Dear Elena - Let's be 'Modern' - Page 3

Originally posted by: GeekSquad

Brilliant post...Teaching the kids to respect girls and help out is a must in today's world

Originally posted by: tia.o

Excellent post. Yes, being modern means standing up for yourself. It does not matter whether you are wearing shorts or salwar...

Consent is a huge issue for most men to understand in a patriarchal society because Patriarchy is built on ego and hearing no and accepting it is foreign to that concept.

@ Bold 👏👏

To change a society, it has to start with a family. What Radha said today is the reflection of our society where men are never blamed even by strangers and women are always blamed even by their family.

Yes, definitely. It has to start first with our own selves. Coz our actions leads to reactions. If our actions improve and are in limits, reactions won't touch upon our ego

The worst thing is that most of the time it's the women themselves who defend a man's wrong deed and point fingers at another woman. This does not happen just in India or Asia, but across the world.

I agree and I mentioned the same in another comment. The role the lady is in at that moment defines what she's supposed to behave like. In many cases you'll find that its not just the tradition that is carried forward, its also the behavior and treatment. Many a times, a woman does the same to her DIL what her MIL did to her for simple reasons a. during her time she did not have her say, now its her time.

b. she is filled with so much hatred now of what happened to her that she forgets she's doing the same to the new lady in the house.

But why do we, as a women, do it? Why do we hold women with a different standard as men? Why do we expect more out of a woman than a man?

Why do we praise a man for something that we take it for granted when a woman do it?

A simple example, a woman get no praise when she works in a office and earn equal money as a man and yet manage a house efficiently. But when a man helps out with household chores along with working full time, we are all praise and accolades.

You know Tia, even before anybody puts these equality question, I just have one simple thing to say. Don't give those praises, don't appreciate what she has done for you and for your family, she'll still take that for you just cannot compare a woman's patience with a man's, you just can't. She can take it for long, even after she can't. But please treat her as a human before a woman or anything else. Is that too much to ask? Doesn't she even have that much right?

I'll share a horrible instance with you in this regard. I felt so choked. I really wanted to go and ask the DIL a simple "Why"?

In my neighborhood, there was a lady. Before I start, let me tell you, she is behind the bars now (of last I know). The family came just few months before we got to know this. She had a daughter in law. The daughter in law used to face all kind of atrocities from the family collectively. To the extent that the water she was given to drink was not from the tap in the house, leave filter water. They kept a water pot outside the house in the veranda from which she was supposed to drink water. In full day, whatever tea she used to make, the tea leaves left after the tea is made were kept aside. And once those tea leaves got accumulated after 2-3 times of tea making till evening, she could use that to make her own tea. I don't know the reason why, all I know is no matter whatever she did, if she really did. There cannot be any excuse or reason to justify this act.

Those who called themselves as humans were worse than devils and a woman treated like that was not even a human.

I won't lie to you. My family is no exception. Just because my husband and take turn in doing household chores, my mother thinks he hung the moon. He is an excellent husband. But he is not doing what I am not doing as well. I don't ever hear her saying what a wonderful wife I am for sharing our household chores with my husband.

But when I point it out, my mum goes like but that's how society has always been.

That's the problem. Don't question, just follow. I have similar story at my place. No it is not an exception we know. On many occasions, when I ask people, ok, I will take society's views but please give me the logic. All I get for an answer is: What is there is there, don't question, it has been going on for years. And I know for sure they really don't know the answer. No one knows from which generation it is flowing to the next. If you further ask, I want to know. Answer: So you think you will change things? huh!! Just understand that everything need not have a logic. Do you have an answer/ proof if god exists? No na..Just like that certain things don't have logic and answers. And I just tell myself, what a society. A king like treatment for god who you don't even know exists or not. And no existence of a human who is a woman who is all in front of you.

Trust me, we are so much blessed and better of than many of them.

Their self respect is crushed down to a level where they doubt their existence. Confidence? That's an alien concept.

It does not matter if society is like that. If the society is unfair to women, we don't have to let it continue.

If society judges a woman for her life style, her choices, her outfit, it's time to change how the society thinks and it starts from changing how WE think. Because we make the society, the society does not make us.

@ Bold. This is a statement often posed as a question with Yes as an answer. After that Yes. Back to square one for we make society but we also have to live in one. they don't (and not even a won't) accept people who question.

It's a vicious circle.