Man -- Laughter The Best Medicine - 1

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Posted: 17 years ago
#1
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The punishments in hell --> A man dies, and he is looking in the gates of hell. There he sees John Kennedy with an incredibly ugly girl. The man turns to the Devil and asks why John Kennedy is with this hideous looking person. The Devil replies, "Well, Jack has done some bad things in his life and that is his punishment." The man looks around a little more and sees Bill Clinton with a beautiful model. The stunned guy asks "What is Bill Clinton doing with that model?" The devil replied, "Well, that model did some pretty bad things in her life."
Edited by Manzz - 17 years ago

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Posted: 17 years ago
#2
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Question answer --> Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs! Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player Fan: Why is that? Manager: Every time he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him! Why do artists never when they play football? They keep drawing!

--> Man
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Posted: 17 years ago
#3
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Man --> Effects Of Being White

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The Top 9 Signs Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site - 9. I O C members seem unconcerned over scheduling conflicts due to the yachting, diving and swimming events all being held in the 34th Street Y M C A pool. 8. All 75 of the new hires in the mayor's office are named either Ingrid or Sven. 7. After Philadelphia lands the Summer Games, Juan Antonio Samaranch sports a hood ornament that looks strangely like the Liberty Bell. 6. Only someone bribed with hookers and college tuition would not think the term "New York City Hospitality Committee" is an oxy moron. 5. Karl Malone is now playing forward for the Utah Samaranch's. 4. T-shirt for sale in the hotel lobby: "My dad went to Salt Lake City, and all I got was this T-shirt and college tuition." 3. "Miss Salt Lake" for 1999 requires a translator to deliver her coronation speech. 2. New Olympic mascots: Vinny and Knuckles. And the Number 1 Sign Your City Used Bribes to Become an Olympic Site ... 1. The I O C suddenly decides to change the official cycling uniforms to white shirts and ties. This list is copyrighted by --> Chris White.
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Posted: 17 years ago
#4
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They say laughter is the best medicine, after all.

Golf by Stazmo

I'm sure we can all relate to this...

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the first hole of a busy course and my brother was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualising his upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the club house loud speaker. "Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!"

My brother could feel every eye on the course looking at him. He was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.

Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMAN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee".

My brother simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "WOULD THE MAN ON THE WOMAN'S TEE BACK UP TO THE MEN'S TEE, PLEASE!!!"

My brother finally stopped, turned, looked through the club house window directly at the person with the microphone, cupped his hands and shouted back, "WOULD THE PUSHY ANNOUNCER IN THE CLUB HOUSE KINDLY LET ME PLAY MY SECOND SHOT!!!"

Edited by Manzz - 17 years ago
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Posted: 17 years ago
#5

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Dead Parrot by BigPhill

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary surgery. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away."

The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something?" The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room returning a few moments later with a beautiful black labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet took the dog out but returned a few moments later with a cat! The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but like I said, your parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably... dead." He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried. "$150 just to tell me my bird is dead?!" The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it the bill would only have been $20, but... what with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan..."

Manzz thumbnail
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Posted: 17 years ago
#6
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The Judge was in a merry mood on a Christmas Eve as he asked the accused /prisoner, "What are you charged with ? "Doing my Christmas Shopping Early." thus replied the Accused. "That is not an offence ." said the Judge. And Further Asked the Judge of the Accused, "How Early were you Shopping ?" "Before the Store opened". responded the accused.
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Posted: 17 years ago
#7
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My Laptop was driving me crazy, " A, E, And I keys always get stuck," I complained to a friend. She quickly diagnosed the problem. "Your computer is suffering from irritatable vowel synodrome." --> From Angie Bulakites
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Posted: 17 years ago
#8
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A Marine Biologist was telling his friends about his recent research findings. " Some Whales can Communicate at a distance of five hundred kilometers," he said. What would the Whale say to another from five hundred kilometers away ?" asked his sarcastic friend. The Biologist Expert Responded thus, " I am not absolutely Sure, but it sounds something like 'Can you hear me now?'"
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Posted: 17 years ago
#9
One Liners Smile Please



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Sign board --> In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."


Brand new golf balls are water - magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water
Edited by Manzz - 17 years ago
Manzz thumbnail
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Posted: 17 years ago
#10
Each Engineer Percieves Things In His Expert Field


Hello

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down. The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke." The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I do not think it is getting gas." The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system." All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."

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