Posted:
"Heav'n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn'd."
What does she do? She writes. Endure it ;)
I broke her heart.
One-too-many times.
I was the boy who never saw her worth.
I'm in love, if it was love, should never happen.
I knew I shouldn't fall in love with her.
But, I fell anyway.
Now, all I ever want is to be loved by her.
" It's okay."
"It's Okay. I'm here now. Just breath. I'm here with you "
She looked pale, skin colourless. She held her kunicles to her lips, hands on knees. Shaking. Eyes empty.
" Breath " , I told her again. " Soumya, come on, just breath normally."
She's...She's having another asthma attack.
Soumya.
The only word I love. The only name I love. The only girl I love.
Yes you. You Sumo. It's always you - it's always been you. And no matter how hard you try to tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about I will continue to feel this way.
You're Sumo. My Sumo. A girl among others so sweet. A girl among others trying to survive. A girl among others trying to convince that, this, what we have between us is not meant to be.
Everyone else might listen Sumo, but I won't. And that is something I can swear on. I can give you my word on. I have my reasons. I have never told you this before and I should more often but you make me feel more at home within your voice than my own bed. Yes you.
You used to tell me you always tried to stay away from a majority of the boys in college. For they were cruel, misleading , judgemental and stuck in their ways of using and talking about girls like they were objects. They demeaned girls who weren't up to their mark and called them out on it. And god Soumya it pains to have ever admitted to you that I was one of those boys. I was one of those shit filled and close minded immature fools. I was but I'm no longer. I grew. I grew up and I discovered you. I discovered myself.
And yet I'll never stop apologising for ever being that way. And I'll never stop apologising for loving who you are and what you are. And that will never change. Not even the fact that you're a mess. But that's okay Sumo, because I'm a mess too. We're all incomplete combustions and complications of wants and needs and hurt. We're all just yearning to be complete.
" Who are you here to see? " A faint whisper from a few seats down from me.
The shaking of my left leg froze and I whipped my head towards the unknown voice. I stared at the middle - aged woman sat there in daze with sickly pale face and two marked arms laid out on her lap.
" My wife " I answered shortly.
Not letting my intense gaze on her arms go unnoticed she quickly turned them over and gave me a nervous smile.
" Oh " she opened her mouth to add something else and quickly scolded herself.
Shaking her head feverishly
" You look scared, youngman " she wavered.
I guess she could tell from my disorientated posture and ghost like face. I looked grim.
" So was she "
" Your wife? " she questioned anxiously.
" Yeah " I replied shifting in my seat.
The sound of nurses chattering entered the waiting room. One of them looked over the woman and placed a smile onto her face.
" Madhu ji, come on ma'am it's time for meds and to change into new clothes "
She gave me a sour look not wanting to leave but did anyway.
She's in here for acute asthma and disorder, said the pad her nurse had. I wanted to tell her that she shouldn't be scared. That she will get better. But I couldn't tell her any of those things if I didn't know myself.
I just gave her a weak smile and a nod.
" She's lucky, your wife " said the woman before getting up from her seat and leaving.
Her words left me with a pang of pain and a ghost of smile all at once. Almost like a fresh summer morning yet marred with the coldness of a dark winter.
She's fine. She's absolutely fine. I told myself.
" Mr. Rudra?"
I hastily perched myself from my seat and walked towards the front desk.
" Your wife is awake now. You can go and see her if you want. You know the directions "
I nodded my head, placed a small thanks and walked towards the large door.
I could hear the receptionist buzzing in the entry code to ensure my arrival. I opened the door and there were patients. Lots of'em.
I could hear screaming from walls away. I could feel the rugged breathing. I could sense the pain.
I shook my head. " She's fine " I told myself, again.
Carrying down a different hall I didn't dare to look at anyone. My heart began to pick up speed once I neared your room. The closer I got the harder my breaths.
I halted in front of the door and looked through the small window. My eyes searched for you. I tensed up and gulped, there you are sitting on the hospital bed. Looking frail and fragile and...and defeated.
You sat alone and lost.
In that moment I wanted to fall to my knees and cry. I wanted to cry for you but I didn't. Instead I placed my hand on the door's latch and pulled it open.
You sucked in your breath and your eyes widened when you looked at me.
" I knew you'd stay " you smiled.
I offered you a grin and walked over and sat on the chair beside your bed.
" Where else I'd be Sumo? " I winked at you.
" Unmhum " you mumbled and rolled your eyes staring down at your own palm.
I hesitantly titled up your chin and placed a light kiss on your lips. Pulling away I twirled an unruly strand of your hair that had fallen on the side of your face. Your face turned an adorable shade of pink.
You stole a peek at me and I chuckled.
" Your doctor said I can take you home in a couple of days. She tells me you're getting better " I informed you leaning in and touching your forehead with my own.
You sighed and touched my cheeks with your soft fingers .
" I'm getting better for you, Rudra. I'm getting better because of you. I'm grateful for you " You whispered.
" You love me without expecting me to change , even though I refuse to love myself "
" Not again Sumo..." I started.
You hushed me by placing your fingers on my mouth stopping me from talking further.
" Tell me ? "
" Tell what ? " I asked questionably.
" Tell me why you love me" you urged.
Something you ask me often. It breaks my heart.
A cheesy smile replaced my previously confused face. " I was just getting on that " I chuckled and kissed your nose.
" A wilting flower among others, yet you remain. You give me hope. Your one smile makes my day. Your one touch heals my worst of pains. Your words give me strength. You make me feel worth it. A reason to live. I love you cause I know by some miracle you love me too. It scares me cause I honestly have no idea how to live without you.
And yeah there's more. I love your skin. I love your eyes. I love your smile. I love your lips so much that it drives me nuts. I love your body. I love you cause your everlasting beauty is more than just a pretty face. You're indefinitely true and devastatingly real. And Sumo, I live for you.
" Let me love you and I will love you until you learn to love yourself. "
And she didn't know what she was more scared of. That he gave her his heart or that she would readily gives hers in return.
What does she do? She writes. Endure it ;)
I broke her heart.
One-too-many times.
I was the boy who never saw her worth.
I'm in love, if it was love, should never happen.
I knew I shouldn't fall in love with her.
But, I fell anyway.
Now, all I ever want is to be loved by her.
" It's okay."
"It's Okay. I'm here now. Just breath. I'm here with you "
She looked pale, skin colourless. She held her kunicles to her lips, hands on knees. Shaking. Eyes empty.
" Breath " , I told her again. " Soumya, come on, just breath normally."
She's...She's having another asthma attack.
Soumya.
The only word I love. The only name I love. The only girl I love.
Yes you. You Sumo. It's always you - it's always been you. And no matter how hard you try to tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about I will continue to feel this way.
You're Sumo. My Sumo. A girl among others so sweet. A girl among others trying to survive. A girl among others trying to convince that, this, what we have between us is not meant to be.
Everyone else might listen Sumo, but I won't. And that is something I can swear on. I can give you my word on. I have my reasons. I have never told you this before and I should more often but you make me feel more at home within your voice than my own bed. Yes you.
You used to tell me you always tried to stay away from a majority of the boys in college. For they were cruel, misleading , judgemental and stuck in their ways of using and talking about girls like they were objects. They demeaned girls who weren't up to their mark and called them out on it. And god Soumya it pains to have ever admitted to you that I was one of those boys. I was one of those shit filled and close minded immature fools. I was but I'm no longer. I grew. I grew up and I discovered you. I discovered myself.
And yet I'll never stop apologising for ever being that way. And I'll never stop apologising for loving who you are and what you are. And that will never change. Not even the fact that you're a mess. But that's okay Sumo, because I'm a mess too. We're all incomplete combustions and complications of wants and needs and hurt. We're all just yearning to be complete.
" Who are you here to see? " A faint whisper from a few seats down from me.
The shaking of my left leg froze and I whipped my head towards the unknown voice. I stared at the middle - aged woman sat there in daze with sickly pale face and two marked arms laid out on her lap.
" My wife " I answered shortly.
Not letting my intense gaze on her arms go unnoticed she quickly turned them over and gave me a nervous smile.
" Oh " she opened her mouth to add something else and quickly scolded herself.
Shaking her head feverishly
" You look scared, youngman " she wavered.
I guess she could tell from my disorientated posture and ghost like face. I looked grim.
" So was she "
" Your wife? " she questioned anxiously.
" Yeah " I replied shifting in my seat.
The sound of nurses chattering entered the waiting room. One of them looked over the woman and placed a smile onto her face.
" Madhu ji, come on ma'am it's time for meds and to change into new clothes "
She gave me a sour look not wanting to leave but did anyway.
She's in here for acute asthma and disorder, said the pad her nurse had. I wanted to tell her that she shouldn't be scared. That she will get better. But I couldn't tell her any of those things if I didn't know myself.
I just gave her a weak smile and a nod.
" She's lucky, your wife " said the woman before getting up from her seat and leaving.
Her words left me with a pang of pain and a ghost of smile all at once. Almost like a fresh summer morning yet marred with the coldness of a dark winter.
She's fine. She's absolutely fine. I told myself.
" Mr. Rudra?"
I hastily perched myself from my seat and walked towards the front desk.
" Your wife is awake now. You can go and see her if you want. You know the directions "
I nodded my head, placed a small thanks and walked towards the large door.
I could hear the receptionist buzzing in the entry code to ensure my arrival. I opened the door and there were patients. Lots of'em.
I could hear screaming from walls away. I could feel the rugged breathing. I could sense the pain.
I shook my head. " She's fine " I told myself, again.
Carrying down a different hall I didn't dare to look at anyone. My heart began to pick up speed once I neared your room. The closer I got the harder my breaths.
I halted in front of the door and looked through the small window. My eyes searched for you. I tensed up and gulped, there you are sitting on the hospital bed. Looking frail and fragile and...and defeated.
You sat alone and lost.
In that moment I wanted to fall to my knees and cry. I wanted to cry for you but I didn't. Instead I placed my hand on the door's latch and pulled it open.
You sucked in your breath and your eyes widened when you looked at me.
" I knew you'd stay " you smiled.
I offered you a grin and walked over and sat on the chair beside your bed.
" Where else I'd be Sumo? " I winked at you.
" Unmhum " you mumbled and rolled your eyes staring down at your own palm.
I hesitantly titled up your chin and placed a light kiss on your lips. Pulling away I twirled an unruly strand of your hair that had fallen on the side of your face. Your face turned an adorable shade of pink.
You stole a peek at me and I chuckled.
" Your doctor said I can take you home in a couple of days. She tells me you're getting better " I informed you leaning in and touching your forehead with my own.
You sighed and touched my cheeks with your soft fingers .
" I'm getting better for you, Rudra. I'm getting better because of you. I'm grateful for you " You whispered.
" You love me without expecting me to change , even though I refuse to love myself "
" Not again Sumo..." I started.
You hushed me by placing your fingers on my mouth stopping me from talking further.
" Tell me ? "
" Tell what ? " I asked questionably.
" Tell me why you love me" you urged.
Something you ask me often. It breaks my heart.
A cheesy smile replaced my previously confused face. " I was just getting on that " I chuckled and kissed your nose.
" A wilting flower among others, yet you remain. You give me hope. Your one smile makes my day. Your one touch heals my worst of pains. Your words give me strength. You make me feel worth it. A reason to live. I love you cause I know by some miracle you love me too. It scares me cause I honestly have no idea how to live without you.
And yeah there's more. I love your skin. I love your eyes. I love your smile. I love your lips so much that it drives me nuts. I love your body. I love you cause your everlasting beauty is more than just a pretty face. You're indefinitely true and devastatingly real. And Sumo, I live for you.
" Let me love you and I will love you until you learn to love yourself. "
And she didn't know what she was more scared of. That he gave her his heart or that she would readily gives hers in return.
Health and Fitness
Anupamaa
