#3 Memories|| Chapter 21, Page 29 [05/21/2017] - Page 19

Thank you for the summary and decision to continue writing. I was following this story and really liked this. Have read your other stories too. I don't think Arshi Ff will ever loose readers. It is an addiction for many of us.

woow thx for the summary...welcome back would be waiting for the upcoming updates...😊😃

Laila I am very excited about the new story u are writing
n update where ever u want to
I will follow u

Thank you for the summary Cheeni.
I am glad you are planning to write a new story. I would definitely love to read it. It doesn't matter if it is an ArHi FF or general fiction or you post on any platform( Wattpad, IF or blog), I am ready to read it anywhere till it comes from you. 😃

Cheeni you are back. So happy with this note, and you are writing a new stroy. Still an Arshi follower so whenever and wherever you will feel your story is safe publish it and will follow.

The summary really refreshed the most beautiful memories...

Good to see you back ... will be back after reading ...

Next chapter coming either today or tomorrow. Hopefully today, in few hours!

A small note before you proceed: This chapter might seem a little rushed but this is only what I wanted to show, so I have not left anything. If by any chance it looks disconnected, I apologize for that.

Another Important thing: We have other 3 chapters left now and next chapter is mostly on how Khushi and Arnav function without each other and after that we will get to go into Arnav's past.

Last thing but the most important one: I can't believe so many people still remember this story and I cannot thank you guys enough. I have cleared my buddy list at the day I said I would but you think I made a mistake please feel free to throw a message. Thanks!

Chapter 21: Goodbyes

"Still thinking what to do?", Arnav heard Khushi's voice. He did not budge just kept staring at the pool. Khushi looked at Arnav, her heart was beating as fast as it could but it did not bother her anymore, nothing bothered her at this moment. She took a deep breath and said, "You know I hated Akash not because he left me alone". Khushi looked at Arnav but he still did not move his eyes, still looking at the water. Khushi took a deep breath and said, "I hated him for not talking to me, I hated him for not visiting, I hated him for calling but not saying a thing that would make me feel loved and I still hate him for hiding my family's truth, my mother't truth!" A tear rolled down her cheek. "Leaving me and going for college was not the wrong thing to do, it was his indifference. My mother was wrong but I was not, Arnav", she said.

Khushi waited a while for Arnav to say something but he did not. Khushi shook her head and turned around to leave when she heard him talking, "you do not hate Akash for leaving you but he hates himself every second for going away. Its not you it is him who bothers me, Khushi" Arnav looked into her eyes, begging her to say something that would make him feel better. he continued, "it's not Di who would feel bad because I left him, I know she would not hate me for leaving but I would do, I would hate myself every second of my life and no one can do anything about it. Can anyone?" He asked still looking into her eyes.

Khushi stepped closer to Arnav, "no, no one can help you", she said, shattering Arnav's hope. "But now it is between two options, what would hurt you less? Being away from your sister and making your sister believe that she did not come between you and your dreams or being with your sister and let her think she is the reason you are not living your dream?" Khushi asked. "It is not just your dream, its hers too, Arnav. May be the last dream she would ever remember".

"That doesn't answer my concern Khushi", Arnav said. "Will I hate myself everyday of my life? Will it get better?" He asked, assuming Khushi would answer his every question. Khushi took a minute to ponder, she knew the answer and she decided to be completely honest with him. She replied, "it would get better. There is nothing time can't heal, Arnav. It would hurt, it would hurt pretty bad but you will learn to live with it and one day you would wake up, feeling better, feeling healthy, feeling less broken", she touched his cheek and smiled. "There would be traces of hurt and hate inside your heart but you will know someday that there was nothing you could have done differently, nothing", she leaned and left a kiss on his cheek, feeling his rough stubble against her soft lips.

Khushi pulled away, taming her emotions. Arnav stared at her, a small conversation with Khushi would answer his questions but he still had one, "do you want me to go?". Khushi sucked in some air, answering this would be hard. This question required immense strength but not complete honesty. Suddenly she could hear her heart beat, she would be lying if she said yes. "I want you to do what you feel is right, its not about me or anyone else, it is about you and it is not that hard." Khushi turned around and walked away. She had been very strong and it was enough for the day.

************

Next Morning

Khushi looked at her cellphone, it was 5 AM. She took a deep breath, fighting against her desire to bury herself under the covers and never get up. Didn't she do the same when her mother died, instead of going out to getting on with her life she made her life stop. Learning from her mistake, she decided not to go that path again, it was going to be hard, may be the hardest thing in her life but she would do it.

Throwing the blanket away, she got up. She sat on the edge of bed, still wanting to curl up inside the blanket. She shook her head trying to keep ideas of self-destruction at away from her brain. She stood up and walked to restroom.

*****

Khushi tied up the lace of her left nike running shoes, she got up hurriedly from her bed and glanced at the mirror. Satisfied the way she looked, she grabbed her cell phone and head phones that were lying carelessly on floor and made her way out of her room. She knocked Arnav's room lightly, she waited a minute and knocked again. It was unusual for Arnav to not open his door in the morning but Khushi knew he would be tired after their long conversation last night. She did not try again when he did not open after second knock. Feeling dejected, she moved towards her room. "I can do it!" she said. She walked towards the door and went out, she decided to run run alone. Feeling proud on herself, she plugged in her iPod and got started.

*********

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Arnav asked Anjali rubbing his left eye.

Anjali settled her coffee on Kitchen island, where she was busy ready her kindle, "Did you ask me to?"

"No", Arnav muttered under his breath, pouring himself some juice. Anjali returned to her kindle and Arnav took a sip out of the glass. He did not know how to tell Anjali his decision, which he had taken after careful consideration of all options. He looked around hoping to find Khushi. Not knowing what to say he started, "where is Khushi?"

Anjali replied, "I don't know, actually I haven't seen her since this morning. Did she go for run or is she sleeping? You know what, I am gonna go an look for..."

Anjali was interrupted in between when Arnav decided to speak, "I am gonna go", Arnav gave some time to Anjali before saying anything else. "What?", Anjali asked not sure if she heard it correct. "I am gonna go to Berkeley", Arnav replied. When Anjali almost jumped out of excitement, Arnav continued, "but, I have a condition. I will go to Berkeley but it is on me when I came back, if I come back after a semester or couple of semesters you cannot blackmail me to go back! I am giving a chance to Berkeley because you want me to, so you will have to give me a chance to make a decision where I want to continue living, does that make sense? And if I decided to live in Berkeley, you will think about moving with me, okay?", Arnav said hoping she would say yes. When Anjali did not say anything, Arnav spoke again, "You gotta meet me halfway, Di. If you want me to go, you have to give me some room too."

Anjali took couple of seconds to think and nodded, "makes perfect sense to me! You won't come back once you go there and see how good I am here! And I will think of moving if everything works out"

"I am glad we agree", Arnav said. Anjali hugged him when they heard someone's footstep. "I thought running alone was boring?", Anjali said looking at Khushi. "Turns out it is better than running with your brother", Khushi replied as Arnav shook his head, "thats because it is hard for you to keep up with me Khushi Gupta".

"You guys continue fighting, I am gonna go to my room, finish this one in some peace", she pointed towards her kindle.

"Looks like you made a decision", Khushi asked. A small part of heart still wanted him to stay but she knew it would not happen and she had to accept it, not accepting it would just be selfish. "And I don't know how do I feel about it, you know", Arnav shrugged his shoulders. "I mean I am glad that she is happy and I do not feel awful about leaving her because clearly she trusts you more than me". Khushi chuckled and replied, "she clearly does but whats bothering you then?"

"I don't know", he said looking at her. "Its nothing probably but ...but...its probably nothing, I am just overthinking", he said as Khushi nodded. Khushi could feel her heart sink, it was difficult to hear his decision but it would be way more difficult to live without him but she would make it work, she had to. She sighed and said, "you will be okay, Arnav, you will be okay", she went to her room leaving Arnav behind with a sick feeling. He felt awful but it wasn't because he was leaving his sister, it was something else but he could not seem to understand, what was it.

********

Khushi knocked the door and she peaked inside. "Come in", Anjali responded.

"Hi. I just came to ask how you are doing? Do you feel okay today?" Khushi asked sitting at the foot of the bed. "I am good, doing better than yesterday, thanks for asking Khushi. Its hard but I have kind of accepted. Memories are not the only thing I am going to lose", Anjali smiled.

"Its going to be okay Anjali, its scary but I am here for you, you not alone, okay?" Khushi assured her. After a few seconds of silence Khushi said, "I...Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure go ahead", Anjali smiled.

"You can totally say no, if you do not want to answer my question, okay?" Khushi clarified. She had always wondered this about Anjali but never had enough courage to ask.

"Okay, I will", Anjali chuckled.

"Have you..." Khushi hesitated, "have you ever...have you ever loved someone?" Khushi finally let it out. "No pressure, you don't have tell me and I meant romantically", Khushi said embarrassed.

"I got it the first time Khushi, thanks for clearing though", Anjali laughed. "Its okay, I can tell you. I can", Anjali replied and took a deep breath. "Yes, I have been in love. His name is Nikhil and he is a doctor, we met in college, he was studying medicine and I was in writing school".

Khushi did not dare to ask another question, it did not require a genius to conclude that this story did not end well. Khushi nodded and fell silent.

"He married someone else because her mother wanted him to and he loved her too much to say no", Anjali answered without Khushi asking. "He did what?!" Khushi could not believe what she heard. "What century was he from?" Khushi did not realize she had said it loud. Anjali laughed in response, "he came from a conservative Indian family. I knew it was going to be difficult but I really did not even get a chance to meet his family", she said.

"Do you still love him?" Khushi asked.

"I..I don't know, I still think about him but I don't feel bad or hurt or anything but I do think about him time to time, Khushi", Anjali said. "I guess the person you love or you have ever loved never goes away from your brain or heart, you just stop feeling bad about your situation".

"Did it hurt when he left?" Khushi asked

"It did, it hurt bad but I got over it", Anjali smiled and Khushi nodded.

"I do not know him but I don't think he made a correct decision. I don't know what to say", Khushi said. Some years down the line she would stop feeling too, stop feeling bad about herself.

"Is something going on with you?", Anjali asked.

"No..nothing. Nothing is wrong. I was just curious. I am gonna go now, let me know if you want anything", Khushi said.

******

Four Days Later

"I am glad you chose what is correct for you", Khushi said as she and Arnav walked through the park. Arnav smiled looking ahead, "How in the world do you know this is right for me, Khushi?"

"Because I know it is. Believe it or not, vast majority of people work immensely hard but still only few get what exactly they want. World is not a fair place to live in, Arnav", Khushi said looking at him as he still looked ahead. It took all of her will power to not to touch him and kiss his perfect lips.

Arnav chuckled, "I know that is true, its like no matter how hard you try, something or someone is always ready to ruin it. But you know what?", he moved his eyes to look at her. "You...I don't know how to explain it to you, its not that I am not happy or I am worried about my sister. Hell, I trust you way more than I trust myself, its something else making me very...you know uncomfortable...on the edge", he said, sitting on bench, taking a short break from walking.

"What is it?" Khushi asked taking a seat beside him. Is it me? She wondered, then dismissed the absurd idea.

"I have no idea", Arnav said closing his eyes and rubbing his forehead when a memory ingrained in his brain came back.

"How could you not know, you little piece of sh*t?" A man in late 30s said, hitting Arnav hard in his guts, making him bleed profusely.

Arnav opened his eyes wide. He now thought, he knew what was going on with him. He thought he had cracked the code, little did he know there was something else going on with him and he was too busy to even notice or feel it just yet.

Arnav opened his mouth and shut it, he desperately wanted to tell Khushi what was bothering him. He needed to let everything out but people have been so judgmental in past, what is the guarantee she would not? he thought. Also, it was a long time ago and he is absolutely over it, isn't he?

"Its...Its nothing, I just...you know some school stuff. You do something and they give you a hard time, all kids around you...you know. I think that is it", Arnav somehow finished a sentence that made some sense to Khushi.

"Okay, how bad was it? Like, was it, 'you-have-a-horrible-fashion-sense' bad or 'you-almost-killed-someone-while-you-were-drunk' bad?", Khushi asked.

Arnav smiled, "I would say something in between. Did you almost kill someone while you were drunk?"

"Nah..but I did injure someone and I was not drunk", Khushi informed. "But this is not about me Arnav, this is about you. You know you can speak to me whenever you want, right?"

"hmm..", I know, he nodded. "It was silly, nothing. I just did something that hurt someone, I should not have, I should have been more careful. Thats it"

"You know what, sometimes you suffer more than the people you have hurt and thats called guilt and that hurts a lot, Arnav. Just get over it, don't let you eat it up", she said. "Hey are you sure you did not almost kill someone? You sound like you did", Khushi shrugged her shoulders and grinned.

"I like when you smile", Arnav said involuntarily. Jeez, where did that come from? He questioned himself.

Khushi stared at him for few seconds when she realized her face might be getting ruddy, another side effect of being in love. She moved her face trying hard to conceal all the feeling she was feeling at that moment. "Thank you", she managed to speak.

"I meant you should smile more often, you look more beautiful", Arnav said, his mediocre try to salvage the situation. Stop talking! He chided himself.

"I mean, you already are very beautiful..." He tried again. Okay you gotta stop right f*cking now!

"I know what you mean and point taken, I will try to smile more", Khushi said smiling and controlling the zoo inside her stomach.

********

One Week Later,

"So when is your flight exactly?", Anjali asked Arnav chewing her food.

"Exact 4:45 PM from JFK, tomorrow", Arnav replied. "I am glad we could do this. I am not sure when can we..be all together and have dinner, you know", Arnav said. They were at Arnav's favorite restaurant, one last time before he leaves.

Khushi who sat silently, not knowing what to say, looked at Arnav and smiled. It was hard, looking at him every second of her day and fighting her feelings simultaneously. She thought, things might get better when he would leave. It was a confusing situation to think about, what would be better? Fighting her feelings in his presence or feeling absolutely miserable in absence? She thought, without reaching to a concrete and satisfying answer. She saw him laughing and her lips curled too with him. He looked so calm when he laughed, like nothing could ever bother him; no worry could ever touch him. His smile was the second best thing about him, she decided. His eyes were something Khushi would love to look at all life long. She had never seen eyes that were so expressive, myriad of emotions flowing in them. She wanted to move her palm and touch his cheek and tell him how she felt. But what good would that do? She thought. It would make things awkward between them and he might pity her a little. That was something she would never want from him.

Khushi felt tears clouding her vision. She continued to look at Arnav when he looked back at her. Khushi felt like he had caught her doing something very wrong and he might know her secret, she bit her bottom lip and reached for the glass of water. "Are you doing okay?", He asked.

"Of course, I am. Why would you ask?" She replied, lying perfectly.

"Nothing, just thought something was going on with you", Arnav replied.

After couple of seconds of silence Anjali spoke, "Okay, where were we?"

"Nowhere", Arnav replied annoyed.

"Yeah I seriously hope I don't see you on door, half through the semester, saying 'I miss you Sister!'", Anjali laughed. Khushi looked at Arnav who was very annoyed.

"I was missing you and that is why I came to see you, do not make up absurd stories", Arnav warned.

"He is lying", Anjali said. "Half way through his first semester, exactly after mid term, he came back with his bag claiming that he missed me. I suspect it was because he got an A- in one of his courses."

Arnav shook his head and rolled his eyes, "absolutely ridiculous!"

Khushi laughed, "Wow A-? What are you Arnav Singh Raizada? I would have thrown a party or gotten drunk or something"

"I was missing you, period", Arnav said ending the discussion once and for all.

"So were you like a super nerd in school, Arnav?" Khushi asked curiously.

"If taking care of my grades and working hard make me nerd, I was a nerd!", Arnav said.

"Oh it does, definitely does", Khushi replied.

"What about you Khushi?" Anjali asked. "Were you too a nerd?"

"Oh..no! I was an average student. My grades fell pretty bad in high school because you know...I had a boyfriend", Khushi said casually and Anjali nodded. Arnav had his left eyebrow raised, something seemed so unnatural about something that was so natural.

"He was my first serious boy friend and looked hot, so I got a little crazy", Khushi added.

"Define crazy", Arnav spoke.

"You know, going out more, drinking and going for long drives, spending less time studying and more time partying, you know what I mean", Khushi chuckled.

Arnav did not like it at all, he did not like the idea of Khushi going for long drives with some hormonal teenager. He wanted to say something but he could not come up with anything that would not raise more questions like "why do you care?" or "who are you, my mother?", so he decided to generalize it. "And thats what is wrong with United States of America. Teenagers going wild."

"Oh honey, America and the whole world is fine till we have people like you", Anjali teased and Khushi laughed.

"So what happened then?" Arnav asked ignoring his sister. "You know, between you and the guy".

"We broke up after school, he moved for college I was busy with Mom", Khushi replied.

"And where is he now?", as soon as Arnav put this question out, he knew he had reached to the point where all the questions he wanted to avoid would surface. "And why do you care?", Anjali asked immediately.

"Calm down, just making a conversation here", Arnav replied feeling annoyed with the fact that Khushi got drunk with some other guy.

"I have no idea where he is, probably somewhere in west coast, not sure though", Khushi replied. "Should we get the check?", Khushi added.

"Sure", Anjali replied.

***********

Next Day

"Come in", Arnav said as he heard someone knocking his door. He was typing on his phone when Khushi came in. "Busy?", She asked.

"No, not at all", he replied. "Come on in", he added.

Khushi held a bag in her right hand, "I have got something for you", she said.

Arnav chuckled, "as in a gift?"

"As in a gift", she replied. She extended the bag and handed it to Arnav. He found a box sitting inside the bag. "This..looks interesting", Arnav said while peeling the warping paper off. "Running shoes..!!", Arnav laughed. "I love em! They are my favorite brand, Khushi."

"I know", she replied. She grinned looking at his excitement and said, "I am glad you liked them, Arnav. So now you will think of me when you run".

"I was going to think about you anyway", Arnav replied still looking at the shoes. Khushi's heart did a somersault. It was already difficult to see him leave and now, his words were making it worse and the worst thing was, he did not even know it. How could you make someone's life so miserable and not even know it? She wondered. He was clueless standing there, appreciating her generous actions. If only he knew, what he was doing to her at this moment. She looked at him as tears threatened to flow, she would miss him more than she had missed anyone or anything in her life. May be that was how Mom missed Dad, Khushi thought. She had finally started to feel better about herself and her life when she was again thrown into bottom less pit. She bit her bottom lip hard to stop crying, tears would just make him suspicious and do no good.

He looked up and said, "Thanks, Khushi. But, I...I did not get you anything. I feel so stupid now."

"Finally!" Khushi threw her hands in the air. "Finally someone make you feel, what exactly you are! Stupid!"

"And you are not funny", Arnav replied. "Seriously I love this gift, Khushi. Thank you!", he hugged her.

"I am glad you did Arnav, I am so glad you did", she replied.

"Do you remember the time when we went running on a snowy day? You slipped", Arnav laughed pulling out of the hug. "It was funny."

"Not funny then, not funny now", she hit him lightly with her elbow to make him stop laughing at her.

"Don't stop running. Do not procrastinate while I am gone, Khushi", Arnav sounded like Khushi's father. "You have to take care of yourself, okay?"

Khushi nodded. Arnav looked at Khushi and he could feel an uneasiness creeping inside him. He did not know when she became this important to him that saying goodbye to her was probably one of the most daunting task he had done in his life. "I am going to miss you, Khushi", Arnav said as Khushi failed to tame her tears.

"I will too", she replied. Arnav touched her cheeks and wiped the tears away. "You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen Khushi, inside and out." He said kissing her forehead. "And you are the reason I am going to live my dream. I trust you more than myself. Thank you for standing beside me."

Khushi could not speak even a word, she did not know that was what Arnav thought about her. He was leaving but he left a beautiful memory in her heart, forever. She kissed his cheek and said, "I am with you..." she took a pause and said, "forever."

****

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