Members Topic: How headstrong are you? - Page 4

Originally posted by: heartbleed

I am a total pushover. I don't even have much brains, so I easily accept whatever others tell me to do.

On top of that, I am pretty over sensitive. I get stressed or start crying when I see someone else in pain or in problem.

Originally posted by: adventurousman

We all seek others validation and approval, for us it’s deeply ingrained. It’s all about survival, it’s like if we don’t get approved we’ll die but it used to be the case in cave men time, doesn’t apply now but we haven’t evolved mentally and emotionally to let go of it.

I suggest “I need your love, is that true?” Book by byron katie. It can literally change you if you do the work.

Don’t be a slave to others opinions. You’re not what they think nor your worth depends on them approving or condemning you.

Here: https://www.amazon.com/Need-Your-Love-Approval-Appreciation/dp/0307345300

As usual, your words are always so inspiring and motivating. Your immense experience and knowledge always manages to shock me. I have a lot of favorite members here, but I am a fan of only one. It's you. Thanks for your enriching and enlightening posts.

Originally posted by: heartbleed

As usual, your words are always so inspiring and motivating. Your immense experience and knowledge always manages to shock me. I have a lot of favorite members here, but I am a fan of only one. It's you. Thanks for your enriching and enlightening posts.

Thanks for your kind words, appreciate it 🙏🙏

If you need any help or material let me know, my pm is open for everyone.

It’s not that we’re stupid but mostly we’ve been taught the wrong things, starting from the way we think to the way we perceive, with some inner work we can get out of it.

Byron katie is really good in helping you question your own thoughts and beliefs which are not even ours but were given to us by others and if they’re not serving us then it’s time to question them and change them.

Originally posted by: adventurousman

Thanks for your kind words, appreciate it 🙏🙏

If you need any help or material let me know, my pm is open for everyone.

It’s not that we’re stupid but mostly we’ve been taught the wrong things, starting from the way we think to the way we perceive, with some inner work we can get out of it.

Byron katie is really good in helping you question your own thoughts and beliefs which are not even ours but were given to us by others and if they’re not serving us then it’s time to question them and change them.

I am sorry. Please don't take it wrong way. Par bahot times naa aise hota hai ki aapke thoughts and concepts bahot complex hote hain toh mere sar ke upar se nikal jate hain. Kuch samajh hi nahi aata. I feel so stupid lol. But whatever I understand, I really love and admire. Thanks and Keep posting 😊

Originally posted by: Thatgirl16

@Bold.... That's being sensible 👍🏼

Yes but internet version of rarely backs off or backs down 😆

Originally posted by: heartbleed

I am sorry. Please don't take it wrong way. Par bahot times naa aise hota hai ki aapke thoughts and concepts bahot complex hote hain toh mere sar ke upar se nikal jate hain. Kuch samajh hi nahi aata. I feel so stupid lol. But whatever I understand, I really love and admire. Thanks and Keep posting 😊

Haha, it’s okay. I try to keep it simple and it’s not because you’re stupid, sometimes hearing something new which doesn’t fit your map of reality meaning your model of the world can be disorienting but if you persist it’ll make sense.

Same thing happens with me when I hear something which is outside my reality then I absorb the material and it makes sense so it’s natural.

Originally posted by: sanityinfinite

I am very careful with that word. People talk of being headstrong, as if it's a rewarding trait. But it's not. The ability to be flexible and adapt is what people put money on (be it the corporate world or otherwise). People that are too headstrong can come off as off-putting, stubborn and prideful - it goes hand in hand with pride. Sadly, it speaks to the lack of humility and the inability to being corrected.

So yeah, I am careful with that one, unless I find a person's reasoning to be absolutely skewed or I feel a certain concept is skewed and don't want to buy into that just cause people are. Having said that, there are totally times, where we have to endorse what we believe in strongly and there are times, we gotta be flexible. But yeah, I am not headstrong for the sake of being headstrong or rebellious.

I have to agree that most of the "headstrong" people I've come across rub me the wrong way mostly because of their "arrogant" attitude and the refusal to admit that they can also be wrong. I think most of us experience life in shades of grey but we all want to appear consistent and reliable, so some of us ignore or end up tucking the conflicting opinions away to make sense of things and play well with others.

I think it's difficult to assess yourself, especially on how you interact with others and how you come across as a result. At best, we can explain how we feel within but it's usually other people who have to "suffer" you and are more clued in on how "headstrong" you really are.😆

Originally posted by: Mo0nLighting

I think it's difficult to assess yourself, especially on how you interact with others and how you come across as a result. At best, we can explain how we feel within but it's usually other people who have to "suffer" you and are more clued in on how "headstrong" you really are.😆

I get you. It is not very easy to assess oneself. It takes work.

It comes down to how self aware one is, or how well they rank on Emotional Quotient (EQ). It's not uncommon to see people rank high on IQ, but quite low on EQ. I guess, if we are able or willing to introspect ourselves during lone times (example, reflecting on our interactions, our tone, body language, the vibe we may give off) it really helps. But often times, we're not fully aware of those things (to some degree we are, but not fully). The Johari Window theory used in Organizational Behavior covers that. (check up that one, it's an interesting one!) In such times, it always helps to get genuine feedback from friends or people that know us well❤️ But that again, comes down to humility and how receptive we are to receiving feedback or criticism. Usually I could make out when I talk to such folks..Most people make out..body language gives a lot away too.

But those particular times when I've asked myself those deeper questions again, it helped a lot i.e questions like..do I get defensive real quick when someone challenges / criticizes me? Am I quick to judge/label another as wrong, thinking I know it all? Do I argue to win at all costs, or am I open to persuasion? etc..This keeps a check on me being headstrong without a valid reason.

But self awareness, comes with some degree of self work. (In other words, kaam hai 😆). Not everyone is naturally self aware.. so often times, it's a deliberate choice made to understand another’s perspectives. (and I mean objectively, without any bias to, or against a person or a group)

Safe bet is to please yourself, anyways it’s hard to please everyone :)