She sits on the chair and sighs. She feels the cramps in her abdomen. She takes a pain reliever and speaks about the pain in her body that has been for a week to her colleague. Her colleague seems worried, but teasingly, she also suggests that maybe Avni should get a pregnancy test done. Avni blushes as she thinks of the night Neil made love to her, confessing his love to her, promising to hold her and love her till eternity. She loves him, she loves being in his arms and there was no denying about it.
Her periods are delayed by a week, but she was never really bothered about that. Her gynecologist had told her that she would face this problem because her uterus wasn't healthy.
She thinks about having a baby. She likes the idea. She dials the number and takes an appointment with the doctor. She is very excited about the idea of having Neil and her own flesh and blood growing in her. She wants to love the baby that is a part of her!
~~~~~~~~~~
The doctor looks at the reports and then at Avni. Avni looks at her, anxiously. Avni can read people, and she reads fear and uncertainty in the elder woman's eyes. As the doctor speaks and explains to Avni, tears trickle down her cheeks. She doesn't want the doctor to see that, but she has no choice. She knows she cannot keep the baby; the baby will kill her or die inside her. She has to choose between her own life and the life of the part of her!
~~~~~~~~~~
She enters the bedroom to see that he is busy reading. He seems to have returned from the Police Station for quite some time now. He looks at her.
"What took you so long? I called at your office, they told me you had left 2 hours ago?' He asks as he walks to her. She sighs and looks in his chocolate brown eyes that twinkle. He holds her hand and pulls her closer to him.
She smiles weakly, inhaling his fragrance, but the thought of abortion wipes away that smile. Neil wraps his arms around her waist, she flinches, but he doesn't notice, assuming it to be one of her reactions to his touches.
He kisses her. He tastes like her desires, like a reason of happiness and peace. Her heart flutters as he brushes his fingers on her cheeks. But she doesn't respond. He breaks the kiss and looks at her, their noses still touching.
"I am pregnant," she whispers against his lips. His brown eyes grow wider and a beautiful smile appears on his lips. He leans in and kisses her, again. She stands still, her fingers clenched into a fist. She is rigid; he feels it and breaks the kiss.
"I can't carry the child, Neil," she says and breaks down. She falls to the ground, all the strength seems to have been drained out of her. He looks at her in horror. Was she suggesting that they destroy a part of her?
~~~~~~~~~~
The doctor looks at the teary husband. Avni, having heard all of her explanations before, doesn't react. He holds her hand.
"You can always try again, Mr. Khanna. Avni needs to undergo a few procedures and then she can definitely think of conceiving," she says, trying to sound a bit enthusiastic. He nods. He holds her trembling hands.
"I'll give you a minute," The doctor walks away.
"I need you, Avni," He says.
"This is my child, Neil. Our child, I cannot kill it," Avni struggles to speak.
"You heard the doctor, we can try again. I don't want you to be hurt," He whispers. He knows he is being selfish, but he cannot choose anything else above Avni.
"Can't I keep this baby, till it decides to leave us?" She asks. Neil nods in a no. He knows that doing so means risking Avni's life.
"Please Avni, don't hurt yourself." He says, knowing how broken she is. He isn't talking above physical pain, he is talking about the emotional trauma they are going through. To save her, they have to kill a part of her!
~~~~~~~~~~
She feels the drug calm her fretted nerves and her senses go numb. She can still sense the tools against her body. She knows they are killing her, but she also knows that now there is no going back.
She remembers her husband, his soothing voice, his beautiful eyes, his charming smile, his heavenly touches. She does so to evade her thoughts from going back to the murder of a part of her!
~~~~~~~~~~
Neil hugs her after some three hours of the operation. She looks weak. He is weak. They cry in each other's arms. They don't know and can't imagine what their baby would have looked like in nine months, for it was dead. Why did they have to lose a part of themselves?
Seher Hone Ko Hai
