"You are the biggest mistake of my life Khushi Kumari Gupta, Kaash main tumse kabhi mila hi nahi hota."
What stuck her most after he left was he didn't call her Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada anymore. He called her Khushi Kumari Gupta. The name that doesn't imply her to be anything to him. Khushi Kumari Gupta whom he wished he never met. Khushi Kumari Gupta who was nobody to him, who wasn't his wife. It scared her, the thought that nothing is left of the bond that bound them together. She trembled like a bare body in Christmas chill. How is she ever going to live with not being anything to him? Without belonging to the same soul that he belongs to? Cold fear had gripped her entire being. He tore himself away from her in a snap. Was it that easy? He said he regretted her existence. And she thought her existence stumbled upon a meaning only when she met him. She looked at life from outside, let her life just pass by, before she met him. Her happiness was for others and her sadness was not her own. That is exactly why no pain could break her, no happiness could touch her soul. Not when her Amma refused to be her Amma. Sagi beti nahi hai, they said. She took it and got over it. Khushi is expected to pick herself up every time life knocked her down. And get up, she did because she never really embraced the pain as her own. That Khushi could dance in happiness at something as insignificant as a half-hearted smile from her buaji. Not because she is happy but because it is her duty to not make anyone upset. But he, Arnav Singh Raizada got under her skin. He made her hate him, an emotion she didn't realise she was capable of. He made her angry, red hot fiery rage had consumed her nerves and she for the first time was controlled by her emotions. Emotions that were her own. Feelings that were searing through her being. She felt them in all their intensity. And then, he made her fall in love with him. He showered her dreams with twinkling stars and blood-red rose petals. He made a home inside her being, he stayed in her and didn't let her leave either. As if he had always been a part of her, love had just brought it to life.
And now, now he says he regrets her very existence. All of the moments she had of him, each smile he bestowed upon her, every touch of his, she had strung them together as treasured beads of exquisite pearls and wore it like the smile of her lips and the twinkle of her eyes. He turned them to ashes with just a few careless words. She never believed words could possess so much power to be able to destroy everything in its wake. Now she knew. His words destroyed her. She is no stranger to pain. She had learned to live with the dull ache in her chest ever since she has met him. She had let him hurt her. Her heart, a box of shipwreck inside her ribs with a 'fragile' tag on it. And he had handled it so carelessly. And the fool she was, she picked up the broken pieces and handed it to him, again. This time her heart is lost, forever. Because he didn't want it. She could feel the hole where her heart should have been. She could feel it expanding, threatening to swallow her whole. Nothing will matter anymore. Everything they had been, everything they are going to be, nothing will ever make any difference. He took away everything from her when he took himself away. Khushi Kumari Gupta, at that moment, desperately wished she loved herself more than she loved him. But wishes, mere longing of one's mind can not materialise into anything. They rise with each sigh tearing through our hearts and let the wind carry them to the stars, making them twinkle a little brighter. Khushi didn't want to look at the stars today. She just wanted to crawl inside the rabbit hole and never have an adventure in her wonderland. She didn't want to exist anymore. Khushi Gupta, her body still breathing air, was dead in the truest sense of the word.
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Because this scene is the most heartbreaking one, for me. After everything they went through he considers her to be the biggest mistake of his life. Might give it an ending if I see that people are reading it. You see, people post fanfictions for the readers only.
Udne Ki Aasha
Kumkum Bhagya
Arjun
10