The Roles in a Marriage - Page 6

Originally posted by: inlieu

They've opened up too many threads. I think they need to park some and deal with only a couple at a time, but do it well.

Yes, HS may resent Babita, but what would be worse is if in the bid to control his own desires and feelings out of respect for Babita's need for time, he will become distant and eventually the kind of husband Babita doesn't want - one who doesn't seem to have time for her. I won't be surprised if he spends long hours at work. What does he come home to? Free yummy food? He was doing better as a tenant in that case.

As for the situation with Minnie, it's really very sad. The one time he expected something as a father, to have it dashed this way, through no fault of hers or his, is just painful. I am now thinking that it might be better if they take time to resolve it because then both HS and Minnie can really really understand each other on the micro level and figure out what they want from each other. The thing is, even if HS feels that his daughter doesn't want him, he cannot stop his natural instincts when it comes to paternal affection or protection. He cannot stop being a father and stay away, it's bound to come out in some everyday manner too, whether in the form of love or discipline. I also think her lying about her whereabouts or coming home late at night will tick him off and he might scold her or something. In which case, she won't even answer back but just seem all resigned. Can't he see her body language?

She is bound to get in trouble sooner or later and I don't see Babita being able to handle that by herself. HS will be needed. I would rather things didn't get to that state and that they could at least start talking. What's worse is that HS' inner thoughts about Minnie have not been shown at all since his teary-eyed talk before the wedding. At least we know that Minnie feels she lost his trust but hasn't been able to make the connection. I still want to know why he felt Minnie would hurt him and understand all that is going on in his mind right now, especially when he was looking at Minnie the morning after the wedding. I wonder if this is deliberate suspense by the writers.

The whole concept of haq is a bit of a mess in this family. They finally have it officially on each other, but the emotions are all in knots.

Agreed. But who will explain this to the writers? LOL unki Naeem Bi kahaan hai gyaan dene ko? They are muddling this all up needlessly.....why can't they focus on one set of conflicts before opening up 20 parallel ones? 🤔

If HS was capable of giving silent treatment to Babita, he would have been giving it to her since after the wedding night only....but if he didn't do it then, ab kya karega.....he is too oversensitive to Babita's tears right now....he will gut himself 100 times over to try and take away her tears....that's where we are currently. He seems more than happy to come home to eat food only.....LOL didn't you see his ENTHUSIASM for the food on Friday? 🤔😆

I like your point about HS not being able to help his instincts as a father/guardian towards Mini so even if he's backed off in hurt for now, somehow those instincts will still manifest themselves and maybe help these two to communicate......the writers seem to have deliberately blinded him to Mini's current body language since his focus is all on Babita's stress and tears😕

And yes, it all seems deliberate from the writers that we haven't been shown HS thinking about the CD incident after the shaadi.....no thoughts from him about Mini either....just that one shared glance next morning when Mini saw him sleeping downstairs.....they are deliberately letting the questions fester....maybe saving them for a big confrontation.

Basically the family balance is off....that's what the writers want to tell us....that these three weren't ready to balance their relationships despite caring for each other so much.....that is why the all important haq is also messed up.....they say, you must be careful what you wish for.....you can't be sure how exactly you will receive it....lol that seems to be the case for these three right now.....they all wanted this....but they didn't really specify the details of how they wanted it....lol hence the current tangled web.

Originally posted by: AreYaar

See, that scene doesn't jive with him playing along with her "Look I'm giving you honesty by telling you I'll only eat with Mini" line.....I liked the Thursday epi....but it felt quite disconnected from Friday's HB scenes with HS suddenly back to being "normal" with Babita and happy enough with chai pakode, and thinking gud jaisi honesty hogi is rishte mein despite how she exited the room last night 😕😆

And yes, any reasonable person would say that Babita should have laid her conditions down before shaadi and talked through them.....but HS has totally crumpled inwards in the face of her demands post shaadi now....he's the one talking about jeevan bhar ka rishta while she offers to break the shaadi off every other day.....lol so then aise toh lagega hi that HS is in some dreamland of his where he's not seeing the actual issues with Babita on ground.

Somebody needs to point out to them that they have a serious communication gap about why they both entered this marriage.....his expectations diverge from hers......and on top of that, he's not expressing his actual emotions so as to "keep peace"....but it will only make the core issues fester.

I've given up expecting the writers to address the point that making this Babita ki shaadi ended up excluding HS from the equation.....they haven't followed up on this point after the CD scene....woh toh humein hi dikh raha hai.....lol story mein bhi no one is pointing out how HS was neglected by mother-daughter in building their own world....even now each time Babita says she will only eat with Mini, she is excluding HS from the family picture....but no one points that out.

Instead, the writers are building up Mini's issues on the side since she is getting needlessly neglected in all this thanks to HS and Babita both being in their own heads. Ab toh bas wait hi kar sakte hain to see when breakdown happens.....unlike depression track which was well paced, yahaan toh drag hi hoga lagta hai.

Actually, when she told him she wanted to eat with Minnie and then backed it up with her opting for honesty, there was a look on his face for a fraction of a second before he masked it. It didn't make him happy, but he let it go. There will be many more of such looks methinks until they become substantial, but Babita is too self-absorbed to notice. I still think HS will put in some self-preservation measures to keep things sane with Babita, such as asking her for honesty today but as I have mentioned elsewhere, his biggest mistake is his over-protectiveness of Babita. He's trying to shield her from the world but also from herself, and in doing so, he is effectively delaying the moment when she takes a hard look at herself and what she wants.

I am now wondering why HS went along with having a wedding so soon after the proposal. Was it because he just wanted mother-daughter to be happy or because he wanted to do it before anyone changed their mind?

Yes, he's peacekeeper but that is against his nature so sooner or later things will fall apart. I want him to start challenging some of the nutty things she's been doing, such as, as you said, threaten to leave the marriage or drop everything just because of Minnie.

I also find it extremely surprising that they aren't addressing the fact that HS was completely left out of the wedding preps and even now is being sidelined. Babita never asked Minnie if she wanted to eat with HS or alone, etc. all those things. Instead of sharing some family time together, each is doing their own thing, whereas in the past things were just much more organic.

I also think that because HS is afraid he's losing/lost Minnie, he's holding on to Babita in whatever way we can, even if it may be on her somewhat unfair terms. Minnie will find out that he's unhappy and doing all this to keep her mother happy but will wonder if her push to get them married was justified. That's another stress she doesn't need right now.

I'm also wondering if another breakdown for HS is coming up if he is drained from dealing with mother-daughter and his own unresolved issues.

Originally posted by: AreYaar

Agreed. But who will explain this to the writers? LOL unki Naeem Bi kahaan hai gyaan dene ko? They are muddling this all up needlessly.....why can't they focus on one set of conflicts before opening up 20 parallel ones? 🤔

If HS was capable of giving silent treatment to Babita, he would have been giving it to her since after the wedding night only....but if he didn't do it then, ab kya karega.....he is too oversensitive to Babita's tears right now....he will gut himself 100 times over to try and take away her tears....that's where we are currently. He seems more than happy to come home to eat food only.....LOL didn't you see his ENTHUSIASM for the food on Friday? 🤔😆

I like your point about HS not being able to help his instincts as a father/guardian towards Mini so even if he's backed off in hurt for now, somehow those instincts will still manifest themselves and maybe help these two to communicate......the writers seem to have deliberately blinded him to Mini's current body language since his focus is all on Babita's stress and tears😕

And yes, it all seems deliberate from the writers that we haven't been shown HS thinking about the CD incident after the shaadi.....no thoughts from him about Mini either....just that one shared glance next morning when Mini saw him sleeping downstairs.....they are deliberately letting the questions fester....maybe saving them for a big confrontation.

Basically the family balance is off....that's what the writers want to tell us....that these three weren't ready to balance their relationships despite caring for each other so much.....that is why the all important haq is also messed up.....they say, you must be careful what you wish for.....you can't be sure how exactly you will receive it....lol that seems to be the case for these three right now.....they all wanted this....but they didn't really specify the details of how they wanted it....lol hence the current tangled web.

Food is a safe topic, and frankly it is a benefit of being married to Babita, that he gets to eat yummy stuff. His life is hard enough right now as it is, the least he can do is enjoy a meal. I also think that is his way of getting a little bit of time and attention from Babita otherwise she isn't even paying attention to him. I can't wait for the day he tells her he doesn't want her to serve him food or bring him his clothes, he just wants her to sit with him for a couple of minutes and just talk. They have always talked about problem-solving but sometimes a couple needs to have light talk too. I don't see that happening any time soon looking at how skittish Babita is.

Forget their NB, I want ours to talk some sense into HS soon, even where Babita is concerned. He has always been able to find a good balance between mother-daughter, but now that he himself is emotionally involved, he's less effective.

I know we expect a lot from him just because he's the most mature, but this time round too, I want him to put his hurt aside for a bit, solve the problems of those two, especially Minnie, and then come back and address his.

If there is to be a big confrontation it better be a logical one. I want to know why they thought it was ok to show HS go off the rails about a CD that too when he should have seen Minnie wasn't at fault. Will he pour his heart out about how he felt unwanted as a father or that he felt insecure about Ashok? Woah! That'd be fab!

As for balance - huh! HS was doing so much of the heavy-lifting all these months that the moment he loses his footing everything else starts to tip over. I see that happening here too. Usually Minnie can provide backup but right now they aren't even acting like a team.

And going back- Babita was asking HS if she can do something to ease “his” nervousness regarding the wedding, and I thought She is so confident about the marriage. now she herself is nervous about everything around him- even routine stuff like talking, sitting or eating with him . Initimacy to door ki baat hai!

I feel since the shaadi track that they have somehow run out of future storylines- hence they are dragging all the issues. They are probably thinking if we solve all issues in a week each, what will we show in November.

Originally posted by: inlieu

Actually, when she told him she wanted to eat with Minnie and then backed it up with her opting for honesty, there was a look on his face for a fraction of a second before he masked it. It didn't make him happy, but he let it go. There will be many more of such looks methinks until they become substantial, but Babita is too self-absorbed to notice. I still think HS will put in some self-preservation measures to keep things sane with Babita, such as asking her for honesty today but as I have mentioned elsewhere, his biggest mistake is his over-protectiveness of Babita. He's trying to shield her from the world but also from herself, and in doing so, he is effectively delaying the moment when she takes a hard look at herself and what she wants.

Yep, I said something similar in another post too.....he is doing what Mini used to do.....be overprotective of Babita and try to save her from herself, coddle her etc. etc.....lol all this feels even more ironic in light of the fact that HS was the guy who gave the player/coach analogy and so many other crucial life gyaans to Babita at important points to give her the impetus to get out of her comfort zone.....but now he himself has fallen into the same trap of trying to be knight in shining armor😆......I guess this is how relationships change when you become more emotionally involved.

I am now wondering why HS went along with having a wedding so soon after the proposal. Was it because he just wanted mother-daughter to be happy or because he wanted to do it before anyone changed their mind?

LOL I guess it wasn't soon to him, right? He'd been yearning for both of them to be his family for quite some time....so he must have figured ab baat pakki ho gayi hai toh der kis baat ki? lol that's what I'm saying.....they all made the presumption that there wasn't much else to learn here and they knew enough about each other having been through so many ups and downs together that they would be able to handle the transition to official family. Alas, turns out they didn't give each other enough time to actually know each other.

Yes, he's peacekeeper but that is against his nature so sooner or later things will fall apart. I want him to start challenging some of the nutty things she's been doing, such as, as you said, threaten to leave the marriage or drop everything just because of Minnie.

I've been waiting since so many days for someone to call out Babita's tendency to keep calling off the marriage or making everything condition based like she's holding ppl hostage, but so far no sign of anyone addressing this....chai pakode mein busy hain😳

I also find it extremely surprising that they aren't addressing the fact that HS was completely left out of the wedding preps and even now is being sidelined. Babita never asked Minnie if she wanted to eat with HS or alone, etc. all those things. Instead of sharing some family time together, each is doing their own thing, whereas in the past things were just much more organic.

EXACTLY....they are all busy in their own heads, in their own silos....that is what I've been saying since two days also....none of the duos have sustained....otherwise all the duos had their own seperate equation....HS-Mini, HS-Babita, Babita-Mini....right now they are all disconnected from each other.....koi bhi family jaise time nahin spend kar raha cuz they all busy in their own heads with their own presumptions and guilt.

I also think that because HS is afraid he's losing/lost Minnie, he's holding on to Babita in whatever way we can, even if it may be on her somewhat unfair terms. Minnie will find out that he's unhappy and doing all this to keep her mother happy but will wonder if her push to get them married was justified. That's another stress she doesn't need right now.

This is actually a very real possibility.....given how HB are mishandling all this, it's quite possible Mini will take it hard when she sees them falling apart....she's the one who built up the most dreams out of this wedding....she will automatically blame herself and wonder if her encouraging them to get married was a miscalculation on her part....we can only hope that it doesn't come to that and HS steps up to handle things....filhaal toh he's going about things the wrong way.....he's not going to hold on to Babita either with this strategy.

I'm also wondering if another breakdown for HS is coming up if he is drained from dealing with mother-daughter and his own unresolved issues. LOL we'd expected that post marriage phase will be about dealing with HS's past trauma but it's all switched gears into mother-daughter ke issues.....so unless the writers manage to bring the threads together somehow, I don't know if HS will breakdown......Mini's breakdown seems more imminent and I can only hope HS will be there to sambhaalo her at the crucial point.

Originally posted by: inlieu

Food is a safe topic, and frankly it is a benefit of being married to Babita, that he gets to eat yummy stuff. His life is hard enough right now as it is, the least he can do is enjoy a meal.

LOL he didn't need to marry Babita to eat her food....she would have happily given it to him whole life as his renter only....khaana anyways mil raha tha😆

I also think that is his way of getting a little bit of time and attention from Babita otherwise she isn't even paying attention to him. I can't wait for the day he tells her he doesn't want her to serve him food or bring him his clothes, he just wants her to sit with him for a couple of minutes and just talk. They have always talked about problem-solving but sometimes a couple needs to have light talk too. I don't see that happening any time soon looking at how skittish Babita is.

LOL I don't see this happening anytime soon either....you're expecting too much.....HS seems to have made peace with the crumbs of attention he manages to get from Babita for now.

Forget their NB, I want ours to talk some sense into HS soon, even where Babita is concerned. He has always been able to find a good balance between mother-daughter, but now that he himself is emotionally involved, he's less effective.

Exactly....emotions have become more heightened now....otherwise emotionally involved toh he was before also since a while now in everything connected to the two of them.....but he's lost his balance since the CD incident in terms of being able to handle both of them.....so he's focused on one for now......I wanted NB to talk to him about that but she just gave him some random general gyaan on Friday....lol direct convos are needed about that incident....

I know we expect a lot from him just because he's the most mature, but this time round too, I want him to put his hurt aside for a bit, solve the problems of those two, especially Minnie, and then come back and address his.

Yep, that's what we all want him to do.....but writers seem like they want to keep him in this off balance mode for a while....I would have liked this to be a lesson in parenting for HS....ki no matter how hurt he is, he steps up, senses Mini's state of mind and takes charge to fix things....but ah well.

If there is to be a big confrontation it better be a logical one. I want to know why they thought it was ok to show HS go off the rails about a CD that too when he should have seen Minnie wasn't at fault. Will he pour his heart out about how he felt unwanted as a father or that he felt insecure about Ashok? Woah! That'd be fab!

Ideally, that is what we should get.....a build up to a big confrontation where they both pour out their emotions and the real reasons behind what drove the CD argument.....but I don't know if or when the writers would get around to that so I'm trying to keep my expectations low....lol

As for balance - huh! HS was doing so much of the heavy-lifting all these months that the moment he loses his footing everything else starts to tip over. I see that happening here too. Usually Minnie can provide backup but right now they aren't even acting like a team.

Yes, he NEEDS Mini right now.....it's so ironic that he's running after Babita but wahaan se koi help nahin milni on any front.....lol he should focus on Mini instead.....Mini once said to him ki uski gaadi Mini ke bina nahin chalni....so right she was.....I wish HS would remember that and realize that Mini ke bina Babita nahin handle hone waali.....they need to be a team to tackle her as they always have done.....this family can't run without Mini.....responsibilities do shift after marriage, but some core structures still need to be in place......what HS-Mini have together isn't some average equation that can easily be replaced or done without.....they literally uplifted each other at crucial points....they both need each other....Mini ka bhi dekh lo....she got her Babes married but she's not happy.....cuz she needs her Hanuman Uncle too....ek bhi na ho toh adhure hain sab.

Originally posted by: shazam1

And going back- Babita was asking HS if she can do something to ease “his” nervousness regarding the wedding, and I thought She is so confident about the marriage. now she herself is nervous about everything around him- even routine stuff like talking, sitting or eating with him . Initimacy to door ki baat hai!

LOL I found that to be a little too much confidence from Babita at that point too and it felt like a warning sign that she doesn't seem to be ready for the change.....she was in her own bubble then that nothing will change and she thought HS was being needlessly apprehensive....lol

I wonder if this holds true😆...sab pata hai Babita ko andar hi andar But she chooses to be obtuse? 😆

When Hs asked her to seat with him to eat Pakoda, beth jati at least. Baat to kar. Normal to behave kar. Isse aschhi to shadi se pehle thi. Whenever she served him food, she stood there while he ate. She had care, concern and affection in her actions towards him. Abhi dekho bhag rahi hai.

I am so disconnected with Babita and show right now.

There was a scene right before Babes proposed. Omelette scene between HS and Mini. They were sad coz they were about to get separated. He told her Beti banaye bap ke liye aisi omelette. He has referred to her as His Beti and him as her Father on multiple occasions. She has done the same. She told him during Imarti track - Jesa Bap wesi Beti.

And now suddenly PH tweets, Mini never asked for a father? Babita will be self indulgent in her Marriage. Where?

Scenes before Proposal and post proposal has serious disconnection. I don’t know which direction they are planning to move. They have opened up so many issues simultaneously. Forced issues. They don’t look organic. Mini would have felt neglected. There was no need to keep mentioning it to tell us. It would have progressed naturally. It looks like a khichdi now. Kachhi pakki Khichdi. Mujhe nai pata will get closures to all of them. Some of them will be just left hanging to come back to them in future whenever PH feels like it.

Originally posted by: NimbuMirchi

When Hs asked her to seat with him to eat Pakoda, beth jati at least. Baat to kar. Normal to behave kar. Isse aschhi to shadi se pehle thi. Whenever she served him food, she stood there while he ate. She had care, concern and affection in her actions towards him. Abhi dekho bhag rahi hai.

I am so disconnected with Babita and show right now.

There was a scene right before Babes proposed. Omelette scene between HS and Mini. They were sad coz they were about to get separated. He told her Beti banaye bap ke liye aisi omelette. He has referred to her as His Beti and him as her Father on multiple occasions. She has done the same. She told him during Imarti track - Jesa Bap wesi Beti.

And now suddenly PH tweets, Mini never asked for a father? Babita will be self indulgent in her Marriage. Where?

Scenes before Proposal and post proposal has serious disconnection. I don’t know which direction they are planning to move. They have opened up so many issues simultaneously. Forced issues. They don’t look organic. Mini would have felt neglected. There was no need to keep mentioning it to tell us. It would have progressed naturally. It looks like a khichdi now. Kachhi pakki Khichdi. Mujhe nai pata will get closures to all of them. Some of them will be just left hanging to come back to them in future whenever PH feels like it.

Babita is sticking to Minnie more than ever before.. self-indulgent door ki baat hai and I don't see anything wrong even if she becomes self-indulgent, let her enjoy being a newly wed for few weeks without worrying about an almost adult child. I mean I know they are showing that Minnie is feeling lonely and all. I hope they solve Minnie issue first so babita and HS can become self-indulgent without any guilt.