SS - Can we talk? Part 6 pg 84 Feb 14 - Page 10

"Did you do all this because it was Sonakshi or would you have done it irrespective of the girl? Did you not want me to get married to Sonakshi or did you not want me to get married at all? Or have my own life. What did you want from me?"

Everyone else had retired to their room. Dev had also stormed out. Not that he shared anymore where he went. Ishwari couldn't sleep a wink. She kept staring out of her window and stared blankly at the sky. As much as Ishwari tried she couldn't get over these words. They kept ringing in her ears. Even Mamaji who was there when Dev accused her said...

"Dev used to worship you Ishwari. Yet in the last seven years you barely saw him once or twice a week. Now, after listening to everything, I'm not sure if he would even want to come back home again. And frankly, I wouldn't blame him."

"It wasn't me. It was all Sonakshi. She took my son away from me. She took my granddaughter away from me. She chose her parents over my Dev. She didn't even look back when she walked out. If she didn't have the confidence to live with Dev why did she get married? If she had the confidence in her so called love why did she sign the prenup papers? She could have refused and yet she chose not to. It is all Sona's fault." rambled Ishwari. Come what may she couldn't imagine that she was responsible for whatever Dev accused her of. How could he? He could not.. She had to talk to him explain to him how it was all Sonakshi's fault. She was his Bhagwan after all and God never wish ill, do they?

The next morning however, Ishwari stepped down determined and ready to face any accusations hurled against her. As walked into the living room, she didn't fail to notice GKB filled with excitement.

"What is the matter Bhabhi, why are you so excited?"

" Jiji, next week is my Vicky and Elena's anniversary. I just selected a necklace for Elena. Take a look it has diamonds. It's beautiful na. The shopkeeper just delivered it"

As Ishwari walked closer to GKB to take a look at the necklace, she remembered the time when Vicky and Elena walked in into the house as a married couple.

"Bhabhi, That's a beautiful necklace. It is going to be 7 years. Seems like yesterday Vicky and Elena walked up to our door married. "

"Yes Jiji, They got married and we couldn't even have all the rituals. They didn't even tell us. How could they na Bhabhi. I had so many hopes for Vicky's wedding. When Dev was getting married, I wished Vicky would also to have such a grand wedding. But hai hai... Vicky na... At least let me gift Elena beautiful jewelry for her anniversary. Garib Ki Beti issi mein khush hai. "

Ishwari was taken aback by this reaction. GKB always instigated her against Sona for snatching away Dev from Ishwari then how could she accept Elena so easily.

"Bhabhi, It is so amazing that you have whole heartedly accepted Elena as your bahu. Vicky must be so happy. He is so lucky"

GKB still admiring her necklace probably missed what Ishwari was trying to gauge. She continued her attempts to try the necklace on as " Jiji , we parents only wish for our kids happiness and if they are happy so are we. You always mentioned this right. How much you tried to accept that Ban... I mean Sonakshi as your Bahu but you could never na."

Ishwari "Why Bhabhi why did you say that, why do you call her a Bangalan". " Because she is na, jiji and a shameless one at that. Remember the day Dev asked her to go, she wasn't even going. Even Vicky and I had to yell at her to leave. She is so stubborn. You were not well jiji, you don't know. A feisty one that one is. But not our Elena. She is a little brash but that's only because she is young and so innocent. Hai na jiji."

That minute even Ishwari didn't know what pricked her. How was Sona any different from Elena. If she remembered right Sona was always respectful of their culture and the customs of the Dixit home. How Elena lived was no secret.

" Oh why are you showering so much love to Elena, she is a Bose after all. Are you sure she deserves the affection we shower on her." " No no Jiji, my bahu is very good. She has a career and poor girl gets tired. How hard she works... No one can say anything negative about my bahu. ", so saying GKB suddenly pretended she had to rush to the kitchen and walked away but she definitely left a stumped Ishwari behind.

GKB's words played over and over again in her head. " If they are happy so are we" Dev was his happiest with Sona. Yes Dev was genuinely happy when he was with Sona and what did she do? Why wasn't she ever happy that Dev was happy.

GKB definitely pointed out two things to Ishwari without even realizing it herself. First she accepted Elena as her daughter in law with all her heart and second even as a mother in law she couldn't stand someone insult her daughter in law or say anything negative. Ishwari failed miserably at both these things.

Ishwari picked herself up quietly got up and headed to her room. She was not ready to face anyone else today specially Dev.

GKB, Vicky and Elena were at the same place where Ishwari, Dev and Sona were standing so many years back. Every damn thing was similar Vicky didn't inform home about his love, he married by his own choice, a Bengalan at that. So how come they were still together and Ishwari was left all alone to pick up the pieces of her life.

Ishwari pondered over this. Probably for the first time in seven years she looked at herself She questioned where things went wrong. They were all so happy. The kids had gone to Shimla. She had planned a vacation for them. She had taken care of the smallest of things. She would soon hold her grandchild. Then where did it all go wrong.

All these years spent in cursing Sona when what she really needed to do was look into herself. Her home. The perfect example was right in front of her eyes.

Ishwari's biggest grievance had been Dev found a girl for himself. But Dev hid it from her. Come to think of it, whenever there was anything related to Sona Dev was too scared to share the same with Ishwari. Did he know she won't approve? And even if she did, she never stopped GKB from calling her Bangalan. GKB lived with them but how did she have the guts to taunt Sona over and over again. Did Ishwari encourage her, why didn't she stop her? Did Dev hear GKB, what did he think when she didn't make any attempt to stop GKB. Did it hurt him too?

Ishwari continued to ponder in her room, it was late evening. Ishwari lay on the bed unmoved staring at the ceiling and that's how Mamaji found her.

The minute he saw her still, he panicked, " Ishwari , why are you lying in the dark? Are you okay? Are you upset? Talk to me Ishwari. Did you take anything.. tell me"

Ishwari was shocked at the reaction and started to sit up. " Why Bhaiyya, why did you think that? Why did you panic?" Seeing Ishwari sitting Mamaji composed himself and said. " After Dev's reaction yesterday, I was worried if you would...Uff. Let that be".

Ishwari was still puzzled, " Am I that weak bhaiyya? Is that why you are scared of telling me the truth. Is that why Dev hides the truth from me time and again? Is that why He lied to me over and over again and I kept thinking that Sona was instigating him to lie? Else why would my son hide his relationship, his love even after his breakup, her fertility issues, the money lent to Saurab. Is that why he lied, thinking I won't handle the truth"

Mamaji sat down beside her while he told her about Dev the night she consumed the pills." Ishwari, Dev was so shattered and scared. He thought he lost you. He was feeling so lost and wanted to turn to Sona for her support. I knew seeing Sona there would upset you more and asked him not to. He overheard that you thought you failed as a mother when you couldn't accept Sona and hence took the pills. You scared us all. You killed Dev that day. He broke up with Sona because he couldn't let you fail. He broke up without a word or an explanation. He chose you over Sona time and again."

As she heard the damage she had caused and the pain she had inflicted on Dev , she couldn't help but cry herself " Bhaiyya, I tried , I genuinely tried to like her. I even bore my heart out in front of her. You weren't here bhaiyya, I had even thrown Dev out of the house and shared all my fears with her. I begged her to understand me and my love for Dev."

Mamaji was surprised, " Then what changed Ishwari. From bearing you heart out how come you didn't stop her when I asked you to. You didn't say a word. She cried, looked at you. I remember her last words, Maa mein jaa rahi hoon.. She even looked at you before she left. I told you, in fact warned you tumhara ghar bikhar jayega Ishwari, why didn't you stop her. What changed?? You threw Dev out of the house for her then what changed??" .

" I thought she was pregnant. She was giving me a grand child", blurted out Ishwari even before she realized what she said. She stood up and the minute she realized what she had said, the words came to prick her... she slowly sat down, trying to fathom the weight of the words uttered by her.

Mamaji looked at Ishwari pitifully. "Ishwari you had everything, a son a devotee son, a daughter in law who was willing to go to any lengths to please you, then why get the prenup done? Why get Dev's signatures on the sly? Did you really think Sonakshi was after Dev's money?

Ishwari tried to defend her actions, " No No Bhaiyya, I was merely trying to protect my family. I knew Sona was a good girl but I needed to take care of my family. In fact any other girl in her place, I would have done the same thing."

That's when Ishwari in the true sense heard herself. It was as though her own words stung her. " Any other girl, I would have done the same thing." Ishwari felt like her entire room was spinning, it felt like the very ground that she was standing on was snatched from beneath her "Any ... Any other girl... same thing... Any other... same..."

Mamaji was worried," Ishwari snap out of it. Are you okay..."

Ishwari looked up at Mamaji and uncontrollable tears flew down her eyes" Bhaiyya... any... girl... Same ...How could I bhaiyya... How could I have done that... I didn't even let them go on their honeymoon, I got the prenup signed without telling Dev, I accused Sona of hiding the truth from me, I accused her of trying to steal my son. I insisted on a grandchild only to throw her out of her own house. I made her agree to treatments, I asked in fact demanded for a child... I ... Bhaiyya... I ... Any girl... bhaiyya... same... Any girl... I never wanted Dev to leave me and go. I was scared when Dev wanted to get married. I didn't want Dev to get married. Bhaiyya Dev was right, I didn't want him to get married... I didn't want my son to be... I didn't even... I didn't... I never would have accepted... I never did...

Oh Bhaiyya Just what have I done. "

Ishwari burst out crying and this time there was no stopping her. Mamaji let her cry and then after a while let her be. Facing the mirror of one's past actions was never easy and Ishwari was there facing herself. It wasn't easy for her and he was sure, she wouldn't like the image she saw in there.

After a while, Ishwari composed herself and knew what she needed to do. Ishwari always avoided confrontation. She was never the one to openly tell Dev what she thought, least her godly image would get impacted. But now she couldn't hide away anymore.

She picked up her phone. She needed to confront Dev. She needed to meet him, face his accusations head strong and finally explain to him that she wasn't his Bhagwan. She was just an insecure mother whose greatest fear was losing her Son. She was only human after all.

"I know a lot has happened and I don't deserve even a minute of your time. But... Can we talk? Please Dev?

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Trying to think like Ishwari has been the toughest thing for me to write. I hope I did justice. I would love to know what you guys think about it though.

Geena, this one is specially for you. 😉 I think this also warrants for another part. Let me fight it out with Suvi on who will post it.