About : A What If on the separation track.
Index
Chapter 1 & 2 : Page 1
Chapter 3 : Page 2
Chapter 4 & 5 : Page 3
Chapter 6 & 7 : Page 4
Chapter 8 & 9 : Page 5
Chapter 10 : Page 9
Chapter 11 : Page 10
Chapter 12, 13, 14 : Page 11
Chapter 15, 16, 17, 18 : Page 12
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Chapter One
They say all the world's a stage, and we are but actors in a play called life. Abir had never really thought much of this saying before, but now, he was coming to understand that it was, in fact, the truest thing ever spoken. His life in these last couple months had been nothing but a well thought out charade to let his family believe that everything was okay, and that breaking Mishti's heart didn't actually break him as well.
He imagined he was pretty successful at it too, except for the occasional slip ups in front of his brother, and he didn't know whether to be happy or sad about it. Was it a good thing that your family didn't understand you? That they couldn't see the pain you were in, that they couldn't see through your fake smiles? Was it a good thing that nobody in his family tried to ask why he wore aviators all the time, or why he spent every second possible out of the house? Was it okay that none of them saw how he'd changed everything about him since that day? Did they actually not notice, or they did and decide to turn a blind eye to it all figuring that he'd deal with it on his own, or were they living in denial? He didn't know. He frankly didn't want to either, because he was afraid of the answer, but it still hurt that his family didn't really understand his pain.
But, he chose this. He chose this the day he decided to prioritize Nanko over Mishti, and he'd have to live with the consequences. Not a day went by when Abir didn't wish things could've been different. That they could've still been together, happy and in love. But, he had decided that protecting his Nanko was more important. And so, he had to live with it, even though living with it literally killed him every second.
Tossing those thoughts aside, Abir looked at the clock. It was 5am. A decent enough hour to make up, he supposed. Sleep had become a luxury for him now, and he spent almost all his nights laid up in bed, eyes wide open, wondering about what ifs. But, no one else knew that, and he needed to keep up the charade.
He sat up on his bed, and opened his bedside drawer to remove the few prized possessions he held close to his heart. In a beautifully intricate box lay all of Abir Rajvansh's heart. He opened it and carefully removed everything inside it. The earring Mishti had dropped the day they broke up, the engagement ring she'd returned at the airport, an intact wedding card, and all of her photos that he'd clicked in the months they'd been together. He held the earring and ring close to his heart like he had the habit of doing every morning, and then looked through all the photographs one by one, caressing her face in almost all of them, wishing it was her, instead of a photograph.
And then, he looked at the wedding card, always saving it for last, because the sight of it broke him, every time he looked at it, and yet, he couldn't not look at it. The card was a symbol of every promise they'd made to each other in private, that they were ready to make in front of the entire world. But, today was different. Because today was the day, had everything gone the way they'd wanted to, Abir & Mishti would've gotten married on. He caressed the card with shaking hands and stared at it unblinking. He stilled when a teardrop fell on the card. He hadn't even realized when he started crying. Wiping his tears, he kept the card aside and removed one last thing from the box. A diary. The one that Mishti had given to him, the one where he was supposed to write all the things he could never tell anyone else. He had never needed it before that godforsaken day, because there wasn't a thing in the world he couldn't not tell Mishti. He told her everything, big or small. And so he'd never needed the diary. But now, he needed it like he needed air. It was the only place he could be himself, the one part of his life that was not a charade.
He opened it and began writing, starting the way he always did. Good morning, Angry Chorni. He wrote and wrote and then wrote some more, filling up pages with his regret, his apologies, his wishes, and his dreams. He told Mishti everything, just like he always did. When he was done, he kept everything back into the box, extremely carefully like he always did, and then put the box back in the drawer and locked it, lest anyone find it. He then reached inside his tee shirt and removed his engagement ring that he'd been wearing on a chain around his neck, keeping it close to his heart all the time. He kissed it and then whispered, "I love you, Mishti. I hope yeh baat tum kabhi nahi bhoologi. Happy Wedding Day, love."
Now that the few minutes of his day that he'd dedicated to Mishti were done, he sighed and put on his aviators. His shield from the world, from his family. He'd already decided that he'd spend the entire day outside the house. He couldn't bear to be near his family. Not today. This was supposed to be the happiest day of his life, but now it was anything but. And he refused to spend it with anyone. This was supposed to be his and Mishti's day, and it would be. Even if Mishti wasn't a part of his life anymore.
"Good morning," Kunal greeted Abir when he reached the breakfast table.
"Morning," Abir murmured, his voice low and lacking it's usual warmth, the way it had since that day. Kunal had tried so hard to bring his brother out of his misery, but nothing seemed to work. It hurt him to see his jovial and carefree brother like this. Living with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Kunal had tried to talk to Abir about what happened that day, why he'd so suddenly decided he didn't want to marry Mishti, the girl he was ready to leave everything for. But, everytime he tried, his brother's throat would get clogged and he'd swiftly change the topic. Kunal had decided to respect his privacy and hadn't pried much after the first few instants of it happening, but assuring Abir that he would be there whenever Abir felt comfortable and confident talking about it. Sadly, his brother was yet to take him up on this offer.
"I'm going out. Don't try to reach me. I'll be busy the entire day," Abir declared to the occupants of the table - Kunal, Nanu, and Ketu. He was about to leave when Kunal stopped him.
"Bhai, at least breakfast toh kar lijiye," he requested.
"Haan, bhai. Please!" Ketki added. "Aaj aapka favourite bana hai. Dhokla."
It was at the tip of Abir's tongue to tell her that his favourite food, now and forever, would only be khichadi, but he kept quiet and sat down at the table. This entire day belonged to Mishti, but he supposed he could spare a few minutes of it for his younger brother and sister. Mishti wouldn't mind. In fact, if anything, she'd be the happiest.
Parul tried to serve him, but he stopped her. Ever since that day, Abir only spoke to both Meenakshi & Parul only when it was absolutely necessary. He did somewhere believe that it wasn't Parul Masi's fault, but she'd just stood by when Meenakshi had threatened Abir with all her threats, and hadn't even tried to stand up for her son. It irked Abir to no end and it made his blood boil on seeing how Parul actually still behaved the same with Meenakshi even after everything that had happened. He would never be able to forgive either woman for playing with him and his brother this way.
He took the first bite with great difficulty around the lump in his throat. Nothing mattered anymore. Not food, not sleep. Just the fact that he'd broken Mishti's heart.
"What?!?!" He heard Kuhu exclaim coming down the stairs. "Mishti waapas aa gayi?!? Itni jaldi?!"
Normally, Abir would brush off any mention of Mishti and try to project that it didn't matter to him what was being said about her, even though he died a million times inside when someone so much as whispered her name. But, not today. Not on the day they were supposed to get married. Today, he couldn't do it. He abandoned his plate and rushed out of the house without a backward glance. For the first time in 2 months, he got into his jeep and drove far, far, far away from the house that suffocated him to the one place where he could breathe.
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Hey people! So, a what if on the current track! I don't know how many chapters will be there in this one, but I'm really excited! I hope y'all like it! :)
Please let me know down below! :D
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