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Tia.0 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#31
Oh absolutely, Mr. Das. If the situation is bad for women in educated class, then it's worse in uneducated class. But the problems are different.

The difference between the educated and uneducated class is that the mother-in-law also works.

That's a big thing. Idle mind is the home for the devil.

In lower classes, everyone works to make ends meet. Mother-in-law is as busy as the daughter-in-law and earns her own money, so she doesn't have time to play kitchen politics.

Their problem is their husbands who a lot of time take their money for alcohol.

My grandma is the matriarch of our family. She made a rule that she pays 90% of the salary to our maids and 10% she saves in a bank account in their name. Since she pays more than regular households, the maids never complained.

So the rule she set is that no one but the maids can take that money out. That way their husbands can't take it from them. She also teaches them how to sign their name instead of using fingerprints, offers to work lesser hours and study the rest of time. One of our maids completed graduation and now happily married.

When their children need money for education or marriage, they go to the bank with my grandmother, take out their savings and my grand ma adds her own money to it based on the cause.

We can make a difference. But those issues have to start from home.

Originally posted by: pkbdas61



here is another of the food for thought things..

what happens in average, below average ( economically) homes? i have spoken to my maids at length about their own life, their children, in-laws, etc. and it was quite shocking. in their homes, as soon as the girl matures, the dreaded M word is spoken about. It is with great difficulty that the girl barely manages to go to 7th class or even 10th class and then she HAS to go through marriage. This is irrespective of her education, financial background, mental make up, emotional levels, maturity levels.. all these do not matter. It is physical things over all else.

In poorer homes the wife is just a physical thing.. and it is the accepted norm. These families do not get to see any of the progressive shows or be able to read about emancipation etc. Who reaches out to these folks? even if someone reaches out to them, how do they stand on their own two feet independent of a third rate husband and even more third-rate inlaws, especially the mother-in-law. In these kind of homes, physical strength is paramount it seems. If one can beat the other person, they can get just about anything done. Yet in these conditions where women have no choice, i have seen some gem, or should i say pearl, of women coming forth.

Nothing of what we discuss in this forum is reality. That reality is even more shocking..



Hari73 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#32

Originally posted by: pkbdas61



here is another of the food for thought things..

what happens in average, below average ( economically) homes? i have spoken to my maids at length about their own life, their children, in-laws, etc. and it was quite shocking. in their homes, as soon as the girl matures, the dreaded M word is spoken about. It is with great difficulty that the girl barely manages to go to 7th class or even 10th class and then she HAS to go through marriage. This is irrespective of her education, financial background, mental make up, emotional levels, maturity levels.. all these do not matter. It is physical things over all else.

In poorer homes the wife is just a physical thing.. and it is the accepted norm. These families do not get to see any of the progressive shows or be able to read about emancipation etc. Who reaches out to these folks? even if someone reaches out to them, how do they stand on their own two feet independent of a third rate husband and even more third-rate inlaws, especially the mother-in-law. In these kind of homes, physical strength is paramount it seems. If one can beat the other person, they can get just about anything done. Yet in these conditions where women have no choice, i have seen some gem, or should i say pearl, of women coming forth.

Nothing of what we discuss in this forum is reality. That reality is even more shocking..




You cannot help much to uncivilised or people in domestic level. It would take lot more years to make them understand. But it is sad to see in educated family treating their girls like this. Many families, inject their daughter's mind you are a girl, you should tolerate all nonsense. Husband and his family is ultimate destiny. Like they say 'jo doli me gaye wo arthi see hee bahar aana chahiya'. In such cases girls won't have much option other than bearing torture. Because outside world even more horrible.


pkbdas61 thumbnail
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Posted: 8 years ago
#33

Originally posted by: Tia.0

Oh absolutely, Mr. Das. If the situation is bad for women in educated class, then it's worse in uneducated class. But the problems are different.

The difference between the educated and uneducated class is that the mother-in-law also works.

That's a big thing. Idle mind is the home for the devil.

In lower classes, everyone works to make ends meet. Mother-in-law is as busy as the daughter-in-law and earns her own money, so she doesn't have time to play kitchen politics.

Their problem is their husbands who a lot of time take their money for alcohol.

My grandma is the matriarch of our family. She made a rule that she pays 90% of the salary to our maids and 10% she saves in a bank account in their name. Since she pays more than regular households, the maids never complained.

So the rule she set is that no one but the maids can take that money out. That way their husbands can't take it from them. She also teaches them how to sign their name instead of using fingerprints, offers to work lesser hours and study the rest of time. One of our maids completed graduation and now happily married.

When their children need money for education or marriage, they go to the bank with my grandmother, take out their savings and my grand ma adds her own money to it based on the cause.

We can make a difference. But those issues have to start from home.



Like i said in the last line Tia, for the poor the reality is more shocking.. now it is not just uneducated, it is the poor. There are girls who are daughters of maids, who live in the same slum, are graduate holders and get married to auto-rickshaw drivers, mechanics etc. one of my cooks is a B.Com graduate and is married to a painter and has a tough life..

well i think this is a bigger issue than what we all can imagine. Also, probably not appropriate for this forum. Apologize for bringing this kind of reality up. It is really the dark side that is best not spoken about.


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