Member Topic: How many of you had an arranged marriage? - Page 20

I felt bad reading few of members experiences ... more power to you all ... Stay strong 🤗

And felt good to read happy posts :)

Stay blessed everyone ❤️

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This scene only crossed my mind OT 😂

https://youtu.be/g7uHtDzbtZw

🤣🤣🤣

Originally posted by: roni_berna

I want to try a revenge marriage because I have watched too many shows and movies based on this concept and the relationship seems interesting compared to love and arranged marriages 😆

Interesting 😆

Do you have anyone in ur mind whom you want to seek revenge 😉

Originally posted by: BinKuchKahe.

THANK YOU for this.

I am not really looking for anyone. I don't think I've ever looked. Never had a crush even. I've always worked and gone home. Never really hung out with people at least in the past few years even though I'm very social and outgoing. I feel like I distance myself even before a guy approaches. I don't want to do it but I just end up doing it?

Also, I don't even know how to look? (As silly as it may sounds)

RE: my parents. As my friends moved on in life, I had no one but family to really turn to. And I'll be honest, I live for them. And they also live for me. Without me, my family would tear apart because I am the constant mediator between my parents, my brother & my parents etc.

They say they would love for me to get married, but the very next moment they're like they won't be able to live without me...

Currently, the first step I'm taking is to quit my job because my boss has been demeaning me and saying abusive words to me for the past 1.5 years and I have finally gathered the courage to quit for my sanity and for myself.

It sounds messy.. it is, but I'm pretty content and happy with my life.

I don't know what more to say..😆

@bold I may b crossing boundary for saying this but this seems a toxic parent-child relationship. The reason you don't feel or never had thoughts of getting married or finding a guy could be that the people who you are living with (your parents) somehow never let you have such thoughts.

You are an independent person, pls move out and start life again. Not just new job but also move to a new place. You deserve to live a happy and good life and not surrounded by manipulative people.

Take online help from likes of jay shetty. They may guide you and help you start again.

If you're living outside India, then it is relatively easy moving out of your home without much of a drama

You already took a step of standing up at your previous toxic workplace, now it’s time for taking stand for your personal life and happiness.

Sorry again if I said something which I shouldn't have.

Originally posted by: Kamala05

Arranged marriage is like a lucky draw, those who are lucky will end up with nice partner ,others will have to make compromises to make the marriage work . Love marriage, in the worst cases love is there in the initial stage , there are good moments to cherish .

Unfortunately born in a conservative family with no history of love marriage so inorder to not disappoint parents agreed to arranged marriage though marriage wasn't my priority ever. But my dark skin colour didn't help and dark skin girl in a upper caste family is the worst case scenario. Everyone will comment that I am good looking and my features are really beautiful but when it comes to marriage market skin colour has a decisive role. So, after many proposal ended up with a guy who is less qualified and less sensible than me . Whenever I talked to him over phone , I had this gut feeling that he is not as good as he portrays Discussed it with my parents, but they were very sure that he is and his family is very good , after all until marriage they made frequent visits to my home just to meet me and my parents which made my parents think that he will be a good husband.

Long story short , he turns out to be a lier , who lied about his family visa, financial status , job and even about his family . My only demand before marrying a NRI guy was he should have family visa but this guy lied about it. Soon came to know that he took huge loan from bank to arrange second marriage for his sister and their eyes were on my ornaments , they thought that after marriage they can pressurise me and parents to settle his financial liabilities. I would have done everything ,after all was I used to believe that marriage is a life long relationship. But he and his family never treated me with respect. I was supposed to use different plates , glass and bathroom at home , wasn't allowed to enter kitchen and I was supposed to do all the cleanings . And this guy never posed a photo with me after marriage, never went out with him without his parents. Gradually realised that this marriage was to impress the outsiders and lure proposal for his sister's third marriage. He never spend a penny for me , on the other hand he demanded me to take share for everything I eat , drink and everytime I travel with his family. He demanded me to transfer my salary to his account . For three years I tolerated everything without disclosing it to parents because I was scared that if it ended up in divorce it will be difficult for my sister to get a good alliance but when it questioned my self respect I decided to end this . But before arriving to this decision there were many days I was in the doorstep of the train to end the life. But somehow got courage to live .

Now after years of suffering living a happy single life. My parents were not happy as this was the first divorce in my family , my relatives still gives free advice , many people still thinks that I could have adjusted but the new me learnt to live for me than for the society.

Though I tried to skip many personal awkward incidents I am aware that this is still personal experience but if there is anyone who suffers silently and makes unfair compromises through out the life for society ,I would like to let them know that there will be obstacles, judgements but eventually everything will fall in place. But before any marriage make sure that you are financially independent, it will help in facing many challenges.

Thank you for sharing your experience- it has crucial and eye opening wisdom for most girls in India. The best thing you can do for yourself is to be financially independent and have the ability to meet your needs in case everyone and everything deserts you. Once you focus on that, the right person will emerge at a time when you are internally ready- this is how I've always seen it work. By working on ourselves from the inside out.

Society and people will always have stuff to say- whether you marry early, late or on time- it's a national past time to speculate about young women and give judgments. But parents and their daughters have to be strong and not take rushed decisions. Better to marry late than marry hastily and unhappily and then repent at leisure.

I'm glad you made it through and you sound like a very strong person. It's sad that people still run after fair skin...fair skin doesnt determine beauty or character. My mother looks like a spitting image of Madhubala, but she is dark. And yet I think there are people who are stunned when they meet her- because she has so much confidence in herself despite all the people who have told her "you would be so beautiful...if you werent so dark....". She just radiates beauty and good health from the inside.

Wish you the same and lots of luck and happiness. More power to you.

Mine is love marriage, but most of my cousins, aunts and uncles have had arranged marriages. Some of them turned out to be real successes, while some couldn't even last a year.

For the ones that failed, I gathered that the marriages were more like a deal between two families rather than a natural connection developing between two people. Arranged marriage was never for me, but it can be a nice way to meet potential loves of your life if you are given enough time to know each other.

Honesty is so so important in any romantic relationship and especially in marriage- you must lay all your cards on the table before taking the final plunge. I am sad to read all the stories here where they got deceived by their spouse.😔

So much love to you all sharing your stories. My only hope is that we improve our mindsets, thinking, judgements as time goes on. We judge less on skin colour, give people a chance to date/not rush in to things, parents get more supportive of your personal opinions or in case of separation/less log kya kahenge mentality. I’m incredibly blessed to have that support system but it’s taken a few generations to get here. I’d like to think things get better with time. If my dadi who got an arranged marriage at age 16, and met her husband on the mandap for the first time ever can today look at all her grandkids and tell them ‘pehle padhai karo, get to know the guy, shaadi ki koi jaldi nahi hai’, there is hope.❤️

Originally posted by: falah5

@bold I may b crossing boundary for saying this but this seems a toxic parent-child relationship. The reason you don't feel or never had thoughts of getting married or finding a guy could be that the people who you are living with (your parents) somehow never let you have such thoughts.

You are an independent person, pls move out and start life again. Not just new job but also move to a new place. You deserve to live a happy and good life and not surrounded by manipulative people.

Take online help from likes of jay shetty. They may guide you and help you start again.

If you're living outside India, then it is relatively easy moving out of your home without much of a drama

You already took a step of standing up at your previous toxic workplace, now it’s time for taking stand for your personal life and happiness.

Sorry again if I said something which I shouldn't have.

I won't call it toxic per se. Yes, it is not the healthiest relationship around, but its not like they don't intend for me to have my life. They do. They have never stopped me from going out or doing my own thing. They are actually very protective of me. It's just that they are very emotionally dependent on me because they have no one but me to talk to. They do little things to make me happy, like make my favourite food etc, though at the same time, they're not too emotionally supportive of my struggles. Part of it owing to the generation gap. I'd still call them a lot more progressive than many..

Sometimes, I do think of moving away and kind of just building my own life. But then.. I don't know how to explain that to them and even more importantly, I worry about my family & how they will live. They really don't have anyone else. I don't have anyone else but them either. My dad worked really hard to build us such a good life, and I want to give them the best, and be there for them.

To give you a little bit of context - my parents have their own company and its just 2 of them together in the office (no other employees) and also their office is interconnected to our house. They have no friends who they hang out with & no relatives (except those abroad) who they speak to once in a while & have strained relations with most of the others... my brother stays in his room, he's quiet & does his own thing. Lot of conflict between brother/dad, mum/dad etc.

Its hard for me to just shriek off responsibility because they are my parents, and I am also just not that kind of person. I actually love them a lot, even though it gets a little stiffing and tiring once in a while. The world may have turned their back on me, but at least when it came to the most crucial moments, I've seen them try to stand by me even though they may not quite understand or agree.

Sorry for the rant.. been holding it in for the longest time & now it just poured out.

Originally posted by: BinKuchKahe.

I won't call it toxic per se. Yes, it is not the healthiest relationship around, but its not like they don't intend for me to have my life. They do. They have never stopped me from going out or doing my own thing. They are actually very protective of me. It's just that they are very emotionally dependent on me because they have no one but me to talk to. They do little things to make me happy, like make my favourite food etc, though at the same time, they're not too emotionally supportive of my struggles. Part of it owing to the generation gap. I'd still call them a lot more progressive than many..

Sometimes, I do think of moving away and kind of just building my own life. But then.. I don't know how to explain that to them and even more importantly, I worry about my family & how they will live. They really don't have anyone else. I don't have anyone else but them either. My dad worked really hard to build us such a good life, and I want to give them the best, and be there for them.

To give you a little bit of context - my parents have their own company and its just 2 of them together in the office (no other employees) and also their office is interconnected to our house. They have no friends who they hang out with & no relatives (except those abroad) who they speak to once in a while & have strained relations with most of the others... my brother stays in his room, he's quiet & does his own thing. Lot of conflict between brother/dad, mum/dad etc.

Its hard for me to just shriek off responsibility because they are my parents, and I am also just not that kind of person. I actually love them a lot, even though it gets a little stiffing and tiring once in a while. The world may have turned their back on me, but at least when it came to the most crucial moments, I've seen them try to stand by me even though they may not quite understand or agree.

Sorry for the rant.. been holding it in for the longest time & now it just poured out.

Are you asexual? Ever thought of it?

Originally posted by: Mahisa22

Are you asexual? Ever thought of it?

I have thought about it and yes, I do think I am asexual. But I can't confirm because I don't have experience. But yes, I am not interested in sex or have any sexual urges. Whenever I think of a relationship, I think in terms of sharing a conversation and just hugs, rather than kisses or sex.

Also, I've never been attracted to anyone. I don't understand what attraction means, like you know the heart beating fast etc..

Also I don't know if my lack of interest comes from my asexuality or the fact that I've been inappropriately touched on a few occassions as a kid that resulted in a fear of men being in close proximity. It could be a combination of both.

I'm still unmarried. Parents have got a few matches but I wasn't even interested in pursuing that route.

It's either love or no marriage for me.

My parents are disappointed but I told them point blank that it's my life and I'll live it my way. I will make them happy in every other way, but marrying as per their wishes is not that way.

They want me to get married within my caste and religion. While I don't particularly care about caste or religion, I wish to marry someone of another caste and a different religion, just to break the shackles of this conservative society in my own way. Of course, I won't be able to do this if I fall in love with someone within my caste and religion (I hope this won't happen).

How people can get married without loving them is shocking to me. I know everyone who has an arranged marriage believes love will develop after marriage, but that's like saying you'll not test drive your car, you'll buy it first and then hope you'll like it. It defies all logic and I will not succumb to it.

I also know that not everyone has this privilege... My parents are not happy with my choices but they are still letting me do it because they respect my right to live my life the way I want.

Just a request to all those having arranged marriages or those living in unhappy marriages only to please your parents: you may have compromised your lives, but please don't do that to your kids. Please give them enough freedom to live life the way they want. Do not vicariously try to live your life through them, which I see a lot of parents do.