Dearest friends 🤗
As many of you know, I am on a "writing hiatus" at present. It has been bad enough to even prevent me really reading SwaSan stories recently but I was feeling extremely nostalgic today and accidentally stumbled across a short story I had written for an on-line publication a very long time ago. It had a strict word limit and the title was simply, "Choice".
It therefore has no relevance to the SR storyline. It is therefore entirely set in an AU premise and is only an OS so if you do read, please bear that in mind. I know it's not very good at all- it was just something written at the time for a genre and purpose quite removed from my work on this Forum, but for some strange reason, I just had the urge to post it here. You have to imagine a very different "world" for SwaSan here than the one in the show and this is rather unlike ALL my other work on this Forum. I am not sure anyone will remotely like it and I am wondering whether to actually bore anyone with PMS, but for better or worse, here goes. I hope at least some will like it (even if a little!) but I am braced to take all forms of criticism too:)
Lots of love to all,
Shru xoxo
CHOICE
The wind howled and the rain continued to lash against the windows, the sky intermittently flared up with bright bolts of blue light, which were always followed closely by rumbling static bursts of thunder. Swara still stared unseeingly from the seat she always occupied whenever she needed to think in this rambling, but impersonal house, which often felt like a mausoleum to her. She had not moved for hours but had no awareness of this; she felt almost numb, but her mind played out scenes from her past in almost Technicolor detail, sucking her into the vortex of her memories. It was fitting that the elements raged today, as they had that fateful day a little over four years ago when she had made the choice that led her to this limbo she now lived in.
Amongst the jumbled images continuing to flash through her mind, she saw herself as a little girl, around seven years of age.
"Baba- I am chosen for the school music performance!"
Shekhar Bose did not bother to properly look up from the inevitable spread of papers in front of him; they always graced his vicinity, whether at home or at the prestigious law firm he had built with sheer determination and a fair amount of ruthlessness.
"Hmm- why don't you focus on your Math, Swara? Those marks could be higher, no?"
"But Baba- I came first in English."
"That is good but you could have got more in the other subjects too, you need to focus and not waste time on these useless activities and all. You spend far too much time practising music when you should be studying".
Swara looked imploringly towards her mother, Sharmistha, who bustled about as she listened, but pretending she could not hear this exchange. Little Swara was soon to learn that there was no point expecting any help from that quarter. A woman's first and foremost duty was to her husband, she must never oppose him- this mantra was soon communicated to her incessantly by her mother, whose life was dedicated to this sentiment, regardless of the unworthiness of the man she bestowed these finer feelings on.
Various hobbies like the music and drama were all left behind as Swara grew up under the austere auspices of her father and the silent tolerance by her mother of her father's autocratic views. Swara excelled in academics but once she was twenty-one and in the final year of college, her father decided it was time she married. Again, Swara remembered the day her mother told her that her father had decided that she would wed one of his wealthy client's son. Apparently the boy showed great promise in his career as a banker, the family was wealthy and the intended groom ticked off all other characteristics in her family's "check list". It did not matter what Swara wanted.
Swara had started in shock and stuttered about how she was not ready, she did not want to, she did not even know this person, not that her mother picked up the clear hints her daughter was giving her, or if she did, she simply ignored them like always. To a discerning observer it was clear as day - Swara's heart was already committed to another, but her parents never bothered to acquaint themselves with her wishes and even if they had, they would not have cared.
Swara had met Sanskaar or Sunny as he was then called, on the first day in college. She had ventured around the precinct lost and forlorn, finding it hard to make friends as she often did in new surroundings, ideal pickings for seniors on the lookout to torment and tease hapless freshmen (and women!). A group of some six, four youths and two girls called out to her and started asking a series of embarrassing questions including her age, height, weight and then relationship status. They got bolder sensing she was unequipped to deal with this sort of behavior, and one then moved to dictate that she had to accept a dare. She had to walk up to a guy they pointed out to her and slap him! Swara was almost in tears, and a little crowd had strategically placed itself around her to watch the spectacle. Her protests caused much amusement and she could see that there would be no real escape from this bind, or it would invite yet more vindictiveness.
They had pointed out her nemesis to her. He was tall and looked very intimidating to the petrified Swara, he walked with a swagger that implied he owned the college. Urged by her oppressors, who promised grave retribution for non-compliance, she dragged her feet towards his direction. Swara had kept her eyes firmly on the floor whilst walking with her leaden feet but what she had not realised was that Sunny had already spotted the "gang" behind her hooting with laughter and being a seasoned veteran, he guessed what was going on before she even reached him. When Swara stood before him, eyes swimming with unshed tears and not knowing how to carry out the despicable "challenge", he found himself struck dumb by the beautiful and shy girl before him. He saw her almost shredding the edge of her "dupatta" with her fingers and a protective urge he didn't know he possessed came rushing to the fore. When their eyes met, they both felt they were trapped in a spell weaving its way around them sinuously.
"What have they asked you to do?" he asked gently and very quietly.
"I...I have to...to.. to slap...",she was trembling with trepidation.
"Go on, do it, it's fine",he said as she stared at him in shock.
"Trust me, do it and I'll take care of the rest." His eyes instilled some calm in her despite the turmoil raging within her.
She looked back at the "gang" who were sporting smug expressions, knowing Sunny's temper and penchant to not put up with any insult to his pride.
"Trust me", he repeated and just like that, she did. She lifted a shaking hand and almost in a trance, heard it connect with his cheekbone, not very hard, but to her, the sound resounded like a thunderclap.
That had been the start of it. Sanskaar ensured that no one ever bothered her at the college, even after he left, two years before her, having scraped by with very poor grades, as he was not inclined in academic pursuits, focused only on finding a business venture that would earn him success. It was clear to everyone that he was besotted with her but she always kept him at arms length, knowing her father would not approve. She shrouded their relationship under the guise of friendship and ignored all his attempts towards more. One monsoon day, when they had spent the afternoon together and were huddled under a ramshackle caf in Kolkata, sipping hot coffee, he told her that he loved her. The declaration was simply but heartfelt, much like the man himself. Her heart had raced and she felt all that the books she loved to read described, but she was fearful. Sanskaar tried to instill his innate strength into her, he told her that it was her life and that she should tell her parents how she felt but Swara knew it was not that easy for her. She was merely one more in an ocean of cultural values designed to drown women under the tide of duty and responsibility, taking away any vestige of genuine free will for the sake of perceived values and morals. They were not from the same community, he had no connections, no formal qualifications that would impress her exacting father.
After months of his cajoling, when she felt she had mustered enough courage, her mother announced the marital path they had charted for her. Her protests fell on deaf ears and worse, her father eventually heard her confession to her mother and a scene resulted, with her father furious beyond belief, and her mother threatening suicide.
Swara saw Sanskaar on a rainy, stormy evening where it was difficult to judge whether the rivulets on their faces from the rain, or their tears, were more plentiful. He pleaded, reasoned, even raged but eventually was resigned against her implacable refusal to even consider anything resembling rebellion. She told him that they could never meet and that she was marrying the man chosen for her. He promised her that if she would wait, he would be back, and would prove himself worthy enough even to satisfy her father. However, they both knew she would do what was asked of her.
Swara married the banker picked for her, determined to do her duty, a decision she had cause to regret more than she could have imagined, when she found herself locked in a not only a loveless, but also emotionally abusive, marriage. Her husband cared nothing for his trophy wife; she was to entertain guests, grace his arm at parties and generally stay at home and keep a perfect house, whilst he progressed his career and found solace with numerous women he came across professionally. Swara was to be his wife and the mother of his children- the former she stoically bore but the latter, she could not manage, a fact that frustrated him and led to much censure and condemnation of her failings in private. Of-course, Swara stayed silent outwardly as to do otherwise would be bringing shame on her family and disrupting everyone's lives, a fact her mother never tired of reminding her about. After all, a daughter went to her husband's in a palanquin and left in her coffin, even if that meant that she spent the intervening years as a living corpse. Swara was thus reconciled to her soulless existence.
Destiny however often has other plans for us, and so it was with Swara. She was wandering around a large mall one day, trying to while the hours away during one of her husband's frequent absences, and found herself drawn to a delicately lovely diamond pendant in a shop. It was totally different to the garish jewels her husband deemed fit for her, but its crescent shape with tiny filigree gems called to her. However, she wistfully put it back, knowing that to buy it would invite yet more criticism of bad taste. As she looked up, her gaze met, and was snarled by a face that made her pale and gasp in shock. Sanskaar stared back at her from a few feet away; his gaze was glued to hers and his eyes blazed with an emotion so powerful, that she felt scorched.
Swara felt faint; she was in shock. When he started to move towards her, she came to life and rushed mindlessly out of the shop. She could feel him coming behind her but she couldn't stop. All she knew was that she must get away from the apparition that had always haunted her memories and was today come to life before her again. A few minutes later, she felt him hold her arm, bringing her to a grinding halt. She turned to him, in tears and agitated indescribably.
"Swara, please, just listen."
"No! Please let me go Sanskaar, I, I...",she couldn't continue for the tears choking her and more than a few escaped to scald her cheeks along their path.
He gently wiped them away, his eyes still overflowing with the same love they had always held. This was her undoing. She fell into his arms sobbing and after a stunned second, he clasped her to him, murmuring soothing nothings. Eventually, he managed to calm her and persuade her to sit with him over a coffee to talk. They spent hours together, after the first few strained moments, it was as if a dam had broken, its flow carrying them both away into the magic that had always bound them. He was now Sanskaar Maheshwari- a successful entrepreneur with his own company, having had incredible luck when his childless uncle whose business he had joined was so impressed by his progress, that he made him his heir when his health deteriorated. He was now the successful and wealthy man her father could have countenanced but it was too late.
However, it was still the Sunny of old who spoke to her and told her that he still loved her and that he had never stopped thinking of her during those four long years. On realising that she was desperately unhappy, he gave her a solution- he would come for her and take her away. He did not shy from a confrontation but if she wanted to avoid that, he would quietly lead her away. She came up with a million reasons as to why she couldn't; they were almost identical to those offered over four years ago, now with the added burden of her husband's unreasonable expectations, in addition to those that had previously kept her chained. Sanskaar would not be deterred. He told her that he would wait for her and would come to fetch her tomorrow night and would again, respect whatever decision she made. If she came with him, so be it, if she didn't, he would leave again.
So Swara sat at the window of her husband's house, making that decision. Images kept flashing past her; she tried to recall moments of true happiness that she had found besides Sanskaar, but could not. However, she also saw her father's stern face, her mother's tearful one, and her husband's sneering mask. She then saw Sanskaar - the love and acceptance she always found in his eyes, no matter what, despite the four year gap where he had every reason to hate her. A jagged bolt of lighting flashed again and she saw a long, sleek car arrive and park by the gate. She knew what she had to do as she stood, abandoning her vigil. Finally, the choice was made and she now had to live it.
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