

Let's agree to disagree for this show.but please refrain from giving logics from mahabharat .Bcoz there are so many in people in our society who connect to draupdi much more than any other character in the show.i m one of them.

And since u made a relevance,then let me tell u draupdi never break the trust of her loved ones.she define strength.she never want behind back.she used to do and say everything on the face.she was the most fierce and strong lady I have ever known who could stood up for her self respect and give a damn about anything.

Sorry but comparing or giving draupdi reference for sai situation is no match.

Sai called this for her.she had many choices.but she act impulsively and foolishly.i m not defending virat.But she knew the very consequences.even virat asked her kyun kiya.she still kept quiet for pulkit sake.even after pulkit and devi wedding.sgw can't tell him truth.let him decide whether now he will trust her or not.just not telling him anything and expecting him to know everything and understand her when she herself broke his trust is beyond my understanding.

I think something needs to be established.

From day one, we acknowledged that both Sai and Virat were flawed and we honestly loved them for that.

I agree that Sai may have made a mistake (its debatable, but let's agree to disagree).

But does her mistakes/her flaws warrants Virat's abusive behavior towards her?

One partner being wrong does not make the other's toxicity right.

Originally posted by: idkwhattoput

Where have you been all this time? 😭 I decided to leave the forum b/c of how people here were normalising and defending domestic violence, finally seeing strong opinions opposing it under this thread! 🔥🤗

I stopped participating after the mirchi grinding incident. I'm guessing the reason why you didn't see anything putting strong opinions opposing the behavior in the show is because all those sane people had stopped watching. 😅😂

Originally posted by: ..Peppermint..

I think something needs to be established.

From day one, we acknowledged that both Sai and Virat were flawed and we honestly loved them for that.

I agree that Sai may have made a mistake (its debatable, but let's agree to disagree).

But does her mistakes/her flaws warrants Virat's abusive behavior towards her?

One partner being wrong does not make the other's toxicity right.

I m not defending virat.but my issue is that how sai mistakes or stupidity are being praised.i replied to post for that only.bcoz sai handled the situation horribly.

And u r absolutely right,she should not take this.she should have left virat from the day it starts.even after this she should not come back.As their relationship is toxic and virat has become a MCP.

But since we all know she will comeback and tolerate this abuse for some eyecandy romance.so I failed to sympathize with her.

I will really applaud her if after leaving virat and giving him divorce.she starts a life for herself and mind her own business till she become independent atleast.