Marham Dard Par - A MishBir FF (Chp 18 - Page 12)

Posted: 4 years ago

About : A What If on the separation track.

Index

Chapter 1 & 2 : Page 1

Chapter 3 : Page 2

Chapter 4 & 5 : Page 3

Chapter 6 & 7 : Page 4

Chapter 8 & 9 : Page 5

Chapter 10 : Page 9

Chapter 11 : Page 10

Chapter 12, 13, 14 : Page 11

Chapter 15, 16, 17, 18 : Page 12


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Chapter One

They say all the world's a stage, and we are but actors in a play called life. Abir had never really thought much of this saying before, but now, he was coming to understand that it was, in fact, the truest thing ever spoken. His life in these last couple months had been nothing but a well thought out charade to let his family believe that everything was okay, and that breaking Mishti's heart didn't actually break him as well. 

He imagined he was pretty successful at it too, except for the occasional slip ups in front of his brother, and he didn't know whether to be happy or sad about it. Was it a good thing that your family didn't understand you? That they couldn't see the pain you were in, that they couldn't see through your fake smiles? Was it a good thing that nobody in his family tried to ask why he wore aviators all the time, or why he spent every second possible out of the house? Was it okay that none of them saw how he'd changed everything about him since that day? Did they actually not notice, or they did and decide to turn a blind eye to it all figuring that he'd deal with it on his own, or were they living in denial? He didn't know. He frankly didn't want to either, because he was afraid of the answer, but it still hurt that his family didn't really understand his pain. 

But, he chose this. He chose this the day he decided to prioritize Nanko over Mishti, and he'd have to live with the consequences. Not a day went by when Abir didn't wish things could've been different. That they could've still been together, happy and in love. But, he had decided that protecting his Nanko was more important. And so, he had to live with it, even though living with it literally killed him every second. 

Tossing those thoughts aside, Abir looked at the clock. It was 5am. A decent enough hour to make up, he supposed. Sleep had become a luxury for him now, and he spent almost all his nights laid up in bed, eyes wide open, wondering about what ifs. But, no one else knew that, and he needed to keep up the charade. 

He sat up on his bed, and opened his bedside drawer to remove the few prized possessions he held close to his heart. In a beautifully intricate box lay all of Abir Rajvansh's heart. He opened it and carefully removed everything inside it. The earring Mishti had dropped the day they broke up, the engagement ring she'd returned at the airport, an intact wedding card, and all of her photos that he'd clicked in the months they'd been together. He held the earring and ring close to his heart like he had the habit of doing every morning, and then looked through all the photographs one by one, caressing her face in almost all of them, wishing it was her, instead of a photograph. 

And then, he looked at the wedding card, always saving it for last, because the sight of it broke him, every time he looked at it, and yet, he couldn't not look at it. The card was a symbol of every promise they'd made to each other in private, that they were ready to make in front of the entire world. But, today was different. Because today was the day, had everything gone the way they'd wanted to, Abir & Mishti would've gotten married on. He caressed the card with shaking hands and stared at it unblinking. He stilled when a teardrop fell on the card. He hadn't even realized when he started crying. Wiping his tears, he kept the card aside and removed one last thing from the box. A diary. The one that Mishti had given to him, the one where he was supposed to write all the things he could never tell anyone else. He had never needed it before that godforsaken day, because there wasn't a thing in the world he couldn't not tell Mishti. He told her everything, big or small. And so he'd never needed the diary. But now, he needed it like he needed air. It was the only place he could be himself, the one part of his life that was not a charade. 

He opened it and began writing, starting the way he always did. Good morning, Angry Chorni. He wrote and wrote and then wrote some more, filling up pages with his regret, his apologies, his wishes, and his dreams. He told Mishti everything, just like he always did. When he was done, he kept everything back into the box, extremely carefully like he always did, and then put the box back in the drawer and locked it, lest anyone find it. He then reached inside his tee shirt and removed his engagement ring that he'd been wearing on a chain around his neck, keeping it close to his heart all the time. He kissed it and then whispered, "I love you, Mishti. I hope yeh baat tum kabhi nahi bhoologi. Happy Wedding Day, love."

Now that the few minutes of his day that he'd dedicated to Mishti were done, he sighed and put on his aviators. His shield from the world, from his family. He'd already decided that he'd spend the entire day outside the house. He couldn't bear to be near his family. Not today. This was supposed to be the happiest day of his life, but now it was anything but. And he refused to spend it with anyone. This was supposed to be his and Mishti's day, and it would be. Even if Mishti wasn't a part of his life anymore. 

"Good morning," Kunal greeted Abir when he reached the breakfast table. 

"Morning," Abir murmured, his voice low and lacking it's usual warmth, the way it had since that day. Kunal had tried so hard to bring his brother out of his misery, but nothing seemed to work. It hurt him to see his jovial and carefree brother like this. Living with the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

Kunal had tried to talk to Abir about what happened that day, why he'd so suddenly decided he didn't want to marry Mishti, the girl he was ready to leave everything for. But, everytime he tried, his brother's throat would get clogged and he'd swiftly change the topic. Kunal had decided to respect his privacy and hadn't pried much after the first few instants of it happening, but assuring Abir that he would be there whenever Abir felt comfortable and confident talking about it. Sadly, his brother was yet to take him up on this offer. 

"I'm going out. Don't try to reach me. I'll be busy the entire day," Abir declared to the occupants of the table - Kunal, Nanu, and Ketu. He was about to leave when Kunal stopped him. 

"Bhai, at least breakfast toh kar lijiye," he requested. 

"Haan, bhai. Please!" Ketki added. "Aaj aapka favourite bana hai. Dhokla."

It was at the tip of Abir's tongue to tell her that his favourite food, now and forever, would only be khichadi, but he kept quiet and sat down at the table. This entire day belonged to Mishti, but he supposed he could spare a few minutes of it for his younger brother and sister. Mishti wouldn't mind. In fact, if anything, she'd be the happiest. 

Parul tried to serve him, but he stopped her. Ever since that day, Abir only spoke to both Meenakshi & Parul only when it was absolutely necessary. He did somewhere believe that it wasn't Parul Masi's fault, but she'd just stood by when Meenakshi had threatened Abir with all her threats, and hadn't even tried to stand up for her son. It irked Abir to no end and it made his blood boil on seeing how Parul actually still behaved the same with Meenakshi even after everything that had happened. He would never be able to forgive either woman for playing with him and his brother this way. 

He took the first bite with great difficulty around the lump in his throat. Nothing mattered anymore. Not food, not sleep. Just the fact that he'd broken Mishti's heart. 

"What?!?!" He heard Kuhu exclaim coming down the stairs. "Mishti waapas aa gayi?!? Itni jaldi?!"

Normally, Abir would brush off any mention of Mishti and try to project that it didn't matter to him what was being said about her, even though he died a million times inside when someone so much as whispered her name. But, not today. Not on the day they were supposed to get married. Today, he couldn't do it. He abandoned his plate and rushed out of the house without a backward glance. For the first time in 2 months, he got into his jeep and drove far, far, far away from the house that suffocated him to the one place where he could breathe. 

___________

Hey people! So, a what if on the current track! I don't know how many chapters will be there in this one, but I'm really excited! I hope y'all like it! :)

Please let me know down below! :D

Edited by DMGThings - 3 years ago
Posted: 4 years ago

This is beautifully written 👏

Posted: 4 years ago

Feel sorry for Abir. You have well expressed his turmoil. 

Posted: 4 years ago

At last story on this forum.

Was  craving for this!!!💔💔💔

Beautiful start.

Please continue.Dont leave midway like many do.

Without stories,weekend seems so boring🥺🥺

Posted: 4 years ago

wow so beautiful you have explained abir's angst beautifully..eagerly waiting for the next part pls do continue soon😃

Posted: 4 years ago

Mat rulao na muje saare plz😭

Plz write more soon.. looking forward to it

Edited by meen123 - 4 years ago
Posted: 4 years ago

hayeee! I loved it!!!!❤️❤️❤️

Posted: 4 years ago

Chapter Two

If Mishti would've actually stopped to think about it, she'd have found it oddly ironic that the first place she visited after coming home was the lakeside where everything between her and Abir ended. But, she didn't. She just did what her heart told her to, as she'd started to do a lot in these past few weeks, no thanks to Nish. 

Nish. It felt funny calling him that when he had been Nannu all his life, and still was to his family. But, he wasn't the same ole Nannu now. He'd grown up so much during his time away. He was a new person now, and yet, still the same. He was Nish. And Mishti admired Nish a whole lot. He'd helped her so much in these two months away. He'd really been her rock. 

But yet, he'd never be able to be what Abir was to her. The kind of confidence, the support, the understanding that Abir had given her was not something Mishti had been able to find in anyone else. Not even Bade Papa. Which is why it hurt her so much to see him turn his back on her. She hadn't just lost her fiance, the love of her life that day, she'd also lost her best friend and support system. Abir had filled so many gaps and spaces in her life all at once that him leaving had left her in a vacuum. Nish had tried to fill that vacuum by being a good friend and an even better brother, but he wasn't able to, no matter how hard he tried, and no matter how hard she tried. 

Which is exactly why the first thing Mishti did after coming home was to rush to the lakeside. She needed to be close to her Ajeeb Rajvansh. At times she felt mad at herself for wanting to be close to him after everything he'd done, but then, she'd remember the good times they'd had, all the love they'd shared. Those 2 days would never be able to erase the months of happiness and joy and love that that man had brought to her before that. Ever. Yes, she was mad at him, she hated what he did, but yet, she couldn't bring herself to hate him, not completely. She supposed that love did that to people. 

And she loved. She still did. She loved him so much. She'd definitely made her family believe that she'd forgotten all about Abir, that she was moving on in life from his betrayal, but in reality, everything still reminded her of him. She still needed him. She still wanted him. She didn't want to want him anymore, but she did. She couldn't deny it anymore. She'd tried to, so hard in the beginning. She'd tried to hate him, she'd cursed him out, she'd tried to make herself believe that it didn't matter what he did, that she'd grow out of it, that she didn't need him to be a part of her life. 

But, she'd been so wrong. She did need him to be a part of her life. She hadn't been lying when she said he'd taught her how to love herself, or when she'd said that he'd brought colours to her otherwise boring, black and white life. How was she supposed to forget him after he made it so that she had a hard time even imagining a life without him, let alone actually living it? 

Abir Rajvansh had once been the light of her life, and now that he wasn't around, she was stumbling in the darkness that he'd left behind. She knew that if she gave it time, she could somehow manage and learn to see in this darkness. After all she had picked herself up back again many times before. But this time, she didn't want to. She didn't want to get used to the darkness. She didn't want to find a new source of light, and she definitely didn't want to learn how to see in the endless night. No, she wanted her light back. She wanted her life back. She wanted Abir back. 

Not this Abir. Her Abir. Her Ajeeb Rajvansh who could make her laugh no matter how bad her mood was, who could understand her without her having to say a word, who could make everything right in her world with just a smile, or a hug. She wanted the Abir who was an amazing painter, who wrote the most beautiful shayari, who loved more than she thought anyone could, who was charming and passionate and carefree. She wanted her Abir. The Abir she'd fallen for, the man she still loved, and suspected she would love for as long as she lived. 

Because, she knew that the man who'd broken up with her had not been her Abir. He'd been someone wearing a mask. Her Abir never wore a mask in front of her. Her Abir would never even think of the words that man had spewed out that day. He'd never ever call her paraayi, or look her in the eye and tell her he didn't love her. He would never taunt her for not having a blood related family. He would never ever think of hurting her physically, even in his worst nightmares. 

And yet, he'd said all that. He'd pulled her locket out and hurt her. But, that day, the man in front of her was someone else. It wasn't her Ajeeb Rajvansh. It wasn't the man she'd fallen in love with. And she needed that man back in her life. 

She laughed to herself thinking about how it would go down if she ever said all this out loud. To someone, anyone. But especially her family. Bade Papa was extremely mad at Abir and rightly so. She would never begrudge Bade Papa his anger because she knew he was absolutely right in thinking the way he did. For Bade Papa, Abir hadn't just been his daughter's fiance. For him, Abir had been like a son. 

Aapke Bade Papa, aapke aur Abir… Dono ke liye kaafi hai, he'd said. Because Bade Papa genuinely felt that. He looked at Abir like a son. Loved him like his own. And then, to be served with such a terrible betrayal by the man who Bade Papa had thought of as his own… Well, anyone would be mad. She herself was mad. 

But, Bade Papa's loathing for Abir was so much that Mishti couldn't even think about even taking his name in front of her father. Bade Papa hadn't uttered that name in 2 months either. On occasion when he absolutely had to, he always called him 'Rajvansh parivaar ka bada beta'. Never Abir. 

It broke Mishti’s heart to bear witness to such things, but she knew that Abir had really hurt Bade Papa. He'd hurt all of them, but sometimes she felt that Badi Maa's heartbreak was the worst of them all, even her. Badi Maa had genuinely believed Abir to be her heera. And when he'd done what he'd done, it had affected her a lot. But, loving him like a mother, she couldn't bring herself to completely hate her son, just like Mishti wasn't able to hate him completely either. 

Mishti's heart went out to Badi Maa. She was the only one who understood Mishti's dilemma perfectly because she herself was going through it too. In these two months, Mishti had perhaps spoken about Abir at length only with Badi Maa, apart from Nish. 

Yes, her entire family, especially Bade Papa had supported her amazingly through this incident. They'd been there for her. Given her a shoulder to cry on, they'd given her the motivational words when she'd required them. They'd all assured her that she'd get over all of it one day and they'd all support her throughout the journey. But, the understanding that Badi Maa had bestowed upon her, and the concern and love that Nish had, had been her saving grace. She didn't know what she'd have done with both of them. Without Badi Maa, who she spoke to at all odd hours of the day, who she told about all the amazing things Abir had done for her, who she cried with when talking about how abhorrently Abir had behaved in those two days. Without Nish, who was just a holler away, who would binge watch silly romantic comedies with her and gorge on her favourite mint chocolate ice cream even though he wasn't a fan of it, who would keep her busy with work when she needed a distraction, who pushed her to be the best version of herself, who assured her that this was all just a phase and that he knew his Miss TeaPot would find the kind of happiness she'd witnessed with Abir again soon. 

She didn't know how she'd have coped without Bade Papa's unwavering trust in her, his faith that she would leave this all behind, his constant reminders about how much he loved her and how she was the best daughter in the world. 

Even Varsha Aunty, Jasmeet Chachi, and to an extent, Kuhu, had been so supportive of her in this time. They'd given her the strength and courage to move forward each day. She was so very thankful for all of them. 

And yet, it had not been the same. It never would be. It wasn't Badi Maa she wanted to gush about Abir with. She wanted to tell of it to Abir's face. It wasn't Nish she wanted to watch romantic movies with. It was Abir who she wanted by her side, fangirling more than her. It wasn't Bade Papa who she wanted when she needed assurance that she was doing well. It was Abir who she dreamt of, hugging her and telling her how proud he was of her. She didn't want Varsha Aunty or Jasmeet Aunty or Kuhu to be there for her when they hadn't been around before. She wanted Abir, who'd always been there for her no matter what. 

She'd always want Abir, no matter what. The thought broke her heart and mended it all at the same time. She was sometimes mad at herself for loving him so much, and during others, grateful to have been loved so fully by a man that he'd left such a deep impact within her. She supposed it would continue to feel the same all her life. Because she'd definitely want Abir all her life. 

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Oh, my Mish! I do love her so! She's <3333

I hope I did her justice in this one! 

Posted: 4 years ago

Oh my! Poor girl... please give her Abir asap 😔

Posted: 4 years ago

Such a lovely description of Mishtys feelings.. Ya girl go and get her Abir... But not forget or forgive Abir easily.. 






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