Maelstrom
"Anika. I am sorry".
He mumbled for an apology for the nth time, burying his face in his palms. His knees drawn to his chest, back leaning against the wall as his unstable figure sat on the terrace. Shaken with the thought that he had again failed in trusting her, shook him to the extent where a tremendous things clouded his mind rather heart. He has had a pernicious effect on their relation, it had destroyed her peace, broken her and always accused her for something... she wasn't responsible for.
Not being perpetual in letting his faith in her, he often ended up causing her humiliation... she did not deserve. That very thought, perforate his heart. Burdened due to his indifference towards her, his heart began to palpitate more and more.
Indeed, he cared for her. Undoubtedly, he always tried to protect her. May be, he even loved her but then, what was the reason, he always chose to believe everything else over her? At one time Daksh... at one time his mother... and now Ranveer! He could have stayed firm, by her side, letting everyone know, no matter what, he knows she can't do anything of that sort. It would have been fine, if anyone else doubted her but not him! Definitely not he!
He must have his answers today. Forcing his legs to get out of the place, where he felt suffocated, where he had suffocated her, he lifted himself up, and left the place, that was his home, wandering on the empty roads, past midnight. Time and again, he was proving himself a dreadful malediction of her life. Say he was unfortunate or blind, he could never see through the wily machinations against her.
"I... I am sorry." He absent-mindedly apologized, on bumping into someone. Eyes shifted backwards, when a faint voice hit his ears, saying it wasn't a problem. The moment he turned, he was greeted with a mesmerizing smile of the man. He must be very old, Shivaay thought. Shivaay's eyes unknowingly beamed a smile despite of the tornado unsettling his heart, stealing a glance of the sheer white clothing, the man had worn. "Sorry." Unable to resist the urge inside him, he once again apologized only to get another infectious smile of the man. "I got to go." Blinking eyes with a strange feeling, Shivaay turned; ready to walk again on the path, whose destination was unknown.
"What's wrong?" Shivaay's couldn't step forward hearing the old man's question that had left him surprised. "Wrong? What's wrong? There is nothing wrong." Shivaay blabbered, looking back at him.
"Like you must have thought, I am very very old. I have seen this world a lot than anyone else, Son. Tell me. I might be able to help something." The man spoke in his tender voice, leaving an astonished Shivaay. Despite of looking so aged, his voice sounded so clear. Wait! How did he know what did I think about him? Come on, it isn't a rocket science. Shivaay argued back to himself.
"My home is in this direction. You can walk with me and share what is bothering you. If I could help, I would be glad or else you on your way and I... in my home." Not giving Shivaay a chance to deny, he started walking and Shivaay couldn't help but increased his speed and made his way along with him. "So... let out everything."
Shivaay sighed. "I could not be a good husband. I have always put my wife in troubles. I have insulted her so many times whereas she has always been someone, who stood beside me in my hard times, always supported me in the ways she could and when she needed me, I couldn't keep my trust on her." Hanging his head down, Shivaay spoke in a feeble voice, but kept walking.
"Hmm." The old man responded as if was showing that he was listening and thinking over it. "So what exactly is bothering you?" He again asked. Shivaaay stopped, his brows narrowing. I did tell him. Why is he again asking? Probably he didn't hear properly, age to be blamed. He decided to repeat himself from start. "I could not be a good..."
"I heard it. I am not asking what wrong you did. I am asking, now, what is bothering you?" The old man put more clarity in his question, cutting off Shivaay. Shivaay ran behind him to match up to his pace as he had reached a bit far. If Shivaay's mind had not occupied with his very own set of thoughts, he would have stopped to think how he could hear that man's voice as if he stood beside him when he was walked quite a distance ahead of him.
Silence engulfed the soul, Shivaay thought over his question. He peeked inside him, in order to find the answer. What exactly was bothering him?
Her unshed tears when his eyes shimmered with the doubt!
Her disappointed face when he chose to believe rest instead of her!
Her broken soul when he accused her for destroying his sister's life!
Her shaken self when he abandoned her!
Her torn heart when he walked away from her, verbalizing, the most unpleasant words, he could ever use.
Her... Her... and Her...
It was only about her.
Her pain was saddening him. Her grief was torturing him. She was bothering him.
Shivaay looked at the old man. He was already smiling, as if he knew, Shivaay had got his answers. "Do you love your wife?" This man was going to hit all the right points today.
"I... uh... oh..." Shivaay stuttered, fumbled. He ran his hand through his hairs, in his usual style, trying to come up with some words but he failed and he terribly failed, like always.
"There is no place for I' uh' oh' here. Either you love her or you don't. There is no third possibility." The old man said, calmly. His voice had an altogether different soothing feel, which was out of Shivaay's understanding.
Closing eyes momentarily, her face flashed before his eyes, the time and moments they had spent together played like a movie as if he was reliving them. "I don't understand what love is." Shivaay blankly said. Was he lying? Probably he wasn't.
He still was the same Shivaay Singh Oberoi who struggled in confessing his feelings!
His gestures might have made it visible at times, but he still couldn't bring himself to say what he felt for her!
"Really?" The old man laughed. "Everyone knows love Son. Everyone does. It's just some doesn't wish to accept and you," he looked at Shivaay and patted his shoulder, "seem to be one in that category."
Bewildered, Shivaay stared at the man, who seemed to have known him more than how much he himself did. "You are so in distress because you are not able to bear that she is in pain. Your heart isn't at peace because you know, she must be crying somewhere, out there. You are wandering here because you are not able to take it, that you have hurt her. You may have caused her pain by leaving her hand when she needed you the most but you have punished the same hand after you realized. Am I wrong?"
Shivaay's eyes showed surprise again, rather confusion. The man was right, indeed. Whenever he had hurt her, he had punished himself. This thing was hidden from everyone, even from Anika.
"I can't walk more with you. I have showed you the way. Now you have to make it alone. Remember one thing always, where there is love, doubts cannot have a place. If you love her, then you must trust her, no matter what happens. Life will not always give you a second chance to make up for the mistake you have done. You keep blaming god if the person you love, disappears from your life but god isn't heartless. He has given everyone their enough time together, it's on you, how you utilize it... If you can't respect her, then don't blame god later on, if she doesn't stay in your life. Love is always about nourishing than doing. Pyar karte to sab log hai... lekin har koi nibha nahi pata. Esa kuch mat karna... ke tum bhi unn logo me gum ho jao."
"Marna hai to kahi aur jake maro. Meri gadi ki samne se hato." Shivaay's head snapped back, hearing the horn and the screaming of the driver inside the car who was waving at him displeasingly to get out of his way.
The old man... Shivaay quickly stepped off the road, and rushed back, looking for him but couldn't find him. He wondered where he could possibly vanish. There was nothing much there except a temple, he presumed when the sound of bells fell in his ears. Surprised, he looked front... he was in a little distant from his Oberoi Mansion.
He was home. With the stranger's words putting him in a zone, battling with what exactly was in his heart, he made his way inside his home, towards her. With every step he was taking towards her, his heart was settling at peace, his answers were strengthening, his doubts were vanishing.
Clouds sidelined, bringing up the sun.
He, now, knew what he wanted!
And promising, himself to do every possible thing to earn what he wanted rather than getting, he stepped, breathing peacefully in the place that was suffocating him before a while...
Ho Hamsafar Na Tera Jab Kahi, Saya Mera Rahega Tab Kahi...
Tujhse Kabhi Na Ek Pal Bhi Mai Juda...
Tu Na Jaane, Aas Paas Hai Khuda...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am not sure what forced me to write this when I am not even watching the show.
But anyways, leave your likes and comments if you reached till here.
Cricket
