Is Love a Necessity?

Somehow, today's episode makes me believe that Naina has come ahead of staying in this relation only because it the wedding happened. It is not love yet maybe, but it sure isn't duty. She wants to stay because of Karan. Not because she is generally nice but because of Karan specifically. All her dialogues today were an indication.

She was so upset when Meghna was going all about the beemari. "Sab log sirf Karan ko uski beemari ke age kyun nahi dekhte? Vo apni beemari ke age bohot kuch hai." THIS. I mentioned yesterday that she was defensive about him. She just proved it today. She hates the fact that everyone, Karan included, looks at his disease only.

What also further strengthened my belief were her dialogues about her marriage. "Shaadi kaise hui ab iss baat se koi farak nahi padta. Agar ye shaadi nahi hui hoti, to main Karan jaise acche insaan se kabhi nahi milti." THIS. She is so clear on what is important in the entire thing. Karan. She admires him as a person, respects him and cares for him. She wants to stay in this relationship for Karan.

This brings me to a question. It struck me as I was watching the episode. I was just thinking, all our discussions about Naina have been on the extreme of either duty or love. I mean we believe that she has to realize she loves him and wants to stay because of that. I was wondering, is there no middle ground? Matlab, I believe she has gone beyond the duty aspect. Even if others don't think so yet, she will in some time. So, if she decides she wants to stay because she likes Karan, cares for him, respects him, wants to help him, even if it is not love, is that a problem? Its her informed decision, she is aware of everything and then decides. Why should it necessarily hinge on love? The other things are also enough to sustain a relationship, especially if she thinks so. Its just a thought for discussion. In the serial, obviously she will fall in love and obviously its preferable if she does fall in love but is it a necessity?

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Originally posted by: -Namita-

Good post Sona. Naina, of course has moved ahead. The thing here is that it's not just NaiRan.

Let's think rationally for a moment. Naina got married because she wanted to save Meghna's marriage.

How is Meghna going to live happily when she knows that her younger sis isn't happy or rather missing out on marital bliss. I mean, care, respect and all is good but in a marriage physical bond and love is just as important. There will something be always lacking. This, is what has Meghna concerned and as an older sister, she isn't wrong to question Naina.

Naina and Karan would never willingly say they love each other. They would rather beat around the bush and say we are good friends. This is very much needed so that Naina realizes that she loves Karan and would go to any extent for him.

This is something Meghna needs to see with her own eyes. Actually, not just Meghna, Dadu, Nirmala, Kunal...everyone needs to see that Naina loves Karan.

I am not sure if my point is coming across the way I want to say it. Heck, I could explain it better if I was speaking.

Everyone has their own views about marriage but let me tell you, I am a married woman and a mother. My feelings are based on my experiences in my life.

Yes, I say love is important. Marriage is something one has to work at. The initial spark may die but the bond, the love, stays and is what cements the marriage into a well oiled machine.

So, in my view love is important. I want to see my sister happily and crazily in love. I want the best for her, this is not wrong.

At the end of the day, it's Naina's choice but than she would never know what she's missed out on. Meghna knows and I would like to say that all married people who are in love would know this.

I wouldn't want anyone to miss out on it. It's magical and amazing. I know this because I am one of those. Nothing is lacking in my marriage of 12 yrs.

One has to experience this to know this. It would sad if Naina misses out.

Originally posted by: malikakas

First I think we need to be clear how we are, individually, defining love. I think the word love means different things to different people. There also maybe a difference between "in love" vs "love".

For me, I sort of ascribe to the triangular theory of love. Where the 3 pillars are passion, intimacy, and commitment. All 3 combined is a consummate love. Passion + intimacy is a romantic love. Intimacy alone is friendship. Empty love is commitment alone.

I think a relationship can be sustained on commitment alone or intimacy+commitment which is called companionate love. Its not ideal but its okay. People also have different priorities in life... so maybe for someone missing out on a consummate relationship isn't that big of a deal.

But for any of those to survive, for me, there has to be a sense of equality in a the relationship. What alarmed me in today's conversation was Naina's discussing that everyone needs a purpose in life and that maybe "helping" Karan is her purpose. That to me is an unhealthy relationship.

I don't know if you've read about rescuing syndromes? But "rescuing" type relationships are unhealthy for both parties involved. The basis of their relationship cannot be Naina helping Karan. Or as Meghna put it Naina being Karan's nurse. Particularly at the expense of her own life. Because if Naina derives a sense of purpose from helping Karan-- then what happens when Karan becomes independent? Naina's sense of purpose will be lost. So either Naina will then become resentful or she will expect something in return which will destroy the unconditional aspect of the relationship. Or she will subconsciously continue to try to "help" Karan which will come at the expense of Karan's autonomy and self esteem which will make him resentful. Not to mention it affects Karan's sense of self if he is not contributing equally to the relationship. How is he going to get completely better if he is always going to feel like he has to be indebted to his partner or if he always needs help.

There is nothing wrong with "helping" someone. But when you are in a romantic relationship with someone you are helping there tends to be conflicts of interest where you may be doing more harm than good.

Naina has to realize her desire to be in this marriage is independent of her desire to help Karan. Because she could just as easily help Karan as a friend. She doesn't need to be married to him for that. And Karan also has to feel that Naina is getting something out of this relationship more than just a purpose in helping him.

Originally posted by: --Amulya--

I'm not yet married but I agree with you Namita...

Yes, love is important, I'll keep repeating that platonic love isn't enough, a relationship needs much more than that to sustain for a lifetime.

I respect Naina as its really cool of her to look beyond Karan's weaknesses. He has a disease, so what!! As she said I too feel he's the nicest person we can ever see considering his soft heart even after facing so many hardships i his life, he doesn't once care what others would think of him, he comes across to almost everyone as a narcissistic person, no wonder even Kunal felt that as karan's only concern was not to spread his disease, he's so selfless... again no wonder any girl would fall in love with this guy

By Naina's words today I felt she's on the verge of love realisation, if only I were a member of Chauhan house I would've blurted out that Nairan have fallen for each other. I think Meghna was getting hints about it too and they were zooming her face when Naina was supporting Karan and also when Karan was so worried for Naina.

I so wished the before episode and even today that Karan could hear what all Naina is saying, I've no doubt that Karan is now gonna implement his initial plan of sending back Naina, words of Meghna got fixated in his brain and he reciprocates the same thoughts.

I also felt another thing that Naina is so damn sure that she'll definitely succeed in the mission of curing Karan and then they can have a normal life. I also felt it the previous day when she was saying to Meghna that no marriage is perfect and we've to make it perfect. As Vishal said that Karan's disease is mostly related to mental issues and very less of a physical thing, she's working in building his confidence and make him succeed in his life. I think this is her work process to make her marriage perfect. She seems to not compromise on the happiness that marriage brings in, she's rather working towards it. I thought she's not thinking through the issue properly, she has not only thought but also working on it tirelessly.

These are my 2 cents on this episode.