Vishakha was vibrating in the corridor like a pendulum crossing her arms close to her chest hugging herself. As she looked at the bad weather and howling dark sky, she felt the heaviness in her stomach increasing. Even her face felt tight, like smiling wasn't an option today. Her usual self has been replaced by a carousel of ideas, each one more worrying than the last. Her heart rate was accelerating and her mind played the car crashes and accidents.
Every lightening fork in the sky failed her attempts to councel herself amidst each new horrifying speculation.
Even in the twilight hours the sky blackened. Neil was rocking left and right in search of network in his phone and Avni was sitting in the car seeing him vibrating with a frown plastered on his face.
"Damn it" Neil punched his hand on car bonut being frustrated.
"What's wrong! Just relax! You're getting hyper at such a small thing." Avni said almost screaming from the car.
"Small thing? The weather is extremely bad. We both are wet. Car is not starting. There's no network, battery is about to die. You're injured... Small things!! Right??" Neil said moving his head in disbelieve.
Avni frowned at him for scolding her and moved her head away from him, crossing her arms close to her chest.
A lightening appeared in the sky followed by a violent boom of thunder. Avni jerked at the sudden sound and realised the seriousness of the situation.
Neil sent a text to Vishakha. He sighted a cottage down the hill, around one kilometre.
"Avni! I don't think we'll get some help here. We need to reach that cottage before twilight deepens into night. We'll get some help in the morning as soon as the weather improves. Come let's go" he said opening the door of the car.
Avni raised her both arms in the air signaling him to carry her in his arms.
"What?" Neil asked raising his brows at her.
She raised her shoulders and tilted her head to one side pointing at her hurt foot.
Neil without wasting time scooped her in his arms and started walking down the hill towards the cottage into the jungle.
Although Avni wasn't too light to carry but he never feels the burden of her weight as his mind gets too busy with the excitement of his heart. He was walking down effortlessly clutching her by waist and upper back. Avni was staring him unblinkingly but his gaze was fixed on the path. The shimmering silver threads of rain accompanied them throughout their journey.
"Haven't you seen a handsome man before?" Neil's words brought Avni out of her thoughts.
"Handsome!! Really??" she asked him.
"Huh... Handsome. That's why you're staring me from last ten minutes widening your eyes more than possible" he said with a smirk still looking at the way.
Avni just hated these animal instincts of him. Without looking at her he noticed her actions.
"I was trying to read your mind. And stop blowing your own trumpet...Handsome." she said smiling at her own stupidity and making her grip more firm around his neck.
He stopped walking and transfered his gaze from path towards Avni.
He drew his face closer to her. She didn't dared to move or even breath.
"So Ms Mind Reader. What did you read?" he asked her and continued walking.
"I can see the spark in your brain , desperately trying to connect the dots. But instead resulting in a short circuit. Longing for the answers to unasked questions. Seeking for a heart to understand the unspoken emotions." she told him.
Neil called her Mind reader in a sarcastic way but whatever she said was exactly going on in his mind.
They reached the cottage. It was a small empty cottage whose condition reflects that it must have been abandoned long ago.
Neil made Avni sit on a pile of straw. He collected some sticks and dry grass to light fire.
Avni was shivering due to cold and the pain she was having due to sprained ankle was evident on her face. She saw Neil walking towards her. He came more closer. When he was just few inches apart Avni felt a sudden twist in her ankle.
"Ouchh" she scremed clutching his shirt whimpering in pain.
"Is it ok now?" Neil asked her.
"Hmmm" Avni nodded.
He went and sat near the fire across Avni. There was an awkward silence. Both of them had a lot to speak but none was able to break the ice.
Neil was watching the flames of fire with a hundred thoughts going on simultaneously in his mind. Avni could see the reflection of fire in his eyes.
"Don't you wanna say something?" Avni not being able to bear his silence finally spoke.
Neil didn't replied just glanced at her.
"Your silence is killing me. I am talking to your pictures from last one year. Each time I wanted to talk to you, I talked to those pictures. I tried to search a reaction in your painted eyes. And today, when you're here in front of me, you don't anything to say??" her eyes turned glossy as she asked Neil to speak something.
"This silence doesn't mean that I don't have anything to say. It just mean that today I want to listen. Your wait, the pain that accompanied it, the invisible scars, the tears, your sighs, screams, fear.
I want you to give me my share of love and anger. Today it's not about me, it's you and your pain which matters the most." Neil said trying to pacify Avni.
"You think few words would be able to heal my inner wounds. A single night would be enough to describe that one year?" she asked him.
"Whole life wouldn't be enough to compensate that one year Avni. But still I want you to narrate me the dreams in which I lived, the nightmares in which you were alone. I know few words won't heal you. But taking those shattered pieces out of your heart will stop the further damage.
Right now.. You're stuffed with pain. So just push it out. Cry it out. Scream it out, whichever way you want; whichever way it could help you to heal. As simple as that." he said.
"Simple" she let out a small laugh. "I used to rehearse this day in my spare time that.. That I'll say this.. I'll do that when... When you'll return but..." she gulped down a sob, trying to control her tears, trying to keep her composure as she turns her face away from him.
"You have countless memories, I don't have a single one. I don't know what's worse; drowning beneath the waves or dying from thirst. Not letting your pain come out- you think it to be strong. In a way it is; but being strong doesn't mean to hide your real self. " Neil had a calmness on his face as if he's ready to take Avni's storm of pain on himself.
Avni was too possessive about everything she went through during that year. Doesn't matter how hard she tried to step back, to resist; the care and love in Neil's eyes made her weak.
She was happy infact.. Happiest that he came back. But somewhere she was angry too for leaving her like that.
But his words made her realize that she can't blame him for something which was never under his control.
Neil was standing near the small window looking at the howling rain. He didn't wanted to pressurize her. He knew that now it's his turn to be patient. It's his turn to wait for the day when Avni will be comfortable enough to share her pains with him.
"In those five months of our marriage, you made me understand what love is?" as Avni's voice reached Neil's ears a smile etched it's way on his lips. At such a crucial time, when he don't know himself. He's not in a condition to trust himself. His wife still trust him to a level to share her pain with him.
"Not only understand but trust and experience the love. You introduced me to the side of love I wasn't aware of. I never knew love could be so beautiful until I met you." Avni said looking into his eyes and within seconds Neil reached to her.
"The day you handed me those divorce papers, I couldn't believe that how can your love be so selfless. I knew that if I didn't say it today I wont be able to say it ever.
I decided to confess to you what I felt. I didn't feared a rejection neither expected acceptance. I just wanted to shout out to my world which is my husband that what I feel for you." Avni was smiling and Neil was admiring her smiling face.
"I was so damn nervous...(she closed her eyes and Neil's eyes widened). Neil woh... Actually... Look.. I wanna say.. I think... No not think.. I m sure...
But I couldn't speak further..." she laughed covering her mouth.
"And you were like... Say it.. Come on Avni speak up.. What's it???
And before I could say it... (Avni paused.. Her laughter evaporated and she started breathing heavily). A phone call and you went away making a promise of returning soon..." how difficult the recollection was for her was evident in her voice.
"But the Destiny played it's cruel game. The news of you being dead drowned everyone in ocean of sorrows. Mom was in trauma. Dad was trying to be as strong as he can. Bebe gave upon eating and talking. She got bed ridden. May be I too cried... May be not. I couldn't recall those few hours.
Initially, I felt like there's no skin over my pain. Even the gentle breeze made me bleed. Someday, I felt everything at once and someday nothing at all.
But the trust I had on you and your promises never allowed me to break. I knew you always keeps your promises. I knew you'll come back, till then I had a family and your memories to treasure which you left behind." Neil's guilt for giving so much pain was increasing with every word.
"Circumstances demanded me to be strong and I did. But still there were days when my brain felt naked. There were days when not being able to feel anything was like a blessing. There were days when the need to curl up in your arms was greater than the need to breathe.
Slowly, I learnt to how to walk with stronger legs with your feets in iron boots. My emotions still came in brutal waves, pain felt in full measure but I kept on walking and acted like the pains weren't even there.
Sometimes it used to amaze me that how could I look so ordinarily normal when I m crumbled from inside
Whenever my phone rang.. I thought it's you. When the doorbell rang... I thought you have come. I used to keep my room closed in an attempt to lock our memories there. From the day you walked away... Everything felt so volatile." at last when the words ceased to come out, tears did. As the first tear rolled down her cheek the rest came down like water flows when the floodgates get opened.
Neil wanted to pacify her, to hug her. But a part of him still held himself responsible for all her miseries. His guild held him back and he sat rooted to the place seeing Avni helplessly.
"But it wasn't the end of our story. I waited for you carrying the vivid images of you. Our last meeting, your walk along the corridor, the last glimpse of your retreating figure, all for the sake of my love... My aching heart.
I had by me, for my comfort- our loving family, a room full of your mmemories; to remind me that even when mind and strength had gone love and trust still keeps the heart alive".
She talked more with her face rather than her lips. Neil read everything in her eyes, words were just complementary.
When the ocean of pain and emotions swirled inside her, her silents sobs turned into hysterical crying. She didn't break quietly, when the wracking sobs passed she cried in such a desolate way that Neil couldn't bare to listen. Every scream that escaped her mouth had a frequency that shattered his heart into pieces.
Neil's face creased, fists clenched so tight that he could feel his nails digging into his palm.
Avni was shivering, even the fire seemed cold to her. Her eyesight got blurry and arms were flailing desperately for something to clutch. Neil went close to her wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to his chest gently rubbing her arm.
Despite the heaviness in her stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of his body pressed against her. She wanted to squeeze him with equal intensity but she felt too weak to move her limbs.
She clutched the lower corners of his shirt curling her fingers around the thin fabric, appreciative of his loving gesture.
"I m sorry Avni. I m sorry. I'll say that I can understand..." he said moving his fingers gently into her hairs.
"Be.. Because.. If.. You..would...haaave..understood...then you wouldn't have..taken this long" she completed his sentence sobbing in his arms.
"You're right. I didn't knew. But what can you expect a person who didn't knew his own identity. I m not same anymore Avni. I m not the same Neil Khanna whom you loved." he expressed his fear.
Avni pulled herself out of the hug slowly.
She held his hands into her and squeezed them reassuringly.
"If you couldn't be same then neither I am the same Avni. I have become more strong and brave, and Yes you look even more handsome now ( both smiles).
Neil please don't blame yourself. We were in the same game; just different levels. Dealing with the same hell; just different devils. You're the world's best husband. Did you heard it. World's best husband. You came back even after bearing so much. You were with me when I required you the most. My heart always said that it's you. But this bloody mind. Even your brain was manipulated your heart identified me. That's more than enough for me Neil." she immediately became calm and composed for Neil.
Neil was still thinking about the miseries and hard times Avni and whole family went through.
"What if I never regained my memory?" he asked her.
" Those memories are very important for me Neil" she said.
Neil stepped back away from her.
"But you're most important for me. If we are together we can make new memories each day." she stepped towards him minimising the distance between them.
"I am fighting with my own identity crisis. How I'll be able to fulfill my duties as a son as a... Husband?" the frown again appeared on his face.
He went and sat near the fire which was about to extinguish. He tried to prevent it from getting extinguished but his efforts went up in vain. Avni was seeing him struggling hard to keep the fire burning. She blowed some air at the base and much to her amazement the fire regained its full form.
She smiled at Neil and sat beside him leaving no distance between them.
"To walk on a dark road without a map is far from easy, I know. But you'll have to be patient. This is as new to me as it is to you, a path untrodden twisting out of the sight. Though, I don't know the way still I m ready to lead. The destination is far more beautiful, it worth all the struggle, I promise. I can't heal you but I'll help you to heal yourself." she told him with her eyes pleading him to trust her.
He smiled at her. He was so proud of the girl sitting before him who instilled his faith back into the life. He wanted to be the lion for his lioness. He wanted to believe her words for her.
"Now don't stare me like this. I don't have a jacket to offer you!" he smirked at her.
His smile immediately jumped to Avni's face. It was the best day of her life. She couldn't believe that she got him back.
She twisted herself a bit leaned on his chest and wrapped his arms around her.
"I don't need a jacket. You're warm enough" she closed her eyes and Neil's eyes popped out due to their proximity.
He made his grip firm and soon both of them drifted to the the world of dreams.
The morning sun painted everything in golden like trying to compensate the damage caused to nature by the bad weather last night.
Avni opened her eyes and found herself lying on the backseat of a fast moving car.
"Good Morning Avni" Neil wished her looking into the rear view mirror.
"Where are we going?" she asked yawning.
"Apne ghar.." he smiled at her.
Avni was too happy to hear the word "apne ghar" from him. She got up and jumped on the front seat with a thump sound.
"Woah!! Easy.." Neil said in a light tone.
Avni was smiling at everything she saw outside. She was too excited like a child.
The car came to halt and he asked her to come out.
"Neil look at my clothes. Are we going to travel in them." she said.
Her clothes were not wet but still they were not so clean.
"Do you mind giving me company?" he asked her drawing her attention towards his cloths which were equally dirty.
"Not at all... I can travel whole world with you in same clothes" she literally jumped on him and he immediately curled his arms around her.
"I guess Mission accomplished!" Neil heard a familiar voice from behind.
They both parted and looked in the direction from where Vishakha was approaching them.
"Congrats guys! So finally.." she smiled at both of them.
"Vishakha.. Where are you going?" Avni asked her as she saw her with luggage.
"As I said Mission accomplished. So I'll have to leave." she told Avni.
"I m sorry.. And thank you so much" Avni hugged her.
"Don't be sorry" she said breaking the hug. "You know what I m more stronger than you. That's why the God chose me instead of you" she said looking at Neil.
Neil held her hand and pulled her to stand in front of him.
"I think you know that I know how you are? Still you're so determined to fool me with this fake smile. Don't do that. I can feel the reluctancy of these chubby cheeks to be moulded falsely." he said cupping her face.
Vishakha turned her head away to hide the sadness in her eyes.
He turned her to face Dr Singh who was standing in front of her like a picture of sadness and guilt.
She tried to leave but Neil held her.
"Please" he squeezed her arms.
"I don't want to hurt you. It's just that your love became deception and your deception became my hatred which pushed me away from you.
I can still see who you are? I can never forget the person you were to me. But yet I can't forget that... That you didn't let me see him for a last time. You tortured a innocent person like animals.
There has to be a part of you that must understand that it was you who destroyed me. I'll surely forgive you someday but for sure that day is not today. So just be patient." she turned away from him.
Dr Singh walked away deciding to wait for the day his daughter will forgive him.
"I won't say I m fine because I know this is what happens when your expectations from life are too high" with these words few tears made their way down her cheeks.
"You can come with us Chubby.. You need me" he wiped her tears.
"You're not my need Neil. I don't want to objectify you. You're a beautiful feeling like a sunshine which will always stay in my heart." she hugged him and cried. Neil also reciprocated the hug.
Avni was trying hard to supress her sobs.
"Can I call you Chubby?" he asked.
She moved her head in a yes still holding him.
"Call karun?" he asked. She moved her head in No.
"Message?" he again asked and she again denied.
Finally they broke the hug.
"Dil se yaad karoge?" she asked. He nodded in yes.
"Then do that" she smiled.
"I don't want to see you again in my life Neil. But still whenever you need me.. You'll find me right there. Not just to sail with you in the same boat. But ready to become your boat." she walked away crossing him.
"Please ruk jaa yaar" Neil held her hand.
"If I would be having something to hold on like a fake hope or a beautiful lie. Then things would have gone differently.
Every soldier has their own story. This is yours. You are really a true hero, now you have your heroine with you. I'll have to keep on walking untill I meet my story." she patted on his shoulder.
"Avni there are a lot of Neil on border whose Avni is waiting for them in their home. Wish me luck as I have to save all of them. Take care yaar.. Bye" she walked leaving back Neil and Avni staring her retreating figure with tears in their eyes.
"Your love for your wife made me love you Mr Neil Khanna. But my love bestows responsibilities rather than rights. I don't possess your heart but I m strong enough to love you with mine. I don't have a right on your life, but I feel blessed to share few days of my life with you. It's my pleasure to do what is best for you, but I can never seek fulfillment of my own desires at an expense of your happiness and well being. Good Bye" Vishakha thought as she walked in to board her flight to her destination.
PRECAP : AVNEIL BACK TO KHANNA MANSION
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