Reality!!! - Page 3

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#21

Sia, I also wish the girl confided in her husband. But as we all know, men or women, complaining about each other family to a spouse is not easy, specially in a new marriage. Here, the girl is saying that it was just one year since she got married. In case of love marriage, may be she could have. But if this was an arranged marriage, then you need that one year just to reach a comfortable position.

I agree with you. A man with a personality of their own is very much a necessity. Because if he is someone who is easily influenced by people (that includes the wife), that means he is not making a decision with his own judgement. Then if the person who is influencing him is wrong, he will be wrong as well. That's why there is a saying, listen to what everyone says, but do what you think is right.

We should all use our own brain to take our decisions even if we receive many advices from a lot of people and this applies to men and women. Because what is right for one person may not be a right decision to another. And that's exactly what Dev had never done.

@BOLD Absolutely agreed. Only a happy and content person can make another happy.

Originally posted by: sia.krpkab
Nice article :)
I wish the girl confided in her husband, right on Day 1 - she would have got the true picture of her husband right away and wouldn't have to undergo this torture at all.

Every woman, in my opinion, should marry the guts in a guy, followed by family values and culture.

But most of all, marry when you are strong and can prioritize yourself over everyone else. Only then you will be in a capacity to sacrifice when needed.

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Anni

@Userdoesntexist

Voyager

Posted: 8 years ago

#22

Tia, Suvika came online on your thread!

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vibg

@vibg

Rocker

Posted: 8 years ago

#23

Originally posted by: shruti.
Beautiful article.
I skipped infertility track.i just went wid written updates and clips.infertility track was so insensitive,inhuman.tht track made women jus a baby Carrier.i felt like it was insulting woman folk.No doubt its fiction show bt cvs should hv shown some sorts social responsibility.in a country like india ,Thy took such sensitive issue and ended it by giving bad message. Tht track completely ruined dev's character. I expect him to stand wid sona atleast at dis point of situation as husband.bt no he was all lost in his mother's world.

sooo right.. thats when I stopped watching this nautanki. and to this day.. no remorse or apology for that crime, forget insensitivity, by Dev. makers have to show that before Dev expresses his feelings to sona, as per spoilers 😡

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vibg

@vibg

Rocker

Posted: 8 years ago

#24

Originally posted by: Tia.0

Sia, I also wish the girl confided in her husband. But as we all know, men or women, complaining about each other family to a spouse is not easy, specially in a new marriage. Here, the girl is saying that it was just one year since she got married. In case of love marriage, may be she could have. But if this was an arranged marriage, then you need that one year just to reach a comfortable position.

I agree with you. A man with a personality of their own is very much a necessity. Because if he is someone who is easily influenced by people (that includes the wife), that means he is not making a decision with his own judgement. Then if the person who is influencing him is wrong, he will be wrong as well. That's why there is a saying, listen to what everyone says, but do what you think is right.

We should all use our own brain to take our decisions even if we receive many advices from a lot of people and this applies to men and women. Because what is right for one person may not be a right decision to another. And that's exactly what Dev had never done.

@BOLD Absolutely agreed. Only a happy and content person can make another happy.

as it relates to the show..Dev never listened to sonakshi.. before or after wedding. he always brushed her feelings aside as a joke or refused to believe Maa meant or did anything that could be construed negative.

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#25

I agree, Mr.Das. There are always two different point of views. India is a rich culture in the sense of its diversity, acceptance, the fact that every Indian is an Indian first before they are part of a sect, we are more inclusive culture than most first world countries, also one of the first countries to have women scholars, women warriors and women on the throne as well as the battlefield.

Those are great part of India.

But women's rights on the family level is atrocious in most cases barring some educated and liberal people. You are right that what the women as a daughter-in-law is going through the mother and the mother-in-law are going through. So to stop that, we have to stop this right now and not call it social norm. Because the moment we accept it as social norm and culture, we don't ever want to change it because it becomes part of a ritual.

I will give an example of ragging in university. Some of them are harmless teasing but some are abuse. For years, new students had been abused because it was called a mandatory ritual or right of passage which everyone has to go through to go to university. Seniors used to say that they had gone through this, then it's only fair that they get to make the new students go through it too. That's the cycle of abuse. Now it's banned from most universities. So no one has to to through this.

That's how the treatment of new brides has to be treated.

@BOLD, that's the only thing a wife needs a husband to do. A wife can manage her relationships and her in-laws just fine if her husband is with her. Because that's the person she is doing this for. If that person leaves her side, then it all becomes meaningless.

Mr. Das, your wife is a lucky woman. I wish every woman was as lucky as her including our Sonakshi.

Originally posted by: pkbdas61
Very Nice.

The problem with life is most people tend to be excessively subjective in their analysis, well beyond reason. It is a delicate balance between objectivity and subjectivity that is required. this article nicely sums up the relationship tangle, especially in India.

also, i think much of what DIL's go through in India has also to do with Indian culture and society. It has been a victim of itself since ages... what mothers have gone through, daughters go through.. it is taking time to break through the mould. One can say we have a rich culture, one can say that we are oppressed.. the views are largely depending on what one actually experiences. The fact of the matter is a lot has got to do to with how we are taught sensitivity for others. That is true culture and transcends any culture of any country or clan. If the age old saying is truly applied - do unto others what you would like others do unto you- in day to day life, all relationships would be in a blissful state.

Yes, for a person entering a home, as the daughter-in-law usually does, a lot depends on the husband and his approach. it definitely takes two to tide the relationship tangles in a new home. Husband and Wife together, and ONLY them together, is all that is needed.

i come back to my own experience of years of married life. My wife is more intimately acquainted with my family than i can even imagine to be. All i did was to stand by my wife and she did the rest. A wife is invariably like that. If the man supports her, she can move mountains.

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#26

@BOLD, I completely agree, Gauri. That's all a husband needs to do. Women don't need hero in their husband. They need a companion who stands by them at all times. Dev keeps howling that Sonakshi left him. But he left Sonakshi a long time ago when he forced her to say yes for fertility treatment because his mother said so after telling her the night before that she was enough for him.

A lot of people say that with time things will get better. But who will guarantee you time? Say a woman gives her husband and relationship time to value her and she dies in a fluke accident before she gets to that day. Now her funeral is a grand affair, but who cares? She died never getting her dues.

For example, will anyone buy an expensive TV that doesn't work now, but the shop keeper assures you that if you keep paying the repairman, it might work one day. There's no warranty. But it might work, may be, sort of. Keep your hope intact though. No one will buy that, right?

That's why present time is important because it's right here, right now. So the ill treatment has to stop today, the love and care have to be given today.

We all have one life to live and the precious time we are wasting in bad situation are never going to come back.

In my opinion, Gauri, time is the most precious currency in the world because once it's spent, no one can return it to you nor you can buy it back. So it's up to us to decide how we want to spend it. Do we want to spend in waiting for good times or make sure the good times are right now and spend it in happiness. As they say, tomorrow may never come.

And that's what both Dev and Sona need to learn.

Originally posted by: gaurimisha
Nice article Tia. Thanks for sharing.
I have seen even Mamma's boys learning to balance and stand by their wives, with time.

Marriage needs to be worked upon with sincerity, respect, mutual understanding and above all empathy. Love is another aspect but without these, love alone wont stand a chance.

People like Sonakshi and Ishwari exist. Sonakshi is strong where as given the circumstances I have seen DILs committing suicide. Mental harassment in rich households play its role.
The other DILs facing similar situations are able to survive bcoz of husbands support. these husbands are definitely not the perfect specimens. They too are flawed. But they support their wives in their own ways.

Perfection need not mean you have to set everything correct for your wife. No. It only means provide a support system for her to work it out by her ownself. She'll figure out and handle on her own.

When DevD asked to Bijoy about being perfect husband, I think he should have got his answer. No one is perfect. Neither was Bijoy. But he must have made some adjustments and definitely given Asha the right she deserves. In the Bose family, we see Asha taking the final call even when Dida is present. I believe that is something Asha wont have achieved without Bijoy's support. But then again, Dida and Ishwari look poles apart. So, no comparison.

DevD needs to learn some important life lessons.

Sona needs to learn to ignore people and not rush her decisions.

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#27

Yep. That's what I concluded from promos. But I guess we were the fools because Dev and Ishwari are the main leads whom everyone has tortured. Poor, misunderstood souls. 🤢

Originally posted by: Ananya.
Beautiful!
We all know that this is what KRPKAB was promised as. The reason many people left this show or many people are not interested is not because of Ishwari's mentality. It's due to Dev's mentality.

He is the Worst ML ever!!!

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pkbdas61

@pkbdas61

Dazzler

Posted: 8 years ago

#28

Originally posted by: sia.krpkab
Nice article :)
I wish the girl confided in her husband, right on Day 1 - she would have got the true picture of her husband right away and wouldn't have to undergo this torture at all.

Every woman, in my opinion, should marry the guts in a guy, followed by family values and culture.

But most of all, marry when you are strong and can prioritize yourself over everyone else. Only then you will be in a capacity to sacrifice when needed.

here is another of the food for thought things..

what happens in average, below average ( economically) homes? i have spoken to my maids at length about their own life, their children, in-laws, etc. and it was quite shocking. in their homes, as soon as the girl matures, the dreaded M word is spoken about. It is with great difficulty that the girl barely manages to go to 7th class or even 10th class and then she HAS to go through marriage. This is irrespective of her education, financial background, mental make up, emotional levels, maturity levels.. all these do not matter. It is physical things over all else.

In poorer homes the wife is just a physical thing.. and it is the accepted norm. These families do not get to see any of the progressive shows or be able to read about emancipation etc. Who reaches out to these folks? even if someone reaches out to them, how do they stand on their own two feet independent of a third rate husband and even more third-rate inlaws, especially the mother-in-law. In these kind of homes, physical strength is paramount it seems. If one can beat the other person, they can get just about anything done. Yet in these conditions where women have no choice, i have seen some gem, or should i say pearl, of women coming forth.

Nothing of what we discuss in this forum is reality. That reality is even more shocking..

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Tia.0

@Tia.0

Sparkler

+ 6

Posted: 8 years ago

#29

I absolutely agree, Pramila. An unhappy person can't make anyone happy. So it has to start from home and it has to start today. 👏

Originally posted by: Pramila.harish
Bcoz of these issues, current generation don't want to stay with parents.
All I want is people should start standing up for right things. In many families, mother bear just bcoz of children. But this gives wrong image for children. Like girls think, it is their destiny to bear and boys think it's their privilege to behave superior. So i beleive It should start from home. We should give right image to our children. No one can take any one granted.