His Unclaimed Wife [IF_NC_Entry] Ch2 Pg3

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Madhuri

@Viswasruti

Moderator

+ 31

Team Arjun

Posted: 7 years ago

#11

Excellent narrative with full of emotional feelings. Her concern for her sister Sita and for her sufferings, her fear, and distress when she heard about her husband's war with Meghnaad, just saw it in front of my eyes. Till date, no one touched this story of the 'sleeping duty' of Urmila, so you have a vast canvas in front of you and I am sure you will paint a Princess' agonizing wait for her mate and her surprise for his silence --it is so gripping. Waiting to read the next part.

Edited by Viswasruti - 7 years ago

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Koeli

@Koeli

Channel Moderator

+ 16

Spiritual Mind

Posted: 7 years ago

#12

Finally, I have edited chapter one. 😛 I hope you guys will re-read and post your honest opinion.

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ltelidevara

@ltelidevara

Sparkler

+ 8

Posted: 7 years ago

#13

Flawless...Excellent start to an emotional journey that we are going to embark due to your creative skills.

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sahira kabir

@eufara_naghm

Rocker

+ 3

Posted: 7 years ago

#14

I feel bad for Urmila😭

Bechari!! Sabne milkar keema bana dala uska

Hope you'll continue soon varna dard k mare mera heart attack ho jana hay😭

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Sundari

@Param-Sundari

Stunner

+ 13

Posted: 7 years ago

#15

It's very gripping. The end was unexpected so I am waiting for next part eagerly.

I had another thought in mind, but the end overpowered it, I will wait to see if that materialises.

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Koeli

@Koeli

Channel Moderator

+ 16

Spiritual Mind

Posted: 7 years ago

#16

Chapter 2

The Sun god took his time to set in the horizon. It looks like even he didn't want to miss the celebration. The vibrant vermilion on the sky was the nature's way to celebrate. As the Sun-god finally bide a goodbye, millions and millions of diya's were lite in each and every house of Ayodhya Nagri (town). The moonless night celebrated the festival of light. Homecoming of Raghuvashi Ram continued to flow in the entire palace and in every house.

When I entered my room after speaking to my sister Sita, the sweet smell of flowers assaulted my nerves. It felt like as, if I am reliving my wedding night. As I slowly walked inside the room, thousands of diays illuminating brocade sheets and golden carvings. My ornaments glittered as the lights fell randomly on them and my thoughts swan back at the Raj Sabha. My eyes pricked at the thought of his rejection. His ugly laugh devastated me more. The very last look at he gave me while exiting the Sabha tore away my last heartstrings. I was determined this time for the answers.

While I was in my room, I have overheard few dasi's talking amongst each other about my husband's rejection. He cannot insult me like this in front of the entire kingdom. If he doesn't want me as his wife he can just send me to Mithila. However, before that, he has to answer my questions. I looked outside the window and wondered what might be taking him so long to come to our room.

After a few minutes, my sister Shrutakirti entered my room. "Didi, Bhaiya Laxman..., she paused. My heart skipped a beat. What has happened to him now? And why is she here instead of him?

"What happened Shrutakirti? I panicked seeing her fidget with her dupatta.

"Bhaiya Laxman collapsed in Bhaiya Ram's chamber," she said holding my shoulders.

I was numb after hearing this. What might have happened to him I wondered. Without uttering a single thing I ordered her to take me to him.

My sister was sitting beside my husband and brother Ram was talking to brother Bharat when I entered inside their chamber. My sister looked really worried. "Didi, what has happened to Arya (husband)?

"I am so sorry Urmila, I don't know how to tell you this but Laksman is in deep sleep.

***
It was months until my husband woke up. Everybody was worried about him. My intuitive senses told me that this has got to do with Nidra Devi but I couldn't be certain.

The moment he woke up, his eyes landed on me. I could feel he was still disoriented due to the sleep yet I could see the pain in his eyes. I wanted to go near him to console but then thought it would be inappropriate in the presence of Mata Sumitra and Sister Sita.

I got up from his side and left sister Sita's chamber informing everyone that I am going to my chamber to arrange his bath and other necessary things. Sister Sita tried to stop me with her looks but understood my plea and allowed me to leave.

I expected him to stop me but he didn't. Just one look at me and then he shifted his gaze towards his mother. I think its time to live Ayodha because it is beyond my capability to take his rejection.

After a few moments, his brothers escorted him into the room. His steps were still wobbly due to lack of food intake. I have been in this situation so I know. He once again looked at my direction but this time I turned away in order to stop my heart from breaking further.

**

The moment he entered the room his eyes roamed around for some time and then fell on me. The shock was evident in his eyes. [3000 words Milestone Two]

Edited by Koeli_Appy - 7 years ago

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MsChanadlerBong

@MsChanadlerBong

Rocker

+ 5

Posted: 7 years ago

#17

You have a story too? 😲 I never knew about this! I had just visited the entries thread when I found this and I am happy I did cause this is good.

I love the start of the story and how gripping you have made it! The pain of Urmila is well described and its so surreal. Love how you are proceeding with the story.

I really want to know why Lakshman is acting aloof. It probably would take them sometime to reconcile, but I know you will make it worth it.

I like the descriptions and the narration flow, it gives such a clear picture as if one is watching a daily soap. Great job Appy Di, and if you have any pm system then add me in. I am hooked. 😳

Sam

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Srutha

@SriMaatangi

Sparkler

+ 4

Posted: 7 years ago

#18

This story is lovely!

You have given a stunning visual for this story, Appy! The emotions of Urmila have been well portrayed!

I cannot wait to see why Lakshmana is acting so, and what is actually going on in His head.

Update ASAP!

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ShiriHoonMain

@ExoticDisaster

Viewbie

+ 30

Posted: 7 years ago

#19

I am so hooked to it! Just amazing!

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wayward

@wayward

Stunner

+ 14

Posted: 6 years ago

#20

Sorry for the late review though! 😳

Chapter 1:

This started out really poignant! The scenes were woven in quite seamlessly making it seam like one great top-budget film! The intro especially was very well-written, presenting Urmila's grudges at the family's treatment towards her, while still not compromising on the interpersonal relationships!

Chapter 2:

Loved the fast pace of this one! Loved how you delayed the meeting of the soulmates, though not that much pleased with fact that you did that. 🥱

I would love to re-read the other chapters here too! :)

Edited by Radhikerani - 6 years ago

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His Unclaimed Wife [IF_NC_Entry] Ch2 Pg3 - Page 2

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