| SwaRon SS - Masked Feelings.- Epilogue updated @ 40 - Page 17

9. Inevitable.

*Sharon*

Two days passed since Swayam left, and there was not any sign of him yet, I waited and waited, he did not reply to my millions of messages; neither had he picked up my calls. He just vanished. There was not any sign of Sneha too, and that made things worse for me. When I inquired at the office, I was informed that he went to a meeting in the next city, as he wanted to complete the project before the stipulated time.

He just wanted to leave as soon as possible, he just wanted to stay away from me, that's what all I could fathom from it, and it hurts.

I could not completely recollect what happened in that night, I tried to connect the dots but some points were still blank. After so much of pressure I put on my head, I just remembered some bits here and there. I was drunk, I asked him to drink also, I even remembered that I was at a park, he came to take me, he brought me to his room, and the step I took, that I kissed him. Moreover, there was a moment when I asked him to make love to me, but I don't know whether we did that or not. The message I send still shows read but not replied. I have got a faded idea, that I asked him to make love to me, I didn't regret even a bit of it when I recall it but seeing the way Swayam avoiding me, I could say, he did... he did regret what happened. I want to confront him, but only if he come back.

He just disappeared.

Last two days, I went to the office alone, I was used to his silence but I wasn't to his absence. Since the day we reached here, we never had a full on conversations, we were just being acquainted with each other, but his presence was there. Now when he is not here, I want him near me.

While checking for any messages from Swayam, I entered the office premises to be called by Mansi, our receptionist. I looked up from my mobile; she was standing there behind the reception with the telephone receiver in her hand, a small smile adorned her face, forcing me to smile at her. Mansi is a sweet woman in her late twenties. I got close to her enough in the last weeks, she was married and a mother of twin girls.

"Good morning." I walked up to her and stood at the front desk.

"Good morning, Ma'am" Her smile widened and I frowned at her in confusion, not knowing the reason behind her happy mood.

"So, what's the matter, you look so happy?" I inquired as I placed my bag and mobile on the table, near her counter. She placed her hand over the receiver covering the portion to we usually talk, clearly making sure that the person on the other end doesn't hear us.

"Call for you." She mouthed quietly. Her eyes twinkled with happiness, and I stood there perplexed.

Who would call me on this line?' I looked at my mobile, feeling bad for that piece of creation.

"Ma'am, please take the call, he has been waiting for a long time." Mansi urged me and extended her hand for me to take the receiver.

He'

Swayam' the first thought came to me was he, then Shivam. However, why would they call to the office? I was skeptical to take the call, and I did not know why. I was scared of the aftershocks.

"Hello."

There was a silence on the other end, but I could hear the deep breaths the person was taking. I didn't need any clarification from the person to know that it was Swayam, I could even recognize his breaths, Creepy right... Nevertheless, I do.

"Swayam?"

"Yes." He replied.

"Where are you?"

He again went silent and my patience level touched the sky. Throwing the entire good manners, I had, out of the window I exploded. "Where the hell are you?"

I could see Mansi's worried gaze through the corner of my right eye, but I ignored her for the time being.

"In the hotel," he said in his ever so calm voice and his calmness irked me. Disconnecting the call, I ran out of the reception area to the parking lot.

After ten minutes of harsh driving, I reached the hotel. I know I was being dramatic, but can anyone blame me? I was hell frustrated with him and everything. Running out of the car, I ran towards the elevator completely forgetting about my fear, within seconds I reached the floor where our rooms were.

But,

My fast pace slowed down its own, my all excitements and worries drained out of my body, seeing the person on the doorstep of Swayam's room, hugging Swayam. I did not know what it means by 'Earth slipped beneath your feet', but now I could literally feel that seeing them together, even could feel my life slipping out of my clutch.

When I came to know, what happened between Swayam and me, a tiny hope took place in my heart, a small drop of hope that Swayam might do something, to get me back. I was expecting that, he would take a decision to fight for me, but how wrong I was, he took a contradictory step.

I walked up to them, praying silently for what, I really did not have much idea. It would have been much better if this earth could swallow me completely; I was tired of this bullshit.

"Hey, Shivam."

His body went rigid hearing me, breaking the hug with Swayam; he turned to look at me. For a slight second my eyes wandered to Swayam's and he was as stiffened as Shivam, I could guess, they weren't expecting me this soon.

"How are you, Sharon?" Shivam took hold of my wrist, then slightly pulled my body towards him and encased me in his tight embrace. My eyes once again followed Swayam when I saw him walking in his room leaving us alone. My heart tightened seeing him so defeated, he looked so lost and so tired.

Why are you doing this Swayam?

The day passed event-less, I was expecting many confrontations, many questions, but none asked anything. Shivam didn't act, as he knows something, but quite the opposite. We three together went to the office and we worked until evening. Swayam was still ignoring me; whenever I tried to make an eye contact he would pull away as he didn't notice my effort, I even tried to talk to him, but again the reaction was same, he made excuses that I have to spend time with Shivam and all.

When I asked Shivam about his sudden appearance, he said, as we were getting married on short notice, he wanted to spend time with me, but I smelt something cheesy. He had changed; his gestures around me, his body language, everything changed. He even acted desperately to get close to me; I had noticed them but didn't question him.

In the lunch break, he even tried to make a move; he tried to kiss me. That came to me as a shock, the person who was so understanding, who wanted everything like I wanted, was acting so strange. If Mansi had not come to my cabin at the right time, then Shivam would have kissed me and that scared the shit out of me. I really don't have an excuse to make. When I thought from his side, I could grasp why he was acting weird. He was afraid to lose me, I could see me there, but we were afraid to lose two different persons. I know from where he was coming.

***

*Swayam*

How dare him to kiss her?

He can Swayam, Practically he is her boyfriend.

But,

I love her.

I walked away from that horrible sight. When I say horrible sight, I mean it, Shivam stood in front of Sharon, grinning widely, his hands were around her waist, holding her securely, her palms were pressed against his chest, making it impossible to find out whether she was trying to push him away or she was enjoying his attention. I think the second would be the reason.

Nevertheless, walking away does not help me much, now he might have kissed her, even worse, she might have reciprocated.

You do not have the right to feel this Swayam, I reminded myself softly.

Messing around the corridor for some time, I walked into my cabin to see Sneha waiting for me. She and I had a history, a messy history; I know Sharon was bothered about Sneha, and our relation, and I didn't really blame her, I could not. If I was in her place, I would be bothered to, just like what happened a few minutes ago.

A relief passed through my body, when I saw Shivam walking away, he looked sad and that did not worry me, what worried me was he did not look rejected.

I know, what I did on that night and what I am doing now with Sharon is so wrong, and that night was wrong. Because of the same, I ignored her throughout. Her messages, her calls, I could not muster the courage to reply to her.

How will I tell her that I crossed my all limits?

It would be a lie if I say that I regret what happened between us, I never regretted it, I am never going to regret it, but I regret taking advantage of her vulnerability. The love and affection Sharon showered upon me filled me with warmth, it made me feel loved and needed, she showed how much I mean to her, and how much she wanted me but that night was wrong. On that night, I was happy, but only to a point of time, I recently realized that I have not been that happy in my life, having someone to care about you are the best feeling ever that a person can have.

"Hey, Swayam."

"Why are you here?" I sneered at Sneha, taking my usual chair. When she saw me entering my cabin she changed her place from the couch to the chair on the other side of my table.

"What happened to you, Are you okay?" I could see her concern, and it irked me, I do not want anyone's sympathy.

"Nothing and I am fine,"

"But why are you so grumpy?"

She knows me so well and escaping from she will be impossible, she will get the things out of me at any cost. Sneha and I were best friends when we studied together in abroad. We were in that zone where everyone misinterpreted our friendship as love, but we were best friends, who fought for every tiny thing but did not go to sleep without solving the matter.

I got up from my chair and walked towards the window, to avoid her curious questioning gaze.

"I saw them together."

"You mean Sharon and Shivam." Sneha stood up slowly and took baby steps towards me. I felt guilty to even look at her, she went through a lot because of me, but she never blamed me, I wish if she could yell at me for my carelessness.

"Hmm."

Not even looking at her, I could see her taking a deep breath. "Swayam this is high time that you forget your past and move on." Sneha placed her hands on my shoulder and continued. "She does not deserve this. She deserves your love, what was her fault in this?"

I turned to look at her, I could see the unshed tears, she might be thinking about her past, our past. "I know, but what will I do, I can't forget what happened. I cannot forget what happened to Smriti..." before I could complete his sentence, someone barged into my cabin; I looked up and saw a worn out, Sharon. We stood there staring at each other for a few minutes, in between staring at Sharon I heard a faded voice, which belonged to Sneha. She said, "Talk to her...she will forgive you." then, she walked out.

Sharon's eyes moved from my eyes to Sneha, Sharon's gaze followed she until she disappeared through the door, when she was not there in our sights, surprising me, Sharon turned and locked the door. Without wasting much time, she marched up to me and pulled me towards her holding my collars. I looked at her bewildered. I know Sharon is a feisty one, but this Sharon is a new one, she looked so worn out, so tired.

"What the heck you were doing with her?"

Wow, I was not expecting this. Sharon is jealous.

"Nothing,"

"Nothing? She was all over you when I walked in."

What? When was she over me?

"She was not, Sharon."

"Now you are defending her, out of all the people, she," Sharon yelled and slapped my chest, I winced slightly when her nails left a mark on my chest, but it did not bother me much.

Holding her shoulder, I stopped her and looked at her straight. I do not know why, but when she saw me staring at her, she looked down, completely hiding her eyes. I am not angry with her for what she said and did. I know why she is reacting this way.

"I am so tired Swayam, why our life is so messed up, why can't we have a normal life?" After a long silence, she looked up and mumbled, standing so close to her I heard what she said.

I don't know what came over to me, maybe what Sneha said, I at least need to comfort Sharon. Taking a deep breath, I pulled Sharon towards me, wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her flesh tightly against my body, as soon as she realized what I was doing she relaxed and wound her small arms around my waist.

I do not know how much time has passed; we stood there holding each other. My palms moved over her back from top to bottom, calming her, she fisted her palms clutching my shirt, crushing it inside.

"Why were you ignoring me?" I heard her, though her voice was muffled since her face was pressed against my chest. I chuckled at that cute voice. "Swayam," she urged, irritated with me. At this time I cared less about, she is being someone else's, all I cared is, Sharon is with me, glued to my body, hugging me with everything she has.

"I don't know, I feel bad for using your that state, but I feel worse for betraying Shivam." Sharon's grip loosens on my back, it frightened me so I hugged her tightly.

"What do you mean by you used me, what happened Swayam in that night." She slightly raised her head and looked at me, still standing close to me.

"You still don't remember?" I asked and she nodded a no.

"On that day, in the evening when I came to your room, you were not there, I felt so scared. When I called you, you told me that, you are at a park, so I came there and took you to my room."

"And,"

"You asked me to drink,"

"And you did."

"No, I didn't."

"Why you didn't?"

I am happy that I didn't, without drinking I did that, and I don't know what I would have done if I was drunk as much as you.

I chuckled at my thought.

"Swayam."

"And you asked me to make love to you." My arms automatically tightened the grip, fearing the worst. As I was reaching the end, the fear increased.

"And, what happened after that?" she asked not looking at me; she stood in my embrace with tightly shut eyes.

"Look at me."

"No," she shook her head.

I know she was feeling embarrassed that she was so bold in that night.

"Nothing happened, Sharon. I stopped myself at the right time."

She sighed deeply as in she was relieved to hear that, and a weird kind of pain crossed through my heart.

She is happy that nothing happened.

How weird that sounds. I wanted her to feel sad. I wanted her to feel sad that nothing happened between us, but she was relieved.

For some time, we did not talk. Sharon decided to break the silence and asked me something which slapped me hard.

"Who is Smriti?"

I did not reply.

"Who is Smriti, Swayam?"

Again, I did not reply.

She broke the hug and took two steps, creating space between us.

Next, she asked the dreadful,

"Is she the reason?"

I know, I have to give an answer to Sharon, and that is what I am going to do,

"Smriti is Sneha's sister, and I killed her." I blurt out.

I killed Smriti and I wish I could change what happened with just saying it.

***

Please don't ignore the note. ;)