I was thinking to make this post from past few days, but couldn't do it anyway, until today. And I am not even sure whether this post is going to make a sense in this forum at this point in time or not. But anyways I couldn't help did it😛
Before I start I want to clear this post is strictly about Ishita, her predicament, state of being/affairs, covering the period from 1st April' 16 to till now (may be). No YHM or any other character analysis should be taken in here and no who's is wrong/right to be referred to here. Only her!
Well the reason why I took the task to create such post here for this very first time is because the connection I feel with this character in the said period, never before felt for her or any other character in this almost 3 years of YHM, not even when the show was once upon a time relatable nor when I used to be a viewer of it. I feel this strong connection even when I don't feel a thing for this show anymore (my YHM March'14 to 17th sept'15 ended on a satisfying note and I am a proud IshRa fan☺️), even when I am not suppose to feel okey knowing her go through so much. It probably bleeds my heart to know her in such terrible condition as a woman!
I thought I'd rather be indifferent to stuff relate this show, but my bad practice of fantasy visit in IF, won't let me do so unless I chuck my connection with internet.
Ishita Iyer, the woman of solemnity! Reasoned, helping, emotional yet practical. Strength- her reasoning, weakness- her shabby heart that only crave to love and to be loved in return. She was a filler!
Ishita Bhalla- crazy, staid, unnatural, unending, complete. Strength- the sachet of happiness in the form of her husband and daughter, weakness- same as of IY's. She was engrossed to the major extent.
If Ruhi made her existence significant, Raman made her alive. Ruhi made her think she was not incomplete, without any womanly dreams! Raman made her feel the completeness in life by making those dreams come true. It was Raman's love and acceptance that had accustomed her completely. She was succumbed by the love; leaving every other role she played with others a step below without her knowledge! In senior Bhallas she got the familiarity of her parent's love, so she enjoyed being a complete Bhalla, to the fullest, long forgetting about her darkest wound!
Raman's love cracked her closely guarded titanium shell of inhibitions to feel love and not fear! She believed she was worth of loving, in spite of being the woman that she was, a barren! With Ruhi's death news a half of her existence collapsed, she was devastated, in pain , so much that it would've taken a long long time to recover from the trauma, having had the help of her husband! At that broken stage she needed the support and assurance of his Raman's love! Only that could heal her from the gruesome pain of her Ruhi's death! But instead, the sinister outburst came her way slipping the earth beneath her, numbing her to death! She was shocked to see him hurt so much and the realization of her being the reason of his agony killed her inside! She was dead then and there! The realization stuck in her- she believed herself to be the ill omens in their lives and to accommodate his accusation and her realization, Ruhi was no more. The guilt, pain for being the failure drove her to attempt suicide!
The way she loved and was loved by her man didn't let her imagine the words could be coming from him...so when he said unlike always she accepted it all without a single say! No other person mattered, only him. She thought to be of no use to even her parents, instead her lifeless broken state would make their lives miserable she believed! And for the new born, she knew her whole family was there to look after, including shagun, who was a changed case then, who can lend her womb without demanding a single penny! Being the selfless creature that she was, she couldn't just let others suffer with her ill fortune! Only her departure could ensure safety for them- she concluded (how silly know)! His words felt as the revelation to her that her incapability was way too much to be carried away, that she singly could never be wanted by the man she had thought she deserved and she didn't belong to the happiness she had been indulging in fashion for almost two and a half years because she was a baanj', a manhoos'. Her sense and sanity graved beneath his accusations! Somewhere deep down her heart she knew he uttered things out of frustration and anger and would regret later on...but she took them as the gospel of her life!
She couldn't contact her parents after getting saved by Mani for the same reason she left them in the first place. They would anyhow see the pain that was masked beneath the makeover and her self-claimed happiness at finding a new family. Moreover, she knew contacting them would anyhow let him know about her whereabouts, that would led her again be affixed with him...cause she knew how adamant Raman can get at times and his adamancy knew no reasoning! she was terrible inside but showed the opposite.
When he came to know about sharam through tv, she thought he had found happiness in shagun, who was his kids' mother, her conviction proved to be coming true. She reasoned to be happy about that, nonetheless she was not'. And if for some fraction moments she felt a bit of felicity to know them not together, Raman's open declaration to make shagun a partner let that vanish, even though she technically knew it was expected.
But reality appeared before her when she came to see the messy state of two families because of her one action. A realization and further more guilt consumed her. She understood where she erred and acknowledged her decisions to be befitted only to Raman and their youngest child Pihu. She saw the immense hatred and anger still intact in him for her, but this time she didn't wish to repeat her mistakes by just leaving, not at least before mending the families and two brothers. So she stayed back gulping all the humiliations. I have read comments about how she had no self-respect and how she was behaving like a doormat. Well I don't remember when she even prioritized her dignity and self-respect over the happiness of people she loved! She's been like this always! Her dignity mattered and prioritized over only her own happiness! And for that she cannot stay back after everything gets solved, even if her husband begs her to stay back (on the contrary the opposite will be shown😉)
So Raman's fashionable accusations couldn't do any extra damage to her already torn heart, because she has heard that already, taken them all and accepted. But Ruhi's outburst did. She felt the sheer joy seeing her daughter alive. But then the joy was again gone. Ruhi's outburst made her feel she truly failed as a mother, caz she couldn't save her and because of her, her daughter had to go through hell! She broke apart and took all of Raman's blame!
Now she has only one task before moving back to her dark titanium shell, where she knows only sadness and loneliness her company, because she deserved nothing more than these being a failure. And shes still staying with him being a so called doormat only for her Ruhi, cause Ruhi needs her the most at this point and nothing was more important to her than Ruhi. So after putting Ruhi where she belongs she will move away (not really, thanks to CVs for being her savior😆) like she said to Mani.
I will be repeating to say that Ishita loved Raman more than anyone and anything in her life. And he had the most effect on her actions. She failed as a daughter, DIL and mother, the moment she attempted suicide. Ishita as an Iyer as well as a Bhalla was a failure. But I don't think Ishita, as a lover failed anywhere. Everything she did till now to make him happy.
Keeps hiding under the smoke
It's getting louder
I feel hands around my throat
How do you love someone
How do you love someone
How do you love someone
So restless and torn
Perhaps I would've done/ not done, felt/not felt the same way if I was Ishita and if I was destined to love that way, even though I, as myself don't support a single action of her post leap. (anyone who wants to tag me as a biased/blind/obsessed Ishita lover can go ahead, I didn't learn to give a damn and for their acknowledgement, I am more a Raman fan from my YHM😎)
The future of this track is not hidden to anyone.😳 She like a true doormat will be back to her man once he opens his arms. They are always ready to pamper the viewers with bonbons after their indigestion😛. Just like surrogacy she'll be again butchered to no return, just to match his level. But I am not that a miser to not appreciate the CVs where they deserve, even though I hate Cvs forever for ruining a beautiful show with surrogacy. I want to thank CVs for showing Ishita the way she's been shown post leap, irrespective of how she's been termed as selfish', failure', adulteress' opportunist' doormat' chee' etc. For making the character relatable for at least me. I wouldn't have connected with her otherwise. I feel for this woman. May be I am the only one to think such character do exist, they're not unreal. They are unreally real.
"Last night I wept. I wept because the process by which I have become woman was painful. I wept because I was no longer a child with a child's blind faith. I wept because my eyes were opened to reality...I wept because I could not believe anymore and I love to believe. I can still love passionately without believing. That means I love humanly. I wept because I have lost my pain and I am not yet accustomed to its absence."
Anai Nin, from Henry and June: "From a Journal of Love"
Disclaimer: To all women with same medical issue of Ishita, reading this post, please refrain from taking this as a all rational or sane mind write up or a concluding post. This is merely my personal opinion and nothing else. Practicality is a different thing and please if your partners have loved you that much, know that they will never utter those horrendous things, their new ML had uttered. So keep loving and let the love come.😊
PS: I dont know how I ended up writing so much...probably because I had the time to waste today😆 but on a serious note I feel relieved after letting it all out...its kind of a releasing feel😛
Opinions positive or negative, criticism and bashing (healthier ones😛) are welcome!!
