Let it go, Niva. I don't think some people are meant to understand what being an individual means. I have been told that a woman (not a man, mind you), cease to be an individual after marriage. They are meant to completely do a 180 degree personality change and become self-sacrificing automated robot who have no self-respect, dignity, sense of belonging and self-identity.
Here I'd like to point out that I am a married woman in her 30s and I have been married for 5 years this coming January. The only change that happened in me and my life after marriage is that now I share a home with another person, my husband. And that is the only change that is acceptable to me.
My husband is an A type personality and I am B. So basically Dev can't be nearly as arrogant and aggressive as my husband is and Sona is not nearly as easy-going that a B type personality is. But that's our personality, not our morality and values.
My husband and I fight on many things. But those are trivial things like who has to do the laundry or whose turn it is to cook or who gets to choose a movie etc. But never on him disrespecting me or our relationship.
There are somethings in my book which is not negotiable for any human being, men or women notwithstanding.
1. My respect - I am my husband's family and he is mine. I never put him in position to pick between me and my in-laws and neither did my in-laws put him in that position. But if he has to pick because I am not getting my due respect, he will pick me which my in-laws are aware of.
They also understand that insulting and disrespecting me is insulting and disrespecting my husband because we are one after marriage. They can't insult me and think they are showing him respect or respecting our relationship for that matter. Hence, my in-laws always treated me with same respect and honour that they have treated their son with.
2. My place in his life and family - I have complete right to give my husband advice in everything we own as well as disagree with his advice. That includes our business investments, properties etc. If he doesn't take my advice, I expect to be told why, given a valid reason and then after we come to an agreement, he can implement his decisions. But he can't take decisions on his own. He is not my boss nor my guardian, he is my partner in everything.
3. My dignity - I can fight my own fight and I do. But that doesn't mean he gets to stand and be silent spectator if I am disrespected in front of him. He doesn't tolerate or entertain anyone disrespecting my dignity including one of his oldest and best friend when he said something patronising to me that I found offensive.
If he hadn't shown me my due respect as a wife, his family and his life partner, I won't waste my precious life with him. I am only getting one shot in this life and sorry, I can't afford to waste it on someone who thinks they can treat me like a doormat and get away with it under the guise of love.
If love and marriage mean me losing my respect and dignity, why would I marry? I'll just live on my own or with my family and have complete freedom and respect. I don't need a man to have a child either. These days lots of options are available for single unmarried people without having to marry.
That is not any definition of love in my book and no, my being a woman should not be anything to do with respect, honour and dignity because last time I checked, those words are gender neutral.
Originally posted by: Niva1
Very respectfully I would like to point out that you have asked me the same question in another post and I have answered it there, and your comment was same too. I shall not repeat what I wrote there, again here not because I can't, but because I think you should very well read the answers to your post if you have asked a question directly to a person and have not simply commented on the topic.
But you think the fight was not serious and you are ready to brush it aside as silly, then I must say your treshhold of self respect, belongingness and identity is very different from mine, and I personally do not subscribe to your threshhold level. Thank you again, but marital status should not dictate my understanding of ego v/s self respect, personal identity and belongingness. If the definitions are different in status of married vide unmarried, then it is a sad world - isn't it!!!!!! And that should stand both male and female - isn't it!!!!!!
Edited by tia.o - 8 years ago
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