Akdha ss- Mera Maasoom Patidev -Part 7 /29-MAY-18 - Page 5

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Posted: 8 years ago
#41

Originally posted by: avishimishra

It is ur fault na.if u keep writing amazing stories then demand obviously increase na.try to update soon 😃



Hehehe 😛 right 😃
Her stories r just fab 👏
Fantasy-ka-Love thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#42

thanks for liking and comments dearies, if any grammatical and spelling mistakes in this part, iam sorry.

Character sketch - Page 1 and i changed prince to dulhan raja in prolouge..check it once again

CHAPTER 1

...A room showing how much happiness in their life.room full of smiling couples photos..moon light hits girl face..A girl face glowing but not insake of moonlight because of her happiness..a girl sitting in sofa and starring at moon..

Girl: u know baby, me and mera maasoom patidev or ur innocent papa when we met first time..remembered that incident automatically broad smiled appeared in her face.

Flashbback start

Jodha : Bhabhi teasing me so much.tomorrow first I will meet him and then asking sry to him..haha mainly said him that iam not his sister...with irritating face.

Next day

Jodha ready for going her adventure and come downstairs..already everyone in dinning table.

Jodha joined them and simar serve breakfast to everyone

Jodha: Good morning with smiling face

Mohinder : Good morning Princess

Sujamal: Good morning sweetheart

Simar: Good morning di..with teasing tone.

Jodha : Bhabhi with grinned teeth..

Sujamal: Simar why u calling my sweetheart to dii...with same teasing tone.

Jodha: Bhai..with angry face..

Rano: Why everyone teasing my Princess..

Jodha: Love u maa

Rano: I love u too baby, her dulhan Raja only call to di..

Everyone burst their laughing and Jodha irritating her family teasing.

Jodha: He is not my dulhan Raja..everyone got it.. and went out immediately

Jodha cursing her dulhan Raja in her mind..

Jodha come to temple and searching her chota bhai...sry sry..dulhan Raja..😆😆😆

Man sitting in corner of temple pond throwing stone to water with sad face.

Man thinking something..

Man: How I will do...it is wrong but shona said do it..with puppy face

Last night

Man sitting in his room with sad face..

A girl touched his shoulder and his head raised up looking girl with sad face..

Girl: Jalal bhai..why u sad if anyone said anything to u..

Jalal nods his head innocently : Oh...shona

Girl:iam ur baby sister right..

Jalal nods his head forcefully: Ha shona ..

Samira: Then tell me why u sad.

Jalal: Di slapped me...with sobbing and innocent face...he narrated morning temple incident to his sis.( prologue)

Samira: How dare she..she slapped u but u run out without doing anything with angry voice

Jalal: Yes...with innocent face.

Samira: Bhai, why u not slap her..atleast shout her.

Jalal: shona cool down..it is wrong, slap anyone mainly girls..with pout face

Samira: But u didn't any mistake but she slapped u. so she deserves punishment..

Jalal: No shona..she look like doll with sheepish smile

Samira : bhai ,She slapped u but u saying she look like doll..tomorrow u will slap her otherwise I don't talk with u..with angry face

Jalal half heartedly accept her wish.

Jalal come back to original..

Jalal throw stones to water continuously.

Jodha standing next to Jalal

Jodha: What r u thinking

Jalal head raised look at Jodha : Hmm.thinking how to slap u ..flowly said..

Jodha eyes popped: Kya..with shout voice.

Jalal stand up : Di...with stammering voice

Jodha shout: What u said now.

Jalal placed his both hand to both cheeks and nods his head negatively

Jodha: Tell me

Jalal: Oh...di...thinking how to slap u..with stammering voice

Jodha more irritating hears di word from his m shaped lips

Jodha: Chup bikul chup.First iam not ur di..don't call me didi..u understand with angry voice

Jalal nods his head both positive and negative randomly.

Jodha: Open ur mouth and said iam not ur sister.

Jalal: U only said don't talk with pout face..

Jodha : u speak now and say iam not ur sister with irritate face

Jalal: Iam not ur sister with..stammering voice.

Jodha slaps her head:hey babaji...plz save me from this kid

Jalal : iam not kid with cute angry face

Jodha: haha.. ur not kid ,Call me Jodha not di.

Jalal: Tika Jodhaji...with slow voice

Jodha ( mind): he thought iam older than him..now Jodhaji..hey Kannaji...ok leave it Jodha atleast he called Jodhaji not di...that horrible word..

Jodha: hmm why u want slap me..

Jalal: my shona want slap u..so I want to slap u..otherwise she don't talk to me..

Jodha: who's shona...with angry voice...( jealous)

Jalal: my baby sister..yesterday u slapped me but I did nt any mistake..with pout face

Jodha : oh ur sister. ( her face become calm and relived ).but u don't beat ur friend right.

Jalal: ha I am not beat my friends..but ...with scratching his hair..

Jodha: I thought ur my friend..iam sry yesterday I slapped u..friends..give her right hand to shake..

Jalal lower eyes seeing Jodha face: ha I accept ur friendship but before I slap u otherwise my shona not talk with me ...cute face

Jodha rolled her eyes: ok don't slap hardly ..

Jalal slapped her like feather touched her cheek..Jodha fake sad look to Jalal

Jalal: sry.Jodhaji .i slapped u hardly right...iam bad guy..i slapped girl continuously cursing himself..

Jodha smiled: no yaar..but u did not slap me..u touch my cheek..

Jalal : u teasing me..dont talk and iam not ur friend..with childish angry face.

Jodha pulled his both cheeks : sry baba..ok I will give treat ..u forgive me..

Jalal smiled broadly: panipuri with icecream

Jodha: done..but till now u not say ur name..

Jalal hit his forehead: oh I forgot..iam Jalal uddin Mohammed..with proudly said.

Jodha: Ok Mr Mohammed..lets go icecream parlour..

Icecream parlour..

Jalal eating more than..10 icecream..and Jodha surprised his behavior..he is grow man..but itna maasoom..how is it possible..

Jalal: Jodhaji , why u starring my icecream ..iam not give u..hided icecream to his back.

Jodha chuckled face: I have my own icecream..i don't want urs continue eat her icecream

Jalal laughed seeing Jodha face because some icecream stick in her nose..

Jodha: hey Jalal why u laughing..and mermesied seeing his innocent laugh

Jalal laughing voice: u look like joker..

Jodha glare to Jalal : wipe it yaar..

Jalal close to Jodha and Jodha heart beat rapid fastly...Jalal cleaned icecream with his tongue..

Jodha stunned : Jalal what u did..with shocked expression.

Jalal: cleaned ur nose said with calmly.

Jodha: u use tissue paper not ur tongue..with little harsh tone

Jalal: but juilee wiped this way only..with confused look.

Jodha: juilee..

Jalal: oh Jodhaji I forgot..i need go now..dadi waiting for me..

Jalal kiss her cheeks : thanks for treat..see u later..went out immediately.

Jodha eyes popped remembering he kissed her cheek...and also blushing..

Jodha mind: who's juileee..my dulhan Raja ka girlfriend...with angry face even he kissed me.with blushing face .hey Jodha what r u thinking.ur dulhan Raja...hey ladka mujhe pagal kar degi..

Part end


scroll down for next part

Edited by Fantasy-ka-Love - 8 years ago
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Posted: 8 years ago
#43

Part2

Jodha come back to bharmal mansion with angry face.

Mohi: Princess, what happened why u angry ..u dulhan Raja said anything with teasing tone

Jodha: dad don't call him my dulhan Raja..he's name is Jalal Mohammed..call him Jalal and he just my friend went inside to her room with angry face

Rano: she saying about our Jalal i means Naasira and Bahsir bhaisahib ka beta Jalal..

Mohi: i think so..because Jalal is very nave and innocent.every time i meet him and hamida maaji she worried about Jalal future..she scared if Jalal badipaa family do anything with Jalal.

Rano: haan ji last weeks also i met hamida maaji she said about they torturing Jalal beta..i hope god will give bring them happiness soon

Mohi: they fate rano.every properties under Jalal name but his badepapa family enjoyed his money even though they torturing him.

Rano: time god every properties Jalal name otherwise they throw out them outside..

Mohi: u r right..rano hmmm time will be give solution for them ...i don't know why Jodha upset..u go to check her.if she is alright or not

Rano: Haaji ur princess only know how to angry..I don't know whose one she slapped today..

****

Jodha room

Jodha rolling her bed one side to Other side thinking deeply about juilee..

Jodha: Whose juilee..if she is Jalal girlfriend..nahi...no she is not my Jalal gf.why u confusing ur self straightly ask to him..Jodha called Jalal house landline number..

Jodha: Hello..can i speak to Jalal

Man: Really u want Jalal baba..with doubting voice

Jodha: Why u have doubt , I want to speak Jalal..with harsh tone

Man:nahi madamji..Jalal baba with juilee..wait a few minutes I will call him

Jodha eyes popped: In night time why juilee with him..

Jalal: Hello whose ..is this ..heavy breathing voice..

Jodha : What happened Jalal why u breathing fastly...u alright with worried tone

Jalal: Oh Jodhaji..juilee running behind me..i tried to stop her but she not leave me..she make me wet...with innocent voice

Jodha: Kya wet...with eyes popped out..

Jalal: Juilee..leave me...u twinkling me..i cannot control..

Jodha: He cannot control...hey babaji..chi chi...Jodha put down phone harshly

Jalal: Jodhajj...I think line is disconnected..

Jodha sleep away from her and she crushing Jalal in all languages.

Next day

Same place Jodha meet Jalal yesterday..

Jodha angry mood sitting in temple pond and Jalal sit next to her

Jodha angry glare to Jalal: Why u sit next with Me with angry tone

Jalal: What happened Jodhaji, u talk rudely with me..

Jodha: yesterday what happened

Jalal: Jodhaji u have memeory loss problem..yesterday we meet ..we solved our fight and we become friends..suddenly u forgot everything..u need consult doctor Jodhaji...with innocent face

Jodha irriating more: I did not ask yesterday morning incident and yesterday night what happened with juliee and u

Jalal: oh u ask about juilee..she so cute..in night time she not leave me single minutes..she always roaming behind me.

Jodha: chi chi..kannaji..i thought u r innocent but u r shamless.

Jalal with checked his dress himself : iam shamlesss..Jodhaji .. I wore proper dress why u saying iam shamless.with confused face

Jodha hit her forehead: leave Jalal u not understand anything..iam going...Jodha get up..

Jalal pulled Jodha hand..and Jodha sit in his lap insake of Jalal pull..

Jodha :starring Jalal ...Jalal mermised her almond eyes..

Jalal: Jodha ji u more heavy..plz standup from my lap..

Jodha glare to Jalal and get up in his lap: ha iam heavy but ur juilee is not heavy right with taunting tone

Jalal: ha..she is light weight..sometime she sleep above me..but I never sensed her weight.

Jodha eyes popped : enough..i hate u..Jalal with left the place.

Jalal: what happen to Jodhaji..why she angry with me..

Jalal run behind Jodha and Jodha not stopped..finally Jalal come infront of her.

Jalal: Jodhaji, iam going to icecream parlour..u come with me with puppy face

Jodha: iam not..u go with ur juilee

Jalal: parlour owner not allow juilee inside. He scaring look at juilee

Jodha: why she is any ghost with angry face.

Jalal: nahi..because juilee licking in his foot..he not liked it..even iam aslo not liked her behaviour..

Jodha: kya licking..she is a dog..she licking to everyone foot..with chuckled face

Jalal: ha..she is my pet dog, juilee..

Jodha: what u said juilee is ur pet dog..with shocking face..

Jalal: why u shocked with innocent face

Jodha: then yesterday night..u have heavy breathe and said not control

Jalal: juilee and mine playing ..she running behind me..so i take heavy breathe because of running and licking my foot..it make me twinkle..i cannot control my laughter..why u asking more question ..

Jodha smiled brightly (mind): Jodha u r stupid..juilee is only dog..u imagined more about juilee and Jalal..iam sry Jalal..

Jodha phoned ringed..and pickup call

Jodha: hello bhai

Sujamal: Jodha where r u..iam in hospital , u forgot today we need go to hospital

Jodha: iam sry..few minutes iam coming..wait for me and cut the call

Jodha: Jalal u come with me..

Jalal: where Jodhaji

Jodha: hospital Jalal

Jalal nods his head negatively: no iam not coming hospital..iam scaring seeing injection..no iam not...with scaring face

Jodha chuckled: u come with me..today..my bhabhi ka first sonar scan..i am exciting seeing my bhai baby first time PLz..

Jalal: baby,I love baby..ok I will come but no injection ok..

Hospital

Akdha enter hospital entrance..already sujamal and simar waiting for Jodha

Jodha: sry bhabhi..iam late..

Sujamal: no problem..sweetheart..

Simar whispher Jodha hairs: oh he is ur dulhan Raja ...with teasing tone

Jodha blushed : bhabhi..bhai..he is maaan and Jalal he is my bhai and pyaari bhabhi..

Jalal shakes his hand with sujamal and smiled to simar..

Jalal: simar di..where is ur baby..Jodhaji said first time time ur baby..where is ur baby..with innocent face

Simar: really he so nave and innocent..i like him so much..

Jodha: Jalal shut up..

Nurse said ..u go inside..everyone went inside..

Doctor checked simar and scanning simar stomach through sonar scan equipment..simar and sujamal looking baby with moist eyes..Jodha exciting seeing baby dot.

Jalal confused : why everyone so emotional

Jodha: first time we seeing our baby Jalal

Jalal: but I cannot see any baby..

Jodha pointed to tv screen : this dot is baby Jalal

Jalal: u lieing Jodhaji..how dot become baby ..even baby also live in door room like in my childhood I live in dark room with sad face

Jodha shocked hearing word and mind thought: what he live in dark room..i need talk with Jalal

Doctor: nahi beta..baby not in dark room..baby live in mother stomach..it is safest place more than outside..

Jalal: oh..then ok but it is so dark..baby not scaring like iam scaring with innocent face

Doctor smiled: baby is brave so baby not scaring anyone..

Jalal: ok..but..baby how to eat..

Jodha: Jalal plz stop ur question bank..baby eat through simar bhabhi..so stop ur question today..

Doctor: Mr sujamal plz stay away from simar...it is good for baby and simar..u understand what iam saying..

Sujamal: yes doctor..with little embrass face..

Sujamal hold simar hand protectively and walking corridor..

Jalal: Jodhaji, u bhai is not good man

Jodha: why u saying my bhai is not good with confused face

Jalal: docor said..sujamal bhai stay away from simar di..but see sujamal bhai not leave simar di single minute alone..it is not good for baby and simar di..

Jodha hits her forehead: hey babaji he make me pagal soon..Jalal doctor not said this closeness...

Jalal: iam not understand..

Jodha: hey babaji plz bachooo mujhe..how explain to him about passionate..i don't know who married u..that girl really poor one...god only help her..

Obviously that girl ur only Jodha..hehehe...

Jodha: Jalal don't think more..lets go outside..

****

Jalal enter km..with jolly face

Jalal stop that place...with heavy voice

Jalal legs shivering seeing that person..

Part end

Precap: Jodha meet someone.. Jalal jealous...Jalal crying ..jalal beat by someone😭😭😭


if u likes this part plz do likes and comment dearies 😳😳😳

Edited by Fantasy-ka-Love - 8 years ago
--Vrinda-- thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#44
yes here I am first 😉
avishimishra thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#45
Masoom patidev ka masoom writer now update
avishimishra thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#46
wow u will give 3 parts.independence treat.great Job dear
avishimishra thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#47
Love u sister. U updated.will reply soon
Fantasy-ka-Love thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#48

Originally posted by: avishimishra

wow u will give 3 parts.independence treat.great Job dear


no only two parts 😆
Fantasy-ka-Love thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#49

Originally posted by: --Vrinda--

yes here I am first 😉


congrats vrindu👏
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Posted: 8 years ago
#50

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