Chapter 45
Emir returned with a tray laden with hot milk and biscuits, sandwiches. A bright fire was burning in the hearth. Room was warm and glowing in the soft light of fire. He put the tray on side table near the fireplace. He came to her,bending down, raised her face near to him.He touched her face softly.
'You know how distracting you are looking in this oversized towel? Change into woolens otherwise you will get chill.'
Feriha gazed into his eyes, knew both needed to talk. So she got up to change. After changing ,she sat near the hearth on the rug. Her face was glowing in the fire light, Emir's eyes set on her face.Feriha took the hot milk and Emir poured himself whiskey to control his emotions.Few last hours had shaken him badly.
'Feeling better? You were very generous when you forgave mom.' He said casually.
'Well, she was sorry what she did. I have seen guilt in her eyes that changed her. She has suffered enough for her meddling.'
'Meddling!' he laughed shortly. 'I can never forget that call I had after Ceylin was born"and you had disappeared without a trace from the hospital. Mom told me that you are done with baby and me. I flew home on the first flight I could get. I saw Ceylin"even then she looked like you. And then I went to hospital, and found out you had been ill and hardly recovered before you left.' He came to her sitting beside her on the rug. He touched her hair as if to reassure himself she was there with him. He pulled her closer to him. Feriha snuggled into the comfort of Emir's arms.
'I nearly went mad in the next few days, imagining you ill and alone and unhappy. I called hotels and hospitals; I went to all stations and the airports. You had just disappeared from sight.' His hand still in her hair as if wanted to absorb the scent of all gone years, in his self being.
Feriha took his hand in hers, 'All the time I was in Polonezkoy--, not knowing a soul and feeling miserable. Grieving for the loss of my baby and loss of you too. Destiny snatched both of you with one blow from my life.'
"I was sure you will get in touch with me sooner or later. I was baffled why did you left new born baby. Every time mobile rang, I thought it's you. But you never called. And days turned to weeks and then into years then I thought you are finished with me. Even I went to Marina to find Levant's boat but he had gone already. I searched for you everywhere I could think of. I started to hate you"it was the only way I could cope with my pain.'
"I felt much the same way,' Feriha said sadly, 'but at least you had Ceylin.'
'Yes, I had Ceylin. But she was a constant reminder of you, because the older she got, the more she looked like you.'
'Her eyes are soft, honey colored like you. 'Feriha said softly, gazing into his eyes.
"Yes, But she had fire like you.' On a lighter note he spoke, 'Imagine I have to deal with two ladies now if they ever get angry.' He laughed
"Emir you are not alone now, I will be with you to take care of Ceylin. Ceylin is lucky that she has father like you. I have learnt to control my temper, I am no more impulsive'
"I could never forgive myself what I said to you that night. I would have given anything to take those words back. I wish I could turn back the clock. Hurt, anger in your eyes kept haunting me all these years.' Emir muttered in self disgust.
There was silence. 'Why did you move here?' she asked softly, she had often wondered about his reasons.
'I could not stay in Istanbul, where ever I went your memories were following me. Every corner of the house was full of our moments spent together...' He looked up into her eyes, Feriha blushed.
"Why did you move to countryside, Emir?'Feriha asked again.
'A friend of mine owned Stornaway, he knew I was thinking of shifting. He offered me this house as he was going to settle in US. I liked it and thought it would be nice place for Ceylin to grow up"fresh air, space, hills with outdoor activities. I gave advertisement for companion for Ceylin. You got the job.' He held her close, 'Thank God I found you!'
She said carefully, 'you must be glad to have me back for Ceylin's sake.'
'Why, only for Ceylin's sake, Feriha?' His gaze narrowed on her face.
'Why, only for Ceylin's sake, Feriha?' His gaze narrowed on her face.
She hesitantly spoke. 'One day when we were talking then you said 'I loved you then...'Emir cut her in saying, 'Will you be quiet for a minute! I never stopped loving you. I told myself hated you. But the very intensity of my hatred was because of my love for you.'
'But you didn't act like you were happy to see me when I came back.'
'How could I? I didn't know why you had come. I didn't understand this whole Miss Aynur game with those hideous glasses. How could I forget the touch of your hair, sparkle in your eyes, when you forgot your cover-up.'
Feriha mocked him, 'Still you couldn't keep your hands to yourself. My prim and proper deceit was my shield to keep space from you. You never missed any opportunity to kiss me.'
'How could I resist your eyes, spitting fire at me? I was waiting when you were going to give into but knowing you from the past, I had to move slowly. I brought Savde to make you jealous and I succeeded too.' He laughed.
'I never would have come back if it was not Ceylin. But I am sure no other man would have taken your place in my life. I'd have spent my life with your memories. I never doubted your love Emir, then why you didn't trust me?' her eyes filled with tears.
"I can never forgive myself for the pain I gave you. Every day I have died a thousand times when I found you were gone. I awakened every morning thinking you might call.' Emir couldn't continue, his throat constricted, unshed tears stung his eyes. Feriha cupped his face, kissed his eyes softly. Emir tightened his hold on her as if he would never let her go ever.
'I have learnt a lot in these past years. When you left me listening the incomplete conversation and misunderstood me. That time I promised to myself that I will never hurt you again in my life. I knew how I lived those days without you.But I did the mistake again.' Feriha interrupted. 'Emir, these past years have taught me a lot.'
'Why you are not wearing your ring, Feriha?'
'And you, Emir? You too had promised never to remove the ring.' Her hurt, accusing eyes asked.
'Ring reminded me of you and my guilt, anger, hatred for you. It's locked in my drawer, waiting for you to come.'
"I could not throw the ring too. Even though I hated you but ring was the reminder of cherished moments.My promise to you when I married you. I used to sleep crying with ring in my fist. Emir, you have given me enough pain to live a whole life. I will die if ever I have to live without you. You and Ceylin are part of my whole being.' She went on looking at him, 'I felt so lonely in the mornings when used to touch vacant space next to me.'
'You will never have to feel that way again, I promise you, I'll always be with you when you need me.'
She felt cherished and safe, 'you know, we will have a better marriage because living apart for those long four years. I have learnt a lot, not impulsive anymore.'
'You changed from young girl into a wise, beautiful woman, darling.'
"Feriha, what happened? What are you thinking that made your face glow like hundred of lamps?' Emir teased her.
'Thinking about something.' with faraway look she replied
'Emir,I always wanted to tell you our Baby will be the white rose of winter. That mountain house has special place in my heart. Precious moments I spent with you and one more reason because at that place we had our daughter.'
'She also loves to play in snow like you. She reminded me of you Whenever I saw her playing with snowballs,' spoke, kissing her upturned face.
'Emir, What are you going to tell Ceylin about me ? She is only a child.I would have confronted you right away when I came to know about Ceylin's existence without any deception.'
'Then, why not, Feriha ?' What stopped you?'
'First i wanted to confirm if Ceylin was my child and why did you lie about her? Something was very strange that was not you'
Emir picked her up from the rug and took her to his bed, Both had yearned for each other's presence in their lives for all these long years.Feriha snuggled into Emir's arms.
Tiredness soon took over Feriha, she slept after a long time peacefully.Her inquisitive features were relaxed in slumber, the dying embers of the fire casting soft light on her cheeks and giving a muted glow to her hair... Emir tightened his arms around her, bringing her closer to him.
Emir woke up with the sound of knocking on the door. Room was filled with golden glow of early sunlight. Emir bent his head and kissed Feriha softly who was still sleeping. Softly he walked to the door and opened, Ceylin was standing there with her teddy bear tagging along in her hand. She was rubbing her eyes, still not fully awakened.
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Edited by Neerjaa - 8 years ago
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
