Posted:
This whole argument that what Shravan said "triggered" Aditya's behavior has been bothering me for several days. Finally, we saw the whole scene play out, and it is clear what happened. First, he came to Suman's room unannounced as she was preparing for the wedding. Then he ties her dori, then demands to talk to her, and then demands that she kiss him!
He even claims "I am less interested in the wedding and more in the wedding night!" which is suggesting that he is more interested in what happens after the rituals, the "rights" of a husband and the relationship of a husband and wife. (Not the supporting, being there for each other, loving each other part) but more the physical or sexual aspect. After all, that is why he referred to "wedding night" and not "married life". Most men are interested in this, and I have no illusions of that, and there is nothing wrong with it. But it should be mutual and there is a "time and place" for everything.
This action of Aditya was not an "over-excited bridegroom" wanting to kiss his bride before the wedding. That we can even excuse, and if it had been done in a soft and charming way, we would have even thought it was romantic. But this was not! This had no charm or longing or love in it. It was an act of "aggression!". He was saying..."I am your would-be husband, so give ME the rights you gave another man before me!" THAT is the problem with this picture. Not that he wanted to be physically close to her, which any man or woman would want from their would-be spouse.
This was Aditya "s**t shaming" Suman and telling her coz she had already given herself to someone else, then that means consequently she should have NO issue in giving herself to him in the same way! Before Shravan told him this piece of news, he at least still maintained some decorum. But it's like this news of Suman being initiated sexually gave him some sort of "license" to then attempt to be free with her. The sentiments behind that thought are cheap and degrading. It shows his lack of respect for a woman as a person. No matter what he said about loving Suman's independence etc. The fact remains, he thinks that women belong to two categories. "Virgins" and "S**ts".
THIS way of thinking is all about suppressing a woman and acting as if a man decides a woman's worth. He is just as bad as Ramnath, who thinks that women get ahead in their career by sleeping with their boss. This is just another facet of the same sort of cheap thinking. Sadly Aditya is from the school of thought that think a woman who has been intimate with one man, now must consequently be OK with being intimate with anyone. It is the cheap and low thinking of some men who don't think of a woman as a person within her own right, who can choose with whom, where and when she will have sex.
What I have to ask men like Aditya is? If you had slept with some girl before meeting your wife to be, does that mean that your wife to be can come to you, and demand sexual favors on the basis that you have been intimate with someone else in the past? Can she tell you to kiss her, be intimate with her, because you have been with another woman before? Is she asking for her rights as a partner/wife, or somehow insulting you by suggesting that you are cheap and easy? That what you gave away once, must SURELY be available to give away again? Whether you feel ready for it or not? Or does she assume men are ever ready? and have no standards and are just ruled by their baser instincts? How would you feel if you were treated that way?
That is EXACTLY what he did to Suman. He didn't suggest that she was ruled by her baser instincts, but what he suggested was that she has no right feel "Shy", coz she has already let her guard down with a man in the past! What a Ghire huwe and disgusting thought? To suggest that a woman has NO right to feel shy or nervous when a man wants intimacy with her, just because she has had sex before? THIS way of thinking is the problem. Men like this are the problem!
What Aditya did is inexcusable to me, not only because he was holding Suman against her will and yelling at her to kiss him. It was because of the cheap and despicable way of thinking that compelled such actions. The thought patterns that compelled him to behave this way! THAT is what I object to and that is why I say what happened is not about what Shravan said. Yes, that merely "triggered" this behavior. However his way of thinking and his "Ghire huwe soch" was behind these actions. His basic lack of respect for women as individuals is what made him act this way. For that, I blame no one but him, and men who think like him!
Please leave comments and let me know what you think!
Thanks
Mandy
Anupamaa
Real Estate
