Life entangles in only and ifs. Emir knew today's revelations had totally broken her. He wanted to take her pain, her agonies, her anger which had consumed her all these past years.He knew nothing will be the same ever for both of them. A vacuum would be there in their hearts. Feriha felt something wet on her cheek, when looked at Emir's face, tears were rolling down from his eyes, Feriha tenderly pulled his face in her hands,kissed him. She could feel Emir's pain too.They always went through the same hurt, same pain. Absence of Emir's presence, all these past years left void in her life that could be filled only by Emir himself and same was the situation with Emir.
This was the same path both had walked together twice before. Both times left with beautiful moments spent together. Second time Ceylin was the precious gift. That time too it was snowing. Ceylin reminded her the white rose of winter when first time she saw her.She wanted to tell Emir what she called their daughter.A soft smile lit up her face with the thought. Emir was bewitched with sudden change in her expressions.
Feriha was shivering now, Emir holding her in his arms moved to home. Within minutes they reached house, she saw Aysun waiting for them . She saw the concern in Aysun's eyes. Feriha gave her a hint of smile. She knew it was of no use having grudges against her. She heard Emir's voice, 'I will take her upstairs. She is cold staying outside. Mom, you too look worn out"I think you should go to bed.'
"She will be alright, Emir?' first time she heard genuine concern for her in Aysun voice.
'I am fine,' she murmured weakly. She had seen guilt had tortured her too. She wanted to make peace with her. 'I am sorry, it all happened, but there is no need to blame yourself anymore. I hope you don't resent me now?'
'No, Feriha. I am really sorry for what I did. I will live with the guilt my whole life. I only want you and Emir to be happy.'
Both said goodnight to each other, Emir picked her up in his arms and carried her upstairs. She felt drained of energy. It was not until Emir put her down that she realized it was his bedroom. Her teeth clattering because of chill, 'This is not my room?'
'Yes. It is. You belong here.' Her clothes were damp because of snow. Emir told her to take hot bath, 'I'll light the fire and bring something hot for you to drink.' He put the log in the fire. Room flooded with soft light. Emir was looking at Feriha all the time as if she would disappear if he turned his back. He came to her , cupped her face tenderly, kissed her eyes that filled with unshed tears. Both were broken souls, feeling the same pain of lost years.
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Continued====...
She went into the bathroom, after having hot bath dried herself and wrapped herself in huge towel. Her petite frame was lost in that towel. She tied the it tightly and came out, sat on the rug near the fireplace. She heard the sound of footsteps. Emir was standing near the fireplace.His eyes were on her.He wanted to capture every moment of her in his eyes, He came slowly and sat down beside her. Room was filled with soft glow of the fire.
He touched her hair as if it was only yesterday he was sitting beside her near the fireplace. Feriha gazed at his face which was serious. she touched his cheek smilingly. Emir found her hand still cold. He brought some key from his pocket and gave to Feriha, pointing to another wardrobe in the dressing room.
'Your clothes are in that wardrobe.I am going to have a look at Ceylin and you change into warm clothes otherwise you will catch cold.' tenderly he kissed her forehead.
'Emir, you still kept my clothes all these years, why?' she was saddened with the thought when Emir told her he could not part away with her belongings..Awkward moments had gripped both of them now when misunderstandings had cleared.This time separation took four years with bitterness that turned into hatred for each other.
Emir left the room, Feriha got up to change into her clothes.She was surprised when she saw her clothes lined neatly with her other things.she only had her wedding ring with her when she left four years ago...Where is Emir's ring?
Did he still have it with him?
=============Continued
Emir returned with a tray laden with hot milk and biscuits, sandwiches. A bright fire was burning in the hearth. Room was warm and glowing in the soft light of fire. He put the tray on side table near the fireplace. He came to her,bending down, raised her face near to him.He touched her face softly.
'You know how distracting you are looking in this oversized towel? Change into woolens otherwise you will get chill.'
Feriha gazed into his eyes, knew both needed to talk. So she got up to change. After changing ,she sat near the hearth on the rug. Her face was glowing in the fire light, Emir's eyes set on her face.Feriha took the hot milk and Emir poured himself whiskey to control his emotions.Few last hours had shaken him badly.
'Feeling better? You were very generous when you forgave mom.' He said casually.
'Well, she was sorry what she did. I have seen guilt in her eyes that changed her. She has suffered enough for her meddling.'
'Meddling!' he laughed shortly. 'I can never forget that call I had after Ceylin was born"and you had disappeared without a trace from the hospital. Mom told me that you are done with baby and me. I flew home on the first flight I could get. I saw Ceylin"even then she looked like you. And then I went to hospital, and found out you had been ill and hardly recovered before you left.' He came to her sitting beside her on the rug. He touched her hair as if to reassure himself she was there with him. He pulled her closer to him. Feriha snuggled into the comfort of Emir's arms.
'I nearly went mad in the next few days, imagining you ill and alone and unhappy. I called hotels and hospitals; I went to all stations and the airports. You had just disappeared from sight.' His hand still in her hair as if wanted to absorb the scent of all gone years, in his self being.
Feriha took his hand in hers, 'All the time I was in Polonezkoy--, not knowing a soul and feeling miserable. Grieving for the loss of my baby and loss of you too. Destiny snatched both of you with one blow from my life.'
"I was sure you will get in touch with me sooner or later. I was baffled why did you left new born baby. Every time mobile rang, I thought it's you. But you never called. And days turned to weeks and then into years then I thought you are finished with me. Even I went to Marina to find Levant's boat but he had gone already. I searched for you everywhere I could think of. I started to hate you"it was the only way I could cope with my pain.'
"I felt much the same way,' Feriha said sadly, 'but at least you had Ceylin.'
'Yes, I had Ceylin. But she was a constant reminder of you, because the older she got, the more she looked like you.'
'Her eyes are soft, honey colored like you. 'Feriha said softly, gazing into his eyes.
"Yes, But she had fire like you.' On a lighter note he spoke, 'Imagine I have to deal with two ladies now if they ever get angry.' He laughed
"Emir you are not alone now, I will be with you to take care of Ceylin. Ceylin is lucky that she has father like you. I have learnt to control my temper, I am no more impulsive'
"I could never forgive myself what I said to you that night. I would have given anything to take those words back. I wish I could turn back the clock. Hurt, anger in your eyes kept haunting me all these years.' Emir muttered in self disgust.
There was silence. 'Why did you move here?' she asked softly, she had often wondered about his reasons.
'I could not stay in Istanbul, where ever I went your memories were following me. Every corner of the house was full of our moments spent together...' He looked up into her eyes, Feriha blushed.
"Why did you move to countryside, Emir?'Feriha asked again.
'A friend of mine owned Stornaway, he knew I was thinking of shifting. He offered me this house as he was going to settle in US. I liked it and thought it would be nice place for Ceylin to grow up"fresh air, space, hills with outdoor activities. I gave advertisement for companion for Ceylin. You got the job.' He held her close, 'Thank God I found you!'
She said carefully, 'you must be glad to have me back for Ceylin's sake.'
'Why, only for Ceylin's sake, Feriha?' His gaze narrowed on her face.
She hesitantly spoke. 'One day when we were talking then you said 'I loved you then...'Emir cut her in saying, 'Will you be quiet for a minute! I never stopped loving you. I told myself hated you. But the very intensity of my hatred was because of my love for you.'
'But you didn't act like you were happy to see me when I came back.'
'How could I? I didn't know why you had come. I didn't understand this whole Miss Aynur game with those hideous glasses. How could I forget the touch of your hair, sparkle in your eyes, when you forgot your cover-up.'
Feriha mocked him, 'Still you couldn't keep your hands to yourself. My prim and proper deceit was my shield to keep space from you. You never missed any opportunity to kiss me.'
'How could I resist your eyes, spitting fire at me? I was waiting when you were going to give into but knowing you from the past, I had to move slowly. I brought Savde to make you jealous and I succeeded too.' He laughed.
"I can never forgive myself for the pain I gave you. Every day I have died a thousand times when I found you were gone. I awakened every morning thinking you might call.' Emir couldn't continue, his throat constricted, unshed tears stung his eyes. Feriha cupped his face, kissed his eyes softly. Emir tightened his hold on her as if he would never let her go ever.
'I have learnt a lot in these past years. When you left me listening the incomplete conversation and misunderstood me. That time I promised to myself that I will never hurt you again in my life. I knew how I lived those days without you.But I did the mistake again.' Feriha interrupted. 'Emir, these past years have taught me a lot.'
'Why you are not wearing your ring, Feriha?'
'And you, Emir? You too had promised never to remove the ring.' Her hurt, accusing eyes asked.
'Ring reminded me of you and my guilt, anger, hatred for you. It's locked in my drawer, waiting for you to come.'
"I could not throw the ring too. Even though I hated you but ring was the reminder of cherished moments.My promise to you when I married you. I used to sleep crying with ring in my fist. Emir, you have given me enough pain to live a whole life. I will die if ever I have to live without you. You and Ceylin are part of my whole being.' She went on looking at him, 'I felt so lonely in the mornings when used to touch vacant space next to me.'
'You will never have to feel that way again, I promise you, I'll always be with you when you need me.'
She felt cherished and safe, 'you know, we will have a better marriage because living apart for those long four years. I have learnt a lot, not impulsive anymore.'
'You changed from young girl into a wise, beautiful woman, darling.'
"Feriha, what happened? What are you thinking that made your face glow like hundred of lamps?' Emir teased her.
'Thinking about something.' with faraway look she replied
'Emir,I always wanted to tell you our Baby will be the white rose of winter. That mountain house has special place in my heart. Precious moments I spent with you and one more reason because at that place we had our daughter.'
'She also loves to play in snow like you. She reminded me of you Whenever I saw her playing with snowballs,' spoke, kissing her upturned face.
'Emir, What are you going to tell Ceylin about me ? She is only a child.I would have confronted you right away when I came to know about Ceylin's existence without any deception.'
'Then, why not, Feriha ?' What stopped you?'
'First i wanted to confirm if Ceylin was my child and why did you lie about her? Something was very strange that was not you'
Emir picked her up from the rug and took her to his bed, Both had yearned for each other's presence in their lives for all these long years.Feriha snuggled into Emir's arms.
Tiredness soon took over Feriha, she slept after a long time peacefully.Her inquisitive features were relaxed in slumber, the dying embers of the fire casting soft light on her cheeks and giving a muted glow to her hair... Emir tightened his arms around her, bringing her closer to him.
Emir woke up with the sound of knocking on the door. Room was filled with golden glow of early sunlight. Emir bent his head and kissed Feriha softly who was still sleeping. Softly he walked to the door and opened, Ceylin was standing there with her teddy bear tagging along in her hand. She was rubbing her eyes, still not fully awakened.
==============Continued
Emir woke up with the faint sound of knocking. Room was filled with soft glow of sunlight. He looked at Feriha who was sleeping soundly. Kissing her forehead, he removed his arm from her head softly. He opened the door and found Ceylin standing there with her teddy bear. Still was not fully awoke as was rubbing her eyes.
'Daddy, Miss Aynur is not in her bed. I asked Mrs. Eminie , she also hasn't seen her. Has she left? " she went on.' Did you fire her, Daddy?' She entered the room and found Feiha in her father's bed sleeping.
'Daddy, why Miss Aynur is in your bed ? Is she ill?' Now she seemed concerned.
Emir bent down ,kissed her on her cheeks and picked her up .He took her to bed. Ceylin had not seen this Feriha before, she was different. By that time Feriha had woken up and smiled at both of them. Emir put her down on the bed with Feriha. Both knew they had to tell the truth to Ceylin, not the whole as she was too young to understand.Emir cautiously looked at Feriha then spoke to Ceylin,
'No, darling, She is fine now. I have a surprise for you. You always asked me about your mom. I never talked about her.'
'Yes, Daddy. But you told me not to talk about mom. You never showed me the picture of my mom ever? '
'You want to see her pictures?' Emir seriously asked her, looking at Feriha's direction, meeting her eyes bright with unshed tears.Both were going through lots of emotions, looking at Ceylin.
'Do you have her pictures, Daddy? I want to see her.' Innocently she asked.
Emir got up and went to his wardrobe, opening the drawer brought some pictures and one in frame. Framed one he gave to Ceylin searching her face for expressions.
It was their wedding picture. Feriha's face was covered with veil and Emir smiling at her.
'Daddy, mom face is covered, I can't see her.'
'Look closely, Ceylin.'
'Daddy, she looks familiar. In this picture she is looking like Miss Aynur,' Looked confusedly at Feriha who was looking fresh as early morning dew. Her face was glowing.
"Yes, Ceylin you want Miss Aynur to stay here for ever?'
'Oh ! Daddy, I love her very much. Can she stay here for ever? I don't want her to ever leave us.'
' Ceylin, If I tell you Miss Aynur is your mom. Her real name is Feriha.' Emir was treading on the soft grounds.
"Daddy, why did she left us?'
==========Last chapter continued
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This was the question both were in dilemma how to answer. Feriha never wanted Ceylin should have wrong image of her father in her young age. She was too young to understand.. Feriha could see the look of strain around his eyes and mouth.His gaze flickered over Feriha before speaking to Ceylin. Feriha interrupted Emir before he could speak.
"Ceylin when you born,I was very ill. Dr. advised me to stay away from you.I knew your father will take care of you. He was always very loving and caring.If i had told him my decision ,he never would have let me go.So I left without telling him.I stayed with a friend all these years, getting treatment. I never thought i will recover.' her voice choked with tears that were threatening to spill.Ceylin was looking at her innocently, question in her eyes. Emir took her hand in his.
'I was told that I am completely alright then i decided to return. I was not sure if your father still loved me that's why I came as your governess in disguise. I wanted to see if your father will recognise me or not. Your daddy knew all the time who I was, he played along with me. I wanted to know you first, my little princess.' Feriha kissed her bringing her closer to her.
'Now you will never leave me ? I love you very much.' Ceylin face was sad as if going to cry.Anguish of lost years without her daughter flickered across her expressions.
Emir Feriha both hugged her, Emir with unshed tears, ' No, my precious one , Your mom will never leave us. We all three will live together. I love you both more than my life.'
It was beautiful outside with bright sunlight. At last both realized their mistakes. Time makes one mature. Four years were a long time. Feriha was mature now so Emir realized trust makes relationship strong. Now both had their daughter Ceylin.
Here comes the end to beautiful love story of Emir Feriha who had suffered a lot in their journey of love. Both lived happily ever after with their daughter like in every fairy tale.
===========================At last finished Emir Feriha's journey of love which was more ridden with thorns than roses============First time I wrote my thoughts as I felt AFK story was caricatured along with characters...thank you for reading.
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